French Kissing: Season One

by Harper Bliss

  “What if it’s not enough, though?” Juliette ran her fingers over Nadia’s wrist. “What if I need more?”

  “Are you saying you want children? Because, well, nothing is impossible, but we’re no spring chickens, and we kind of made that decision a while ago.”

  “I just… I’ve been shaken to the core.” Juliette dug her nails into Nadia’s flesh a little, for support. “I slept with a girl in her twenties, for crying out loud. My bloody assistant.” She made tiny left-to-right movements with her chin. “What’s next? A Porsche?”

  “We don’t have a garage, babe,” Nadia said dryly. “They cost a fortune in Paris.”

  Juliette burst out in a nervous giggle. “God, I know.” She tugged at Nadia’s arm, pulling her across the table. “Maybe we should just get a cat.”

  “Maybe a dog as well.” Nadia allowed herself to be hoisted up, her face inching closer to Juliette’s across the tabletop. “But seriously, Jules. I need you to know I’m not dismissing you. If this is how you feel, we need to address it. Think about it.”

  “So, you’re not… automatically opposed to the idea?” Juliette rose from her chair, meeting Nadia half-way.

  “If the idea equals your happiness, of course not.”

  “I don’t know what exactly lies ahead for us, babe,” Juliette said, her lips already hovering over Nadia’s mouth, “but I do know for certain you and I are going to make it.”

  Nadia nodded and pressed a kiss on Juliette’s mouth.

  STEPH

  “Thank you for sending me that text,” Steph said to Claire over a glass of chilled white wine. “My time with Dominique in Juan-les-Pins was nothing short of amazing.” Steph thought back at their goodbye. It had been restrained and decent, for the children’s sake, but on the inside, it had torn her up completely to drive away from that house.

  “Sorry for practically forbidding you to go in the first place.” Claire didn’t look as if she had a night of moderate drinking in mind. They sat on the terrace of what seemed like a very lesbian-friendly bar in Lyon.

  She looked Claire straight in the eyes. “I let her fuck me with a strap-on, you know.”

  Claire nearly spit out the gulp of wine she was swirling around in her mouth. “Jesus christ, Steph.”

  “I know, it’s shocking.” A warm glow tumbled down Steph’s flesh at the memory of that night on the lawn. And the night after in her room. “I’m a bottom now.”

  Claire started laughing. “And hell has frozen over.” She narrowed her eyes. “Do you remember that night we got together?”

  Steph took a sip from her drink. That had happened so many girls ago. In another lifetime, really. “As if it was yesterday.”

  “Sure.” Claire slanted her head. “Do you think we could have ever worked out if, well, if I hadn’t been your boss.”

  Steph pursed her lips before speaking. “First of all, I was twenty-four years old and suffering from the worst heartbreak of my life. Second, you only went for a drink with me that night because you were still hung-up on Jules and you couldn’t stomach that she was moving in with Nadia. And third, I’m sure the sex was great and all, but l wasn’t really looking for anything steady back then.”

  Claire nudged Steph in the ribs. “I knew you didn’t remember.”

  “I’m not proud of it, okay?” Steph held up her hands. “When your girlfriend asks you how many women you’ve been with and you don’t really know, that’s kind of an embarrassing moment.” Steph had tried counting again, numerous times while lazing by the pool, but she always lost count around two thousand and ten—a particularly busy year.

  “Girlfriend, huh?” Claire glanced at her sideways. “I have to hand it to you, Steph, you sure know how to pick them.”

  “What can I say?” Steph refilled their glasses from the bottle in the ice-bucket next to their table. “I’m a sucker for punishment.” It was good to see Claire smile, to have this moment with her. “Don’t turn around, okay? But there’s this chick who’s been staring at you for the past fifteen minutes. She’s hot. If it were me—”

  Steph witnessed how Claire’s face dropped. “No. I’m not interested.”

  “Okay. Your call.” Steph received the message loud and clear.

  “My brother installed this app on my phone. I mean, as if…”

  Steph eyed Claire’s phone, her interest peaked. She had never really relied on technology to get the sort of thing she was after.

  “Margot is not someone I’m just going to get over by hooking up with a stranger,” Claire continued. Steph respected the silence that came after her last statement. “I only want something similar to what I had with her. Something meaningful.” She curled her fingers around the belly of her wine glass before finding Steph’s eyes. “I don’t know how she did it, but she got me. She really understood what I wanted.”

  Steph could safely say she’d never seen her friend and boss this heartbroken. “Hey, you know I’m well-connected, right? I can make stuff happen to the lovely doctor without borders.”

  “That’s very nice of you, Steph, but the only thing I need is a time machine so I can send us back in time. So I can live happily ever after with Margot as if Inez Larue never existed.”

  “Would you take her back? If she realised she made the mistake of her life and begged you for forgiveness?” Steph scanned Claire’s face.

  “In a heartbeat,” Claire said without hesitation. “In a fucking flash.” She reached for her jeans pocket and fished out a handkerchief, dragged it over the bottom of her nose. “But they’re probably living happily ever after now.”

  “I don’t see it, though.” Steph found Claire’s knee under the table and gave it a squeeze. “I simply can’t envision Margot going back to her ex like that. She just… doesn’t strike me as the type.”

  “That’s what Jules said, but guess what? She did.” The handkerchief made an appearance again. “Fuck, I dread going back to Paris.”

  “I’ll drive slowly.” Steph drank and glanced at the woman a few tables down from them. Before Dominique, she would have prolonged the eye-contact, walked to the ladies’ room slowly and looked back just before heading inside. She didn’t miss it one bit.

  “Can I ask you a very personal question?” Claire asked.

  “Anything you want.” Steph focused her attention fully back on Claire.

  “Have you ever…” Was she starting to blush? “Tied someone up, you know, like really dominated them?” Claire averted her gaze and stared into her wine glass briefly.

  “Yeah, sure. Quite a few times actually.” Steph waited patiently for Claire to look at her again.

  “That’s what Margot did. And she didn’t joke about it either.” She pinned her eyes on Steph. They were watery and small. “It was so thrilling to completely relinquish control like that. I never experienced anything like it before.”

  Steph couldn’t suppress a smile. “Now there’s something I do see Margot doing.” She imagined what would have happened if Margot had accepted her advances that first night they met. It seemed so long ago, her mind couldn’t even go there anymore. “You’ll find love again, Claire. It may not seem like it right now, but another person who seems just right will come along.”

  Claire shook her head. “Not someone like her.” She emptied the last of the wine into her glass unceremoniously. Steph couldn’t hold it against her.

  MARGOT

  “Hey you.” Inez walked into the hospital changing room wearing a big grin on her face, coming straight for Margot. “Such a pity you couldn’t stay yesterday.”

  Margot had invented a dinner date with her parents, so as not to have to linger at Inez’ flat. Not that everything was so cut-and-dried in her mind. Now that Inez shot her that glorious smile, and had that knowing twinkle in her eye, it took Margot back again to that time in her life when she’d been the happiest.

  Still, her mind kept wandering back to the thought that Claire was coming back from holiday today, and that she should maybe go an
d see her. Old and new feelings were doing battle inside of her, and if she knew only one thing very clearly, it was that it wasn’t fair on either of them.

  It hadn’t been fair on Inez to barge into her place and have her like that, implying much more than Margot had actually been willing to give. And it wouldn’t be fair on Claire to show up at her doorstep again, not after the obvious pain Margot had caused her the last time she had done that.

  “Will you come over tonight?” Inez’ nose nuzzled the skin of Margot’s neck. Did she not remember that Margot wasn’t really one for public displays of affection in the work place? Of course, personality-wise, Margot hadn’t been very consistent lately.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t. Not tonight.” Hadn’t she fooled everyone enough? Including herself?

  “If you tell me you can’t one more time, I will spontaneously combust, Go-Go.” Inez pulled back a little. “At least have lunch with me. We need to talk.”

  Before Margot had a chance to reply, both their beepers went off. They shared a glance and sped out of the changing room.

  * * *

  As it turned out, neither Margot nor Inez had had time for lunch, and Margot found herself hovering outside of Nadia’s door. She seemed like the only person she could confide in.

  “Got a minute?” Margot asked, after knocking and sneaking her head in the door.

  Nadia looked up from her computer screen. “Of course.”

  Margot sat down and pondered how many times she’d sat in this chair discussing non-hospital business in the past few months. She really needed to get a grip on herself.

  “What’s on your mind?” Nadia asked, tilting her head slightly.

  “What’s not?” Margot sighed. “I’m such a mess.” There had been a time when Margot wouldn’t have dreamed of uttering these words to another human being.

  “Just a heads-up, I have to attend a meeting with the board in ten minutes.” Nadia glanced at the wall clock to her left. “But if you’d like, you’re welcome to join Jules and me for dinner tonight.”

  “Juliette hates me after what I did to Claire.”

  Nadia shook her head. “That is absolutely not true. Claire’s her best friend, but—”

  “It’s all right.” Margot started getting up. “I shouldn’t be coming in here in the middle of the work day, anyway.”

  “Margot, wait.” Nadia shoved her chair back. “Please, come over tonight. Trust me, Juliette doesn’t hate you and, if anything, at least give her a chance to prove that.”

  “Okay.” Desperate for some friendly company, Margot gave in.

  “Just don’t bring Inez,” Nadia said, a smile on her lips.

  Margot was speechless and headed to the door in silence.

  “Lame joke,” Nadia was quick to say. “My bad.”

  But Margot knew she deserved it.

  * * *

  When Margot rang Juliette and Nadia’s bell, a bottle of Saint-Émilion in her hand, she wondered how she’d gone from wanting five quick minutes to vent with Nadia to a full-blown dinner with the pair of them.

  “Bonsoir.” Juliette answered the door and pecked Margot on the cheeks warmly. Maybe Margot had been imagining things, after all. “Come in. Nadia’s in the kitchen.” Margot remembered the first time she’d come to dinner here—and considered how much everything had changed since then.

  Juliette poured all three of them a glass from the bottle Margot had brought and invited Margot to sit.

  “Just to quickly clear the air between us,” she said, crossing one leg over the other. “I know you never meant to hurt Claire and I’m sorry things turned out the way they have.”

  “We’re good?” It made Margot sound as if she was in a gangster movie.

  “Of course.” She scooted to the edge of her chair. “And, if you don’t mind, I’m going to need you to do me a favour,” she whispered. “Nadia’s birthday is approaching fast and I—”

  They were interrupted by the chime of the bell.

  “Can you get that, babe?” Nadia shouted from the kitchen. “It’s probably the delivery from Le Gourmand. Check if everything’s there.”

  Margot leaned back in her chair. What was that about Nadia’s birthday? Was Juliette planning a surprise and expecting Margot to attend? That wouldn’t be awkward at all. And what was that noise in the hallway? That didn’t sound like a delivery.

  “Straight from the road, les amies.” Margot recognised Steph’s voice. “Dropping off your neighbour here and we thought we’d check in with our favourite non-dramatic couple. See if you’re still together and such.”

  Margot’s chest tightened. Did she say ‘we’?

  “Salut,” a familiar voice said. “I hope we’re not interrupting anything romantic.” Footsteps approached and Margot shot up out of the sofa. Fuck.

  “Claire, wait.” Margot heard Juliette say. “We have company.” But it was too late, because there they stood. Face to face. In the same living room where they had first met.

  “I should probably go,” Margot mumbled. Nadia had come out of the kitchen and the five of them stood frozen in time for an instant.

  “No, that’s all right,” Claire said, her voice broken. “We shouldn’t have barged in like that. I’ll go.”

  “There’s plenty of food for everyone,” Nadia offered. “You know me, I always make too much.”

  Margot glanced at Claire. Her skin was nut-brown, contrasting with her blonde hair. She looked tired though, with dark circles under her eyes. “Stay,” Margot said. “Please.” She started making her way to the hallway, past a perplexed Steph and Juliette.

  Nadia came behind her when she’d almost reached the door. “You don’t have to do this.” She planted her hand on the doorknob. “I know it’s awkward, but it will have to happen once…”

  “No, it’s too hard. For both of us.” Margot put her hand over Nadia’s on the handle.

  “Can we talk for a minute?” Claire’s voice crackled behind them. “It won’t take long.”

  Nadia nodded and rushed back into the living room, leaving them alone.

  “I hope you had a good holiday,” Margot said, not knowing what else to say.

  “I didn’t.” Claire inched closer, leaning her upper body against the wall—just like she’d done that night when Margot had gone to break up with her. “I just… I need to know, Margot.”

  Margot shook her head. “We’re not back together.” Although Inez would beg to differ.

  CLAIRE

  “You’re not?” Hope flared like fireworks in Claire’s veins.

  Margot shook her head. She looked rattled—just as rattled as Claire felt. “We should talk.” She fiddled with her fingers. “Soon.”

  “We should?” They were talking now. Why couldn’t Margot say what she had to say.

  “In private,” Margot said, as if reading Claire’s mind.

  “I guess I’d better not stop by the hospital.” Claire had to call upon a lot of willpower not to rush over to where Margot was standing and pull her close. Kiss her. Could she really have changed her mind? Was that why she wanted to talk?

  “Maybe not.” Confidence started creeping back into Margot’s voice. She looked as if she was regaining control. “How about tomorrow evening?”

  “Why don’t you stay? You were here first.” Claire suddenly didn’t want her to go, wanted to bask in her presence—no matter how awkward—a while longer.

  Margot pursed her lips before speaking. “It’s not a good idea.”

  “Fine. Tomorrow.” Despite herself, Claire inched closer. “Just…” The words died in her throat.

  “Yes?” Was that hope flickering in Margot’s eyes? Or pity?

  “Tomorrow. Come to mine.” Claire wasn’t sure she could face going back to Margot’s flat.

  “Okay.” Margot nodded solemnly. “See you then.” Her voice had gone so soft, it almost felt like a caress.

  I miss you, Claire wanted to say. Stay. But Margot was turning the handle already, slipping through th
e small crack the edge of the door created with the wall.

  Claire stood staring at the door for a few seconds longer after Margot had left. It had been oddly less painful than she’d imagined an impromptu meeting between them would be—hopeful, almost.

  “Are you all right?” Juliette came up behind her.

  Claire sucked in a deep breath before turning around. “No.”

  “I’m sorry, if we’d known you’d be stopping by—”

  “It’s okay.” Claire looked her friend in the eyes. “Just give me a hug, will you?”

  Juliette wrapped her arms around Claire and, although she tried not to, Claire couldn’t help but pretend it was Margot holding her.

  “She brought an excellent bottle of red,” Juliette whispered in her ear. “Come on, I’ve poured you a glass already.”

  As they headed into the living room, Claire glanced at Nadia and Steph sitting there, while Juliette still had a hand on her shoulder, and she realised this was her other—her chosen—family.

  “Let’s eat,” Nadia said and rose from her seat, squeezing Claire’s shoulder as she passed her on the way to the kitchen. “I’ve made my mother’s world famous merguez tajine.”

  “How dare you serve sausages to a bunch of lesbians,” Steph said.

  “You certainly seem to have taken a shine to them,” Claire said, shooting Steph a crooked grin. “From what you’ve told me.”

  “Please elaborate.” Juliette grabbed the bottle of wine from the coffee table and carried it with her to the dining table.

  “Gosh, there really is no such thing as privacy with you ladies, is there?” Steph sat down and winked at Claire.

  Claire took a seat next to her and she guessed that, no matter what happened with Margot, her friends would get her through.

  STEPH

  “Happy birthday,” Steph said to the image of Dominique on her laptop screen.