His Muse's Fidelity

by Linnea May

  He turns to me. “If you had mentioned her lingering around the building the first time you saw her, I would have known that it was her, and I could have ordered security to keep her away from you.”

  “She didn’t hurt me,” I interject. “She just wanted to talk to me.”

  He turns around and looks at me with that same darkened set of eyes I have seen on her. It creeps me out how much they are alike in that regard. If I didn’t know any better, I would never have imagined a woman like the one I met outside could have a son as handsome as Cedric. They have nothing in common at first sight. But those eyes…

  “What did she say?” he wants to know.

  I gulp and shake my head. “It’s not… I don’t want to-”

  “What did she say?!”

  His voice is loud. He has never yelled at me like this, and I hate being yelled at.

  I take a step back, crossing my arms in front of my chest as if I was trying to protect myself from him.

  “Don’t yell at me,” I whisper. “Just… don’t.”

  He sighs.

  “Look, Renee, I am sorry,” he says, approaching me with his arms reaching out to me.

  He closes in on me and grabs me by the shoulders. His grip is gentle but determined. I look up at him, compressing my lips.

  “I just need to know what she said to you,” he repeats. “Did she threaten you?”

  I shake my head. “No, not really…”

  “Not really?”

  “She said she wanted to warn me,” I murmur.

  “Warn you? Against what?”

  “You,” I say, looking up at him. “She said you’d destroy me, that you’re manipulating me and… that you have done it to others, too.”

  His eyes widen with horror.

  “What else?” he asks in a broken voice.

  “Cedric, it doesn’t matter, I don’t believe her anyw-”

  “What else?!” he presses.

  I sigh helplessly.

  “She said that you’re just like your father,” I continue. “That you would seduce me, lie to me, fake love to me just to…”

  I gulp again. That last part was too ugly. It hurt when she said it, and the thought that a mother would say such things about her son saddens me. I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to think even for a second that there is any truth to what she said. Or that I could ever believe it.

  I don’t want to believe it. I don’t know much about Cedric’s past with women because he never wanted to talk about it. I know there have been others, of course, there have. But now, after hearing his mother spitting out those evil accusations about him, combined with his reticence, I cannot help but wonder…

  He looks at me expectantly, worried.

  “She…,” I utter. “She said that you would abuse my trust. That you would…”

  For some reason, I cannot bring myself to use the same words she used when she talked about him. Impregnate. It sounds so wrong, so unsympathetic and cruel.

  “That you would do the same thing your father did,” I conclude. “Have a child with me and leave me.”

  He furls his eyebrows.

  “And,” I add. “She said that you have done it to others before.”

  “What?!” he exclaims. “Renee, I can tell you that is not true! It doesn’t even come close to the truth.”

  “I know,” I say. “I know…”

  “She is out of her mind, Renee,” he whispers. “You know me. I have opened up to you more than I ever have to anyone. You need to trust me.”

  I look up at him and nod. “Yes, I know.”

  He looks scared and sad. Of course. Who wouldn’t be sad if his own mother was talking about him as if he was a monster?

  “Renee, I am so sorry this happened to you,” he declares.

  I shake my head. “No. I am sorry. I should have told you when I first saw her.”

  “I will call a few guys to keep watch in front of the building day and night. I cannot believe she dared to show up here,” he says, sounding angry again.

  He sighs and strokes along my upper arms respectively. “Let me get changed and you can think about what you want to have for dinner, alright?”

  I nod, and he plants a quick kiss on my lips before turning around to head for the bedroom.

  “Oh, there was something else,” I blurt out as I suddenly remember. “She said something about you locking her away? Imprisoning her? What’s that all about?”

  He freezes mid-motion and turns around to me shaking his head.

  “Yes, I guess she has a point there,” he admits.

  “How so?”

  He looks at me and sighs again. He looks so worn out, so exhausted. At least with that last bit I could have waited until after he has had a chance to change and to eat something. He must be starving.

  “Well, you see,” he says eventually. “I lied about one thing regarding my mother.”

  “Yes?”

  “She didn’t move away, and she doesn’t live across the country,” he continues. “For the past few years, she has been in an… institution. A psychiatric hospital. A closed institution.”

  “Oh,” I make, unsure what to say to that. “I’m sorry, I-”

  “And she is right about one thing. I was the one who arranged for her to live there. For her safety mostly, she was becoming a danger to herself. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was also for my sake. I wanted to have my peace and be free of her, not worrying about her doing another stupid thing. She has tried to kill herself a few times or at least posed as if she was about to do so, threatening to jump off buildings and such. She continued to jump into my life, haunting me like a troubled ghost.”

  “Cedric, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”

  “Of course, you didn’t know,” he says. “I never told you. I wanted to spare you the details of all that. You have already heard enough about her. I thought it would be enough to let you know why she is no longer a part of my life.”

  He pauses for a moment, looking down at his feet and thus averting my eyes.

  “I am not bitter,” he adds. “I don’t hold a grudge against her. I have made my peace with everything that has happened. But she… she just can’t let go. She wouldn’t leave me alone.”

  “How come she showed up now?” I ask. “If she’s been locked away all this time. What happened?”

  “It’s simple,” he replies. “She was let out, due to good conduct. She was declared ‘okay’ to live on her own a few weeks ago. I knew they let her out, even though I tried to fight it, but there was nothing I could do.”

  “So, you knew she was out for a while?” I clarify. “How come you haven’t told me?”

  “I didn’t even tell you about her being locked away,” he reminds me. “I was hoping she would leave me alone this time. It has been such a long time, after all.”

  Suddenly, I remember something else.

  “That phone call,” I say. “A few days ago, in the evening. Was that… her?”

  He looks at me and nods.

  “What did she say then?” I ask. “What does she want?”

  “She pretty much said the same things she has said for years,” he replies. “The same things she said to you. I hang up on her quickly.”

  He pauses and we just look at each other for a while. I wish there was something I could do for him. Something to make him feel better, to make him smile.

  But I have absolutely no idea what…

  “I never figured she would go after you,” he whispers. “It was a bad coincidence. Her being released just a few weeks before my new book launch and just shortly after I introduced my partner to the public for the first time. I should have considered all of that and told you the truth. But I just…”

  He gulps.

  “Renee, I was hoping so much that this was over,” he adds with a broken voice. “That she would just…”

  “Cedric,” I whisper as his voices breaks.

  He shields his eyes with hi
s hand and turns around, hiding from me as he continues his way to the bedroom.

  For the second time today, I stay put and watch as a broken person walks away from me.

  I want to follow him, hug him, tell him that he is not alone, that I won’t think any less of him because of this. But I know that he wouldn’t want that. It would hurt him more to have me see him broken like this. Crying, for God’s sake. I have never seen him cry.

  I never would have thought that it would hurt so much.

  I am angry, mad. Furious at this terrible woman, this mistreatment of someone I love so much.

  Tears of anger and sadness are running down my face as my eyes are glued to the archway through which Cedric disappeared.

  Chapter Fourteen

  We don’t talk much for the rest of the evening, at least not about his mother. He put a stop to the subject by leaving the room, and I thought it wise not to bring it up again upon his return, even though I still have a lot of questions that are bothering me.

  What is he planning to do about her from now on? Is he planning anything at all? Is he being completely honest with me or are my suspicions justified? I still feel like he is hiding something from me. But I could be misled by his overall withdrawn attitude. Cedric has been careful and shielded from the beginning, unwilling to let me in on the most intimate side of himself. He has been changing in that regard, and I feel like I am getting closer to him week by week.

  But still, the uncomfortable feeling of being left out doesn’t leave me.

  We have a light dinner during which we keep the TV running in the background to cover the silence.

  Cedric excuses himself after we are done eating and retreats to his office. I am surprised that he wants to work after such a long day, but I also know that he has been working on a new story for the past few days behind closed doors. I don’t know if he has started writing on it already, but I know that it has kept him occupied quite a lot, which is why he loathes all the distractions that are thrown at him these days even more.

  Plus, he has said that writing keeps him sane. He might just need it as a release for tonight.

  I curl up in front of the TV alone and decide to engage in an activity that has been neglected during the past few months; my beloved Playstation. Cedric is not into gaming at all and just shook his head in confusion when I tried to share my guilty pleasure with him. Of course, that didn’t make me feel any better about my ridiculous hobby.

  If one was to ask Lesley, she would say that gaming is the death of culture because it replaces books, theater plays, and even movies more and more. It is an argument that we have had for years. In my view, video games are art just as much as books and movies are. Some of them have excellent stories that have been written with much attention to detail and great dialogs. They are accompanied by great music and art that is no less impressive than paintings or photography in modern art.

  Cedric agreed with me on that one, but he still didn’t show much interest in joining me in my games. I have immersed myself in these fictional worlds less and less since we started dating, but I am glad that they are still there for me on evenings like this when I am alone despite being at Cedric’s place.

  I don’t get tired while I am playing, so I am surprised when Cedric shows up in the living room, hugging me from behind and whispering in my ear that it is already past midnight and if I care to join him in bed.

  He gently caresses my boobs beneath the light shirt that I am wearing.

  “No bra,” he notices. “Next time you should play completely naked. I might join you for that.”

  I chuckle and pause my game to look up at him.

  “I thought you wanted to sleep, Sir?” I ask, casting him a naughty smile. “Your words are suggesting otherwise.”

  He smiles and leans down to me to plant a kiss on my forehead. “There will be none of that tonight; I’m sorry.”

  “Aw,” I make.

  I throw the controller away and get up from the sofa, pulling my shirt over my head so that I am standing in front of him with my perky boobs exposed.

  His face lightens up, and he shakes his head. It feels so good to see him smile like that after everything that has happened today. I feel proud and powerful for being able to reveal this side of him. I reciprocate his smile as I step out of my grey pajama shorts.

  His smiles widens when I slowly approach him, completely naked.

  “What are you doing to me?” he whispers as he pulls me in for a hug. His strong arms wrap around me, and he pulls my naked body against him. The bulge that is poking my tummy is a clear sign that he likes what he’s seeing. I reach down and gently caress his hardness. He moans but moves my hand away.

  “Not tonight,” he repeats.

  “Why not?” I ask, looking up at him with longing eyes. “I want you.”

  He looks down at me. His expression is sad again, still overshadowed by that monster.

  “I am tired,” he says simply.

  “You don’t seem to be,” I argue, stroking across his pants again.

  “Trust me, I am,” he says.

  He bends down to me, and we kiss. A long, passionate kiss that only increases my hunger for him. I see that the timing may be odd, but I crave him so much that it drives me mad. I would wish for nothing more than his touch right now. I wish he would find his release with me. Have his way with me.

  “That’s too bad,” I whisper after our kiss ends. “I really need you…”

  He smiles. “Another time.”

  So, instead of playing we just get ready for bed and fall asleep cuddling shortly after.

  ~~~

  I am woken up after what feels like just a few minutes since I fell asleep. A voice. Someone is talking right next to me. Of course, it is Cedric. I sleepily turn around to him, still a bit disoriented, to find him lying on his back, frantically talking to himself.

  Even after I have gathered myself enough to listen and try to understand him, I cannot make out what he is saying.

  But he seems stressed, drenched in sweat and frantically talking like he did when I saw him walking up and down in the living room at night.

  He must be having a bad dream.

  “Cedric,” I whisper, unsure whether it would be wise to wake him up.

  He doesn’t react, but just continues his erratic rambling. I can see his face in the light that is sneaking in through the slightly opened curtains. We never fully close them at night because we are so far up high that no one would be able to peek into our bedroom anyway. Besides, I enjoy the moonlight that sometimes lightens up our room with its mystical luminescence.

  We almost have a full moon tonight, too. Cedric’s face is bathed in it, so I can clearly see the droplets of sweat that are running down his temples. He contorts his face as if he was in pain, throwing his head left and right while he continues to ramble incomprehensible words.

  “Cedric,” I repeat, placing my hand on his chest.

  I hate to see him in pain like this, but I have heard before that waking people up in such a situation might not be a good idea.

  Or is it?

  “Cedric!”

  I can feel his heart beating beneath my hand. His pulse is speeding incredibly.

  I have to wake him up.

  “Cedric,” I whisper close to his ear. “Cedric, wake up.”

  I flinch in surprise when he suddenly opens his eyes, accompanied by a loud gasp.

  “It’s all good,” I whisper, gently stroking his chest. “I’m here. You were having a bad dream.”

  He turns around and looks at me, but he appears to see right through me.

  I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on his cheek. He is glowing with heat.

  “It’s all good,” I repeat. “I’m here.”

  “Renee,” he whispers.

  I smile, relieved.

  He still stares at me, but his eyes seem clearer now. His disorientation is replaced by realization.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You were havin
g a bad dream… Are you okay?”

  He looks at me for a few more moments before he finally nods.

  “Yes,” he whispers. “Come here.”

  I let out a sound of surprise as he reaches for me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close for a kiss. One of his hands wanders down to my behind, grabbing my ass and pulling me even closer, so that I almost lie on top of him as our tongues intertwine greedily. I am still a bit drowsy, but his passionate kiss makes it easy to wake fully up.

  I am not surprised when his hand moves further, slipping into my pajama pants and quickly surpassing any fabric that is set against him. He parts my folds and starts caressing my clit with one finger. I moan, interrupting our kiss to throw my head back. If he did this to check if I was ready for him, we now both know that I am.

  “Mine,” he hisses as he lets a finger slide inside of me.

  He grabs my hair at the back of my head and pulls my head back, still caressing my clit with one finger while the other is jammed inside of me.

  “All mine,” he repeats. “My good girl.”

  He plants greedy kisses on my exposed throat. Soon, these kisses turn into bites. I yelp in pain when he starts sucking on my skin so strongly that it hurts. His bite only grows deeper when I try to push him away, and his grip gets tighter as I start convolving.

  “Ouch, Cedric it-”

  “Sorry,” he gasps after releasing my skin. “This one is for me.”

  He rolls me around on my back and quickly gets on top of me, pulling my shorts down with so much force that I hear them rip. He is rock hard and shoves himself inside of me with one brute push.

  I arch my back and welcome him with a deep moan. He feels so big, so much harder than usual.

  He starts thrusting in and out of me with brute force, holding me by the hips. I am still wearing my shirt, but it gets pushed upwards with every thrust. Eventually, Cedric lifts it up completely, hastily pulling it over my head and cupping my breasts as they bounce beneath his brutes shoves.

  I yelp when he takes my nipple between his thumbs and index fingers and squeezes them without consideration. Fiery pain cuts through my sensitive breasts, and with it a sizzling sting that seemingly travels across my belly to the core, where he is still jamming in and out of me relentlessly.