Our eternal curse II

by Simon Rumney

  General Sherman was furious. He looked hard at the sergeant and yelled directly into his face. "Do you mean to tell me that we have had to endure half a day of complete nonsense and you have had this in your possession the whole time?"

  The sergeant grew stiffer and taller. His head looked as though it may pop from his neck. He mumbled something Julii could not hear until the general cut him off. "Get out of my sight!"

  The sergeant ran away as General Sherman ordered Paul to be dragged from the carriage and lynched from a tree in the street. Julii's protests were completely ignored. She ran from the carriage and pulled at Paul as the blue coat mob bound his hands. She was treated with contempt as the Union soldiers cheered the lynching of a nigger who killed one of their brave captains.

  She fell to the ground and wept uncontrollably for the injustice. Had it not been for her Helen and Paul's little baby's total dependence on her, Julii would have ended her life right there on the streets of Atlanta. Snatching a revolver, she would have taken the lives of one, maybe even two, blue Yankees, maybe even General Sherman himself if luck was on her side, but the babies needed her to live. Weeping openly, Julii could do nothing but lay in the dirt and watch as the light in the eyes of the man she greatly admired went out.

  In a perfect white man's contradiction, General Sherman gave a compassionate order for his men to gently help Julii to her feet and escort her back to her carriage. As she moved past him, he stopped her and did something surprising. He sent all of his men out of earshot. Then, holding open her leather folder, he said quietly in a grateful tone, "You even included the 1860 census. I can provision an army for months and months with this logistical information. You are a very clever woman and your plan is most complete."

  Looking to make sure no one could hear him, General Sherman added in a half whisper, "With your permission, Madame, I shall call it my ‘Great March to the Sea’?"

  Julii was confused because his question made no sense. It was completely illogical. Why did he want her permission? 'He did not need her permission.' Then it dawned on her. General Sherman craved recognition. His ego required this plan be his alone. 'Paul was merely an unwanted witness whose death had been driven by nothing more than vanity.'

  The only reason she was still alive was her gender and apparent “white” race. General Sherman knew history would forget the lynching of a slave, but he could not be seen to murder a white lady of apparent standing without sullying his reputation. He also knew he would not be able to cover it up because there were far too many witnesses.

  In that moment, Julii understood her life or death hung on how General Sherman's chivalry was going to be judged by history. Posterity, and the fact he didn't know she was an “Injun squaw”, was now the only thing keeping her alive. She knew it was time for her to leave.

  Julii turned, but he discourteously grabbed her arm to stop her. Unsure how long the opinion of his peers and descendants would keep him at bay, Julii remained motionless until she heard him ask: "I have just one more question. In all of your detailed planning, you have not proposed a course of action for the city of Atlanta."

  Julii wanted to kill this evil man more than she had ever wanted to kill anyone or anything in her life but, lifting her head with pride, she answered in a strong voice. "You Yankees, like the so called 'gentlemen' in the South, read your Bibles, do you not?"

  "We do indeed."

  "Then you know the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah."

  "Of course."

  "Then you work it out."

  General Sherman needed clarification. "Are you suggesting I burn Atlanta down, Madame?"

  Julii gave a look that said the general's question was too obvious to bother with an answer, then shook off his grip and continued to Count Anton's carriage in silence.

  Opening the door, she collected baby Julii in her tiny basket, climbed up to the driver's seat, secured the basket in place, and smacked the reins down hard on the horses’ backs.

  These unfortunate animals were being made to suffer for all the wrongs done to Paul and Matilda simply because they were the only living thing in Atlanta that would not retaliate and leave behind two helpless orphans.

  Evacuation

  The journey back to Savannah should have been filled with wonderfully-gloating, cruel feelings of jubilation, just as it had been played-out in all of Julii's fantasies since the day she sent Paul north along the Underground Railroad.

  Every single one of her spiteful acts of vengeance had come to fruition. The, now empty and silent, road was littered with the evidence of Julii's wicked retribution against the evil people of the South, yet her heart was too broken to celebrate.

  Even the horses seemed dejected as they clip clopped their idle way along the deserted road without any instructions from Julii. She simply did not care where they walked. This was a horrible, empty journey through the night, filled with hollow regrets and the sad humiliation of failure and the sting of guilt. It was all far too painful to face head-on so, as night grew darker and darker, Julii's denying mind made its escape.

  In her imagination, Julii stood on the deck of the ship with her Robert by her side looking out at the great ocean, and that felt safe. Hours drifted by lost in the relief of her warm fantasy, until her artificial serenity was shattered by the Confederate picket at the roadblock ten miles outside Savannah.

  In the low light of the early sunrise, she could see the young private with no boots and very few teeth was holding one of the horses by its bridal while staring up at her. He had obviously said something, but Julii missed it completely. After a short delay, he repeated his question. "You come from Atlanta, ma'am?”

  Forcing herself to bring the soldier into focus, Julii was amazed by the change in herself. She no longer felt anger for the boy with no boots. Even though he wore the hated gray uniform, she now saw the “Johnny-Reb” boy as just another victim of the “civilized world”.

  He was just a boy caught up in normal human behavior, and not the evil embodiment of the racist South. Her dealings with General Sherman had changed her. She found herself smiling sympathetically at the bootless Confederate as she said in an unenthusiastic tone "Yes".

  His voice quivered a little as he asked, "Them Yankees coming this way?" And he sounded very young and very frightened.

  Julii felt truly sorry for the terrible trouble she was about to cause this helpless young man, because now she knew his only sin was being born south of the Mason Dixon line. Had he been born north of the line, he would still hate niggers, but he would have boots, maybe teeth, a blue uniform and certain victory.

  She now knew the futility of hating one side over another. Her thoughts poured from her mouth as words spoken to no one in particular. "You are blameless."

  "Huh?"

  He looked confused and worried. Julii felt she owed the baffled young man an explanation, but the more she said, the more explaining she had to do. "There is no point in blaming the color of your uniform. I understand that now. Colors are irrelevant. Be it white, red, brown, blue or gray, inside humans are all the same color. Colors are excuses. The truth is, we are all humans, and humans can find a valid reason to 'defend a worthy cause', 'protect something', 'retaliate against wrong', or 'fight for freedom' within a beautiful field of flowers."

  "You all right, lady?"

  The young soldier sounded genuinely concerned for Julii's state of mind. Julii felt ashamed. She had frightened the nice young boy with few teeth and no boots, and he didn't deserve such treatment.

  She was overcome with a powerful urge to save the boy. He was far too young and naive to be doing such an important job of work, but his older colleagues were sitting by the roadside playing cards. Even his officer was sitting on a tree stump by himself with his back to the road. Both he and his men seemed to have already surrendered.

  Handing the boy all of the food and water she had packed to feed Paul and Matilda, Julii said, "I am fine. Thank you for asking. And in answer to your earlier question, yes, t
he Yankees will be coming down this road very soon and I am extremely sorry for it."

  "Ain't your fault, ma'am."

  She wanted to give him a hug. He seemed so vulnerable. She could easily fit him in her carriage, but she knew doing so would get him shot by a firing squad for desertion, just like her Robert had been shot for desertion. Whichever way she looked at his plight, she could not help him. So, unable to reconcile her feelings of sympathy and guilt, Julii whipped the horses into action and drove on leaving the young soldier to face his fate.

  When Julii arrived at the outskirts of Savannah, she could take the carriage no further because the place was a mess of discarded carriages with horses still attached. The vehicles that blocked the road and beyond had been abandoned by the hundreds.

  Julii could not be so cruel to the count's horses, so she dismounted, unhitched the horses, tied one to the other, mounted the lead horse and, with baby Julii's basket pinned between her body and left arm, set off for Savannah.

  As she rode into town, Julii had to weave her way through the jam of carriages and horses and people filling the streets. Desperate people, many with young children, were walking from building to building seeking any kind of shelter.

  As a student of human nature, Julii knew the price of accommodation would have gone through the roof, as it always does in times of suffering, which is why those who were unable or unwilling to pay these exorbitant rates were using their carriages as makeshift homes.

  It took far too long to pass through the mess, and the horses became spooked by the strange changes to their once predictable streets. Julii had to dismount and walk them through the muddle of humanity.

  Her first action, after entering Count Anton's home, was to ask the carriage driver to take care of them and calm them down. Then, taking Helen from Samantha, she carried her and little Julii upstairs to the safety of her room.

  Lying on the bed, Julii held the babies close and wept for their future. She wept for her Robert, she wept for Paul and Matilda, she wept for Ringwind, she wept for her mother and father, she wept for the boy with no teeth and no boots, she wept for herself, and she wept for humanity.

  Despair

  The day after Julii's sad return from Atlanta, Count Anton had to pry her from her state of total mental collapse. He tried logical words of encouragement and then he tried hollow threats, but even he did not believe any of his transparent menaces. He even tried appealing for the well-being of the babies, but it was all to no avail.

  The only thing that moved Julii to leave her room was his parting personal plea for help with his business. As a last resort, he said, "We are very busy and I need your help at the office."

  Having already given up, he was surprised to see how successful that final tactic had been. Julii had simply left her bed, dressed herself, applied her own makeup, left the babies in the hands of Samantha and Tilly, and dutifully followed him to his office where a line of people snaked from the front door along a city block and around the corner. Once they had pushed their way inside, Julii went unemotionally about negotiating passage for the desperate civilians who feared the wroth of the Yankee invasion.

  Many of the desperate refugees in the line outside had great bundles of folding money but, because of Julii's earlier decree, the count's business would not accept a single note.

  Ten large men, who in a perfect act of irony were being paid thousands of paper Confederate dollars for their violent abilities, stood guard at the front door allowing only those with gold or diamonds inside. Just as Julii had always predicted, Confederate money was about to become worthless, but the ten brutes at the door didn't care because, until the Yankees arrived, they could still buy whiskey with paper.

  Few people had the valuable items required for entry, but a significant minority was enough to fill the limited number of places on Count Anton's steam ships on their final homeward journey.

  Julii should have been reveling in this moment. She had been looking forward to this day for two years. She had read enough books to know at the end of a war there is nothing but desperation for the loser. She had known this flood of refugees was going to hit Savannah one day, and she had anticipated the angry pleasure of looking them in the eye as she refused them passage but, since her life-changing meeting with General Sherman, even this felt hollow. She did not care who made it out or who got stuck at the dockside. The only thing keeping her out of bed was the burning loyalty she felt towards her savior Count Anton.

  Even when Robert's mother, father and much-hated nanny appeared before Julii, she felt nothing. Even though she had been fantasizing about this particular moment, in minute detail, since her first days in Savannah, Julii felt no emotion. She was completely numb. In her fantasies, they were going to be broken before her, brought to their knees by her all-powerful cruelty. But now they were standing there in front of her, she no longer cared.

  Neither Robert's mother or father had any idea who she actually was, so they treated Julii with the groveling respect of a white lady who held their salvation in her hands. Even this provided no pleasure. Julii heard herself say in a matter-of-fact voice, "Gold or diamonds?"

  Robert's father handed Julii a small cloth bag as he replied. "Diamonds."

  And that was the full extent of their exchange. Without looking up, Julii poured the diamonds onto a small scale, adjusted the counterweight, removed and replaced a few diamonds until she had the correct weight, then handed back the rest. She was in the process of carelessly writing three tickets of passage when something happened to bring her anger flooding back to life.

  The act that reignited Julii's rage was surprising because it was a simple, insignificant one after all Julii had been through. After all she had seen and felt, she did not expect to be aroused by something so stupid, but she was. It was Robert's mother saying, "Only two tickets, dear." Then turning to speak to Robert's nanny that did it. In her matter of fact way, she said, "Once you have taken our bags to the ship, you are free to go."

  Julii's heart suddenly pulsed with fury at the insensitivity and callous injustice of the scene unfolding in front of her. In that moment she felt hot, strong and filled with angry purpose. It was not because of the way Robert's mother was discarding their nanny, she did not care about Nanny. Nanny had been as cruel to her as all the white folks in Atlanta and she hated her, but Nanny had given her Robert years of love and service and these people were simply discarding her with a word.

  Julii stood. She held the three tickets in her hand and her body shook as she screamed at Robert's mother. "You are evil! You will never travel on any of my ships!"

  Hearing the commotion, Count Anton ran to the head of the line to see what was happening. Stopping in front of Julii, his concerned voice told her how odd her behavior must appear to others in the room as he asked, "Is everything all right, Julii?"

  His words instantly cleared up the mystery of what was going on and who the mad screaming woman was for Robert's mother. She spoke in a knowing voice as though she had exposed a criminal. "Julii?"

  Turning to Robert's father she said, "This is that Injun squaw Robert brought home from Shiloh!"

  Then Robert's mother turned to Julii and said something so selfish, so unexpected, so uncaring, and so inhuman it took both Julii and Count Anton's breath away. "Do you know how much harm you caused us? We were very nearly shunned by polite society because of you!"

  In all of the thousands of different ways Julii had seen this moment playing out in her mind, she had never even considered this one. 'Of all the terrible, disgusting, brutal, unjust, life-altering events in Atlanta, Robert's mother was only troubled by something as petty as how she was perceived by polite society.'

  Angrily holding up the three tickets, Julii now understood exactly how to wound this woman deeply. Letting go of any self-control, her anger and frustration came shouting out of her. "You are evil! You are cruel! And you are selfish, but I will let you on my ship on one condition!"

  Even though Julii held her
life, and the life of her husband, in her hands, Robert's mother could not hold her tongue. "How dare you speak to me like this? I am not your nigger!"

  Seeing his chance of escape slipping away, Robert's father raised his voice to scold his wife. "Stop this! Stop this now, woman!"

  Ignoring his wife's expression of surprise and withering fury, Robert's father turned to Julii and spoke in a deeply apologetic tone. "Please forgive my wife. She is distraught. We have lost everything, you see?"

  An evil smile crossed Julii's face as she said: "Not everything! Not yet!"

  Looking Robert's mother directly in the eye, Julii said in the most arrogant tone she could muster, "If you are truly desperate to board one of my ships, you must prove it. To earn these tickets, you must carry all of Samantha and Tilly's luggage from their home to my ship for them!"

  Robert's mother looked at Julii with all the dignity of a woman of power. Her tone made it clear she thought Julii was beneath her as she enquired in her hoity tone, "And who, may I ask, are Samantha and Tilly?"

  The office had fallen totally silent during the quarrel because everyone had stopped what they were doing to look at Julii. All eyes were now on her, and she knew they were all wondering why she was being so vindictive to the lovely old couple, but she didn't care. Looking around to make absolutely sure she held the room, Julii answered her Robert's mother's question in a voice loud enough for all to hear. "They are two human beings who someone like you would call ‘niggers’."

  Robert's mother's face showed the signs of her inner turmoil for the very first time. She knew her life and the life of the man she loved rested on the decision she was being forced to make but, even though the Confederacy was collapsing all around her, even though most of her “polite society” was standing in a long, disorganized, panicky line outside, even though the cream of her “polite society” were begging for very limited places on very few ships and, even though she would have no physical trouble carrying a few bags to the ship, she could not bring herself to serve a nigger. The outrage of privilege and generations of racial dominance spewed from her mouth. "You will never force me to carry out such a despicable act!"