We walked really far and I was getting more and more comfortable with the rocking of the horse, and her response to the reigns. He took us to a huge pasture that had cattle in it. Clay dismounted and opened a gate. “Go ahead in.”
“With the cows?” I complained. “I don’t think so.”
“Yes, with the cows. Go on.”
“What if she’s afraid of the cows?”
“The horse doesn’t mind cows. She’s a cutting horse, and can handle a cow better than both of us put together. Go ahead in.”
“Frick, frick,” I said, as I did what I was told. When the gate was closed, he led the way again, right to the cattle. He showed me how on our mounts, we could make the cattle move out of our way. Angel didn’t flinch, even though I did.
“There’s a road on the other side of this pasture that’s perfect for your first trot.”
Why react? I was going to do it. I’d done everything else, and he was definitely in control of the lesson. So this time, instead of panicking, I did what I was told the first time. After mastering a trot and feeling a little less like a sack of potatoes, we moved on to a canter. The first time Angel broke into a run, I swear, it knocked the wind out of me. After the second time, I wanted to do it again, and then I let loose and the horse took me for the ride of my life. She was so fast and strong, it was like flying.
At first Clay thought she had taken off on me, or that I had dropped the reigns, but when he caught up, he could hear me laughing and whooping. Angel loved to run. Her colors were so beautiful when she ran. Pink, gold and green, shot from her body like fireworks. If I had colors they would match hers. My new passion was the horse. I was in love.
My coy was dropped completely with Clay, mostly because I was so grateful for the experience he took me through. So when we got off and walked the horses for awhile, I was just as comfortable with him as I was with the horse.
“You’re a natural cowgirl,” he laughed.
“I’m so happy I did it. To think, I would have gone my whole life without riding a horse if I didn’t come here. Small favors, huh?”
“It will help you pass the time around here, that’s for sure. You’ve passed with flying colors and will be able to take Angel out for a ride on your own soon.”
“Really?” It didn’t seem possible. Me, on my own with that beautiful animal? “I would be allowed to ride out here on my own?”
“Sure, after a few more lessons.”
That was something to look forward to. It’s so hard to describe the freedom I felt when we were running the horses. It was pure joy, mixed with excitement and release.
“If you want, I can make sure you’re assigned to the horse barn for your chores. I mean, who wants to deal with pigs?”
The face he made made me laugh. It was so true though. If given the choice to work with majestic horses or smelly pigs, anyone would choose the horses. “That would be great.”
“Then you and I can get to know each other better,” he added.
I looked down to hide the smile and color on my face. It was supposed to be me who was in control, but I wasn’t. Not even when I tried to remind myself that he only wanted to conquer me because of Bobby. It just didn’t seem true anymore.
“We have to get back,” he said, adding, “I have to give Vicky a lesson.”
“Oh, you do?” It was silly, but I felt a tinge of jealousy, just knowing that she was going to experience the same thing I had with him.
“Yeah, it’s a real test of my patience working with some of those girls. Vicky will never get out of the pasture at the rate she’s going.” It was a relief to know. I’m not sure why, but I didn’t want him to ride off with any of the other girls. He wasn’t my type, but he was exciting. Really? He was better than my type. Someone I was sure would never fall for me.
When he stepped close to me, and put one of his hands on my hip, I was sure he meant to kiss me. “Step up,” he said, offering me a boost.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, sucking in a deep breath. His touch made my thoughts swirl around with my feelings, and I wished he had real colors for me to see, even if they would hurt. I wanted to know how he really felt about me. I knew that Bobby seemed to care, but I got the feeling that Clay wanted me. It was a feeling that came from deep within me, somewhere even past my womanhood. I got the feeling he wouldn’t reject me.
After we rode for awhile, he broke the silence. “Why so quiet?”
My answer came in the form of a shrug of the shoulders.
“Don’t do that. I hate when people won’t tell me what they want to say. Be straight with me Sunny. Obviously something’s on your mind. If it wasn’t, it would be in your mouth.”
“People don’t always say what’s on their minds. If they did, there would be more fighting in the world.”
“So what? You want to fight with me? Is that it?” he laughed.
“Maybe.”
“You couldn’t take me.”
“You might be surprised. I might be a girly girl on the outside, but on the inside I’m more comfortable with guys.”
“So you’re one of those girls hey? The kind that expects her boyfriend to put up with a bunch of guy friends? The right kind of boyfriend will put an end to that,” he hinted.
“I guess I wouldn’t know about that. I’ve barely had a boyfriend, and definitely haven’t had the right one,” I said shyly. He seemed thrilled by my answer, and like a little girl, I giggled. What an idiot.
“Oh, so you’re that kind of girl. A good girl. I’m going to make a prediction about you. Want me to tell your fortune?”
“Right. Now you’re a fortune teller.”
“No, just a man.” It was right that he called himself a man, but to hear those words, frightened me a little. What was I doing? I wasn’t any match for him. In my limited experience, I wasn’t finished with boys yet. He wasn’t much older than the boys I’d dated, but he was a man.
“So, do you want to hear it? My prediction?”
“Will it hurt?” Oh my God. What a stupid thing to say.
“Love always hurts Sunny. It can make you want to die. I predict you’re the kind of girl who will fall hard when you fall,” he laughed.
“That’s funny?”
“No, that’s love.”
He sounded like he was talking from experience, so I asked, “Have you ever been in love before?”
“Yes, but I don’t really like to talk about it. I lost her almost a year ago. You see…” he struggled a little, “she died from cancer.”
Before I could speak, a very large sigh came from my body. “I’m so sorry. I know what that’s like.”
“I thought you were never in love before,” he said softly.
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t lose someone I loved very much. He’s what went wrong with my life.”
“Wrong. Love isn’t wrong Sunny. It can’t be helped.”
The more we talked, the more I realized we had so much in common. His edginess came from his pain, like mine did. I could tell that whoever the girl was that he loved, changed his life when she left him. We were kin in that emptiness, it showed on his face. For a moment there, I saw some of myself in him or vise a versa.
“You know what?” I asked. “I’m so glad I decided to go riding with you.”
“Well I couldn’t tell until now. I’m glad we got to talk and that you can trust me.”
The truth was he had softened something inside of me. The part of me that wanted to play games with him to get off the ranch, decided to get to know him instead. Oh, I still wanted off the ranch, but not without knowing more about him. I was touched.
It was his idea to ride up on the ranch in a gallop, and it got everyone’s attention. We laughed and whooped it up as we rode in at full speed. I felt as if I had been riding for years. It was a snap, and it was my pleasure to take care of Angel before I put her away with some feed.
Clay and I joked and played while we groomed the horses. He didn’t seem the least bit concerned
with how it looked, or how it would affect his job. So I went with it, and for once I didn’t care what the other girls thought. Clay made me feel safe.
While we played and joked, he took an opportunity when no one was around to put his hand on my ass. When I swung around to snap at him, his face made me stop. I should have been angry but I wasn’t. He obviously had urges and it was me he wanted to touch. It felt bad. It felt great. I knew I was a conquest, but I also had illusions about the conquest lasting forever.
Later I learned there was an advantage to having them all think I was Clay’s bitch. I could read it in their colors. They were a little afraid of me. Being with Clay was a little powerful, even if we hadn’t made a real move at a relationship. For the next several days I worked alongside of him with the horses and when the chores were finished, I couldn’t wait to go riding with him. It was the best part of the whole day. The more we talked, the softer my heart was with him.
It was like a dance. Sometimes it was a waltz, while other times he would turn it into a Tango, catching me off guard with a suggestive comment or touch. I liked the surprise in it. I liked that little by little he seemed to be leading me into another stage of my womanhood. I got the feeling that with Clay I was going to walk past that innocent girl Claudia always accused me of being. I felt anticipation with him and I was letting him lead the dance.
“It’s great to have someone to ride with,” he said.
“You ride with everyone.”
“That’s work. This is different. It’s pleasure. I really enjoy our rides.”
“Me too. I look forward to this part of the day.”
He got really quiet, but looked like he wanted to say something. The part of me that trusted him, knew what was on his mind. It was on my mind too. It felt like ages since my attachment to Rick had been so big. Being with Clay made the people I missed fade some. I wanted him to love me. He was becoming more important than leaving the ranch. He was right about me falling hard, and my only hope was that he would catch me.
“What are you thinking about?” I pushed, hoping not to be disappointed. When he didn’t answer, I said, “Don’t tell me you’re that kind of guy.”
He laughed and asked, “What kind of guy?”
“Oh you know, the kind of guy who won’t say how he feels.”
“If I tell you what I’m feeling, it might change things forever. I could lose my job. I might scare the shit out of you too. Little girls should be careful around men.”
Lose his job? I hadn’t thought about that. Life at the ranch would be horrible without him around. “I can keep a secret,” I offered. Heat and blush filled my face at my boldness. I didn’t care if he noticed.
We were already on the lane back up to the horse barn. His eyes said so much to me, but he wouldn’t be able to confirm it with a touch or a kiss. There were girls in the barn, so he stopped me just outside to say, “We need to talk. Tonight we’ll go for a ride in the moonlight. Are you game?”
I nodded, but what I really wanted to do was put my arms around his neck and kiss him. My heart was pounding and the blood in my body flowed a little too hard through the parts that wanted him. He was all I wanted, and we would share our feelings that night in the moonlight. I was lost in my feelings for Clay. Before he walked away from me, he looked around and then put his hand on my breast. I gasped. He smiled. As he turned to go he gave it a pinch and I swear I almost fell to my knees. This was it. I was a goner.
At dinnertime, he and I were the only people talking. It was almost weird how quiet people were around us. They had to know. If they did, they didn’t say anything. There was hardly time to talk to anyone else when he was around, and he was always around.
LaKisha tapped my leg under the table with her hand. I looked at her, but she wouldn’t look back. Clay continued with a story about a crazy bull that had gotten lose, while LaKisha continued to try for my attention. I slipped my hand under the table where a tightly folded note was put in my hand. Luckily, I didn’t let on about the note. After dinner I went to the bathroom to read it.
Meet me in the horse barn after you’re finished with the dishes.
When I came out of the bathroom, I nodded at her to let her know that I would. When I was half finished with the dishes, I watched as LaKisha headed out to wait for me. It wasn’t an accident that I was the last person in the kitchen. The suspense was eating at me, even though I couldn’t imagine what she wanted and why she was being so secretive. Our bathroom incident had blown over even though she and I hadn’t talked for days.
My goal was to hurry up and see what she wanted. If I was going to go on that moonlit ride with Clay, a shower was in order. Quietly I slipped out the back door and headed to the horse barn. Angel was in the pasture still, grazing on a patch of clover. There was still time, Clay hadn’t saddled up the horses. The details of how I would know when he was ready weren’t clear. But I knew he was eager, so I wasn’t worried.
As I neared the door that led to the stalls, I heard a whimper coming from inside. A whimper first and then a man, groaning. Quietly, I went to the stall where the noises were coming from, and there they were. Clay and LaKisha. Her t-shirt looked as if it had been ripped from her body, and Clay was all over her.
“Please don’t,” she cried.
He didn’t listen. His hands reached for his belt to unfasten his pants. A flash caught my eye. It was light reflecting off his belt buckle. It wasn’t the first time I noticed the design on the buckle, but it was the first time it sank in. It was the same symbol Mack had on his medallion and it was the same as Linda’s tattoo. My first reaction was to run, but I couldn’t. LaKisha was helpless. Helpless because of the guy I was falling in love with. My stomach turned, but there wasn’t time to vomit.
“Stop it!” I yelled. “Don’t touch her.”
Clay swung around to see me standing there. At first he tried to get me to listen to him, while I grabbed a horse blanket and covered LaKisha up and took her hand. Clay blocked the door to the stall.
“Get out of my way you son of a bitch,” I yelled. “What kind of beast are you?”
The lie on his face turned to anger. That’s when Lucy appeared, out of nowhere, barking at Clay. It had been days since I had seen her. Somehow I had almost forgotten her. It was the poisonous lies. I shoved myself and LaKisha past his stunned stature. “You’ll never get out of here,” he called after me.
“I’m sorry Sunny. I know you were falling in love with him, but …”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Oh my God, I can’t believe I almost…”
“You wouldn’t be the first to fall for him.”
“What are you talking about? Who else?”
“Just about every girl here. I can’t talk about it.”
“What do you mean you can’t talk about it? We have to tell someone.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The dinner I had enjoyed with clay came up and out, and so did the tears. LaKisha pulled me off behind a tree near the house. “That bastard!” I cried.
“Forget about him,” LaKisha whispered. “You have to figure out how to get out of here.”
“What? How? You keep saying that. Oh my God, look at you. He beat you.”
“This isn’t your life Sunny. You don’t belong here. I’m counting on you. We’re all counting on you. I have to go, and I can’t say anymore.”
With that, she left me standing there by myself, oh with Lucy. All sorts of strange conspiracies swarmed through my head. I watched the barn for Clay. Part of me wanted to confront him, but what good would that do? Most likely he would turn his rage on me. I swore to myself that if he tried that stunt on me, I would kill him.
Clay came out of the barn carrying LaKisha’s torn t-shirt, and stood there still, looking up at the house. The keys must have been in his truck, because when he opened the door and threw the t-shirt in the truck, a dinging sound came from the truck. I watched until he got in and drove off. He didn’t seem nervous or in a hurry, making me wonder how many times
he had gotten away with what he tried to do that night. I could see him drive down the lane and turn onto the road from where I was standing. I wanted to run.
Chapter Twenty Two
Come Down in Time
Come down in time I still hear her say
So clear in my ear like it was today
Come down in time was the message she gave
Come down in time and I’ll meet you half way
(Elton John’s, Tumbleweed Connection)
My first thought was to get Angel and get out of there. I was so confused, as I ran to the pasture. Angel was happy to see me, and eager to go for another ride. At first I didn’t hear the truck, and when I did, it was too late to run and hide. I had the horse out of the pasture and was headed to the barn. I turned to take her back. There was no way I wanted to be trapped in that barn.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Bobby asked. “It’s going to be pitch black out here in a matter of minutes.”
Oh thank God it was Bobby. “Nowhere. I was going to put her away,” I said nervously.
“She’s fine in the pasture. It’s going to be a beautiful night. Angel prefers to be outside.”
“I’ll put her back then.”
“Where’s Clay?” he asked, as he looked around.
“He left a minute ago.”
“Left? With you still out here? What happened?”
“Nothing. I don’t know what you mean,” I lied. If I told him, I had no idea what would happen. None of the others were talking. There must have been a reason.
Bobby cocked his head to the side as if to study me. I looked down too fast. He took a couple of steps closer. “You’re shaking. What’s wrong?”
“I’m going back to the house.” There was no use lying, he was on to me. I was too shook up to act.
“Did he hurt you?” Bobby asked angrily. His nostrils flared and his lips tightened.
“Let’s just say that I know what he’s really like.”
He walked around me, examining me for any sign of damage. When he didn’t see any, he calmed down a little. “I wanted to warn you,” he whispered.
Dead, Sweet Boy (Book One - Dead, Sweet Series) Page 22