by Tina Michele
Okay. Sweet! I know how to kayak. Maybe not whitewater, but the techniques are the same. Right? MC dismissed them and gave them just twenty minutes to get changed and be ready to get on the bus out front.
He hadn’t been kidding either. It was a bus. It was short and bright yellow just like they were in elementary school. Everyone loaded in and picked seats. Colorful drawings, stickers, and graffiti covered every surface of the bus. Willa recognized several of the volunteers among the tags and signatures. Willa chose the front while everyone else filled up the rear seats first. It must have been an instinctual move recalled from their early years of school transportation, but Willa had always preferred the view and quiet of the front. She imagined that was the opposite of what this particular group was attempting to accomplish, but it was too late to move even if she’d wanted to. Not only were the backseats now taken, but Haven, Diego, and Wendy had hopped up into the back. The last few seats had been removed for an equipment area, and a bench put longways against the side. As luck would have it, Willa chose the seat on the opposite side, which gave her an unobstructed angle to where Haven was sitting. Thankfully, she was soon distracted by views outside the bus as they headed toward their destination.
* * *
Haven sat between Wendy and Diego. Most times they’d spend this hour-long ride chatting about their lives outside of camp and shaming themselves for never getting together as often as they talked about. Camp was their time together; as much as it was an opportunity for campers to escape life, it was theirs as well. This time things were different. In addition to Haven’s world being disrupted, so was their routine, all because she couldn’t keep her mind or eyes off Willa.
Haven was glad that Willa had decided to look out the window rather than sit sideways and make awkward eye contact every few seconds for an hour. Plus, it gave Haven an opportunity to see Willa for the first time in so many years. Her presence caused a long forgotten tingle in her belly. Her hair was the same dirty blond, although the cut was a little different. Haven had always cut her hair on a stool in their kitchen whenever she had asked, which was like clockwork every two months. She imagined she hadn’t found anyone to cut it the same way.
Willa wore the same red, white, and black rash guard swim shirt that she had when they were together. It hugged her strong body in all the best places and emphasized her full breasts and hourglass figure. She was tall and solid, but still had the smooth curves of a woman. It might have shaded her skin from the sun, but Haven had no problem remembering in great detail what was hidden beneath.
“I’m afraid if she doesn’t blink soon her eyes might shrivel up and fall out of her head,” Diego said to Wendy.
“No worries. She needs them to stare down Willa like she’s on a turkey farm at Thanksgiving.”
“I can hear you guys. I’m not deaf.”
“Well, look at that! It’s a miracle. She’s finally out of the coma.”
Wendy chortled. “Really though, what are you going to do about that? You can’t go all week avoiding her.”
“Sure I can.”
“Haven, you moved all the way across the country because you couldn’t handle being in the same state as she was. Now you’re on the same bus, literally ten feet apart.”
They were. Willa was within a few feet of touching her, but that was it. “We are much further apart than that.” It was an odd feeling being so close to Willa, yet so disconnected. There were dreams she had where she felt closer to her than she did at that moment. “That’s a good thing, right? It means I’m moving on. I’ve moved on.”
Wendy and Diego looked over at Haven and raised their eyebrows at each other. “Um, I don’t think that’s it,” Wendy said. “You are a fantasist and a hopeless romantic. This is your very own awkward romance novel.”
Diego offered his own disturbing and awkward book titles. “Colorado Courtship. No! Mountains of Love. Oh wait, no. Camp Lady Lovin’?”
Wendy and Haven both stared at him in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?” Wendy said.
“What?”
“This is not a romance novel. You do realize the shit in those books doesn’t actually happen. Yeah, I read them, but it’s not like I believe that garbage.”
“Wait. What? No. I’m the one that doesn’t believe in that second chances, soul mates, long lost lovers garbage. You do,” Wendy said.
Sure, she had, once upon a time. But Haven had long dismissed the idea that she would ever get a second chance with Willa. She’d watched every rom-com and read every sappy novel trying to make sense of her situation. She used the stories and fictions as strings of hope keeping hold of the idea that maybe she could have that second chance with Willa. But time passed and the distance grew, and with each passing day Haven lost that hope and let that string slip from her hand. “Not anymore. I’ve got a new life now. A fresh start.”
Before Wendy or Diego could say anything to make the situation more uncomfortable, they had arrived at their destination. As the campers disembarked at the front of the bus, the three of them hopped out the back and unloaded the cargo. Today was an easy day as the campers learned the basic of kayaks and paddling. Volunteers were there to hand out lunch, and with any luck they’d get some time in the boat during the afternoon lessons on the lake.
Wendy and Haven lugged the giant Yeti cooler from the bus to the pool area. The campers shuffled along, no doubt wondering why they were at a pool in the middle of a subdivision. But once they were inside the gate, everyone’s eyes widened with excitement, including Willa’s.
The campers gathered around MC and Scrat for their kayak assignments as the three of them hung the wet suits and kayak skirts on the fence and laid out the many pairs of water shoes for those without their own. Haven found herself looking forward to watching Willa get fitted for her wet suit. If anyone could look good in skintight neoprene it was Willa. Her strong legs and muscular ass were meant to be accentuated by the body-hugging garment. Haven’s body heated in spite of the cool mountain air of the foothills. If she kept up this unexpected admiration of Willa’s figure, she would need to jump into the pool herself. She forced herself to focus on the cooler of food and bags of supplies to bring her out of the spiraling fantasy.
Chapter Five
Willa gathered around MC and Scrat, and more than a dozen brightly colored kayaks. Scrat was MC’s right-hand woman. All of his jumping, bouncing, and whistling was equalized by Scrat’s subdued, focused, yet cordial demeanor.
Haven had her hair split into two uneven halves with each side massed into its own little nest. Her polarized sunglasses were pushed up onto her head as she bent over a rubber tote and rummaged through it. It was a full rear view, but Haven’s body was angled enough for Willa to get a good enough look at the sleek and toned legs she’d always been so fond of. They were her favorite part of Haven’s body save for a few others she remembered.
She’d known Haven for so long that at one time they’d been convinced if one of them hurt the other could feel the pain as her own. They were merely high schoolers then, oblivious of the feelings bubbling below the surface. But now, she barely knew the woman adjusting the camera mounted on what was more than likely her own personal sport helmet. The giant University of Central Florida knight insignia emblazoned the back of the black helmet along with a variety of other Haven-esque stickers. Willa wondered how long Haven had been doing this to have invested in her own gear. The Haven she knew just three years earlier didn’t even know how to swim. Haven had almost drowned her on no less than four occasions, including one time during a snorkeling trip to the Keys. Thank God for the mandatory life vest that kept her afloat enough to kick around in her flippers. Willa never was sure why all of their adventures involved water, except that Haven always ended up with her smooth, wet legs wrapped around some part of Willa’s body. So there was a slight benefit.
When Scrat got to her, Willa started to feel a twinge of anxiety. She pointed to a bright yellow boat just to her right and told her to ta
ke a seat. Scrat crouched down and wrote Willa’s name onto the white duct tape stuck across the bow. Willa looked down at the tiny boat and wondered if Scrat had been mistaken. “Um. Are you sure about this?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I’m taller than this boat is long. I think that defies some concrete rule of physics or something.” Willa instantly knew that this was not going to be like kayaking in a flatwater boat down a lazy Florida river, and her anxiety rose. She paced the length of the kayak and shook out her hands in an attempt to relieve the twitching in her muscles.
Scrat laughed. “It’s fine. Slide down in there and you’ll see.” Scrat held the boat with her foot as Willa hesitantly did as she was told.
Willa wiggled into the seat and found it roomier than it looked, although her knees rammed into the underside of the cockpit. Scrat made a few quick adjustments to the levers and straps, and before she knew it, Willa felt as though the kayak had been tailor-made to fit her bottom. When Scrat engaged the tension levers on each side, Willa felt a bit trapped. They could pick her up and the boat would come with her. “Am I supposed to feel, uh…”
“Snug?”
“Yeah. That’s one word for it.”
“Sort of. You should feel secure and comfortable. Keep your knees here and your feet there.” Scrat pointed and moved Willa’s legs into position. “The boat should move with you. Rock your hips back and forth, like this.” Scrat did the hula for example, and Willa copied her. “Remember that.”
“The hula?”
“Sure. If that helps.” Scrat smiled and moved on to the next camper.
“Does it look like I’m built to hula?” Willa asked as she released herself from the boat and climbed out.
“Willa, if you’re comfortable you can go over to MC and he’ll explain what’s next.”
Before Willa got to MC he had thrown himself ceremoniously into the pool with a big flourish. She was certain she’d heard him whistle the iconic six note fanfare “Charge” on his way in.
MC explained that the next step in their introduction to kayaking involved something called a roll and a wet exit. Willa imagined that if her brother had been there he’d have made some obscene pun about the term. But she chuckled at one or two possible one-night stand jokes that might work. MC asked for volunteers, and since Willa had been too busy making childish double entendres she wasn’t quick enough to hide behind the rest of the group before he pointed to her.
“Willa, you’re up!”
She slid into a kayak perched at the edge of the pool. As soon as she was seated, Diego gave a quick push and into the water she splashed. She had been prepared for the jolt forward, but that was the least of her concerns when the frigid water rolled up over the front and down into the cockpit. She took a ragged breath and squawked in surprise as the water soaked into her trunks. She felt everyone staring in her direction, and unfortunately that included Haven. No problem. You got this. Willa repeated to herself. She’d been kayaking a hundred times back home. She could swim, and she was in a pool no more than four feet deep. Relax. Do not make a fool of yourself in front of…everyone.
MC proceeded to explain the definition of wet exit, although this time Willa was too preoccupied with everything else he was saying to make jokes. He told her several steps that she would perform after she went over. “Over?” she said, her voice an octave higher than normal.
“Yes. That’s where we get the wet part of the exit.” Everyone laughed. Nervousness made her search the crowd for a familiar face for comfort, and she found Haven. Haven gave just the slightest hint of a smile, and Willa sat up straighter.
“Okay.” She could do this. She didn’t need a confidence boost or a nostalgic look from an ex-lover. All she needed was herself and her natural instincts. “Now what?” MC explained each step in detail and she repeated them. Flip, wave, tap, and flip. “Easy stuff! Let’s do it.”
Willa leaned far to her right and the boat began to tip. She took a deep breath and went under. As soon as the cold water penetrated her shirt, her memory faltered. Flip. Flip. What? Oh, wave! She stuck both arms up out of the water and waved them along the length of the capsized boat. Tap. She tapped the bottom of the boat three times fast. MC flipped the kayak back upright, and she emerged from the pool soaked and disoriented. She gasped for air and choked on the gallon of water she had inhaled before she was all the way out of the water. She coughed as water came up and out of her mouth and nose. Her hair was stuck to her face as water and who knows what else dripped down her chin.
“Nice job. You all right?” MC asked, unfazed by her spasms and snot.
Willa wiped her face and pushed back her hair, and the thought of everyone, especially Haven, laughing at Willa’s unfortunate first attempt. She had been cold, but a fire erupted within her. Willa looked over at Haven, who was in fact watching her flounder like an idiot. “I’m fine.” She scoffed at his concern. “Can we do it again?” She needed to get it right.
“Yes. This time slow your taps.”
That was all he said before she leaned to the right and sent herself back under the water on her own terms. Her breath was deep and her taps were slow. On the way up she blew air from her nose and rose to the surface like a pro. She searched for Haven, hoping to see that pretentious smile wiped off her face, but she was no longer standing there.
* * *
Haven couldn’t watch Willa go through that again. She knew just how difficult it was when she had to do the same training, and there were very few newbies who didn’t suck a pool full of water up their nose the first time over. Actually, Haven still choked on water when she went in for a swim on the river. But it was different with Willa, as failure meant embarrassment. When they had been together, she often believed that Willa would rather not try something than fail at it. Which didn’t appear to have changed in their years apart. Haven didn’t want to add to any turmoil that was already brewing inside Willa, so she made busy with setting out cups and snacks away from the pool.
To Haven, it seemed that Willa hadn’t changed a bit. She was still stubborn, witty, and liked her coffee more beige than black. Her presence was commanding, yet she always preferred to look unassuming. Haven had always adored her shortcomings. They were what made Haven feel needed and helpful in their relationship, like she made Willa a better or more complete person. But Haven had grown comfortable in being taken care of. Willa could do anything she set her mind to. She could cook, clean, and fix the spark plugs on her pickup all at the same time. She didn’t need Haven, or so it seemed. She’d felt like that had been one of the catalysts to Willa leaving her, and as clichéd as it was, Haven had spent the last three years doing everything she could to change that. She learned to be independent, take care of herself, and never said no to learning something new, so maybe if Willa ever did come home she would see that Haven was able to be equal partners. It seemed that Willa had only grown more comfortable in her ability to take care of herself.
Haven wondered what Willa’s new partner was like. Did she stand next to Willa after dinner and dry the dishes Willa washed? Did they make that dinner together, chopping vegetables in unison on color-coded boards? Or worse, did they sit up until four a.m. wrapped in each other’s arms planning a cancer-free future together as Haven and Willa had once done? Haven was curious to know how long after Willa had left that she met someone new.
It didn’t matter, though. Haven had moved on, too. Hell, she had moved in order to move on. Granted, she’d done it begrudgingly after years of putting her life on hold hoping that Willa’s leaving was just a bad dream. “I’m in a good place, dammit!”
“Uh, oookay,” Wendy said.
Haven restacked the cups that she’d been manhandling for at least twenty minutes now. “I’m happy. I have a girlfriend, a career, and great friends. I don’t need her. Or this.”
“That’s great, sweetie. But if that’s the case, why has it got you so turned around?”
“It doesn’t. Maybe it does. A little. I don
’t know. I reckon I just never expected to see her again. And here of all places. What does that mean?”
“What does it mean for you or what does it mean in real life? Because those are two different things, ya know.”
Haven didn’t even pretend to protest. Wendy was right. She was a dreamer in a world of realists. “There has to be a reason, Wendy. Things like this don’t just happen.” Haven straightened the napkin stack again.
“You know I don’t believe in all that fate and destiny bullshit. But it is curious nonetheless. I mean, what are the odds?”
Both of them looked over at the crowd gathered around the pool. Willa stood out from the crowd not just because of her height, but somewhere she’d gotten a flashy silver emergency blanket and had it wrapped around her shoulders. They couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Willa shivering as if she were a couple degrees shy of hypothermia.
“I feel so bad for her. She hates being cold.”
“Obviously. I didn’t think anyone could be less cold tolerant than you were a couple of years ago. But it seems I was wrong.”
“It’s almost lunch. The soup should help her…eh, them.”
As the last camper climbed out of the pool, Haven and Wendy set up the lunches of soup and sandwiches, each thermos and bag marked with the camper’s name in their own handwriting. Willa had also taken an extra minute to draw an image of a prideful rooster on her baggie.
Haven’s imagination flashed to a cocky Willa surrounded by a flock of women. To Haven, Willa implied a freedom to come and go without the trappings of a cage or relationship. Maybe she didn’t have a girlfriend; maybe she had several. The thought that Willa was involved with one woman, let alone several, sent a wave of unexpected jealousy through her. Haven looked up and saw Willa headed straight toward her, but before she was forced to have yet another awkward encounter with Willa, she stepped away from the table to where the other volunteers gathered together for lunch.