“Are they still hear mom?” I asked, trying to switch gears. “Did they go?”
“Yes, they’re gone. I think it’s time for the boys to go too,” she said crossly. “I’ve had enough for one night. Say goodnight girls. I’m going to bed and I better hear two vehicles leave the property before I hit my pillow.”
Poor mom. She really had been through enough. “Mom?” I said as she turned to leave the room. When she stopped, I got up and gave her a kiss and a hug. “Goodnight mom,” I whispered. “I love you.”
She took in a deep breath and pulled me back into her arms. “I love you too baby. More than you could know. Now get some sleep. Apparently you have a big day ahead of you.”
So it was agreed that I would go forward with Dr. Carsten. I wished that Rick could stay with me, and I even considered sneaking out to see him, but I didn’t. Eventually Claudia came out of the bathroom with a ton of makeup on the hickey. It just made it worse.
“I’m sorry babe,” Mason said, as she pouted in his arms.
“Don’t do it again,” she warned. “Never.”
It seemed that we had all set down the rules of our relationships that night, including my mother. Let’s just say that I had a better appreciation of her rules. Both Claudia and I knew that we had better say our goodnights quickly. She walked Mason to his car, while Rick and I acted ours out quickly at the sliding glass doors.
“I wish you could stay,” I whispered.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Do you want doughnuts?”
“It won’t be the same.”
“Same as what? Eggs?” he laughed. “We have all the time in the world Sunny. My Sunny.”
Thank the stars he was stronger and more sensible than I was. If he weren’t, I might have been tempted to break the rules.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Live Like Horses
I can’t control this flesh and blood
That’s wrapped around my bones
It moves beneath me like a river
Into the great unknown
(Elton John’s, The Big Picture)
The meeting was on. Dr. Carsten arrived as promised and mom had lunch ready for him. She gave cook the day off and made burgers for everyone. Everyone included the group from the night before. It was exhausting to recant the story again, probably because I couldn’t help pacing the dining room floor while I did it.
“Sit down,” my mother kept saying, and I would, but then I’d hop up again and pace. Occasionally someone else in the group would fill in some of the blanks for me. It was helpful, until Claudia gave her feelings about Bobby. I thought I might collapse right there.
“I think the angel fell in love with Sunny,” she blurted out, not thinking obviously. I watched as Rick shifted in his seat at the table. The group fell silent. “I mean, it only makes sense. He broke the rules for Sunny and it had to be because he’s in love with her. How dreamy.”
“Thank you,” Rick said, as if Claudia had agreed with something he said in the conversation. He hadn’t said anything yet. “There’s something wrong with that angel.”
“What? You don’t think an angel could fall in love with Sunny? Look at her. She’s hot,” Claudia defended.
I turned to look out the window in the dining room. It wasn’t something that was going to go away as long as Claudia and Rick were there, and it made me squirm.
“Is that possible?” Rick asked Father Vic. “I mean, an angel isn’t supposed to fall in love with a girl from …earth, is he?”
At first the priest’s jaw was hanging open. He caught himself and took a sip of his coffee before he spoke. The man looked so traditional, but the more I heard him talk, the more open minded or open hearted he seemed. “We don’t know any such thing,” he aimed at Claudia. “We are here to find out what’s going on.”
“Yes, but an angel shouldn’t fall in love with a girl. Am I right?” Rick picked his battle up from where he had left off with me.
“That’s not how it is,” I defended. “We’ve been all through this Rick. You’re freaking out my mother. Look!” My mom was biting her long pink nails. Something she never did. “Mom, it’s not like that. Rick has this thing in his head that …”
“Sunny, he’s right. I know you were in another world and cut off from us, but somehow the demon was able to trick you into caring about him. The first thing I thought of when you told me the story, was that the two of them were fighting to win you over.” Father Vic obviously had strong opinions about my angel.
“They were! Okay? I told you they were.”
The quiet Dr. Carsten finally had a question. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, and interrupted Rick, who was about to explode. “Why do you think they were fighting over you? And what does this all have to do with the ghosts you’re seeing now?”
“Huh? Aren’t you listening,” I snapped.
“I’m hearing you talk about a coma realm, Sunny. What does that realm have to do with you seeing ghosts?”
“Isn’t that what you’re here for? It’s all related. Can’t you see?”
“I’m afraid I don’t see. What you are describing sounds more like a dream than another realm. Two gorgeous guys fighting over you, one being evil and one being good. It’s not unlike a good fantasy romance novel.”
“Are you crazy!” I yelled. “You think I had some sick fantasy dream while I was in a coma. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. Crap, I’m really in trouble now,” I glared at the shrink, “I thought this guy was the best. I shouldn’t have told you anything.”
The doctor cleared his throat and sat up. My mother gave me a cross look, and for once, Claudia shut her mouth. The good father was waiting for a response too. Before the shrink could respond, the expert spoke up again. “There’s no reason to get so upset. I didn’t come all this way to get you all worked up. I’m sorry if my manner is abrupt, but I’m just trying to understand why you think the two things are related. I believe you have seen ghosts, but why is that connected to the coma?”
This guy was too much. He obviously wasn’t a constant participant in the social realm, the way he dressed. No thought was given to his hair, and by the looks of his shoes he had me thinking he was under paid. This was the idiot who was supposed to save the day. I took a deep breath and tried to make the point as clearly as I could. “The ghosts have colors around them. You know, like the coma. I can look at the colors and read the ghost.”
“Fascinating. You didn’t mention this Bernie,” he said to the shrink. “There could be a possibility that the two are connected, but I’m not sure exactly how.”
“Finally,” I sighed. “Maybe I should draw pictures.” Claudia laughed, but quickly covered her mouth. I thought I heard the good father snicker, and my mother. It didn’t faze the expert at all. He must have been used to that kind of reaction. Either that or he was sure he was smarter than all of us.
“Back to my first question. Why would the two men be fighting over you?”
“My soul,” I said softly.
His eyebrows went up, and I got the feeling he was interested. “So it wasn’t the ghost who told you his dilemma, it was his colors?”
“That’s right.” I was past exhausted. “What are we going to do?”
“Back to the cemetery,” Mason piped in. “That’s where we got the best reaction. Well, it was the only place we tried, but we know there’s something there.”
“Not the cemetery,” Rick blurted. “Not a good idea.” He went on to describe what he went through and why he didn’t think it was a good idea. “Whatever it was, it was real. And powerful. Not a good idea.”
My shrink, Dr. Warren looked like he wanted to make a suggestion, but before he could, the expert spoke. “Did anything bad happen when you saw the ghost at the hospital?”
“No, he just hung around until I told him to leave me alone.”
Doctor Warren sighed and looked down. He looked a little disappointed when Dr. Carsten suggested we start with the ghos
t at the hospital. “Can you set that up for tonight Bernie?” he asked. Dr. Warren shook his head to mean that he could, but he didn’t look enthusiastic.
The expert filled us in on his team, after he called and gave them a heads up. Along with some of his students, he had a psychic with him who had proven abilities. “Your daughter will be safe, I can assure you.” The psychic was a woman named Julie and she wasn’t a nutcase, he assured my mother. “We have years of combined experience in the field, and I’m confident we will be able to at least qualify and understand your daughter’s abilities. Not to worry.”
“Hold on,” Father Vic said, standing to his feet. “I’d like everyone to meet at the church before we go to the hospital tonight. I’m not comfortable with this family dealing with spirits without the spirits I call on protecting them. Is that understood?”
“Not necessary, but not a problem,” Dr. Carsten said. “I have no problem with you making the family comfortable.”
It was agreed that we would all meet at the church first. Somehow the details were left out, but I knew we were on a hunt for my poor ghost who was worried about his son. Father Vic asked to talk to me privately. My mother nodded to urge me to go with him, so we stepped outside, by the pool.
“If anyone understands a spiritual battle, I think it would be you Sunny. You were a witness maybe on a realm none of us will ever see. So, I can’t stress enough that what you are doing tonight has the same qualities. If you aren’t comfortable at any point, you need to let us know.”
“I will,” I agreed.
“That’s not all. If there’s anything you need to confess or take care of that might make you vulnerable, you need to take care of it before tonight.”
I was afraid to ask, only because I didn’t want to hear it coming from a priest’s mouth. Even though I’m not Catholic, I knew better than to risk looking bad in his eyes. I shook my head, assuming we were talking about the same thing. The rest of the adults in the group went about their business, to be ready for that night’s adventures. Butterflies started stirring in my belly, as the teen portion of the crowd, moved to Claudia’s and my living space.
Mason couldn’t get over what was ahead. He was so ‘stoked’ he couldn’t stand it. I ignored the excitement from Claudia’s new boyfriend, and concentrated on my friends. “You guys are too much. Whose friends are you anyway? I thought you were mine. Why is it that every time we get this crap settled, you insist on…?”
“I don’t want to argue Sunny,” Rick said firmly. “If you want to argue, I’m leaving.”
“I thought you weren’t going to do that. I think I should be able to talk about this stuff. It happened to me,” I complained.
“We are your friends. It’s important to have the whole picture here. Maybe we see things in your story that you don’t. That’s all I’m saying,” Claudia said.
“That dude is seriously what I’m shooting for. This is an opportunity that not too many of us get,” Mason went on.
“Good. Put it on your webpage,” I barked.
I didn’t really mean to pop Mason’s bubble, but I wasn’t all that excited about the glory he would get at my expense. Claudia gave me a look and Rick sat down on the couch. Needless to say, we weren’t a happy group. Rick took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m just trying to protect you Sunny,” he said, for my ears only.
“I know, but I was there. This stuff is weird enough without you reading crap into it. The angel saved my life. Who cares what his motives were. I have to help him.”
“Fine. We’ll find out what his motives are I guess. I’m sorry that upsets you.”
Mason switched his excitement about the ghost hunt, to excitement over Claudia. Right there in front of Rick and me, they started making out. That’s when my mom walked in the room.
“Mason? Is that your name?” she knew it was, but her face was red and she was caught off guard.
“Yes,” he said, jumping away from Claudia.
“Okay Mason. Maybe you think I’m blind and didn’t notice that monstrosity on Claudia’s neck. Well I’m not blind and frankly, that’s just disgusting. And you young lady, while you are staying in this house, you are expected to behave like a young lady, not a …” she stopped herself, thankfully. I don’t think Claudia could have taken it. Strange, I thought Claud was so tough, but not when it came to my mother.
“I didn’t know,” Claudia tried to explain.
“Well now you do. A lot of good that experience did you. You aren’t going to make me watch your every move, are you? Do you need a chaperone?”
The tears welled up in Claudia’s eyes. I really felt bad for her.
“I expect you young men to treat my girls like young ladies. If I can’t trust you then you can’t be around.”
“Your girls?” Claudia whimpered.
“That’s right. My girls.”
That was it. The tears rolled down Claudia’s face, and I wasn’t sure she would recover. That’s what happens when a little shame is mixed with something like the love and respect of someone important. And that’s when I really understood what my mother meant to Claudia. She needed a mother. Thank goodness mine came back from the dark side.
My mother’s reaction to the limits that were being pushed was my chance to talk to her. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Mom? Can I talk to you?”
“Are you alright Sunny?” She looked completely worried. For a moment I hesitated, not wanting to put any more stress on her shoulders.
I had to do it though. I had to tell her everything. It was Father Vic who made me feel how wrong it was to keep stuff like that inside. Shame was a weapon of the enemy. “I just need to talk to you about something.” When she sat beside me, I stood and walked to the door. “Privately.”
“Of course. Let’s go to my room.”
We walked up the stairs and when we were in her room, she closed the door. It reminded me of when I was little and needed my mother. If I was sick or frightened, I would go to her room and she would make things better. This was different only because the hurt was the kind that leaves scars.
Mom patted the spot on her bed right next to where she was sitting. “Come here Sun. What’s wrong?”
I sat next to her and started crying before I could even form a sentence. “It’s bad mom. I’m afraid to hurt you.”
“Don’t be afraid Sun. Whatever it is we can handle now. I’m sure of it.”
“I’m so ashamed.”
Mom took me in her arms where I broke down before I could even start my confession. “It’s okay baby. I can’t tell you what it means to me that you want to talk to me. I’m so happy that you trust me again.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Don’t try and polish it honey, just talk. We can handle it. Look at everything we’ve come through.”
I took a deep breath to calm the tears. “It’s Mack. Oh mom, it’s Mack.”
“Okay. What about Mack?”
“Remember what you told me about Mack hitting Linda?” I took another deep breath and looked down. I didn’t want to see her face during my confession. “Well he hit me too.”
Mom didn’t gasp or over react at all. She pulled me into her arms and held me while I cried, soothing me with comforting words while tears streamed down her face. “I’m sorry Sunny. I had no idea, but then I wasn’t really planted firmly on the ground. I’m so sorry.”
“That’s not all,” I continued. She handled the first bit, so I had to get the rest out before I locked my secrets away again. “Oh mom, I’m so confused.”
“Confused? What’s confusing you,” she sniffled.
“I’m confused about sex.”
“Ah, I see. Well sex is pretty confusing. And not just at your age. Have you had sex yet?”
I could tell by the look on her face that she was hopeful that I hadn’t taken the plunge. “Not exactly, I think.”
Mom took a deep breath of her own. I was proud of her for not falling apart, and I can’t explain
what it felt like to tell her about the things that were torturing me the most. “I know it’s hard to talk about sex with your mother but…”
“I can’t talk about it with anyone mom. I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m a bundle of hormones, like a pervert or something. Oh my God mom, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. In the coma realm I couldn’t control urges and now that I’m back, well I practically attacked Rick. If he wasn’t a good guy, I don’t know.”
“Oh Sunny, urges are normal. The best thing to do is not put yourself in situations you aren’t ready for, especially if you’re confused. You aren’t a pervert honey. You’re a very beautiful young woman who is growing and changing.”
I broke down again. I was leaving out the worst of it. “I’m so sorry mom. I’m sorry.”
“Why? What’s wrong? Oh Sunny, please don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s Mack. He… he…”
“Yes? Mack what?”
“He always made me feel bad about sex, like even thinking or talking about it made me perverted or something. I can’t believe the hold he had on me mom. He smoked, he swore and he was having sex with everyone, but if I even went on a date he made me feel like I was bad.”
“You aren’t bad Sunny. Oh I’m sorry baby. Mack was so wrong.”
“I’m not sure about that mom. Sometimes when he thought I was asleep he would touch me.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh mom, what’s wrong with me? I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to touch me instead of Linda. When you told me he hit Linda, well I’m sick enough that I felt jealous. I’m so confused and out of control. The other night I was all over Rick, like an animal. What’s wrong with me mom?”
Saying what was locked up in my heart released a damn of emotions. Mom moved herself on the bed so she was lying down. “Come here Sunny.” Her arms were wide open.
“You aren’t mad at me?”
“Of course I’m not angry at you. Come here.”
Once in her arms I felt all the layer of dirt and guilt dissolve. Mom held me the way she did when I was little and had a bad dream. Somehow it put things in perspective. I wasn’t some horribly evil thing to my mother, so it must be true.
Dead, Sweet Boy (Book One - Dead, Sweet Series) Page 29