There You Stand

by Christina Lee

  “The dog park is almost finished,” Emmy said and tipped her head toward the construction zone at the edge of the property. “A few more days.”

  She worked tirelessly to get the ordinance passed and the city broke ground a couple of months ago.

  “It’s gonna be cool for these dogs,” I said, keeping my eyes focused on the large backhoes.

  I was curious whether or not Jude was at the bowl, but out of my side view I could already tell that he wasn’t. I recognized his moves and the lines of his body, which was pathetic really. Besides, Emmy didn’t know that this was the park I walked to almost daily and after her revelation about Jude, I didn’t want her to know how deep my crush actually ran.

  It also occurred to me that I knew so little about him that one day he might pack up and leave town and I would never be the wiser. Luckily that meant he’d be leaving with an unfinished tattoo. Somehow that thought brought me comfort, even though it was a tie to me that was flimsy at best. He could easily find another artist in another town to finish the work, or choose to do that anyway, if he got pissed at me. But at least I knew a part of me would always be on his skin.

  That’s when suddenly, I saw him. The air whooshed straight from my lungs as if I’d been holding my breath or something. Christ, I was something else. I couldn’t stop staring because he wasn’t alone like he normally was, unless of course, other skaters surrounded him.

  He was sitting on a bench with this tall and muscular man standing over him. Jude’s head slunk down and it was difficult to read his expression. The man seemed official looking, not because of how he was dressed, but because of his stature. He appeared to be lecturing Jude.

  I couldn’t help but wonder if the man was his parole officer because he had some type of manila folder in his hand. I was thankful that Emmy was off to the side picking up dog waste and depositing it in the trash can because it gave me free rein to watch them.

  Right at that moment, Jude’s head lifted and his eyes found mine. His eyebrows were hunched together in an angry caricature. He looked frustrated, sad, and furious all rolled into one, and I couldn’t help flinching as a flicker of fear surged through me.

  Again, the idea that Jude might be dangerous flitted through my brain. Not to me, but to others. But who the hell was I kidding? He could be threatening to me as well. He certainly looked it right then.

  Sliding his gaze away from mine, he catalogued each dog, as if searching for Chopper and Ace. He didn’t know that I volunteered at the pound so this scenario might’ve thrown him for a loop.

  His eyes scanned to Emmy, who was heading toward the street, and then back to me as the man standing near him reached for his shoulder to gain his attention. As if he could guess that I was equally as confused, he shook his head and turned away.

  Jude made me feel so damn conflicted. My skin was cold and heated at the same time, my emotions all over the damn place. I was so keyed up that I walked faster out of the park on Emmy’s heels, which made my limp a bit more pronounced.

  Chapter Ten

  I avoided the park for a couple more days but I couldn’t get that look in Jude’s eyes out of my head. The way he seemed so annoyed yet despondent when he’d been with that man. On the surface I had felt afraid, but deep down, I didn’t think he’d do anything to hurt me, not after he’d been so tender with my injuries. It was the same kind of gentle selectiveness that he showed with his words.

  Did that make me an idiot? Probably.

  When Jude showed up for his appointment, I could immediately tell that he’d completely locked himself down. Shut me out. His eyes were flat green stones that had lost most of their shine.

  I decided that the best way to interact with Jude, at least for the present moment, was to keep it light. I wanted to know him and I think he was curious about me, too. But we’d get nowhere without mutual respect or trust.

  Once he entered the room, he closed the door. He was still free to leave it open, so he must not have felt that awkward around me. When he discarded his shirt, I held in my sigh. Would it ever grow old viewing his skin so intimately without being able to touch him in the way I wanted?

  Maybe my way inside with Jude was to be my jovial self—the guy who hung out at the bar, kept myself entertained, and played stupid-ass games.

  After he lay down on the table, I purposely asked him a question that would require a response. “Do you need anything before we get started?”

  His eyes flashed briefly to mine and I was so grateful for that one swift glance before he shook his head.

  I traced my palm along the work I’d done on his back the previous appointment. “Healing nicely.”

  His muscles quivered as my fingers hovered over him. I knew he was affected by me, I just wish I knew how to get him to open up. Regardless, I needed to keep moving.

  I fired up the machine and got going on the rest of the design. I went into that creative zone while Jude stared at the far wall. Still, it didn’t feel right, having him so closed off. So I tried another question.

  “Got any tricks for me when it comes to Chopper?” I asked. “I’m not sure how to get him to listen better.”

  He slowly twisted toward me and stared hard, as if contemplating my question.

  I swallowed and kept my attention on the midpoint of his back. I was nearly out of ideas. So I took another shot because I had nothing to loose.

  “True or false¸” I said, attempting to flip my Q&A to a playful mode. “You want to have a conversation with me but something is holding you back.”

  His eyebrows arched upward. He wasn’t expecting that. And maybe because I had thrown him off his game, he couldn’t help but reply. “True.”

  I was breathing so damn hard, but I needed to control myself or I’d blow it.

  “True or false: You’re afraid I’ll betray your trust.”

  Now his eyebrows scrunched together. He was really thinking about my question. Finally he responded, “False.”

  Now I was the one taken aback, so I leaned away and caught my breath for a moment. I was so sure he didn’t trust me. But now I’d go for a different tactic, especially since he was willing to play along.

  “True or false: You’re afraid you’ll start liking me.”

  His jaw fell open and I realized that I might’ve pushed him too far. Fuck me and my big mouth.

  “As a buddy,” I added, to cover up my mistake. “A mate.”

  His shoulders relaxed immediately. “True.”

  “You like hanging out with me.”

  A smile quirked his lips. “True.”

  “I like hanging with you, too,” I said. “I’m not trying to pry. You intrigue me is all.”

  “Likewise,” he mumbled. My heart practically hurtled out of my chest and I couldn’t help gaping openly at him. “Though I don’t know why, you’re a bloody pain in the arse.”

  A laugh erupted from my lips, I was so damned relieved we had found common ground. “You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that.”

  We smiled at each other for a few seconds more and I decided for the time being that I had said enough. So I got back to work while I thought all of that through. I intrigued Jude York but maybe he wasn’t gay. Or maybe he was attracted to a man for the first time and didn’t understand why. It was like he had given me a little kernel of gold and I continually rubbed my thumb over it to keep the luster alive.

  Unexpectedly he spoke without provocation. “Dogs need to know that you’re the leader of the pack.”

  My eyes slid to his and I nodded, waiting for anything more he had to say. “You need to take control. Show him who’s boss.”

  The image he’d just conjured made my dick perk up. I’d love for him to show me who’s boss. I bit down a groan and kept my focus on his back.

  “Got it,” I said. “I’ve never had any problems with Ace, but this dog . . .”

  “Some are just more stubborn than others,” he said, latching his gaze onto mine. “You’ve got to get their attentio
n, show them you mean business. Get in their face and let them know exactly what you want.”

  It was like we were talking about two different things right then. I noticed that his breaths were releasing in jagged puffs. Besides the fact that those sentences were like the most he’d ever strung together before, this tension zapping between us that seemed to color our every reaction, became something more altogether.

  “And if that doesn’t work?” I murmured, because I was way turned on at this point, even if I was wrong about being on the same page or having similar thoughts. Just hearing him speak in that commanding voice practically had me drooling.

  “There’s this trick I could show you sometime,” he said, his eyes moving to my lips and then back up to my eyes. “Where you immediately take ownership.”

  My heart in my throat, my voice sounded thick and gravelly. “Sounds good. I’d be up for trying anything.”

  He sucked in a sharp, choppy breath. The idea of straddling him, marking him with my teeth, and sinking my cock deep in his ass, forced me to pull my stool back and change course. Holy fuck, I wanted this man. More than I wanted anybody.

  “Need a break?” I croaked out, attempting to slow down the rapid pace of my own pulse.

  He bit his lip and shook his head.

  I turned my attention back to his skin, and got my damn self together. This man was going to be the death of me.

  “Can’t believe I inherited Chopper to begin with,” I said, in an attempt to tone down the conversation. Tone it way down. “I had a whole different plan but sometimes things happen not at all like you’d anticipated.”

  We fell silent, each lost in our own thoughts, my dick finally settling back to half-mast. I needed to kick the tattoo into third gear and my cock needed to cooperate.

  “What was it?” Jude asked, startling me out of my thoughts. Thoughts that included anything other than Jude showing me how to dominate. Fuck, usually I liked to be in charge, but I’d bottom just for him. Where the hell did these thoughts keep coming from? I should just be lucky Jude was talking to me at all.

  “What?” I said, swallowing hard.

  “Your different plan? What was it?”

  I was surprised he was interested. But I wanted him to keep talking so I told him. “I was supposed to adopt a dog from the shelter. Emmy, the redhead who works the front desk? She and I volunteer and there’s this one dog she’s totally hung up on.”

  His entire countenance changed as he listened closely.

  “Long story short, I was going to adopt Patch. But then Chopper came into my life and two dogs is more than enough with my schedule.”

  “And that bloke won’t be returning for his dog?”

  “Hell no, he moved to Springfield for a job.” He didn’t say anything so I figured he knew it was a town about two hours away. “He wasn’t very good with responsibility anyway. Have no clue why the hell I was with him to begin with. But sometimes . . . I don’t know. Never mind.”

  “How long were you together?”

  “Not long. A couple of months,” I said, not wanting to spend any more time talking about that loser asshole. “How about you? You got somebody special?”

  And it was like I had broken him out of a trance. Now that the conversation swung back around to him he clammed right up on me. Again.

  He shook his head and then turned away.

  Fuck.

  “Guess that’s that,” I mumbled, frustration setting up camp in my shoulders as they tensed and cramped.

  When he didn’t answer, I blurted out, “For the record, I’m trying to develop a friendship with you.”

  “Well . . . don’t,” he said to the wall.

  “Why not?”

  His gaze shifted back toward me and he looked so sad and forlorn right then. “Because I just . . . can’t. It wouldn’t work out in the end, anyway. Never does.”

  This time I kept my mouth shut. The rest of the appointment, I attempted to dislodge the tight ball in my chest. Screw this. It was a lost cause.

  When we were finished, I kept my head down and began cleaning up my area.

  I felt rather than heard him pause at the door. He was waiting for me to look his way and for the life of me I just couldn’t. All of the fight had gone out of me.

  Chapter Eleven

  My backache wasn’t going away, so I broke down and actually made a doctor’s appointment. It hadn’t bothered me like this in years so I felt bummed that it was acting up now, in the middle of my busy schedule. I wasn’t down for being sick or for anything that kept me from moving for too long, well, except for sleep. Always glorious sleep.

  Tonight I sat at the motorcycle bar, nursing my beer, trying to stick to my regular routine but failing miserably. I was losing my stride. Even last night when I had gone up to Zach’s Bar with the gang—our usual Thursday evening hangout, I wasn’t my normal self.

  Dex and I usually messed around, got loud, and played drinking games like we were freshmen in college or something. But I wasn’t feeling it and everybody noticed.

  When Bennett asked me if I was okay, I told him that my back was acting up from an old injury. Dex opened his mouth to say something, but I shut him down real quick with one look. Jessie suggested her mother’s holistic health center for alternative therapies like acupuncture and massage. I promised I’d give it a try if my situation didn’t improve.

  When Jessie’s boyfriend, Nate, walked into the bar that was my cue to leave. Not because I didn’t like Nate but because those two had some serious chemistry between them. It made me realize exactly what I was missing. It had never bothered me before but lately it was all I thought about.

  Probably because I was so hard up and hadn’t even kissed anybody in a long while. Besides, just being that close to Jude the other night made my insides quiver. I was suddenly and consistently thinking about being intimate with somebody again. Instead of jacking off to thoughts of him every night, I didn’t know why I didn’t get my ass up to the gay bar or meet somebody online. I could even call that dude Jonathan from the Smoothie King, but it seemed that nobody else would do. Apparently I just wanted to torture myself.

  I stood up and threw some money down on the bar to take care of my tab.

  “Heading home before the showers hit.” I didn’t like riding in the rain. An accident could happen without warning.

  I knew how to ride in inclement weather; you had to in order to enjoy a motorcycle year-round. Even kept a folded rain jacket with my gear and knew to decrease acceleration and stay off the slick yellow lines in the road. Still, none of that seemed to help the night I injured my back.

  “You worried about your brakes?” one of the regulars asked me. We’d had a conversation a couple of weeks back about me changing the pads on my bike. I’d even bled the fluid and sprayed aerosol cleaner on them per his suggestion.

  “Nah, just don’t feel like getting wet,” I said sheepishly, and he laughed.

  But Vaughn gave me a curious look.

  When he’d asked me about Jude a couple of weeks back, he was giving me a warning of sorts and I appreciated that. Just wish I knew exactly what he was swearing me off of. I was too chickenshit to ask. So I left instead. I’d go home, take a muscle relaxer, and get my ass to sleep.

  I’d just rolled my bike out of the tight space in the parking lot when the back door of the bar flew open and out stormed Jude. And fuck, if I thought he was hot before, he looked dangerously sexy now, all rough with pent-up energy. Probably the hottest man I’d ever laid eyes on.

  He was pacing back and forth, running his fingers over his dreads, which were tied back low on his neck.

  But what the hell had he been doing in the back room of the club? Had he known I was at the bar?

  I stayed motionless, watching him as he stalked the hundred feet to the Board Room’s back door. When he didn’t come out after another minute, I struggled with what to do.

  Maybe he needed someone to talk to. I considered walking over there until I saw the
club president, Malachi—or Mal, as he was known—step out the back door and look around, either to see where Jude had gone or who might’ve been hanging around.

  Panicked, I hopped on my bike and pressed to the start position in order to get the hell out of there. When I next looked up, Malachi was staring in my direction, and our eyes met. He looked at me a split second too long and I tipped my chin at him. I didn’t want any fucking trouble.

  After he went inside, my foot rested on the peg, ready to drive off, when Jude emerged from the back of his shop. I watched as he flipped off the light and locked the door behind him. His backpack was on his shoulders with his board secured in place. Right then I made a split-second decision.

  I slowly motored over to him and then came to a discreet stop by placing my feet on the ground. “You okay?”

  His eyes widened and he looked over my shoulder to the club’s back door entrance.

  “You need to blow off some steam,” I said, shrugging. “You could climb on the back of my bike, and we could go for a ride.”

  Jude shook his head, but his eyes wavered. They conveyed something different. They told me he wanted to jump on and hit the open road.

  “No problem,” I said, having said my piece. I attempted to keep the disappointment off my face as I lifted my feet off the ground to rest on the pegs. “See you around.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. It was Jude’s hand shooting up to motion to me. When I looked back, Jude nodded, and his legs were already eating the distance between us.

  “Hop on,” I said, my pulse skittering in my veins—either from fear of the club seeing us racing off together or because I was about to feel Jude’s body heat directly behind me. It wasn’t illegal to go for a ride, so what the fuck was I so anxious about? I offered him a chance to let out some frustration, plain and simple.

  But I now knew for certain he was involved with the Disciples of the Road and I wasn’t sure I felt comfortable discerning the how or why. I just knew I wanted Jude.

  Next to me. On top of me. Inside of me. So badly my chest ached.