Dead, Sweet Boy (Book One - Dead, Sweet Series)

by Susan MacQuoid

  “This is so cool mom. I really am excited. It’s like a whole new house, really. I’m just a little tired. I didn’t expect to be so tired.”

  “Why don’t you guys relax in the media area and pick out a movie. I’ll make some snacks for you, and you can fall asleep if you want Sunny.”

  “That’s great mom, thanks. It’s so good to be home, really.”

  “What movie Sunny,” Claudia asked.

  “You pick,” I said, “I need to visit an old friend before I rest. My river is calling.”

  “I’ll take you,” Rick offered eagerly. His hand was outstretched and ready to take me.

  I limped over to my old guitar and picked it up. “Thanks, but this first visit has to be a private one. There’s a tune in my head I have to pick out.”

  He wanted to protest, they both did, but they let me go. If I sat on that cement dock, I would have been stranded, so I stood there and watched the water move slowly but powerfully. First I hummed the tune, until my hands felt right on the guitar. “This one’s for you Mack,” I whispered. As long as my legs could take it, I rounded out the tune until it felt the way I wanted it to, keeping the words I had in mind for a special time. A time that would come soon.

  My gang was watching me the whole time, I know they were. The minute I turned to go back to the house, they came running down to help me. Maybe they should have let me have some privacy, but I was grateful to hand over the guitar. It got heavier with every step.

  “I’m tired of being tired,” I complained.

  “Well you could have been normal and spent a few more months in the hospital,” Claudia reminded me. “You have to build yourself back up.”

  “You’re doing great,” Rick added, “it really is amazing. You have those doctors talking.”

  The couch was pulled out and the snacks were ready when we got back to the house. Mom looked tired, so I didn’t ask her about my father. Instead, we all sat together and quietly watched some cheerleading movie that Claudia picked out.

  “Who picked this movie?” My mother asked.

  “Claudia,” Rick tattled, “I think she has a deep desire to be a cheerleader.”

  “I’ve suspected as much,” I chided.

  “Hey they’re athletes. I think it’s awesome what they do.”

  “Mack would have liked this flick,” Rick noticed. “He loved cheerleaders.”

  I laughed so hard I almost blew pop out my nose, “Aha, your right. Mack would be drooling over this movie. Wait a minute, let me pick the girl, let’s see.” I scanned the squad of girls for the one Mack would have loved. “There she is!” I pointed.

  “Which one?” he asked. “The one second to the end on the right?” he paused the picture.

  “She would do in a pinch, but you forgot something.”

  “What?”

  “The boobs. The girl in the middle definitely.”

  “Naw, she’s a brunette.”

  “So were all the blondes he went out with,” I said, laughing so hard it was contagious. All of us laughed, even mom and Claudia. Rick put his arm around me and kissed my head.

  “He would be so mad at us,” Rick pointed out.

  “So what. Mack needs to lighten up a little,” I laughed again.

  “Sunny,” my mom scolded. “That’s not funny.”

  “It’s funny and it’s true mom. Mack has to lighten up.”

  “Amen!” Claudia agreed. “I didn’t know him, but anyone who throws pebbles at a house all night needs to lighten up.”

  “Oh geez, did you have to mention that?” my mother complained. “At least you aren’t watching a slasher film.”

  Even my mother started to laugh, when we all lost it at what she said. For a moment I thought about Mack coming again, and I wasn’t afraid. I knew better. I knew the truth.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  I Need You to Turn to

  Did you paint your smile on, well I said I knew

  That my reason for living was for loving you

  We’re related in feeling but you’re high above

  You’re pure and you’re gentle with the grace of a dove

  (Elton John’s, Elton John)

  The next morning was a start to a day of high maintenance. I was the one being maintained and with the therapy I need for my body and my mind, I was surprised that they let me out of the hospital at all. It was time consuming, boring and painful. All of my favorite things to avoid wrapped up in one. Even though I was healing miraculously the experts wanted me to stretch my healing self past its limits. Fun.

  “Let’s skip the psychiatrist and get pizza Claud,” I offered.

  “Are you trying to get me in trouble?” There wasn’t anything calm about her response.

  “For an independent girl, you are sure attached to my mother.”

  “I don’t want to blow it, and if I don’t take you where I’m supposed to, you’re going to make me blow it.”

  “Relax baby. If you want to really bond with my mom you have to make her worry once in awhile.”

  “Well you obviously need your head checked, because everyone who comes in contact with you orders you to go for therapy.”

  “You know it’s because they think I was dreaming. You believe me, don’t you?”

  “Of course, and hey, I got a hold of Mason and he’s interested. Of course he’s more interested in me. He was surprised you wanted to go through that again, but he’s game.”

  “Good, now all we have to do is talk to the priest.”

  “What about Rick?”

  “I’ll tell him, don’t worry.” My hand moved up to the scar on my face. What about Rick. There was an angel out there who needed my help. Mom wanted to make an appointment with a plastic surgeon, but my scar was the closest thing I had to connect with Bobby.

  “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him about everything. Like you told me.”

  “We’re almost there. So what should I do? Should I blow this one away with the truth, or just pull my usual no talking routine.” I had to change the subject. Rick was on my mind, and I was a mess about it.

  “Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to tell him everything. Hey Sunny? When he has you locked up, can I have your room? I really need an office.”

  “Shut up fool,” I smacked at her. “You didn’t just say that. You want my room, don’t you? Seriously?”

  Claudia laughed and said, “Maybe I should come in there with you, just in case you need help telling the whole story. I don’t want you to leave anything out.”

  Laughing about it with Claudia helped when I had to go in and face the new doctor. I expected another woman, who wouldn’t have a clue on how to make me talk. What I got was a guy, named Dr. Warren. He was old enough to be my father, tall black and handsome, and nothing like I experienced before.

  “The miracle girl, Sunny, I have been looking forward to talking to you. So nice to meet you.”

  His outstretched hand couldn’t be refused. And what a smile, it was real.

  “Please, sit down Sunny. I’ve gone over and over your paperwork with such interest; I can hardly wait to hear your side of everything.”

  “My side,” I said softly.

  “Of course, your side. You have a story to tell, don’t you?”

  “Are you making fun of me?”

  Dr. Warren laughed the richest laugh. It wasn’t loud, it was deep, and it seemed genuine. “I’m not going to make fun of you until I get to know you better. That would be just plain rude, wouldn’t it?”

  I laughed, surprised by his answer. “So you’re going to hold off making fun of me until you get the whole story? Good one. I hope you still have a sense of humor when you put me in the strait jacket and lead me to my own padded cell. Tickle me or something, would ya?”

  “Oh Sunny, that’s cold. Tickling a patient is inappropriate. Especially if they are tied up like that.”

  “Only if there are cameras around,” I added.

  “True, true, I’ll check for those first.
Please Sunny, get comfortable and have a seat,” he pointed to a couch. I took his chair instead. “Very funny. Nobody sits in my chair,” he laughed. “get on over there.” Dr. Warren’s smile was infectious. “Nice try. You don’t want me to defend my chair. It’ll get ugly. You’ll have to put me in the strait jacket, and you better get the meds right, I’m a big guy.”

  “Fine. I’m the one who’s in pain – physically, mentally and emotionally. I should get the better chair. I have a cane.”

  “Get your butt over there, and let me decide what kind of pain you’re in. You look fine to me. You wouldn’t be here to waste my time would you?”

  “No, I’m as mental as they come Doc. I’ll bet you get to write a book about it, and then go on the Oprah show. You probably won’t have time for other patients with me around.”

  Dr. Warren laughed again, and once I was seated on the couch, he put a pillow behind my back. He understood my injuries. “I’m a softie Sunny. If you get too uncomfortable, you can have my chair,” he said as he sat in it. “Just let me have it long enough to feel powerful. I have to get into my doctor role.”

  “No problem. You’re gonna need it.” I released all the air from my lungs without looking away from him.

  “So you’re that sick? These papers aren’t worth the ink that’s printed on them.” He dropped them on the floor.

  Something about him was familiar and safe, like I had been there before when I knew I hadn’t. I’m not sure what key he turned to get me to talk, maybe I had decided to talk before I walked into his office. First I started with just an overview. But his attention to detail was what got me to say it all. First we talked about Mack. Surprisingly, it was easier now to talk about my sweet boy.

  “Why do you think he didn’t tell you about his illness? Was he afraid it would ruin your relationship?”

  “He wasn’t ill. I guess he was in the same boat I’m in right now, talking to you. Who was going to believe him, once he was labeled mentally ill? It’s a pretty big wall to get people to cross through.”

  Dr. Warren crossed his legs in the other direction. “If he wasn’t mentally ill Sunny, what was the problem?”

  This was it. I could have pulled back and given him a version of the story that would allow him to brush it off as trauma, or I could make him listen to the whole thing. The argument in my head about the pros and cons of spilling my guts must have been obvious to him.

  “Do you want to take a break Sunny?” he offered.

  “Could I have some water?” the thirst reminded me of my time in the other realm. It was nowhere near as strong, but uncomfortable.

  “Sure, sure. Pick out what you want over in that little fridge. Could you grab me one of those energy drinks?”

  “Am I putting you to sleep?” I joked. He had quite a selection in the little fridge. I stuck with the water.

  “Not at all. At my age a man needs a pick me up in the afternoon. I had to give up the candy bars, so I’ll drink a pop or one of these energy drinks.”

  “Yeah well, if you fall asleep during my story, I’m going to get a complex.”

  “I think my question made you nervous,” he noted.

  “To answer your question would be telling the end of the story, without telling the story.”

  “I hate when people tell me the ending, before I see the movie. Please, tell me the story how I should hear it. I’m intrigued.”

  His timer went off, just as the coma realm began in my story. I sighed; a little relieved I would have more time to consider telling him more at our next appointment.

  “We can run over a little if this isn’t a good place to stop your story,” he offered.

  “No, its okay,” I clammed up.

  “Hmm, I’m not sure about that. Sunny, if you want, I can cancel my next appointment. It’s not for another hour, so there’s time.”

  “No, my friend is waiting outside for me. I can’t drive.”

  “Well tomorrow then,” he said, standing to his feet. “Our next appointment is tomorrow morning. I’ll see you then.” He offered me a hand, to get up from the couch and I took it.

  “So did you cry like a baby and spill your guts?” Claudia greeted me, as I climbed into my mother’s car.

  “Not one tear.”

  “That’s my girl. It’s always better to keep them guessing.”

  “Let’s go home. I’m tired.” Between the physical therapy I went through earlier that day, and the battle in my head at Dr. Warren’s office, I was really exhausted. Thankfully my mother wasn’t home to dote on me. I didn’t have the energy to keep up the smile she needed to assure herself that I was fine. Just before I headed to my bed for a nap behind closed doors, Claudia filled me in on advancements to our plans.

  “Oh, Mason called me while you were in with the shrink. He wants to meet us for lunch. I told him you had physical therapy early tomorrow and another appointment with the shrink before lunch. We’re going to meet him for pizza. Damn, I couldn’t get pizza out of my head after you offered it. I wonder if your mom went shopping,” she said, walking off to the kitchen.

  Nothing was private or sacred anymore. Even Mason knew when my shrink appointments were. The thing about being a patient is that you become completely exposed. People see parts of your body that are supposed to be private, and there is no alone time. People were watching me like a hawk. It was getting old.

  I took a nap without incident or nightmare. Actually it was a great dream about Angel the horse. Nobody but me and her, riding the countryside. It was so beautiful, but when I woke, the urgency was stronger. They were waiting for my help, and I didn’t know what to do.

  My mom came home with a nice surprise. A shower stool. I was thrilled and put it to use immediately. The injury to my pelvis made it impossible for me to get in and out of the tub by myself. The stool meant a little piece of privacy I got back. Baths were my preference, but a shower on my own was heaven. After that, I was able to join my people with a genuine smile on my face.

  “Thanks mom. It’s just what I needed.”

  “Lifting you was getting hard on my back. It was either that, or have Rick lift you, and that wasn’t going to happen.”

  “I’d be happy to help,” Rick chimed in.

  “I’m sure you would,” Claudia said. “I mean,” she paused as she looked at my mother, “you nasty boy! That kind of talk is inappropriate.”

  We all cracked up laughing, sitting around the kitchen while mom cooked her famous enchilada casserole. It was one of my favorites, made with chili, corn chips, enchilada sauce and cheese. It smelled wonderful, as I realized how hungry my nap made me. When it was ready, we all stuffed ourselves with casserole and salad. Cook still worked for us, but not as often. Mom wanted to cook for us.

  “Now that I have your attention,” my mother started, “there’s something I need to say.”

  “What mom?” I was worried. The minute she made her announcement, she had tears in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes honey, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me or anything, but… well it’s your father. He’s moving out Sunny.”

  Call me a bad daughter if you want, but I didn’t really care. It wasn’t like he was home much anyway, and when he was, he was drunk. It made me sick to my stomach to see him like that, so in a way I was relieved.

  “It has nothing to do with you Sunny. Your dad and I have had problems for years.”

  “I noticed,” I let slip out, but regretted the minute I did. “Sorry mom, but it wasn’t like a secret around here.”

  “Are we going to lose the house?” Claudia said. She was horrified.

  “Leave it to you Claud,” I said under my breath.

  “What? I don’t want to be homeless again. I like it here.”

  “The house is safe,” my mother assured her new daughter.

  “Maybe we should all get jobs,” Claudia suggested. “I put an application in at the diner, but they haven’t called me yet. I can help with some of the bills.�
��

  “That won’t be necessary Claudia. I want you to start school, like we talked about.”

  “School?” I asked. “Are you going to go back to school Claud?”

  “Online, like you at first.”

  “That’s great,” I said.

  My mother cleared her throat to get our attention back. It couldn’t be easy for her, so we all gave her the attention she deserved. “Anyway, there wasn’t a good time to tell you, so I just wanted to let you know what’s going on.”

  “It’ll be fine mom.”

  Later, when my mom was soaking in the tub upstairs, and I was trying to figure out how to tell Rick about our plans, Claudia kept obsessing about the money. It was the way I would imagine a little kid would react to the news, if they didn’t have a clue there was a problem. My relationship with my dad had been distant for so long, nothing was really changing for me.

  “What if your mom can’t handle all of this? Maybe we should start looking for a smaller house. I love this house though, it’s so comfortable. And the pool, I don’t want to lose the pool.”

  “Claudia stop already,” I snapped.

  “How can you take this so calmly? We could end up…”

  “Nothing’s going to change. My mom is the one with most of the money. It’s a family thing – on her side. My dad has a great job and won’t hurt for anything either. We’re going to be fine. I swear.”

  “Oh, thank God,” she sighed. I watched as her whole body relaxed.

  Thankfully Rick ended his silence. “Hey Claudia? Would you mind if Sunny and I went for a drive?”

  I know nothing about trucks, but Rick’s reminded me of Bobby’s. Funny, because Bobby’s truck didn’t remind me of Rick’s. Just another thing to feel guilty about, especially when he pulled into a secluded fishing spot on the river. I got really nervous.

  “We haven’t had a minute alone,” he whispered. His hand reached over to brush my cheek, a signal that he was going to kiss me.