The Incredible Shrinking Girl Definitely Needs a Dog

by Lou Kuenzler

  I hitched up my puffy skirt and was about to do a tiny cartwheel across the floor when I heard Bunny’s voice outside the door.

  “Tiffany, have you seen Violet?” she hissed. “She was supposed to go in and have a peek. But she’s been ages…”

  I saw the door push slowly open.

  “Quick, Chip! Basket!” I hissed.

  Luckily Bunny couldn’t see him yet. It took her a moment to come in. Her big meringue dress was so and so she had turn round and through the door sideways.

  “Basket!” I whispered again, standing on tiptoe so my voice would reach Chip’s ear. I couldn’t believe it. Chip actually obeyed me – talking in a nice small voice really does work.

  As he jumped inside the hamper, I pulled on the end of a ribbon to slam the lid shut.

  “Stay, boy,” I whispered, still hanging on to the end of the ribbon as it dangled outside the basket.

  I had to hide before Bunny saw that I was tiny.

  “Geronimo!” I mouthed silently to myself as I leapt off the end of the ribbon like it was a rope swing. I spun sideways, flying through the air. I was trying to land behind the ruffled gold curtains, but I went too far and slipped down inside a pale blue paper bag that I hadn’t noticed before.

  “Where is Violet?” said Bunny’s voice above me. I could see her peeping through the crack in the door to the main hall. The guests in the Dingley Dell were getting restless.

  “We need to go in,” said Bunny, starting to sound panicked.

  Oh dear! Now Fifi-Belle will have to be a bridesmaid on her own, I thought.

  I knew everyone would be furious. Bunny’s would be ruined if it didn’t go exactly to plan. Uncle Max would be so disappointed. And Mum would say I was irresponsible … AGAIN!

  Perhaps I wouldn’t be allowed to keep Chip after all.

  I helplessly inside the bag. Something hard and sharp fell against my shoulder.

  “Ouch!” As I turned, I found myself staring into a pair of pale blue glass eyes. They belonged to a small china shepherdess. She was exactly the same height as me and wearing her own Little Bo dress!

  I pushed the china shepherdess upright again.

  “Sorry,” I whispered. She had a little bonnet just like mine, too.

  I think she was supposed to look sweet and pretty but she gave me the creeps with her pale, staring eyes.

  I didn’t have long to look at her, though. A moment later, we both fell out of the bag, as Bunny swooped past and knocked us over with her dress.

  “Ow!” I banged my knee on the edge of the door frame and there was a nasty sound like chipping china. I saw that the poor shepherdess’s crook had snapped in half.

  “I can’t wait for Violet any longer,” said Bunny. She had no idea, of course, that she had almost on me.

  “You’ll have to hold my train by yourself, Fifi-Belle. Don’t forget your special slow bridesmaid walk as you follow me up the aisle.”

  “But I don’t want to be on my own,” said Fifi-Belle. “I want Violet to—”

  “There’s no time to argue,” said Bunny. “The music is starting.”

  Sure enough, the sound of birdsong stopped and the wedding music blared out of the speakers.

  In his basket, Chip gave a tiny bark.

  “Is that you coughing, Fifi-Belle?” said Bunny. “Stop it. You’ll ruin the ceremony.”

  Bunny spun round. I was knocked to the floor again and carried forward as the long train on her wedding dress scooped me up. I struggled to escape but it was no good. I was caught like a leaf in a river of frills.

  Bunny took a last glance around the waiting room.

  “All set,” she said. But as she stepped towards the big door to the main hall, she stopped quite still for a moment and said the strangest thing.

  “Oh Tarquin, why isn’t it you?” she sighed, wringing her hands.

  I , staring up at her from amongst the lace.

  “What do you mean, Auntie Bunny?” gasped Fifi-Belle.

  “Oh, nothing. I just hope I’ve done enough,” Bunny said, pushing her shoulders back. Her voice sounded choked. “I hope when Tarquin sees this perfect Dingley Dell wedding – the one we always planned – he realizes what he is missing out on…”

  The music swelled as Bunny pushed open the door and swished down the aisle.

  “STOP!” I cried. My mouth was so full of frills it sounded like SWOP! Nobody could hear me anyway as my tiny voice was swallowed up by the sound of the music.

  This wasn’t right! I knew now what the whole Dingley Dell wedding was about.

  Bunny didn’t want to marry Uncle Max. Not really. She didn’t love him. She just wanted Tarquin to take her back. That was why the wedding was exactly like the one they had planned together!

  as Bunny teetered towards a ring of polystyrene toadstools, where Uncle Max was waiting to take her hand and promise to be her husband.

  Instead of a vicar, a short fat man in orange suit stood underneath a plastic weeping willow tree. I think he was supposed to be some sort of woodland creature.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he announced in a thick, rolling voice, “here comes the bride!”

  What was I going to do? How could I stop the wedding?

  As Bunny walked, her train swished behind her like a dinosaur’s tail. I bounced from one side of the aisle to the other, clinging on for dear life. Between thumps, I caught sight of familiar faces sitting in the rows of tulip-shaped chairs.

  There was Nisha and her whole family. They’d met Uncle Max lots of times at our house and, of course, when we held the sponsored jumpathon on their trampoline. Then my mum and dad. And … Yana? What was she doing here? At first, I only caught sight of her green hair and thought it was a part of the Dingley Dell display – a giant spiky palm, perhaps. But it was definitely Yana. Her hair was extra tall and spiky for the wedding. She was wearing a gorgeous red dress covered in safety pins and a pair of amazing rainbow-striped tights.

  I supposed if Chip was here, it made sense that Yana was, too. She must have met Max and Bunny when they came to to adopt Chip. Yana had said the man was young and handsome … that must have been Uncle Max!

  Even though I knew I had to do something to stop the wedding, I felt another of excitement. Chip was here, all wrapped up in bows like the world’s best present!

  Bunny had slowed down now – her train stopped thrashing about.

  Ahead of her, Uncle Max was dressed in a pale blue suit with a shirt and waistcoat almost as as Bunny’s dress. She had chosen his clothes for him, just like she had chosen the whole wedding.

  As she stepped closer, I wriggled, trying to get free. But I was still caught in the frills of her dress, trapped like a fly in

  Uncle Max was chewing his lip nervously. I had never seen him look nervous before, not even on the video of him bungee jumping from the Grand Canyon.

  “Please take a moment, ladies and gentlemen, to admire the wonders of nature,” said the chubby woodland-creature-man in the hairy orange suit. He spread his arms to show the Dingley Dell.

  But it wasn’t nature – not really. It was all plastic and fake. Just like Bunny and this whole wedding.

  I glanced around, peering out at the tinsel clouds, shiny polythene roses and…

  “Lady Valance?” I gasped, spotting the judge from the dog show. What was she doing here, too? She was sitting right in the front row with an enormous new feathered hat. She was whispering something to a smart-looking gentleman with bushy white whiskers – probably her husband. Probably…

  “Lord Valance!” I nearly choked on a mouthful of lace. Of course! Everything was starting to make sense. Bunny had said that Tarquin’s father was a lord. And she said his mother would be wearing a feathery hat!

  Sure enough, sitting on the other side of Lady Valance was a young man with wispy blond hair, a thin m
oustache and pale blue watery eyes … Tarquin! There was no doubt about it.

  I was so busy staring at Tarquin – he was dressed in a frilly green suit the colour of lettuce – that it took me a moment to notice what the woodland-creature-man was saying.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, pointing to Uncle Max and Bunny as they stood before him. “If any person here can show cause why these two people should not be joined in marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

  It was old-fashioned language, but I knew at once what it meant. This was that moment in films where people always shout out and stop the marriage. It was the last chance for someone to say the wedding shouldn’t go ahead. My last chance to say that I knew Bunny didn’t really want to marry Uncle Max – that she was trying to make Tarquin jealous.

  It seemed Bunny wanted to stop everything, too.

  “Hasn’t anybody got anything to say?” she asked, glancing hopefully at Tarquin.

  The wedding guests all laughed. They thought it was a joke. Even Uncle Max laughed. But I knew the truth.

  “Anyone?” said Bunny again. As I looked up from the frills of her dress, I could see there were tears in her eyes.

  Tarquin wiped sweat from his lip with a pale green hankie.

  The guests started to shift anxiously, realizing it might not be a joke.

  “YES! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!” I bellowed at the top of my tiny voice. I waved my arms. I didn’t care if everybody saw how tiny I was – I couldn’t let Uncle Max marry a woman who didn’t love him.

  “LISTEN TO ME, EVERYBODY!” I cried.

  “Did someone speak?” The woodland-creature-man who was leading the ceremony held up his hand.

  “I don’t think so.” Lady Valance stood up from her seat in the front row. Her loud, clear voice boomed across the Dingley Dell. “It was just a dog. I heard it bark. Listen… There it goes again.”

  “ ”

  The door from the waiting room swung open and Chip came bounding in.

  He must have escaped from the hamper. I had only pulled the lid shut, but never retied the ribbons.

  He thundered down the aisle, yapping his head off.

  “ ”

  He was barking wildly at the woodland-creature-man.

  “Of course!” Now I saw what the man was supposed to be dressed up as: a squirrel.

  “HELP!” The poor man leapt into a plastic tree, looking even more like a squirrel than ever.

  Wow! I have never seen one that big, I could imagine Chip saying to himself.

  “That’s Violet’s dog,” shouted Fifi-Belle as he almost knocked her over. “The one who stole my ice cream.”

  “Chip!” cried Nisha, jumping out of her chair.

  “But where is Violet?” said Mum, standing up, too.

  “I saw her coming in before,” shrugged Tiff. “She’s got to be here somewhere.”

  Now what should I do? I stood to the spot. Should I climb out of the frills on Bunny’s train and show myself, or should I stay hidden where I was?

  Beside me, Uncle Max was talking to Fifi-Belle.

  “But how can this be Violet’s dog?” He tried to grab Chip by the collar. “I don’t understand. I adopted him from . That nice lady there – Yana – helped to settle him in. That’s why I invited her to the wedding.”

  Now it was Yana’s turn to stand.

  “I did not know you were Violetta’s uncle.” Her Russian accent rang out from the back of the Dingley Dell. “Violetta looked after Chip sometimes. She will be so pleased to know he is going to a good home.”

  “But where is Violet?” yelled Mum. I think she was starting to panic.

  “Oh dear.” Just a few minutes earlier, while the ceremony was still going on, I had felt brave enough to leap out of Bunny’s dress and show everyone how tiny I was. Anything if it meant stopping the wedding. But now I wasn’t so sure.

  The room was in uproar. Guests were talking. Chip was barking. The squirrel man was still swinging from the tree. Bunny was stamping her foot. Uncle Max was looking totally confused. And Mum was asking everyone if I they had any idea where I had gone.

  Thanks to Chip, the wedding had stopped … at least for a while.

  I smiled to myself. When suddenly…

  There I was – back to … flat on my back amongst the frills of Bunny’s dress. I’d shot forward like a bullet when I grew. Now I was lying halfway under her big meringue skirt with my feet sticking out. Looking up, I could see Bunny’s bloomers above me.

  “Sorry,” I spluttered, scrambling out from under her hem.

  “” Bunny leapt in the air. “Violet? What are you doing down there?”

  “Where have you been?” cried Mum.

  “Erm … I came in earlier,” I said, pointing vaguely back towards the waiting room. “I just noticed a loose bow on the bottom of Bunny’s dress…” I was hoping everyone had been too busy watching Chip and the squirrel man to actually see me shoot back to full size. “I thought I better mend it. Bridesmaid’s duties, you know.”

  I reached out and straightened a crumpled bow. “There. That’s better!”

  “Get off me,” flapped Bunny. “And take that horrible little dog out of here, too.”

  “Horrible?” I gasped.

  “Horrible?” said Uncle Max. He was staring at Bunny with his mouth wide open.

  “Yes,” said Bunny. “Horrible! I have never seen such a silly-looking runt.”

  “It’s not even purebred,” agreed Tarquin, from his seat.

  “I see,” said Uncle Max. He had managed to catch hold of Chip at last. He passed him to me as the squirrel man slid gratefully out of his tree.

  “Chip was supposed to be a wedding present,” said Uncle Max. “A gift for you, Bunny.”

  “For me?” squealed Bunny.

  “For her?” I gasped. It was silly, but somehow I’d still thought that Chip was meant for me. He’d been in the basket. In the waiting room. Where Bunny had said my present would be. There was nothing else there. Except … of course…

  “The china shepherdess.” I buried my head in Chip’s fur. “That was my present. I should have guessed.”

  “Honestly, Max! How could you think I wanted a dog like that?” Bunny screeched. “Anyone who really knew me – anyone who really loved me would never have given me a scruffy little mongrel like that.”

  “I think Chip’s cute,” said Uncle Max. “That’s why I chose him. He’s a little naughty, but…”

  “Er … excuse me,” said the squirrel man. “Can we get on with the wedding now? We’ve got a Cheeky Cherub Christening at three o’clock.”

  “” I cried. I had to do something. “You can’t! I mean, you mustn’t.”

  The room went silent. It was as if I had rung a loud dinner gong. Everyone was staring at me.

  “Violet! Sit down,” hissed Mum.

  Dad patted the chair beside him.

  I wished I could sit down. I wished I could hide away and shrink again. But I had to save Uncle Max. He had to know the truth about Bunny.

  “I don’t think the wedding should go on,” I said, speaking as loudly and as I could. My palms were sweating. “I don’t think Bunny wants to marry Uncle Max. Not really.”

  There, I had said it.

  “Bunny? Is this true?” Uncle Max spoke so quietly, I could hardly hear his voice at all.

  “Oh … I don’t know.” Bunny squeezed out a tear. “I thought I loved you, Maxi. I really did. It’s just that Tarquin and I planned to get married for so long. He understands me so well…”

  “I’ve tried to be everything you want me to be,” said Uncle Max.

  “But Tarquin would never have given me a mangy little mutt like that. Would you, Tarqui?”

  “Oh, Bunnykin,” cried Tarquin, leaping from his chair. He flung his arms around Bunn
y. Or he tried to … but he couldn’t reach round her meringue dress.

  “I would never have given you a scruffy stray from a rescue centre,” he said. “I would have bought you a pedigree dog from the finest champion kennel. I’ve been such a fool. I should have stopped this wedding right from the start! I can’t believe we ever broke up. And all because of a silly argument over what colour my handkerchiefs should be. I should never have let you go, Bunnykin. Never!”

  “Ah … er … so,” said the squirrel man, looking confused. “Do you still want me to carry on?”

  “ ” said Bunny and Uncle Max together.

  The guests gasped.

  “This wedding is off,” said Uncle Max, as Chip and sat on a plastic toadstool scratching his ears. “I could never marry someone who turned away a stray just because he wasn’t perfect or purebred.” Uncle Max shook his head sadly. “We should be grateful to Chip … and to Violet. She did something very brave – very responsible – when she spoke out today. You see, this is about more than a dog.” Uncle Max loosened his bowtie. “I suppose I’m a bit like Chip, really,” he said. “I’m just a happy, scruffy kind of person. But you tried to change me, Bunny. You tried to turn me into someone different … yet you still didn’t love me. You asked me to invite Tarquin as a guest at our wedding, but all along you wished he was the groom.”

  Uncle Max stepped forward as if he was going to shake her hand. “I’m sorry, Bunny. We can never be husband and wife.”

  Chip leapt forward, too.

  “ ” He grabbed the hem of Bunny’s dress in his teeth.

  A few people laughed. But Uncle Max looked so sad I couldn’t even smile. It was as if there was a big pink love heart that had been flashing inside him and now it had been turned off.

  “Goodbye, Bunny,” he whispered. “I hope Tarquin can make you happy.”

  And that was it. It was all over.

  Except, when Bunny tried to leave with Tarquin, Chip played tug-of-war with the hem of her dress, shaking it like a huge dead swan. There was a terrible sound … and Bunny was left standing in nothing but her vest and bloomers.