Dead, Sweet Boy (Book One - Dead, Sweet Series)

by Susan MacQuoid

  It was strange the way she put it, saying that the girls were there to torture me. “What am I going to do?”

  “Girl, you need to start thinking about making it through this, you know, find the light at the end of the tunnel.”

  “What?”

  The door to the bathroom flung open, exposing my naked body to one of LaKisha’s angry roommates. I jumped to grab the towel I had just taken off and wrapped it around my nakedness as quickly as I could.

  “Look what we have here,” the girl snapped. “You two want to be alone?” she asked. The girl looked tough, and angry. I was pretty sure she could take me. LaKisha stood from her seat on the toilet stool, and faced the girl with her chest all pushed out. Lucy, who had followed me, growled like she was going to attack. I wished that she would.

  “Get out of here!” LaKisha yelled.

  “Oh, I will. I’m sure Miss Day will love to know about your girlfriend. Two guys weren’t enough for her, huh? What kind of slut are you?”

  LaKisha slammed the door shut. “We’ve got trouble. She’s going to go right to Miss Day.”

  “We weren’t doing anything.”

  “It won’t matter. I’m sure she’ll add a lot to the story. It’s against the rules for us to be in the bathroom together.”

  I stepped into the shower. If there was going to be a confrontation with the adults, I wanted to get myself clean. LaKisha left the bathroom. There were voices outside, sometimes loud enough for me to understand. When I heard Clay’s voice and Bobby’s along with Miss Day’s, I completely freaked out. It was the quickest shower of my life, as I felt sure my nakedness, was about to be exposed again.

  “Sunny?” Miss Day knocked on the door.

  “Just a minute,” I answered as I dressed my wet body.

  The whole house was up and witnessing the events. When I exited the bathroom, the adults led us downstairs away from prying ears and eyes. Small favors.

  “You are causing quite a stir around here Sunny,” Miss Day started.

  “I didn’t have any soap or shampoo,” I tried to defend. “That’s all that happened.”

  “It’s against the rules for girls to be alone together in the bathrooms or anywhere,” she stated. “I think you can understand that. You can’t take showers together.”

  My face went completely red. I was being accused. Me. The eternal virgin. How embarrassing. When Clay snickered under his breath, my eyes darted in his direction. He smiled.

  “We weren’t taking a shower together,” I defended.

  “I suppose LaKisha’s wet hair is a coincidence?” Clay asked. “It’s just nasty Sunny. It’s wrong for girls to take a shower together. Now if you got caught with a guy? Well I might be a little lenient.” He laughed again, louder.

  First of all, it was hard to tell that her hair was wet. If it wasn’t for the wet spot on the neck of the gray t-shirt she was wearing, no one would have known it was wet. I was furious that he was part of the accusation. I couldn’t help but think about the times that Claudia and I had showered together. My first reaction to showering with even girls was that it was wrong. I felt so ashamed and guilty. But it was only the tip of the iceberg. If they knew about the other stuff, the Mack stuff. Well it made me shutter. He went on.

  “So now you know the rules. I say there’s no harm done on Sunny’s part, because she didn’t know. But LaKisha knows better, don’t you LaKisha? You know it’s wrong. That kind of action is against the rules.”

  He was so crude, and the closest person I had as a confidant looked terrified. I stepped forward to defend her, but before I could, Clay added, “It’s hard to ask girls who have been sexually active to ignore those urges, and personally, I don’t see anything wrong with it. But the rules are there for a reason.”

  “Nothing like that happened. She just tried to help me. That’s all,” I defended. My words were aimed at Bobby, hoping he might come to my aid. All he did was look down.

  “Clay is right,” Miss Day conceded. “You know better LaKisha. Sunny, go on up to your room and go to sleep.”

  “No, what about LaKisha? She shouldn’t get in trouble for helping me,” I said, moving closer to the girl and taking her hand. She gave me a little squeeze, and her colors showed appreciation, and acceptance.

  “Sunny, do what you’re told,” Bobby spoke up. “Go on. Go to your room. LaKisha is going to get a lecture and the two of you will have to stay away from each other. That’s all. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  I did what I was told, after LaKisha’s colors told me that she was fine. The lights were on in my dorm room, and my roommates could hardly wait for me to return. The first thing they did was laugh. Next they chided, trying to get me to react. I was in no mood.

  “I’ll bet it was a real let down for Clay and Bobby to find out that she does girls,” Vicky said.

  I pulled back the covers to my bed to find it filled with horse dung. “Very funny,” I said. The bedding was ruined, so I stripped it from my bed and walked it over to the window. It took me awhile to get the screen off before I emptied the contents of my sheets to the night below.

  “What the frick!” escaped from my mouth. Down below, they both stood looking up at me. So, emptying a sheet full of horse crap would most likely get the attention of anyone below, but it startled me to see them both there, standing side by side. “What are you looking at,” I yelled down. “Is it against the rules to shake horse shit out of my bedding?”

  My roommates ran to their own beds and turned out the light. Most likely ready to pretend they were asleep if anyone came up to investigate. I threw my bedding over by the door and got into my bed with nothing to cover myself with. Lucy jumped up and curled up at my feet. I was exhausted, but unfortunately not exhausted enough to not have a nightmare.

  Below the window, the horse dung I shook from my sheets, hit both Clay and Bobby. The two accused each other of the flying dung and started to fight. It was horrible. A cage appeared, getting their attention, and without any concerns or questions they both entered the cage with the intent to win. It was a death match and I was being forced to watch.

  First Bobby went down, with a blow from Clay’s powerful leg. Once he was down, Clay held his fists together and jumped like a ball of hate on top of Bobby, crushing his face with his mighty fists. Clay overreached the next intended blow, allowing his opponent to achieve a position of power. Again, the blows.

  When I winced, I realized that Lucy was barking at me and not them. Her colors were so strong; I could almost hear words forming in the bark. She wanted me to do something to stop the fight and the fight was over me.

  How was I supposed to stop them? I got up and started screaming for them to stop. Behind me a chorus of voices chanted, “Choose, choose, choose.” The voices were coming from the other girls at the ranch, and at least half of them were enjoying the fight. Their eyes were frenzied by the violence.

  My screams could hardly be heard over the chants, and the more I screamed, the less I was able to take the violence. Blood was everywhere in the cage, and my head felt like it was going to explode. I collapsed. In my head I tried to summon music to express my fears, but there wasn’t any. That’s when I became certain the farm or whatever it was had sucked the music right out of me.

  I could hear people surround me, but I couldn’t move. They were poking me and examining my whole body. The feeling was that I was dead in their view, and there was nothing I could do to let them know I was alive. My eyes wouldn’t blink or open, and my limbs didn’t seem to belong to me. The light in the room seemed to fade, and next I heard Bobby’s and Clay’s voices, arguing over what to do with me. The pain in my head was excruciating.

  “Give her the shot,” Bobby’s voice said.

  “You’re just prolonging the inevitable,” Clay argued.

  Quietly the girls from the ranch, chanted again for me to choose.

  “She can’t take the pain anymore,” Miss Day said. “It isn’t against the rules to a
lleviate her pain. It would be cruel not to help her.

  “Do it!” Bobby shouted, and I was grateful for what came next. First the small prick of the needle and then the pain was gone. I was gone.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy

  And all this talk of Jesus coming back to see us

  Couldn’t fool us

  For we were spinning out our lines walking the wire

  Hand in hand went music and the rhyme

  The Captain and the Kid stepping in the ring

  From here on sonny, sonny, sonny, it’s a long and lonely climb

  (Elton John’s, Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy)

  Missy’s voice came from the distance to wake me. My petite roommate seemed panicked that I wouldn’t get up.

  “Let me try,” Vicky ordered. The fat one pushed her weight on my shoulders and shook me. “Get up Sunny! You’re gonna get us all in trouble.”

  Don’t they know I can’t move my body?

  I heard one of them angrily walk away and come back. The shock of cold water hit my face and body, causing me to leap out of my bed, to my feet.

  “You have exactly five minutes to be downstairs,” Missy snapped. “Your turn to help cook breakfast. If you’re late, we all get in trouble.”

  I scurried around the room the best I could, getting dressed and struggling to balance myself wasn’t easy. The two girls barked out orders, “Put your pants on, and brush that rat’s nest.” I was having a hard time just standing, but I made it down to the kitchen just in time. Not late. A relief.

  As I scrambled eggs and buttered toast, the events of the night before came back to me. It was hard to decipher the dream from reality, but one thing was obvious. I would be better off if I stayed away from everyone. When breakfast was ready and served, I took mine out on the back porch to eat.

  Lucy played in the yard, and I watched as she chased a butterfly. She made me smile and then laugh. When she gave up, she plopped down at my feet, on the bottom step. I put my plate down for her to finish. She licked it clean.

  This was the dog I killed. And even though she started out hating me, or wanting to tear my throat out, it was certain she was my dog now. I rubbed her back with my bare foot and whispered my apologies. “I’m so sorry Lucy. I didn’t mean to do it. You’re the best dog in the world.” She turned her head and gave my ankle a lick. It was like she understood.

  I did check to make sure that LaKisha was seated at the breakfast table before going outside. The combination of the accusations and the strange dream, made me paranoid. The ranch wasn’t your ordinary detention center, so who knows what could happen when the rules were broken. I was feeling hopeless and uncertain about the future. Somehow I had fallen off the earth and landed at the Rainbow Ranch. It might as well have been Mars.

  Despair is a powerful emotion. Almost powerful enough for me not to feel the vibration of my phone, followed by Crazy Train.

  “Hello,” I whispered, not knowing who was on the other end. Now the display wasn’t working.

  “You have to get through this Sunny,” it was Rick.

  “Rick! Oh it’s you. Rick.”

  “I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t make it.”

  “I’ll make it, oh thank you for calling me. I’ve missed you guys so…”

  “Just focus Sunny. Don’t let him take you away from me.”

  “What? What are…?” Did he know about Bobby, or was it Clay that made me feel like I was cheating?

  “Please come back Sunny. I can’t live without you. Don’t let Mack keep you away from me.”

  “I don’t know where…”

  “I swear, I can’t take this…”

  The phone cut out again. Someone opened the back door. I slid the phone into my back pocket and picked up my plate. It was Clay.

  “Having a sentimental moment?” he asked. I panicked, thinking he knew about the phone and heard me talking. “You had a hard night; I guess you deserve a moment to yourself. But the best advice is to forget it and go forward.”

  “I just got up for God’s sake. I’m not thinking about anything, except clearing my head.” My voice was bitter. It betrayed the nonchalant air I had hoped to own.

  His smile mocked me. “That a girl,” he winked. “It’ll make it easier to deal with that wedding you have to help cater today. When you get back, I’ll take you for a ride.”

  “What are you going to do? Drive me out further in the country and dump me?”

  “Sounds like you’re waking up. Good. You’ll need to be clear for your first riding lesson. You’re way behind the other girls, so I’m going to have to give you individual attention.”

  “Great, like I’m not already getting enough attention.”

  Clay laughed. “If you’re going to play the bitch Sunny, you should dress the part. Or at least brush your hair. Otherwise you come off sounding like an angry little girl.”

  My faced filled with the warmth of color, and I didn’t have a response. What can a girl say when a guy points out that she looks like hell? It was a comment I didn’t need. One word from him shot my confidence completely.

  “You are a beautiful young woman. Quit letting your head get the best of you. Time is short and it’s going to pass whether you get it together or not. Can’t you see that? Make the best of this situation.”

  “How?” I really wanted to know.

  “Just stick with me. I’ll help you.”

  “Well unless you can blink your eyes and make this all go away, I don’t see how you can help me.”

  “You might be surprised what I can do. But you have to trust me.”

  I wanted him to stop talking. His voice was pulling me away from my fresh conversation with Rick. But Rick wasn’t with me. For all I knew, he didn’t have a clue where I was. Clay was right in front of me and I think, offering to help me.

  “I want to, trust you.”

  “Good. That’s the right step. We’ll talk later. You better go and get ready for your catering gig.”

  As I stood to my feet, I realized how easily I was swayed by this guy. It made me wonder what Rick would look like, standing next to him. Probably, he would look like a little boy, and it made me feel guilty. My Rick had just tried to call, and now Clay was overpowering all of those feelings. Before another word could be exchanged between us, I walked into the house, deposited my licked clean plate in the sink, and avoided everyone. Especially Bobby, who wanted to dress my wound again.

  Up in the bathroom to my dorm room, I did what I could with my hair, by wetting it and running my fingers through the tangled locks of curls. When LaKisha appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, with the first aid kit, I was more than startled. Our encounter in the bathroom the night before made me want to push her out of the room.

  “Are you okay,” she whispered.

  “You’re going to get us in trouble.”

  “Bobby sent me up. Everyone else is cleaning and packing the vans with food and water for the road crews.”

  I shook my head and sighed. “Wasn’t Bobby part of the judge and jury group last night? Why would he send you up here? Maybe he wants to get us both in trouble again.”

  “He said that you wouldn’t let him take care of your wound, and sent me up to do it.”

  “Well wasn’t that nice of him,” I said, sarcastically. “This place is nuts. He sends you up to the bathroom, just like last night. Am I going crazy?”

  “Shhh. There isn’t much time. Look at that bandage girl, it’s nasty.” LaKisha removed the dirty gauze from the wound and cleaned it before putting more antibiotic cream on it. Carefully, she taped new gauze to my face, and waited until she was finished before she talked. “Listen to me. I could get in the worst kind of trouble for saying this, but Sunny, you have to stay away from Clay. He’s the worst kind of trouble.”

  “Everything here is trouble. This is the weirdest experience.”

  “Focus Sunny and you’ll get it.
Don’t let him distract you. None of us were strong enough, but you can do this. I’m counting on you.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked. But before I could get an answer, she scurried out of the bathroom and down the stairs. When I tried to consider her haunting words, my head began to throb again. I was so thirsty and no one gave me the pills that helped with the colors. But then the colors weren’t quite so overpowering that morning, until that moment. Her choice of words were startling. At least the part where she told me to focus. It was what Rick had said, along with something about not letting him take me away from him.

  It was going to be hard, but my original plan to stay away from everyone was the safest. Somehow my time there needed to be spent like it was spent in the last place. As invisible as possible.

  The girls on the ranch traveled in different vans to our different places of service. In my van, I was the only one who wasn’t wearing black and white. The reason? I was directed to the dishwashing area. My service for the grand wedding was to wash all the dishes, with a guy who must have been old enough to be my grandfather.

  “I spect they didn’t want you out there with that big honk’n bandage on your face. What’d you do? Get in a knife fight or someth’n?”

  “Ha, funny. Hey, what town are we in?” I asked.

  “Nice try. It’s against the…”

  “Rules? I know.”

  Even the locals knew the rules better than I did. What a joke. No, I was the joke. The dishwasher was Jerry and he had a system. I washed all the dishes and he ran them through the sterilizer and put them away. As soon as we got a rhythm going, Jerry started to sing some old Blue Grass and mining type songs. He was good. And I told him so.

  “I would hope I was good, I’ve been singing for my supper for almost fifty years. Mostly I sing for nothing, but once in awhile it pays.”

  “Do you have a band?” I asked.