The Life of Ely

by Jason L. McWhirter

  “Sorry,” Jeff said as he stood next to Ely, looking out at the tranquil waters of the bay. “Friends don’t let friends rot away.”

  “How did you know I was here?”

  “Your mom told me.”

  Ely got up and put his shoes back on. “I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Come on, Ely. You have to move on. We all do.”

  “I don’t have to do anything,” Ely snapped as he finished tying his shoes.

  “It’s been over a month. You hardly go to school anymore, your grades have got to be falling, and you’ve withdrawn from everyone.”

  “Who gives a shit? I never talked to anyone before. Why does it matter now? I doubt anyone is missing me.”

  “If that were true I wouldn’t be here. Cisco and John both ask about you. And Amanda keeps bugging me as well. She says you’re not returning her phone calls and you’re avoiding her at school.”

  Ely sighed wearily, “I can’t deal with any of that right now. Can’t I just be alone and think without being bugged?” Ely turned his back to Jeff and gazed vacantly at Mt. Rainer, unmoved by its grandeur.

  “I know how you felt about him, Ely. I miss him too.”

  Ely quickly turned around and stepped toward Jeff. “No you don’t! You have no idea what he meant to me! You don’t know what it’s like to be beat up by your father. To be constantly told by your own flesh and blood that you’re a worthless piece of shit! You start to believe it after a while. Mr. Seljin made me feel like I was somebody, like I had something to offer. You’ve always been somebody, the popular kid, the great athlete. You can’t know how I feel.”

  Jeff sighed. “I’m sorry, Ely. I really am. But you’re wrong. Just because I haven’t experienced what you went through, doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. He was a father figure to me as well, something I too have never had. I miss him just as much as you. Everyone does.”

  This time it was Ely’s turn to sigh, as Jeff’s words began to sink in, penetrating the wall of anger and self-pity that Ely had built around himself. He shook his head and looked away. “I’m sorry, Jeff. I know you’re right. Besides, you’re the last person I should be angry at.”

  Jeff walked over and stood next to him and together they looked out over the bay. “It’s okay, Ely.”

  “I wish he had been my father,” Ely whispered. “I’d rather have had him for a father even if he had to die, than to have my real father…who’s still alive,” he added bitterly. “I just miss him. I feel so empty.”

  “I know. Me too.” Jeff looked at Ely. “You know, it’s funny, but I keep hearing him yell things in my head.”

  “Me too.” Ely smiled, remembering all the catch phrases that Mr. Seljin was so fond of.

  “How about this one. ‘Pain is temporary. Pride is forever’.”

  Ely laughed. “Yup, that was one of his favorites. I like this one. ‘Square wheels stack fine but they don’t roll worth a damn.’”

  “I still don’t even know what that means,” Jeff snorted. “What about this one, ‘Mess with the best…’”

  “…get pinned like the rest,” they said in unison, laughing together. Ely paused a moment, then added, “I think my favorite is a question he asked me once. ‘How do you know what you’re capable of if you don’t ever test yourself?’ ” “That sounds like something he would say.”

  That’s when it clicked for Ely. That’s when he knew what he needed to do. He would test himself, he would find out what he was truly capable of. Ely didn’t say anything, he just smiled, new energy lighting up his face. He felt as if he were suddenly released from a prison, the one he had built around himself, the walls of despondency broken by a new resolve.

  “What is it?” Jeff asked, sensing the change in Ely.

  “Nothing. A work in progress. I’ll tell you later. Thanks for coming out here.”

  “No problem. Are you ready to come and join the living?”

  Ely didn’t respond. He just looked out at the beautiful sunset. The sun had nearly disappeared behind the trees and it was getting dark. But the sun wasn’t giving up so easily. Bright pink tendrils stretched across the darkening sky, casting shimmering shards of light across the calm waters of the bay. “I find it so peaceful here,” Ely said, as he watched the final play of light give way to night.

  “Will you hold me?” Jeff asked, his voice dramatically plaintive.

  Ely elbowed Jeff in the side. “Shut up.”

  They stood for a while, both immersed in the peaceful beauty of their surroundings, and lost in their own thoughts and images of Mr. Seljin. But now they were smiling, and Ely, for the first time since his death, felt like he was going to get through it.

  Four Months Later

  A rhythmic clanking sounded from Ely’s barn. It was an early July morning and despite the rising sun the air was still brisk with the chill of night. The barn sat in a field, hugged by thick patches of tall grasses and weeds, its large double door ajar. The old barn had seen better days. Only remnants of its red paint remained, chipped and peeling over the worn gray of the exposed cedar. Rays of sunlight broke through cracks in the wood, casting fingers of golden light that danced inside like a laser show.

  One such beam of light illuminated the rhythmic movement of Ely’s dumbbells as he repeatedly lifted them up and down from an inclined bench, the heavy metal plates crashing together loudly as Ely brought the dumbbells together at the top of the extension. An old worn wrestling mat lay splayed across the barn floor. In the corner a hundred pound punching bag swayed lazily back and forth, remnants of kinetic energy left from Ely’s recent bag work.

  And that was just part of Ely’s daily Routine. Every morning he would get up, eat a bowl of steel cut oats with honey, and wash it down with cold water. Then he would go into the barn to work out. His workout usually consisted of two minutes on the punching bag followed by a set with the dumbbells, or sit-ups, push-ups, or pull-ups, followed again by another two minutes on the bag. His sets were always to burn out, until he couldn’t do anymore. He would do this for thirty minutes before he spent another thirty minutes shadow wrestling on the mat. He generally would start off slow, moving through various moves as if he were wrestling a shadow, focusing on the precise movements that would make the move perfect. Then he would pick up the pace until he could do the move so quickly that it became second nature. After thirty minutes of this he would go for a run. At first he could only run a mile before he had to stop. But that was three months ago. He was now up to three miles a day and his goal was to be up to five miles a day by the end of the summer.

  Jeff had been working with him as well. A couple days a week Jeff would come over and they would work together on various moves. Ely still outweighed Jeff by a hundred pounds, but it didn’t really matter. Jeff was so adept, and so strong, that he was able to work on proper movement and positioning despite the weight difference. On the days when Ely wanted the experience of actually wrestling someone, they would bring Cisco over.

  It was difficult at first for Ely to maintain this new regimen. The early mornings, the new diet, the workouts….his mind and body didn’t always want to cooperate. He would often wake up sore and tired and it took all of his willpower to force himself out of bed to do it all over again. On the mornings when he felt like quitting, he would just look up at the ceiling and read the quote that he had posted there…How do you know what you’re capable of if you don’t ever test yourself? And that was all it took.

  Maintaining his diet proved to be the hardest part of his training. Luckily his mother wanted to be a part of it. She not only supported him, but she joined him on his diet. It helped Ely tremendously knowing that they were doing it together. Ely read book after book about health and nutrition, and once he felt like he knew everything there was to know, he created a diet plan for them both. After a week he was already tired of tuna and spinach salads, egg white and spinach omelets, dry unsalted chicken breast, and plain old water. But after a month he had lost thirty
pounds, and his mother had lost fifteen. Then it started getting easier. He was feeling better, stronger, healthier, and his body was adapting to the workouts.

  As his body got healthier, so did his mind. He had rekindled his relationship with Amanda, and although they had been taking things slowly, and he didn’t really know the exact status of their relationship, he did know that they were more than friends. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he was afraid to take it any further, the risk of rejection ever present in his mind.

  Amanda was content for now to take things slowly as well. She gave him some space, concerned that too much pressure might push him away. And with the combination of their own idiosyncratic insecurities, it was no wonder that their relationship was moving at a snail’s pace. It was also clear to Amanda that Ely was on a mission, and the last thing she wanted to do was throw emotional and hormonal wrenches at him while he was concentrating on his goal, to make the varsity wrestling team and place in the state tournament. That was his goal, a promise he had made to Mr. Seljin, and to himself, and Amanda did not want to be the distraction that got in his way. Besides, she would rather just let the pieces fall where they may than force something that possibly wasn’t meant to be. But the hard part was that she felt maybe it was meant to be. She thoroughly enjoyed his company and there was no other guy that she wanted to be with. They hung out often, spending evenings doing homework, running together on the weekends, or just relaxing at her house to a movie. But they had yet to kiss, let alone take their ‘friendship’ to the next level. But she felt that he was worth the wait.

  The summer was a blur of activity, days filled with running, lifting, wrestling, working at the book store, and hanging out with Amanda or Jeff and the guys. By the end of August Ely had lost nearly fifty pounds and he was weighing in at 215. He had to admit, he was looking pretty good. He was still big mind you, but not BIG, and the thought of putting on a singlet was no longer anathema to him. And not only was he a lot stronger, but Jeff and Cisco had taught him a lot over the summer. With his improved skills, increased energy, strength, and stamina, he was beginning to feel that he just might win some matches. But the most important result of all his efforts was the fact that he was gaining some confidence. He was no longer the pessimistic fat kid who loved to host his own pity parties, as Jeff loved to call them.

  When wrestling season started his senior year, Ely had never felt such a strong dichotomy of emotions. On the one hand he was dreading the day, knowing full well that his thoughts would inevitably drift to Mr. Seljin. How could they not? He couldn’t even hear a coach’s whistle and not think of him. The smell of a wrestling mat, everything about the sport, stirred up memories that were constant reminders of Mr. Seljin’s absence. But on the other hand he was excited to start practice. He was ready to test himself, to put his hard work into action and see what he was made of. The start of wrestling season was definitely a double edged sword. For although the memories carried with them a sense of loss, they were also a source of inspiration, a way to honor Mr. Seljin by helping him focus on his goal.

  That first day of practice came and went more quickly than Ely had expected. The entire day was an amalgam of sounds and emotions. And he wasn’t the only one experiencing the poignancy of the day. It was hard for most of the wrestlers to imagine the start of the season without Mr. Seljin. But they were lucky to have Mr. Jackson, their assistant coach, take over the program. He was a good guy, well liked and respected, and he made the transition much easier. He was an experienced wrestler in his own right, and had learned a lot from Mr. Seljin, running practices the same, and using similar techniques as his predecessor. As it turned out, it wouldn’t be the first day of wrestling that would pose a problem for Ely. It would be the first day of challenges, an event that brought Ely more anxiety than he had wished.

  When the first morning of challenges came, he awoke early, ready to tackle the day and the ensuing emotions head on. He jumped out of bed, quickly dressed, then went into the kitchen where his mom was preparing breakfast for both of them, an omelet made with egg whites, turkey sausage, low-fat cheese, and spinach. He chased it all down with a hot mug of green tea and honey, then proceeded to pack his lunch, a healthy meal of chicken breast, rice, and more spinach, in the form of a salad.

  Like Ely, his mother was also showing the benefits of the changes they had each made in their diets. She was down to a hundred and eighty pounds, fifty pounds lighter than her previous weight. Her face had thinned out, revealing more of her bone structure. She smiled more and moved with a lively bounce that displayed her new found energy and sense of purpose.

  Jeff would arrive in a half an hour to pick him up, so Ely kissed his mom on the cheek, grabbed his bag, and ran into the barn for some quick sets on the bench. The barn was a place of solace for Ely. It had been his sanctuary, his healing place, and every time he opened the rickety double doors a sense of peace came over him. The smell of the mat, the sound of the dumbbells clinking together, the creaking noise the bag made as it swayed back and forth…those were the sounds that gave him a sense of serenity. It was here where he had begun to heal.

  A honking horn interrupted Ely’s flat bench rep and he heaved the heavy bar back into its resting place with a grunt. He sat up and looked around the barn. “Here we go,” he whispered to himself. Then he grabbed his backpack and headed outside.

  Jeff was there in his Honda and Ely leaped into the passenger seat. Ely looked at Jeff and Jeff looked back at him, his expression serious, but there was a slight upward curve at the corners of his lips which belied his stoic look. “You ready to do this?”

  “Yup. I’m ready.”

  “Good,” Jeff said as he pressed the gas pedal down and tore out of the driveway, leaving a trail of dust in the air behind him.

  “What were you doing in the barn?” Jeff asked.

  “Just a quick workout.”

  “At six thirty in the morning? The day of your big challenge?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  “Yep.”

  Jeff paused and smiled. “You’re the man.”

  “I think I’m ready. I must admit, I’m pretty nervous to take on Adam. But I’ve got to make varsity this year. My plan won’t work if I can’t do that.”

  “You’ll beat him. You’ve worked really hard, and besides, Cisco said you’ve gotten better than Adam.”

  “I know he’s said that, but that’s just it, he might just be saying it to make me feel better, maybe make me feel more confident.”

  “No way. Besides, don’t forget I’ve wrestled you as well, and I’ve seen Adam wrestle. You’re better than him. Ely, he’s not that good. He’s just big, strong, and intimidating. Once you get past that, and use the skills you’ve learned, you’ll kick his ass.”

  “You really think so?”

  “Yup.” Jeff grinned and slapped the steering wheel in excitement. “Oh man, I can’t wait to see his face when you beat him. It’s going to be priceless.”

  Ely looked out the window as he digested Jeff’s words. After a minute or so he looked back at Jeff. “Hey, Jeff, do you think I could ever win state?”

  Jeff didn’t answer right away. “I don’t know, Ely. It’s a lofty goal. But here is what I do know. There is no way you could’ve worked any harder than you have. So whether you beat Adam, whether you make it to state, whether you place at state, whether you win state…none of that really matters. What matters is that whatever happens you can rest assured in knowing that you did your best. Do I think you can win state? Why not? Anything is possible when you apply determination, hard work, and steadfast will, and you seem to have all three traits in great quantities.”

  “Damn, dude, have my linguistic skills rubbed off on you? You sound downright pedantic.”

  “Downright what?”

  Ely laughed. “Never mind. Thanks, Jeff, I appreciate the vote of confidence. Now let’s stop talking and crank up some tunes. You have any Mozart or Bach?” Ely asked smiling, knowing full well he did no
t.

  “Yeah, right. How about some White Zombie?”

  They both smiled as Jeff leaned over and turned up the volume. The heavy metal rhythm blared as they both sang along, shaking their heads and pounding on the dashboard to the beat. They drove on, enjoying the camaraderie of their early morning ritual, its familiar sounds and movements dissolving any remnants of Ely’s anxiety.

  But when Ely got to school, he could hardly concentrate on anything other than the upcoming challenges. He went from class to class, barely conscious of the lessons. He had to beat Adam. If he didn’t earn the varsity spot there was no way he could make it to the state tournament, let alone win it. One step at a time he kept telling himself as his mind jumped to the future where he couldn’t help imagining himself wrestling at the state tournament in the Tacoma Dome, or standing at the podium holding his first place bracket. He knew it was dangerous to think too far ahead. He had to focus on making varsity, and not get distracted by what might happen afterward. He spent all day locked in this mental battle, trying to keep himself from thinking too far ahead, while forcing himself to focus on all the hard work he had done over the last six months and how he would beat Adam, step by step, round by round. He thought about everything he had learned from Mr. Seljin, and mentally reviewed the general plan that Jeff and Cisco had helped him devise to beat Adam. By the end of the day that plan had completely occupied his thoughts. But when the challenge came, no amount of preparation could keep the nerves at bay.

  Seventy three wrestlers were lined up against the wall in a stacked weight line. The lightweights were on one end while the heavyweight wrestlers were on the other end. Coach Jackson addressed everyone while their assistant coach, Lars Anders, stood behind him. Lars was short and stocky, with a wrestler’s physique. It was easy to tell that at one point he had probably been a pretty formidable wrestler, but now, in his mid-forties, he had added a bit of excess weight to his sturdy frame. And although he looked as if thirty seconds on the mat would do him in, he was knowledgeable and everyone really seemed to like him.