Our eternal curse II

by Simon Rumney

  Count Anton pointed to two seats in front of a tree and they sat down to wait for something. Julii noticed that it was not a reel tree. It looked round but it was flat. 'It was the tree that people in the likenesses were sitting in front of.'

  Julii was wondering whether it would be rude to ask if she was married when the man called Photographer returned with a woman about the same age as Julii's mother. She recognized her immediately. She was the nice woman from Julii's earlier vision; the one who stood with her on top of the high wall holding her hand as they looked down at the battle below.

  Count Anton stood to greet the nice woman, so Julii followed suit. The woman stopped in her tracks and stared at Julii. Her expression was thoughtful and her words filled with curiosity. "Have we met somewhere before?"

  Julii's sudden urge to cuddle the woman was almost overwhelming. She had to hold herself back. She wanted to explain her recent dream or vision or fantasy, but Julii did not want to be thought of as insane so she said nothing.

  After a long pause, the man called Photographer broke the silence with the words: "This is my wife Cecilia."

  Then, as his wife shook Count Anton and Julii's hands, he did a very strange thing. He walked away and hid his head under a black cloth attached to a wooden box standing on top of three legs.

  Totally ignoring the man's odd behavior as though nothing strange was happening, the wife called Cecilia smiled warmly at Count Anton and asked, "Does your wife have any understanding of the English language?"

  Count Anton laughed. "Julii is my companion not my wife."

  Cecilia seemed embarrassed. She gave the man under the black cloth and angry glance as she said, "Please forgive me. My husband said you were married."

  The man hiding under the cloth said “sorry” and Julii felt a little relieved. Her usually acute powers of observation had not failed her. 'She was not married.' Then she felt guilty about her feelings of relief. He may be older than her, he may also be heavy, but she would be lucky to be married to such a kind and decent man.

  Julii felt ashamed of herself. 'Had she really believed he had tricked her?' And this thought led her to a most-challenging thought, 'Was she still the kind, honest, honorable person she had believed herself to be before meeting her Robert?'

  At that moment came a flash of lighting and a crash of thunder such as Julii had never seen or heard before. She had never in her life been afraid of lightning or thunder, but this was coming from inside the building. There was smoke. More smoke than the leafless branch at that awful place called Shiloh, and the noise was louder than the distant thunder on the day she met her Robert.

  Jumping to her feet like a terrified jackrabbit, Julii bolted instinctively for the door. Grabbing the handle, she pushed and pulled but could not make it open. That few seconds delay gave the wife called Cecilia time to catch up to Julii.

  Her single-handed grip on Julii’s wrist became a two-armed cuddle as the wife called Cecilia encouraged Julii to lay her panic-filled head on her shoulder. She spoke calming words in a soothing tone as she gently stroked Julii's hair.

  It felt safe, like being in her father's tipi. Safe like her mother kissing a wound to make it better; safe like being with her Robert. Somehow, the wife called Cecelia's embrace felt safe like coming home.

  Lifting his head from under the black cloth, the man called Photographer looked sheepishly at his wife; for some reason he appeared to be extremely embarrassed. "I am so sorry. Please forgive me."

  Between calming words and gentle strokes of Julii's hair, the wife called Cecilia escorted her back to Count Anton. Glaring at the man called Photographer, she snapped, "What the hell were you thinking? Are you completely insensitive, man?"

  Count Anton took Julii from the wife called Cecilia and helped her back to the seat in front of the flat tree. He spoke in a calming voice. "Do not be afraid, my dear girl. What you saw is called a ‘flash’."

  Count Anton's words were gentle and soothing, but his look at the man called Photographer was one of anger and frustration. "You have no idea what terrible things this young woman has been through!"

  The man called Photographer's voice pleaded for forgiveness as his eyes moved between his wife called Cecilia, Count Anton and then Julii. "I simply had to take your wonderful likeness for my own collection, you see?"

  Pausing, he pointed to all of the likenesses hanging on the walls. "Rest assured I will not be charging you for the picture."

  The wife called Cecilia became even angrier as she locked eyes with the man called Photographer. "You can't just do that! Have the decency to ask a person's permission!"

  "Please accept my apologies."

  The man called Photographer was apologizing to Julii personally. "I will give you a copy of the picture. As I said, there will be no charge."

  The wife called Cecilia turned back from her groveling husband and spoke to Julii in a calming voice. "Will you accept my husband's apology? His picture and my services will be completely free of charge."

  Julii looked to Count Anton for guidance. Seeing his subtle nod of the head 'yes', Julii replied, "Yes".

  Count Anton then took control of things. He spoke to the wife called Cecilia with great respect and kindness. "Julii will accept your husband's apology and his likeness, but I cannot accept your kind offer. Julii will be requiring a great deal of your time and I insist upon paying your fee in full, madame."

  Count Anton and the wife called Cecilia then set to work negotiated the thing he called a “fee”.

  Julii understood everything that was being said, but they did not seem to expect her to participate so her thoughts moved onto something more interesting. 'The man called Photographer had pointed to the likenesses on the wall when he said he would give her likeness free of charge.' 'The flat tree was in so many of the displayed likenesses and she had been sitting in front of the flat tree when the lightning struck.'

  'The lightning “flash” must have been involved in making her likeness.' 'Therefore, somewhere in this building called “photographer's studio” there must be a likeness of her sitting in front of the flat tree.'

  Julii was so excited. She really wanted to see the likeness of herself. 'Where was it?' She walked around the room feverishly looking at every likeness hanging on the walls, but she could not find the one of her.

  When Count Anton noticed the wife called Cecilia becoming distracted, he broke free of his negotiations to follow her eyes and look at Julii. Understanding her dilemma, Count Anton turned to the man called Photographer and said in an agitated tone, "You must put Julii's mind at ease. You must explain what is happening."

  Looking up from his work, the man called Photographer took a while to understand what Julii was doing. When he worked it out, he looked a little sad and, once again, sounded apologetic. "I am so very sorry. Let me explain how photography works."

  Walking to Julii, he gestured for her to follow him. "I have taken your picture with this camera."

  He pointed to the box on three legs. "I must remove the plate from this camera then develop it in my dark room."

  Covering the box with the black cloth, he removed something he called “the plate”.

  Then he gestured for Julii to follow him to the first door at the back of the room. As he entered he said, "Please come and see what I do in my darkroom."

  Miss Dotty

  After three weeks of long breakfast conversations, Count Anton realized that experiences such as learning the existence of people outside her world, the horrors of that awful place called Shiloh, the cruelty shown to the appallingly-treated brown people, those savage white people in Atlanta and, of course, first love found then ripped brutally away, must all have changed Julii and not for the better.

  He understood how meeting her Robert by the waterhole must have changed Julii's world from one of eminently predictable routine to a stumbling existence of insecurity and shocking surprises and life-threatening events, so he decided to make things right.

  In an atte
mpt to provide a stable, healing environment, Count Anton and his staff now went to great lengths to maintain an assured pattern of behavior in Julii's everyday life. Every meal was served at exactly the same time and every day had its unique menu. Julii knew exactly what she would be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner on any particular day of the week.

  She especially liked Wednesday because prosciutto ham from a place called Parma in the country called Italy was her favorite.

  Even going to sleep was always at exactly the same time. Waking up was at exactly the same time, baths were taken at exactly the same time, and clothes and shoes and bonnets and hats were worn on the same days. A hundred little things were done at exactly the same time, and all of this routine had served to bring some measure of stability to Julii's harried mind.

  Every morning at eight o'clock, Samantha and Tilly came in to wake Julii, but she was always already wide-awake. She did not mind the gap between waking and their arrival because she particular enjoyed luxuriating in the soft bed that was always warm, even on the coldest mornings.

  Julii also liked the feel of her soft “nighties” and was privately amused by the fact someone had gone to all the trouble of embroidering something only she would see; something she wore in bed, alone, at night. The fact that no one but she could appreciate the beautiful silk stitching around the collar and cuffs made it feel like her secret, and that felt intimate and safe.

  Count Anton also tried to maintain Julii's predictable environment outside his household. Even his carriage driver went to great lengths to maintain her routine by always traveling along the same streets and visiting the same places at the same times.

  Whenever he dropped Julii at Count Anton's Savannah offices, the Count's office staff were briefed to bring her black tea with lemon and sugar cookies at exactly the same time to the same seat at the same desk where Julii always sat.

  Julii was definitely on the road to recovery and everyone in Count Anton's house was proud of the part they played but, unbeknown to them, one thing could still shake her out of her rational place of security. It was her irrational, almost reflex, desire to share every one of her new experiences with her Robert. Even though she tried really hard not to do it, she just couldn't help herself.

  Every time something new and interesting happened, Julii instinctively sought his approval or advice or observations or comments, and this became a problem because almost everything she did was new and interesting.

  Whenever he popped into her head, Julii berated her unconscious mind. Her Robert was gone forever, and even she understood that she had to let him go and move on because lingering on his memory was not a healthy thing to do. She fought really hard to block him out, but something deep inside still needed the security of her Robert's memory and, unable to fully let go, chose to hide him deep within without her permission.

  Always artful, and always hidden, if she ever got close to working out what was going on in her untrustworthy subconscious, her denial would find cunning ways of taking Julii's thoughts down less confronting pathways to distract her. One of the regular methods of distraction was repeating interesting, and recently learned, English words. This, coupled with immersing herself in the predictable routine of daily life, allowed Julii to mask her unhealthy reliance on her Robert's memory as she learned to function within Confederate society.

  Unfortunately for Julii, her inability to fully let go of her reliance on her Robert was destined to remain dormant like a steadily compressing spring set to recoil at a moment that would cost Julii her life. But for now, simply having some kind of future was a good enough reason not to go searching for a cure.

  Count Anton called these her “glazed eye moments”; "Julii's lost minutes."

  But he never said, or did, anything that would interrupt her mental wandering because he wrongly assumed they were healing moments. He simply used the time to eat more food and read his newspaper or business documents until he heard the woman called Miss Dotty's inevitable pathetic tapping on his doorknocker.

  The older lady from the saloon's half-hearted tapping always irritated Count Anton. It was the only part of Julii's routine that he could not bring completely into line. In the beginning he had offered Miss Dotty lots and lots of money to come early in the morning, but she simply laughed and said things like: "I don't do mornings, honey." Or, "Consider yourself lucky I make it before midday."

  Then, holding her head in an overly dramatic display of pain caused by her inevitable hangover, she would add something that passed all of her troubles and all of the blame onto Count Anton.

  Sometimes it was: "And for Christ's sake do something about that goddamn doorknocker!"

  Other times it was, "You got a nerve dragging me out of bed so early!"

  And other times it was, "How come my breakfast is always cold?"

  With the money Count Anton was prepared to spend, he would have had no problem finding another woman, even a high born white woman, willing to take care of his young charge's hair and makeup. He had even suggested a change, but Julii said she truly liked the way the older fancy lady made her look. Because he never wanted Julii to set foot in that awful saloon ever again, Count Anton had to accept a compromise.

  Each morning, after Count Anton's late departure, Miss Dotty and Julii would climb the stairs to her bedroom to engage in the real reason why Julii enjoyed her mornings with Miss Dotty. The woman was totally uninhibited and frank when it came to what she called her “hot off the press working girl's client's gossip.”

  Julii did not yet understand what work her “working girls” actually did but, whatever it was, they were told the most intimate things.

  Strangely, Miss Dotty would happily talk about the detailed sexual habits of many of the most high-status white men and women in Savannah, or even her own sexual habits, but she could grow quite angry about being asked the most mundane questions. On one occasion, Julii made the mistake of asking Miss Dotty's age. She was never going to do that again. On another occasion, she asked politely if “Miss Dotty had children?” That question provoked tears and terrible sadness and was added to the growing list of 'don't ask' questions.

  Some mornings Miss Dotty would crawl onto Julii's bed making some poor excuse like, "It's important for you to know how to do your own hair and makeup, honey. So, today I'm gonna let you and your niggers do the work."

  If Julii looked overly disappointed, Miss Dotty would offer logical explanations like: "For when you all go on trips and I ain't there to help, and whatnot."

  On these occasions, Miss Dotty would drop directly off to “snoring” sleep, leaving Julii, Samantha and Tilly to "Take care of it."

  Julii could never quite understand where she stood with Miss Dotty, so she always behaved as her respectful subordinate. Then after three weeks of wildly unpredictable makeup sessions, Miss Dotty said in an offhand way, "You don't have to call me Miss Dotty all the time, honey."

  When Julii respectfully asked what she should call her, Miss Dotty answered, "Just call me Dotty, sugar."

  Then, while lying down on Julii's bed, she added as an afterthought, "Although right now my name should be Kitty."

  Looking at the reflection in the mirror, Julii could see that Miss Dotty was about to drop off to sleep without explaining her intriguing comment, so she plucked up the courage to ask: "Why should you be called Kitty?"

  Without opening her eyes, Miss Dotty adjusted the damp cloth on her forehead and answered: "On account I'm running a crazy cat house right now."

  It was clear Miss Dotty wanted to sleep, but Julii simply had to ask another question. "What is a ‘cat house’?"

  Miss Dotty tried to end Julii's curiosity by opening her eyes and giving her a killer look in the mirror, but Julii was not losing interest. "I'm a pussy wrangler, honey. Now do your hair like I showed you. Miss Kitty's got a doozy of a hangover, sugar."

  Miss Dotty sighed as she felt Julii sit down on the bed next to her. Reluctantly opening her eyes, she said, "Pussy. You know
what pussy is, don't you sugar?"

  Completely confused, Julii lifted her amulet, pointed to the lions and said, "Pussy, like my lions are pussycats?"

  Miss Dotty laughed. "Jesus no. If the pussy I wrangle were dead, like them pretty ones on your bracelet, my life would be a whole lot easier."

  Pulling the damp cloth over her eyes, Miss Dotty added, "It's the things that keep my pussies alive what causes me all the trouble."

  Then in a dismissive tone, "You should try your hair up today, honey. Now, go away and let me sleep."

  Probably because the bed did not move, Miss Dotty removed the damp cloth and opened her eyes again. Seeing the confusion on Julii's face, Miss Dotty laughed. "You do know what my girls do with their pussies, don't you honey?"

  When Julii shook her head 'no', Miss Dotty laughed and launched into a detailed explanation of the workings of a cat house. It surprised Julii to learn that women can sell the wonderful thing that she and her Robert had done together for money.

  "Quite a lot of money." Miss Dotty said when Julii quizzed her about it.

  Miss Dotty also said, while looking at Julii without a trace of her customary sarcasm, "Why, if you weren't so rich, I coulda used you in my upstairs rooms. A girl looking like you. I'm guessing a virgin? Anyway, I'd sell you as a virgin just as many times as I could get away with it."

  Thoughtfully reaching out a hand to stroke Julii's hair, Miss Dotty smiled. "Dress you up in a hide frock like a wild Injun squaw. You'd make a hell of a lotta money for both of us."

  Pausing, Miss Dotty laughed to make sure her next words could be taken as a joke. "How about it, sugar?"

  Julii did not get the joke. She took the question very seriously. She hated saying “no” to Miss Dotty, but the thought of doing the beautiful thing she had done with her Robert with several of these awful Confederate men made her feel physically ill.

  Julii thought she saw a hint of genuine sadness in Miss Dotty's eyes as she said, "I was just joking, honey. That is unless you want to, of course?"