Summer Bender

by Jennifer Lucia

  Logan smiled wryly. “A lucky coincidence, I guess. I was out running with Rocket. You and I just have a habit of running into each other all over Virginia Beach.” I leaned my head back against the pillows, nodding, then looked around at the room. Logan knew what I was going to ask, and said, “Rocket is back at my house.” I nodded again. I didn’t have much energy left to do anything but nod.

  I looked back down at the cell phone, where I’d typed “Why the hell were you out running at midnight?”

  Logan looked at me sadly. “I can’t sleep when I overthink things. And when I can’t sleep, I run.”

  I felt horrible, knowing exactly why he wasn’t able to sleep. It must’ve shown on my face because Logan shook his head and looked down at me tenderly, kissing my brow again. “I’m just glad you’re all right. God, if I hadn’t been running, if I had taken a different route tonight or even came five minutes later-” he choked on his words and balled up his fist angrily. He stared at the white hospital wall, composing himself. “I called the police as soon as I saw you. They came pretty quickly, but if they hadn’t come, I would’ve beaten that piece of shit to a fucking pulp. I almost wish the police hadn’t come so fast.” Logan looked back at me and stopped talking, regretting his words. “Jesus, Jamie, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m just so wound up. If anything had happened to you...”

  Logan wrapped me in his arms and I started crying again. I listened to the rise and fall of his chest, letting it calm me down and stop the never-ending tears. I fell asleep like that, and when I woke the next morning, Logan was still there.

  I watched Logan as he slept next to me. I missed it, the way I used to study him while he was asleep. I had his face burned into my memory from all the times we’d lain like this together. I loved the way he looked in the morning, with unguarded eyes and a slackened jaw. Soft lines creased the edges of his mouth and I reached forward to stroke them. Logan stirred and his eyes fluttered open. His mouth curved and he raised an eyebrow.

  “Good morning,” I whispered, pulling my hand back. Now that he was awake, awkwardness was setting in. He grabbed my hand back and kept it in his own, kissing my fingertips.

  “Good morning,” he murmured through kisses. “You can talk comfortably now? No pain?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I guess I got lucky.” Anger flashed in Logan’s eyes, but he quickly hid it. I laid my head on his chest again and listened to his heart beat. We were interrupted by a nurse, who tsked loudly when she saw us together and shooed Logan out of my bed. He left to grab us coffee and breakfast while I got fussed over by the nurse.

  I was given the all-clear to go home and rest for a few days, but needed to stay just a few more minutes to give the police my statement. I had been too out of it last night to give a statement, but a couple of detectives had gotten here first thing in the morning. They were already waiting in the hallway for the nurse to leave. The two men came into my room, closely followed by Logan carrying two coffees and a bag from the doughnut shop.

  Logan sat down in the chair next to my bed, looking at the detectives warily. He handed me a doughnut and a coffee, and I looked up at the detectives, waiting for them to start. There were two of them, a young guy and an older man. The older man was the first to speak.

  “All right, Miss Jensen. I’m sorry if this is going to seem insensitive, but we need to get your statement, and as soon as possible. We’ve waited as long as we can, I’m afraid.”

  I nodded, looking at Logan, who nodded back at me reassuringly. I took a deep breath, then I detailed everything to the officers- our relationship history, the restraining orders, how Derek had followed me home from the club. I went through every excruciating detail of how he had tried to rape me last night. I was determined not to cry, and I raised my eyes to Logan while I talked about last night, drawing strength from his steady gaze.

  “Well, I can tell you that he is going away for a long time, if I have anything to do with it,” the older detective said sternly. “Now don’t you worry about anything anymore. We have him in custody and no judge in Virginia would let him go.”

  “So she’s okay to go home?” Logan asked.

  The older detective nodded. “Yeah, as long as the doctors say she’s fine, she is free to go.”

  I thanked the detectives and they left the room, leaving Logan and me alone with our coffee and doughnuts. I eyed him uncomfortably. Now that the detectives were gone, I unsure of where we would go from here. This morning and last night had been wonderful, but there was still so much between us, and I wasn’t convinced that it was surmountable.

  “Jamie, whatever you’re thinking, don’t. Turn off your brain, and just don’t think right now. Let me take you home, and we can talk there,” Logan said, handing me a coffee and kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes and nodded, and Logan began packing everything up to go home.

  I pulled the covers off of me and looked down at my hospital gown. The only clothes I had were my ripped dress and this hospital gown, and I didn’t know where my dress was.

  “They took your dress for evidence when you were asleep,” Logan said, reading my mind. “I would’ve gone back to your place to get you something else, but I didn’t want to leave you on your own. I’ve texted Hannah and she’s on her way.”

  “Where was she last night?” I asked.

  “She was here but you were knocked out. She was hysterical with worry for you and beating herself up for letting you go home alone. The nurses wouldn’t let us both stay with you overnight. It took quite a bit of convincing to get them to let me stay with you, actually.” Logan looked down at his phone. “Speak of the devil. Hannah is pulling up right now.”

  Five minutes later, Hannah burst through the door with a duffel bag and rushed to my side, hugging me tightly. She pulled back suddenly and smoothed my hair down. “I was so scared for you, Jamie,” she said, tears springing to her eyes. “I’m so sorry for not driving you home. I’m so sorry.”

  I shook my head. “Hannah, it’s not your fault. I walk home all the time, how were you to know this would happen? I’m fine, see? Just a couple of bruises.” I waved my hands down my body. “I would like some real clothes though.”

  Hannah nodded, sniffling, and handed me a pair of yoga pants, a tank top, and some flip flops. “I figured you’d want to be comfortable.”

  “You figured right,” I said, pulling off my gown. Logan stared baldly at my chest and I blushed. “Geez, Logan, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” I murmured. He shook his head and I looked down. Blue bruises covered my breasts and my ribs where Derek had grabbed me roughly. Hannah let out a little sob. I swallowed a lump in my throat, then donned the tank top quickly. I needed to forget last night as soon as possible. I hopped up and pulled on the yoga pants, thankful for Hannah’s practicality.

  “Hannah, I’ll call you tonight. I’m going to sleep the day away today,” I told her, and she nodded then left. I looked at Logan and indicated that I was ready to leave. He nodded, deep in thought, and turned to leave. He seemed to change his mind and dropped my bag on the ground while I looked at him curiously.

  Logan strode towards me and grabbed my face in his hands, kissing me deeply, surprising me. I relaxed into the embrace, moaning into his mouth with a tear streaming down my face. I’d missed this so much, missed us so much. Logan broke the kiss and leaned his forehead on mine, sighing. He pulled me into a giant hug and rocked me back and forth.

  He released me and picked my bag back up with one hand, holding the other out to me. I grabbed it and he led me out of the hospital room, into the elevator, and down to his car. We drove in silence, holding hands over his gear shift.

  We got to my apartment and Luke jumped excitedly all over me. “Oh my god,” I said. “Luke must’ve thought I was dead. And he probably has to pee like crazy.”

  “Nah,” Logan said. “Hannah came over last night to walk him after I sent her home from the hospital. He’s just excited to see you.”

  I knelt to the ground, lettin
g Luke cover my face and neck in kisses as I tried to hug his wriggling body. His tail was going a mile a minute, and it caught me right on the rib, knocking the wind out of me. I grunted and sat back on my heels. Logan picked Luke up with one arm and deposited him on the couch, looking back at me with concern.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, touching my side gingerly. I nodded, and let out a yelp of surprise as Logan scooped me up easily. He pulled the back door open with his foot and whistled at Luke to go outside. He then walked to my bedroom and laid me on the bed gently, climbing in next to me.

  “Logan?” I asked, turning to him.

  “Yes, Jamie?” he replied, playing with a strand of my hair.

  “I think we both need to brush our teeth,” I said apologetically. “I’m sorry, but we both had coffee and morning breath and it’s a little rancid.”

  Logan laughed, but got up and held his hand out to me. He led me to the bathroom, where we brushed our teeth together, taking turns spitting in the sink. I walked back to my bedroom, giggling, then wincing at the pain in my ribs and throat that laughing caused. Logan followed me, shutting the door behind him.

  We got back into bed, lying on our sides and facing each other. I still had a couple of giggles in me, but Logan’s expression was serious.

  “Jamie, I’m serious, I would’ve killed him. I don’t know what I’d do if I’d lost you for real,” Logan said, pulling me in closer to his chest. “I love you, you need to know that. None of the other stuff matters.”

  My arms circled his neck and I pulled him in for a kiss. He rolled on top of me, deepening the kiss, but being careful not to put any of his weight on me. I pushed at his shoulders and he stopped kissing me immediately, inspecting me for injury.

  “Too much?” he asked. I shook my head, rolled him over, and straddled him. I pulled his face up to me and drew him into a deep kiss. His arms encircled my waist, and I tried to tug his shirt off. He groaned, stopping my hands. “Jamie, stop. We don’t have to do this. You’re injured.”

  I shook my head again. “Heal me,” I whispered into his ear. I ground myself into his erection, eliciting another moan from him. Logan let me take his shirt off, his gaze boring into mine. I closed my eyes and continued kissing him with everything I felt for him. He gingerly pulled off my shirt, placing soft kisses on my chest and gripping my hips. He looked down at my bruises with concern, but I smoothed the concern off his face with my hands, pulling his gaze back to my face. I continued to grind into him, circling my hips.

  I stood up and pulled off my pants. Logan lifted his hips to pull his pants and boxer briefs off. He was painfully erect. I had almost forgotten how impressive he was in that department, and I was excited to have him in me again. I climbed back on top and lowered myself onto him, throwing my head back at the sheer size of him- he was so big. I reveled in the sensation of being completely filled, clenching my muscles to make it even tighter.

  Logan groaned loudly and grasped my sides, careful to avoid bruises. He buried his face in my neck, sucking and kissing as I moved on him. I wasn’t taking my time- I needed him right now as badly as he needed me.

  “Fuck, Jamie, it’s like coming home,” Logan whispered. “Never leave me again.” I nodded in agreement, pulling his face up to mine. We rocked together, shaking the bed frame against the wall, and kissed deeply. My climax was welling up inside me and I changed my pace, my movements becoming more frantic with need.

  “I’m coming, come with me,” I whimpered into his ear, grasping his shoulders. The wave crashed over me and I dropped my head forward, moaning. Logan wasn’t far behind me, pumping wildly and shouting his release. We stayed locked together until Logan softened inside me. Logan trailed kisses against my chest as I panted. He leaned back, bringing me with him to lay across his chest.

  “I love you,” Logan said again, kissing my forehead.

  I wanted to say it back to him, but I wasn’t ready yet. I looked up at him and kissed him instead, pouring all of my emotions into that kiss. I looked up at Logan and I could see the hurt in his eyes that I couldn’t say it back.

  “Jamie, can we talk?” he asked.

  “About what?” I asked innocently, knowing exactly what he wanted to talk about.

  “Us,” he said, looking me in the eyes seriously.

  I groaned. “Logan, can’t we just have today? Do we have to ruin it?”

  “Just have today?” he asked incredulously. “Why can’t we have forever?”

  I rolled off of him. “Logan, we still have real world problems, problems that aren’t insignificant.”

  Logan sat up. “Jamie, listen to me. Those problems are all in your head. You are the only one here making them into problems. You’ve already put me through hell by breaking up with me over made-up reasons, when the truth is that you just don’t want to trust a man again.”

  “No,” I protested. “The fact is, you’re rich and think I’m after your money. And you lied to me.”

  Logan let out a frustrated growl and got out of bed, pulling his shirt back on. “You know what, Jamie? You’re sounding like a goddamned broken record. I made one mistake and you don’t trust me enough to forgive me for it.”

  “Logan, where are you going?” I asked. I was panicking a little. I knew I was self-sabotaging, but it was as if I were watching from the outside, just waiting for our happy little bubble to implode. I was powerless to save myself from the stupidity of what I was saying.

  “I’m going home to let Rocket out and to let us both calm down,” Logan said, pulling his pants on now. “But Jamie, I’m coming back. I’m not letting your neuroses ruin this great thing we have. I am going to keep trying and trying until you realize you’re the one that’s being a snob, not me, and come to your senses. You can trust me, Jamie, you just have to try.”

  I stared at his back as he left my bedroom and I heard the front door slam shut. I laid back in bed, wondering if Logan was right after all. What if it had been my refusal to trust someone all along?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  The next two weeks were pretty hard for me, not going to lie. I was pretty jittery, and I jumped any time the phone or doorbell rang. I was having trouble sleeping at night. I knew Derek was behind bars, but it didn’t stop the anxiety from creeping in when I least expected it. I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety issues, and it really felt like I was making progress. Between the therapy and my friends, I was healing, slowly but surely.

  Hannah was my lifeline in the healing process. She came over frequently to check on me. She hung outlined with me, watching television and playing with Luke. She would make raunchy jokes, then laugh at herself, making me laugh in turn. Dylan came to hang out with us a couple of times. I found his presence calming and was grateful for it. Hanging out with Hannah and Dylan provided me with a much needed sense of normalcy.

  Logan, of course, had stayed true to his word and kept pursuing me. He was determined to prove me wrong and prove that we should be together. He sent flowers to me every day (excessive) and sent me encouraging letters with poems written in them (endearing). He came over every single day at least once, even if it were for five minutes to drop in and give me a kiss. He was sweet but not too pushy. We hadn’t had sex since that morning after the hospital. I had an inkling that he was purposely keeping it in his pants, and I was so turned on that I was going insane. Seeing Logan every day definitely didn’t help quash my constant state of arousal- I was getting my money’s worth out of my vibrator these days.

  On the first Friday night of September, Hannah suggested that we have a bonfire on the beach. Hannah had to go back to school the next week, and wanted one last hurrah before the school year started again. She texted Logan and Dylan, and they said they were in too.

  Logan suggested an address for a beach house that had a fire pit already set up. I thought this was odd but didn’t say anything to Logan- when had Logan befriended someone with a beach house? Hannah told me not to question it, and that she would ride her bike to my p
lace at seven and we could head over together.

  Hannah got to my place at six-thirty and poured herself a glass of wine. “You want one?” she asked, holding out a glass to me. I took it, sipping the sauvignon blanc, and turning back to the mirror. I had already applied makeup and was now curling my hair. Hannah sat at the edge of the bed, legs swinging.

  “So, are you rethinking the Logan situation?” Hannah asked, slyly looking over her wine glass at me.

  “Let’s not talk about that right now,” I said with a sigh. The truth was that I wanted desperately to be with Logan again- I just needed the right time to tell him that I loved him. I did know that if I waited too long, I would eventually be too late.

  “You’re an idiot,” Hannah said flatly, sipping her wine and continuing to swing her legs back and forth. She was right.

  I continued to curl my hair, taking care to spray each curl so it didn’t get lost in the humidity. I finished up with a dramatic spray around my head and turned to Hannah. “Ta-da!”

  “Congratulations, you look gorgeous as always,” she teased, reaching out to tweak a curl. She downed the rest of her wine. “Now throw on some sandals and shorts and let’s get out of here.”

  “Yes ma’am,” I said, pulling on my jean shorts and a cutoff v-neck tee shirt over my bikini. I drank the last of my wine, then did a once-over in the full length mirror hanging in my closet. Everything looked good. I held my hand over my stomach, trying to control the wild nervousness swirling within me. Hannah grabbed Luke, put his leash on, and we were out the door.

  I clipped Luke’s leash to his bicycle extension and gave him a few pats while I waited for Hannah to get on her bike. She climbed on and we were off, pedaling slowly down the street and chatting softly. We rode for twenty blocks, not minding the early September heat. We made sure to go slowly enough that we didn’t overheat Luke, though.

  When Hannah announced that we’d reached our destination, I looked up at the house. It was a gorgeous three story beach house with wood siding and a veranda. There was a patio on the roof and a porch swing out front. It was utterly charming.