by Tina Michele
Diego bid his farewell. They had just enough time to freshen up and change for dinner. Willa heaved her duffel onto the bottom bunk, and to her relief, the younger and smaller Corey had opted for the top bed before Willa had to beg. The cabin was small and old. The floors creaked with each step and sloped more than a little to one side. She leaned down to take a look out the window, and she could feel the draft from the outside. She had a feeling it was going to get a bit cooler both inside and out as night moved in.
Willa rummaged through her bag looking for something to change into. She was kicking herself that she hadn’t brought a single nice thing to wear. She was prepared with an assortment of water-friendly attire made of the less-than-flattering spandex. As she removed each item from her bag, she thought she might have under packed. She growled and threw a wad of undergarments back into her duffel.
Corey peeked down over the railing of the top bunk. “What’s up, Willa?”
“Would you believe it if I told you that I didn’t bring anything to wear?”
“No. Your bag weighs a million pounds. I’d say you brought everything to wear. Why does it matter?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t.” Willa picked out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt from the pile and wrapped them up together. An image of Haven flashed through her mind. While her chance at a first impression was out the window, she thought she could make it up by changing into something a bit nicer for her.
“You don’t have to impress me if that matters any. I met you after a six-hour flight and two-hour time change, so it’s all downhill from here.” Corey reached out for Willa instead of taking the ladder at the end of the bed.
Willa chuckled and helped Corey off the top bunk. She was a small girl, made even smaller by the effects of chemo. Willa imagined that if she had to, she could carry Corey around on her back. “Don’t get used to this, miss.”
“Too late,” she said as Willa set her down onto the floor. “Now, why are you so concerned over your clothes?”
“Nothing. No reason. I just like to be presentable. You never know.” Willa dismissed her and picked up her change of clothes.
“Oh. You’re gonna be a fun nut to crack. Don’t worry, I’ll figure you out.” Before she even finished her threat, Corey disappeared into the bathroom.
“Hey, not cool,” Willa called out before she smiled and sat on her bed. Willa liked her. She was fun, and she had no doubt that the kid was going to be able to ferret out everything sooner rather than later. Though she would prefer it be later. Much later. “Hurry up. I have to pee!”
Oh yeah. Just like having a little sister.
* * *
Haven stood at the sink as the cold water hissed from the tap. She stared down at the lettuce she turned over and over in her hands.
“Haven. Hello, anybody home?” Wendy reached over and took the world’s cleanest vegetable from Haven’s hands. “You’ve nearly washed the green right off this lettuce. Where are you right now?”
“What? Oh, here. I’m here.” Haven was sure her body was where she thought it was, but her mind was most definitely somewhere else. “Sorry,” she said as she turned off the running water.
“It’s okay. But you’ve been acting like a weirdo since the campers got here. Weird as in it’s not like you to run off and hide while we are trying to get everyone’s stuff unloaded.” Wendy ripped the leaves of lettuce into small shreds and dropped them into the bowl beside her. “Cut those avocados,” she said as she motioned with her head toward the bowl of wrinkled fruit.
Haven hated avocados, but everyone always insisted that she was the best at cutting them up. Everybody has something. Willa loved avocados. She would eat them any way they were served—cubed, sliced, mashed, or guaced. Her first thought was to cut an extra or two just for Willa, but then she came to her senses. She didn’t need avocados; she needed to get the hell out of Haven’s space.
Her beautiful, new, heartache-free space. She didn’t move eighteen hundred miles across the fucking country to have Willa just stroll into her new life and start screwing shit up. Haven had spent three years trying everything she could to get her out of her mind and memory. How was it even possible that after all that Willa would find the one place on earth where Haven was at peace and ruin it? Haven heaved the chef’s knife down into the pit of an avocado and hacked straight through it. She stared at the murdered fruit with shock. She had no idea how much force it should take to split an avocado pit in one swoop, but she just did it. She set the knife down and backed up a step from the counter. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Wendy, who was just as surprised and a little paler than usual.
“What the hell?” Wendy said as she grabbed Haven by the shoulders and maneuvered her away from the instruments of death. “Okay. Spill. Something is going on with you. You could have cut your entire hand off. What gives?”
“Willa,” Haven whispered.
“Your ex? What in the world does she have to do with anything?”
“Shhh.” Haven’s eyes darted around them as the campers started to gather in the lodge.
“Why?” Wendy’s eyes followed Haven’s. “Is she here? Ha.” Wendy’s laugh was truncated when Haven looked her in the eyes with certainty.
“Yes.”
“What. The. Fuck. You’re shitting me.”
“Oh, how I wish I was.”
“I didn’t know she had cancer, too.”
“She doesn’t.” It wasn’t until Wendy said it that it hit Haven, and it hit her like a ton of bricks. “Oh.” She felt her lungs tighten and her stomach turn. Why else would she be at a cancer retreat? Seeing Willa get out of the SUV had been a jolt, but the realization that Willa had cancer was paralyzing. How did she not know? When was she diagnosed? Why hadn’t she called? A million questions flooded her mind. The thought of Willa fighting the disease alone was devastating to Haven. Although, as far as she knew Willa wasn’t alone. A selfish streak flashed as she imagined someone else holding Willa’s hand through her battle. Guilt overtook the jealousy as she admonished herself for even thinking it. “I’m going to be sick.”
Wendy slid her hand under Haven’s arm just as her legs began to shake. “Come on.” Wendy and Haven slid out the back door of the lodge into the cool evening air. She took several deep breaths and grounded herself. So many thoughts and emotions swirled inside her mind and body, each one being replaced by another as quickly as they came. “Look at me,” Haven said as she held out her trembling hands.
“I’m speechless, Haven. I don’t have any idea what to say. I should say something, but, yeah, I’ve got nothing.” Wendy rested a comforting hand on Haven’s.
“You and me both,” Haven said as the dinner bell rang out.
“I’ve got to go, but I think you should stay here. Go back to the bunkhouse for a bit. I’ll bring you a plate.”
“Nah. I’m just gonna sit here for a minute. Till I get my legs back, plus I’m not all that hungry anymore.”
“Okay. I’ll be back to check on you once everyone is all set.” Wendy gave Haven a couple of quick swipes on her back before she disappeared back into the house.
As soon as Wendy was gone, Haven pulled herself up and wandered off the porch into the dusky night. She followed the stone path around the lodge to the clearing between the main house and the cabins. They led her back to the fence line of the north pasture just beyond a stand of evergreens. Several large boulders made for an elevated perch above the damp grass. She hoisted herself up onto the flattest one and crossed her legs.
The ridgeline was barely visible as the last of the evening sun set beyond the mountains. Soon the sky would dance with a million diamonds, so spectacular it would make her dizzy if she hadn’t been already with the arrival of Willa and the subsequent whirlwind of emotions.
“Three years.” So much had happened in just three years. Haven had lost the love of her life when Willa walked out on her. Haven spent month after month holding out hope that a lifetime of friendship and love was enoug
h to bring Willa back. She avoided familiar places and painful memories. And when none of that worked, Haven said good-bye to the sand and sun of her hometown and moved to Colorado. She found a new life in the mountains, a new career as a professional artist, and a new romance with Bianca. But it had always been Willa Bennette. From their childhood days on the kindergarten playground, they had been inseparable. First as friends and then as lovers. They had experienced every moment of life together, good, bad, or indifferent. They had grown up together, grown into each other, and the day Willa left, Haven felt that her body had been torn in two, like a tree struck down the middle by a bolt of lightning. It was a deep scar, ripped open once again by those dark brown eyes.
Chapter Three
Willa and Corey sat together at the long, rustic table made from a solid plank of wood. Silverware clanked on plates and laughter filled the room as campers and volunteers got to know one another. Willa tried to pay attention to everyone as they introduced themselves, but her mind was somewhere else. Her attention was caught by every movement beyond the dining room as she searched for Haven. She wasn’t at the dinner table, and Willa hadn’t seen her since she arrived. She was starting to think that maybe she truly didn’t see her, and it had been some bizarre hallucination. She felt someone looking at her and scanned the room for Haven, but it wasn’t her. Diego and another one of the volunteers, a woman, smiled and waved at Willa from the end of the table. Willa returned their greeting with a nod. As she smiled in return, she watched the woman’s focus shift beyond Willa and her eyes widen with surprise.
Without needing to turn around, Willa felt Haven’s presence behind her. Diego looked from Willa to Haven and back again, before standing and calling out to her, “Haven, over here.”
Haven made her way over to Diego without ever looking in Willa’s direction. Haven smiled and greeted everyone she passed except for Willa, but she wasn’t surprised. She got to Diego and rubbed his broad shoulder with her petite hands. Willa didn’t recall Haven’s hands being so small, but she did remember how soft they were. It was when Haven leaned down to the woman beside Diego and put a gentle kiss on her lips that Willa looked away.
The unexpected expression of affection hit Willa in the gut and left her breathless. She crumpled her dinner napkin and dropped it onto her unfinished plate. She was becoming anxious and suffocated by the warm air and chattering people in the shrinking dining room. Willa looked over at Corey in a panic. “Excuse me. I need to get out.” Willa barely waited for Corey to move over before she shifted to stand and swung her leg out over the bench.
Just as she’d gotten both legs onto the other side, Mama Lu called everyone’s attention. Willa groaned with an unexpected volume. Corey looked at Willa with wide questioning eyes. Willa made an attempt to cover it up by clearing her throat and then taking a large sip of her beverage. “I’m so sorry. That came out wrong. Please, continue.” Willa hung her head, embarrassed, and she had no doubt everyone in the room stared in her direction, including Haven. Willa wished for nothing more than for the entire room to shrink down into a speck with her in it and implode into a little poof of smoke.
Willa sat with her back against the table as Mama Lu announced the plans for the remainder of the evening, which involved the first group evening meeting to be spent by the campfire. Willa had hoped that after dinner she could escape to her cabin and figure out what she was going to do about Haven for a week. The group was dismissed with just enough time to go and gather sweatshirts or other items for warmth since the temperature had dropped.
Willa beelined toward her cabin with Corey close on her heels. “Willa, wait up,” she called after her. Willa didn’t slow down, so Corey sped up. “Dude. For real, your legs are longer than my entire body.”
Willa heard the breathlessness in Corey’s voice, so she slowed down enough for her to catch up. “Sorry.”
Once they were alone inside their cabin, Corey grabbed her by the arm. “What the hell was that all about?”
Willa tucked and rolled into the bottom bunk and let out an exasperated sigh. “My ex is here.”
“What? Bullshit! Who?” Corey asked as she invited herself into Willa’s bunk and crossed her legs.
“Haven.”
“Nooo!”
“Yesss,” Willa hissed as she flung her arm over her eyes. “Okay. Okay. Good grief. You have so many questions. Okay. Wow.” Willa could feel the bed vibrating with Corey’s unrestrained excitement.
“This is so exciting!”
Willa uncovered her eyes and stared at Corey. “This is anything but.”
“Oh, ended badly, did it?”
“You could say that.”
“Was it your fault or hers?”
For Willa, “fault” implied that she or Haven had done something specific to lead to the demise of their relationship. It wasn’t like Willa gave herself cancer as an excuse to bail on Haven and their life together. In fact, Willa felt that she had ultimately done Haven a favor. “Let’s just say that she had no choice. I ended it, and I didn’t give her any other option.”
“You cheated on her, didn’t you? Not cool, Willa.”
“No, I didn’t cheat on her. But I may as well have. It would be a better story than the truth.”
“You chased her away. You got cancer, and you chased her away.”
Willa sat up so quickly that she bumped her head on the slats of the top bunk. “How the fuck could you know that?”
“I have cancer, too, remember? You aren’t the first person diagnosed who’s shut everyone out or chased everyone away. It’s easier than when they leave you, I suppose.”
“You know, I never even told her I had cancer. I just decided that I didn’t want her to be responsible for taking care of me. She’d already fought her own battle. She didn’t need me putting her through that again.”
“Oh, wow.”
Willa had never told anyone that, not even her brother. “I never thought I’d see her again or have her find out. And now here I am eighteen hundred miles from home at a cancer camp with her.”
“You didn’t know she’d be here?”
“No fucking idea. None. I’d never even heard about Valiant until my brother signed me up a few months ago.”
“Fate.”
“What?” Fate. Willa didn’t believe in fate. Not anymore. Once upon a time she had, back when she and Haven first met in elementary school. In high school, they’d both struggled with their feelings for years, as life pushed them together and pulled them apart. It wasn’t until college that they decided to stop denying themselves a chance at true love. “Fate is crap.”
“I don’t think so. But either way, something brought you both here together.”
“You did see her kiss that other chick, right?”
“What? No! Who? The other blonde, Wendy? Ha! No way. She’s married to a jujitsu instructor in Denver.”
“How the hell do you know that?”
“At dinner, when I was talking to Scrat, the kayak instructor who was sitting next to you.”
“Who? Kayaking?” Willa hadn’t heard any of the conversation held right under her nose, literally.
“Oh my, let’s go. I’ll fill you in on the way to campfire.” Corey crawled out of the bunk, grabbed the large hoodie hanging on the post, and tossed it to Willa.
* * *
Haven and Wendy picked their log at the campfire and scooted close to each other. Each of them had layered up in comfy sweats and coats with a thick wool blanket across their laps. After they were settled and warm, Diego strolled up looking to get in. Haven took one look at his flip-flopped feet and flung the edge over his bare legs.
Once they were settled, Diego leaned over Haven. “What was with the kiss at dinner, ladies?”
Wendy leaned toward him, until Haven was squeezed in the middle. “That’s what I want to know,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry about that. I was feeling a little overconfident after spending twenty minutes psyching myself up.”
“And part of that was to use me to make her jealous? Not that I mind. I’ve had worse offers,” Wendy said.
“No. Not at all. I just…I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what you’re going to do the rest of the week, because if you keep kissing me it’s going to start all kinds of rumors around here. Not that I mind. I could use a sharper edge.”
“You don’t need any more edge, Wendy,” Diego said.
“Don’t worry. I won’t do it again. I’m just going to avoid her, that’s all. Kitchen duty for me.” Haven despised kitchen duty, and washing dishes make her sick to her stomach. But it was a sacrifice she was willing to make in order to avoid seeing, hearing, or interacting with Willa.
“Um, I doubt Mama Lu is going to let you do that. Plus, you won’t be able to hide in the kitchen all the time.”
“I can try like hell.”
“Then you better get going,” Diego said as he sat back and looked out across the fire.
“What?” Haven asked as she spotted Willa and her bunkmate. She couldn’t see the detail in her eyes through the flickers from the flames, but she knew Willa was looking straight at her. “Shit.”
Haven’s stomach turned. She tried to look everywhere except at Willa, who had decided to sit across from her. She looked stiff and frozen already, and Haven remembered just how much Willa hated being cold. She refrained from suggesting that she choose a chair where she could move closer to the fire in order to be warmer. She told herself that she couldn’t care less if Willa froze her ass off. She wrapped her hands into the heavy quilt, not caring.
Mama Lu and her son, Wingman, welcomed everyone and began the round robin tradition of introductions, beginning with themselves. As they moved around the circle, Haven grew more and more anxious to hear Willa speak. She hadn’t heard her voice in about three years before that afternoon. Haven was dreading the moment she would hear Willa say that she had cancer. She wouldn’t wish the disease in any of its forms on her worst enemy, and now she was going to hear the woman she loved say it. Well, the woman she used to love, before she walked out on her and stomped her heart into dust.