by Tina Michele
After everyone had finished eating and had time to rest and digest, they were fitted for wet suits, water shoes, and PFDs. Haven had been looking forward to this moment when she could get back in the water. In spite of her conclusions regarding Willa’s newfound freedoms, Haven allowed herself a brief minute to admire just how well that wet suit fit. Once everyone had hopped, skipped, and stretched themselves into their new skin, MC led the entire group down to the lake.
They lugged their boats out of the pool enclosure and down toward the shore. With the overcast day, Haven knew that it was going to be a cold one in the mountain water and it excited her. Not because of the cold, but because this was her favorite part of the week and she always got the greatest pictures and reactions from campers on their first time in.
As MC and Scrat gathered everyone around and gave them the rundown on the next lesson, Haven shimmied into her suit. It hugged her in all the wrong places. There wasn’t a suit out there that didn’t seem to cut her right up the middle of her lady business. She pulled her kayak skirt up around her waist, which would at least hide her most unflattering features until she got into her boat. After Haven strapped on her helmet and adjusted the camera mount, she picked up her kayak and waded into the water in front of the others.
A sharp, frigid sting ran up her legs. Oh yeah. Willa is going to shit herself. She looked for Willa so that she could give her a kind warning, but she was caught off guard to see that her eyes were already trained on her. She shied away from her stare and, without giving her any acknowledgment, slipped into her boat, engaged the tension, and secured the skirt from back to front. With three strong strokes, Haven was out into the deep waters of the lake.
She maneuvered her boat pointing back toward the shore so that she could capture everyone’s initial reactions to both the temperature and the instability of the kayaks. It was almost guaranteed that at least half of them would swim within the first six feet of the shoreline.
She had her waterproof digital at the ready and pressed record on the helmet cam as the first of camper entered the water. She was curious about everyone’s initial reaction, but it was Willa’s that she was most anxious to witness. Haven was a mix of excitement and trepidation as she watched Willa approach the water’s edge. She couldn’t wait for her to experience something Haven was so passionate about, but she also feared that she would be too anxious about the moment to enjoy the beauty of it. Haven gave a murmur of encouragement. Even if Willa couldn’t hear it, maybe she could at least sense it.
Chapter Six
Willa crept up to the water as Scrat held her kayak steady. Although she doubted that if she started to wobble over, Scrat would be able to do anything to stop her from going in. She looked at the dark water with hesitation. Every alarm bell in her head rang with warning. She was from Florida, and no one in their right or sane mind got within five feet of an unknown body of water without expecting a fourteen-foot alligator to take their face off. She stepped back. Her head knew that gators didn’t frequent the mountain lakes of Colorado, but a country girl from the South had inherent instincts to the contrary. She looked out to where Haven floated looking back at her. She wasn’t sure, but Willa felt a sense of encouragement in her face that helped to ease her fear.
As soon as she entered the lake, a freezing bolt of electricity shot through her. “Whaa! Holy shit!” At that moment, Willa resigned herself to never being warm again. All thoughts of alligators and water monsters fled from her mind. Hypothermia would kill her today. She sucked air in and out through her teeth with a loud hissing sound. It did nothing to slow the numbness already working its way up her legs.
Willa slid herself into the boat and adjusted the seat before securing the skirt around the cockpit. She hoped the body heat from her lower half would defrost her legs while she was tucked inside. Scrat gave the kayak a push and she was off. The boat teetered from side to side as Willa struggled to remain upright. The more she fought the wobble, the more unstable she became. She slapped her paddles wildly to each side hoping to use the momentum and support of them to keep from tipping over. But she soon discovered that the blades did nothing except cut through the water instead of offering a solid surface to brace against.
Scrat was soon by her side offering a firm anchor and words of advice. “Keep your hips loose and don’t fight it.” She demonstrated with a quick hip wiggle and the boat responded. “Stay centered and use your legs for support.”
Willa spread her legs and pushed her knees against the sides. She could feel the change as her center of gravity shifted. She was no longer struggling against herself and fighting to stay upright. “Much better. Thank you.”
“Excellent. Now, let’s have some fun.” Scrat took several big strokes and sped away.
“Fun. That’ll be nice,” Willa said. So far her existing skills had been useless, and she hoped at least the paddling part would be familiar.
MC called the entire group into the middle of the enormous lake. Willa managed to make it the hundred yards without toppling over. Her strokes were smooth although she couldn’t seem to get the boat to keep in a straight line no matter how hard she tried. It could’ve had a mind of its own. Once she reached the group it was clear that she wasn’t the only one with the issue. It made her feel better and a little worse. Willa had no problem trying new things, however she didn’t like trying to be good at them.
MC paddled into the center of the circled group and held up a ball the size of a grapefruit. It was neon green and squishy like a Nerf toy. He dunked it into the cold water and slung it at an unprepared Wendy. She dropped her paddle into her lap, reached out to her left, and caught it with an expert’s ease. Willa was impressed by the skillful maneuver as there wasn’t even a rock in her boat.
MC explained the “game,” which seemed to her like much more of a skills assessment than just a fun time. If Willa had the rules correct, they were about to play a soaking wet and precarious game of keep away. “I should just toss myself into the water now.”
“Come on, roomie. You’ve got this. Hell, you made it farther than I did.” Corey was already drenched through, and Willa wondered how in the world she missed that.
“What the hell happened?” she asked, trying to suppress a laugh.
“It’s fine. You can laugh. I did. I wasn’t six feet from the launch before I leaned over to look down in the water and bloop, in I went.”
This time Willa did laugh out loud. It was just the thing she hadn’t wanted to happen to her.
“Laugh it up, buttercup. Just remember that when you go swimming.”
“Ugh.” Willa dreaded the moment that would happen. And she knew it was going to happen.
When the game began it turned out to be much less like keep-away and much more like bumper cars with the addition of a sopping wet projectile and death paddles. If she wasn’t getting slapped by an errant oar, she was being rammed from all sides by the other players. It was kill or be killed, and Willa was done playing nice. Confident in her boat, she joined in the fray. As long as she was moving and engaged in the play, she didn’t think about going over. It was then that Willa grasped the true point of the game.
Another camper they called Shark zinged the ball straight at Willa, but before she could react it smacked her square between the eyes. The sting of the ball was intensified by the cold water it held. The collective gasp of the group brought the whole game to a halt. It was a shocking hit, but it sounded worse than it was. Willa took the opportunity to claim the ball and race away from the other team before they collected themselves.
Once they were all sufficiently drenched and exhausted, MC called the game. Willa still had the ball, but she didn’t even think there were points, let alone a winning team. Although it hadn’t mattered to any of them anyway.
Willa took the opportunity during the downtime to take in the beautiful scenery. It was a picturesque landscape painted by Mother Nature herself. The cloudy sky had opened up for a backdrop of blue against the unspoiled
range speckled yellow from the aspens. Wildflowers and reeds lined the lake that doubled the beauty in its mirrored surface. And in all of that artistry was Haven, like a wild columbine at home in the mountains and valleys of Colorado. The Haven she’d known her whole life was almost unrecognizable in this new place. The distance between them now was more than just the number of miles. It was perhaps for the best. After all, so much had changed in both of their lives. Despite the memories and familiarities that seeing her brought, the truth was that they weren’t the women who’d been both lovers and friends all those years ago.
* * *
For the first time since she arrived, Haven saw Willa smiling. It wasn’t the polite smile she plastered on when she was uncomfortable or the strained smile she mustered up for pictures, but a real and true smile. The kind of smile that Willa would try to cover with her hand if she knew anyone was watching. It was a bright, wide grin that extended past her mouth up to her eyes. Beyond any of Willa’s other features, this was by far Haven’s favorite. It was pure and spoke more than words.
In reality, Haven didn’t know anything about Willa or her life, and she didn’t know how or if she’d been coping with her cancer. It was obvious by her succinct introduction around the fire the night before that she wasn’t used to talking it about it. And knowing Willa as she once had, it wasn’t something she was willing to talk about to others or herself. Haven wondered if that would’ve been different had she been diagnosed while they were still together.
Haven looked on as MC taught them one final lesson for the day—bow rescues. Haven hated them, for no reason beyond the fact that she had zero core strength. And without even a two-pack of abs Haven had about a hundred failed attempts under her flabby belt. Willa lined up perpendicular to Corey’s boat as instructed, and Haven raised her camera.
Willa leaned to the side with both hands on the bow of Corey’s kayak. She lowered herself into the water, and Haven laughed when she heard Willa holler, “Fuck,” as her left side from waist to shoulder entered the water. It looked good. She had hold of the other boat with both hands and a parallel position with the water. All she had to do was snap her hips and push herself upright. Haven’s own hips flicked a bit as she encouraged Willa telepathically. But the longer Willa hesitated, the farther away Corey’s boat drifted backward. Haven grew concerned. Willa stretched with her long arms to keep hold of the slippery boat. Her left arm lost contact and Willa scratched with the nails on her right hand to keep balance.
“Snap,” Haven said under her breath. She leaned forward in her kayak willing the other to move for Willa.
Corey paddled forward for Willa to grab onto, but she had already over tipped and was now struggling to keep her head above water as the boat turned over.
“Shit.” Haven’s heart pounded. “Wet exit!” she shouted. Willa needed to give up and go all the way over, but if she didn’t stop fighting it she wouldn’t get a good breath before going under. “Shit!” Haven dropped the camera around her neck and rushed over with a few strokes. When she reached Willa, her face was a panic. Haven leaned over and cupped Willa’s face. Looking into her eyes, she said, “Take a deep breath and go under. Release the skirt and push out. I’m right here.”
Willa nodded and took a deep breath and let the boat turn all the way over. In just a few seconds she popped up at the rear of the capsized boat and took several deep breaths as she bobbed on the surface.
“Great job, Will. Relax.” Haven braced herself and heaved the kayak up over the bow of her own. She tipped it back and forth a few times to empty the water before turning it over and setting it back into the lake. “You okay?” she asked Willa, who looked less frightened and more embarrassed.
“I’m fine.”
Willa’s lips were bluish, and she was very much done with the day. “It happens to the best of us. I still can’t do it.” Haven smiled and tried to make light of what had happened. Scrat floated up and assessed the situation before taking over. Haven backed out of the way so that Scrat could help Willa back into the kayak.
Willa was much better at getting back in the boat than Haven was. Scrat pulled the boats together and Willa lay back into the water and swung her legs up into the boat. While Scrat held the kayak steady, Willa pulled her body up and into it. She made it look so damn easy that Haven wanted to give her shit. First of all, for scaring her to death, and then for making that move look so easy. But this wasn’t the time or place, as the once friendly rapport they shared was nothing more than a distant memory. Haven felt a sudden sadness fill her body.
Her racing heart slowed back to a steady beat once Willa was safe and back in her boat. She went back to catch a few shots of everyone else’s progress before MC called it a day and herded them all back to shore.
Wendy, Diego, and Haven met up and waited in the lake for the campers to get out of the water. “So, what was that all about?” Diego asked.
“What?” Haven wasn’t stupid. She knew what.
“That life or death rescue situation you got yourself into.”
“It wasn’t…I was there, and she needed help. I couldn’t just watch her drowning and not help.”
“Okay. Okay. Sorry. I didn’t realize how bad it was. What happened?” he asked.
“She was fighting going under and got herself too exhausted to correct it and then she panicked.”
“Didn’t you do the exact same thing with me our first time out here?” Wendy asked.
“Yes. Which is why I…I knew it was going to happen. I know her.”
“Obviously. Well, I’m sure she’s grateful that you were there.”
Haven knew Willa; she wasn’t. “Don’t count on that. She isn’t one to rely on other people for help. Even if it means killing herself trying.”
“Some people change, Haven.”
“She’s not ‘some people.’ Believe me,” Haven said.
* * *
After they were all safe and back on dry land, Corey pulled Willa off to the side for a private conversation. For the first time since they’d met, Corey had lost her happy-go-lucky grin. “Next time you try to drown please pick someone else’s boat to hold on to.”
“I wasn’t trying to drown. I was fine.” Willa had no intention of admitting that she had lost control of herself in that moment.
“Give me a break.” Corey rolled her eyes at Willa.
“What?”
“I saw your face, Willa. You were not fine. I didn’t know what to do. If Haven hadn’t come when she did, I—”
“Enough. Fine. I had some trouble with getting myself back up with this life vest. Can we just keep the other details here, between us?”
“Of course. But you know they don’t expect us to be pros. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”
“It wasn’t a mistake. It was—”
“Just stop, Willa. You don’t have to impress me. We are all in this together. Nobody else has done this before either.”
“You’re right. Let’s just leave it at that, okay.” Willa hated that she was so transparent, especially with someone she didn’t even know.
“That’s not what I wanted. I just want you to know that you don’t have to be good at everything.”
“I’m trying,” Willa admitted.
Once they were out of their suits and back on the bus, everyone’s energy level picked back up. On the way back to the ranch, they shared their mishaps and moments and harassed each other. Willa played along but left out the part where she’d been paralyzed with panic and unable to save herself from drowning.
The bus had gotten quiet as the excitement of the day wore off and exhaustion set in. She closed her left eye and looked around. Things seemed clear and normal. She did the same with her right eye, and the difference was shocking. Or at least it would’ve been had Willa not expected for her vision to be dark and blurry. Although it seemed much darker these days. She blinked back and forth observing the difference.
“What are you doing?” Corey asked.
&nbs
p; “Are you always this—”
“Annoying? Nosy? Attentive?”
“Yeah, actually.”
“I don’t know. I just notice stuff, I guess. Are you having trouble seeing?”
Willa knew that there was no use in trying to avoid answering Corey’s questions, so she just gave in. “Yes. Well, not any more than usual, I don’t think. It’s a side effect of the radiation.”
“You’re blind?”
“No. Not yet anyway. It’s been pretty hazy since treatment, but it seems to be getting worse, darker it seems.”
“In both eyes?”
“No, just the one. They said it might happen. I reckon it’s a good thing I’ve got two.” Willa laughed, but it hadn’t been sincere.
“So sooner or later you’ll lose all sight in that eye? Wow. How is that gonna work out?”
“Eh. It’s just an eye.”
“Why do you do that?” Corey asked in a huff.
There wasn’t a person on earth, save for Willa’s oncologist, who knew Willa was losing her sight. She hadn’t even told her brother. This girl figured it out after a single day, and now she wanted to know how it affected her. “I don’t know. Maybe because I haven’t figured it all out myself, even two years after my last treatment.”
“Why do you always think that you need to have everything figured out? Do you talk to anyone?”
“Fuck no, I don’t talk to anyone.” Willa’s voice was louder than she meant it to be. “What am I going to talk about? My feelings about getting eye cancer and going blind? Had I known there was going to be mandatory therapy here, I wouldn’t have come.”
“You don’t have anyone that you talk to about this stuff? Family? Friends?”
“No. My brother is as close as I have to real friends, and I purposely arranged my life when I was diagnosed so that I had to depend as little as possible on anyone other than myself. It’s worked out just fine.”