by Harper Bliss
“And who knows, maybe we’ll make grandparents out of you yet,” Juliette said.
Nadia looked at her in disbelief. How much had she actually drunk? Was it that last cognac that had tipped her over the edge?
Both her mother and her father appeared as speechless as Nadia, shuffling in their seats, twirling their fingers around their glass.
“It’s just something we’ve been tentatively talking about,” Nadia said. “Very tentatively.” She shot Juliette a stern glance.
“Whatever you decide, we support you either way,” her mother said while resting her eyes on Juliette.
“Thank you,” Juliette said, looking away from Nadia.
“I think we’d best get going.” Nadia started pushing her chair back. “It might be my birthday, but it’s still a school night.” She ruffled her hand through Juliette’s hair. “Come on, you.”
“I’ve wrapped up some leftovers, chérie,” Nadia’s mother said, making it clear Nadia should follow her to the kitchen to take possession of them.
“Don’t mind Jules, Mum. I think it’s an early midlife crisis or something.”
Her mother rested her behind against the countertop. “Is everything okay between you two now?”
“Yes. It is. We’re good.” Nadia hadn’t given her mother all the details. In fact, she’d barely mentioned that she had moved out of their flat for a few weeks. “And hey, congratulations to you, Madame Abadi. After all, it was you who was suffering in the delivery room forty-two years ago. All I did was make my way out successfully.”
“Best day of my life, darling.” Her mother opened her arms wide. While she embraced her, Nadia felt a twinge of guilt because she let her professional life get in the way of visits home too much. It was only a thirty-minute ride. She should cherish the fact that she and her parents had such a good relationship, unlike Juliette, whose mother and father might as well be dead to her. “And just so you know, I’m more than up to becoming a grandmother.”
“Don’t you start as well.” Nadia mock-wrestled herself free from her mother’s hug.
“Is she just saying things or is there some truth to it?” A profound glimmer of hope shone in her mother’s eye—a glint Nadia had never seen twinkle in Juliette’s eyes whenever she spoke of children.
“Don’t hold your horses. She’s just acting out mostly.”
“How about you, though?”
How about her? Nadia had had her world rocked just as much as Juliette had, yet she wasn’t the type to go full-speed in a new direction as a reflex. She was forty-two years old today. Despite promising Juliette that she wouldn’t automatically dismiss the idea, Nadia could hardly stand there—in front of her own mother—and confess to having suddenly become host to a huge maternal instinct.
“If this discussion gets anywhere near serious, you’ll be the first to know.” Nadia stepped closer to her mother again, suddenly in need of another hug.
“I’m just happy you’ve recovered from whatever was going on between the two of you.”
“Nadz,” Juliette called from the living room.
“Thanks for dinner, Mamy.” Nadia gave her mother’s frame one last squeeze and headed back into the other room where Juliette waited for her.
JULIETTE
“I’m sorry, babe,” Juliette said when she woke up in the back seat of the cab as it slowed to take their exit on the périphérique. “It’s your birthday, you should be the one slouching half-drunk in a taxi.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Nadia shot her a sly smile. “I believe I owe you in that department.”
“You’re my wife, you don’t owe me anything.” Across the leather of the seat, Juliette’s hand found Nadia’s.
“Now that we legally could be wives, you can’t just call me that anymore.” Nadia intertwined her fingers with Juliette’s.
Juliette sat up a bit straighter, scooting closer, cradling Nadia’s hand in her lap. “Oops.” She lifted Nadia’s hand to chin-level. “Well then, I will at least fulfil my partner-ly duties when we get home.” She sucked one of Nadia’s fingers in her mouth.
“It’s not a duty, Jules.” Nadia all but retracted her hand.
Juliette let Nadia’s finger slip from her mouth and turned to her. The taxi had reached their street, but stood still in traffic, the sound of its blinker tick-tocking like a clock. “It was a joke.” She didn’t let go of Nadia’s hand. “What’s the matter?”
Nadia sighed before speaking. “I wish you wouldn’t just blurt out statements about having children in front of my parents. Not before we’ve properly discussed it. It’s not something to take lightly. I know for a fact that Mamy will be awake all night thinking about it, even though she’ll never admit to it.”
“And by that, do you mean you’ll be up all night fretting about it as well?”
The taxi came to a halt in front of their building. Juliette paid the driver and they got out.
Nadia waited until they were in the lift, a small coffin-sized space that forced them to stand close to each other, to reply. “I have no need to worry about your child wish, Jules. Because I’ve been your partner for ten years and I know you. You need a new thought to occupy your mind for a while—so it doesn’t have to linger on the mistakes you’ve made.”
The elevator ground to a halt with a light bump. Nadia got out first and unlocked the front door, giving Juliette ample time to think before responding. Juliette sucked in a deep breath, but it didn’t diminish the sensation of being totally misunderstood by the one person who should get her—who claimed to know her so well.
“The mistakes I made?” If Nadia—and Claire and Steph, for that matter—were right about one thing, it was that their relationship was still much too fragile after the reconciliation for Juliette’s thoughts to venture in the direction of having children. But what? All three of them suddenly had periscopic insight into her brain? Into her desires?
“Let’s sit down for a minute.” Nadia wore her calm face, the one that, in situations like this, had the potential to drive Juliette right over the edge. Nadia was always the unflappable, reasonable one, making Juliette look like a loony in the process. And Juliette knew that, in that simple sentence, a whole other meaning lay implied. What Nadia really wanted to say was: let’s take a moment before you go off the deep end again and say things you’ll regret.
Fury rising in her gut—because Juliette knew that, at least about this, Nadia was right—Juliette sat down. It was late. She’d had too much to drink. All she wanted to do was go to bed and sleep it off.
Nadia waited for Juliette to speak, which, on top of the anger already flaring inside of her, made Juliette’s blood boil even more. She sat watching Nadia, their eyes meeting only briefly—because Juliette had to look away when she watched Nadia look at her and imagined what she might be thinking.
“I love you, Jules,” Nadia said, out of the blue. “Even though you have a temper and despite being a control freak, it’s the one thing you can’t control. I know it drives you nuts. I know that, right at this moment, you’re sitting there feeling like the world is against you, like I am against you. But I’m not. I’m always with you. And over the years, I’ve come to understand where your anger stems from. I know who you are, babe. I know you.”
“But—” Juliette couldn’t speak through the tears that had started streaming down her cheeks, through the lump in her throat the size of her heart.
Nadia crouched beside her and put a hand on her knee. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I know.” Nadia rose and reached out her hand. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“But it’s your birthday,” Juliette managed to say in between sobs.
“So? All I wanted was to spend it with you. I got my wish.”
Juliette took Nadia’s hand and pulled herself up out of the sofa. Her mind was numbed because of the crying, but Juliette was alert enough to remember the surprise she had prepared for Nadia’s birthday party. A warm glow, almost cutting straight throug
h the hurt, spread through her at the thought of it.
MARGOT
“It was a pleasure working with you, doctor de Hay,” Inez said. Margot knew she’d said her goodbyes to the rest of the staff already. This was their moment.
“Do you want to go for a drink?” Margot felt uncomfortable doing this in the hospital changing room.
“No.” Inez shook her head. “This is it, Go-Go. I can’t.”
Margot nodded her understanding. “Thank you for—”
“Don’t thank me for ruining your life, please.” A sad smile crept along Inez’ lips.
Still, after all that had happened, Margot wanted to step in and kiss it into a happy smile. Instead, she huffed out a chuckle. “You know me, always too polite.”
“Oh sure.” Inez’ face lit up a bit. “And always overflowing with words.”
When Margot didn’t reply—because she didn’t know what to say—Inez continued. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I know.” Margot did step closer this time. She searched for Inez’ hands with hers and curled her fingers in a tight grip around them. “You will always be important to me.”
Inez slanted her head to the right a bit. “If only I’d handled things differently, we could have been friends by now.”
“No. We could never be friends. There’s too much between us.”
“Too much unfriendliness?” Inez grinned.
“I wouldn’t call it that.” Margot lifted one hand to Inez’ face and let the back of her index finger skate along her ex-girlfriend’s cheek while looking into her green eyes. Her finger gravitated towards Inez’ lips, but Margot corrected its path before she got too mesmerised by Inez’ presence again. Inez Larue, the one woman she couldn’t resist. The woman she’d given it all up for.
Inez caught Margot’s caressing hand with hers and pressed it to her cheek on a sharp intake of breath. “There’s no one like you, Go-Go.” She swallowed before continuing. “And I truly, wholeheartedly, hope that you and Claire get back together. I saw it when she came here to confront me. She loves you. She loves you like I did. Like I do.”
Margot inched closer, as close as she could go, and kissed Inez on the lips. One last kiss. A touch with at least a few good emotions attached to it, to erase all the painful ones that came before. “I’ll try,” she said, as she pulled back, and stepped away from Inez forever.
Inez had packed up her locker earlier and headed for the door. Before disappearing through it, she turned around one more time. Her ginger hair hung loose and wild around her head; her eyes were moist. She didn’t say anything, just looked at Margot, but Margot knew what she wanted to express.
One blink of her eyes, and Inez was gone. The thud of the door as she closed it behind her echoing through the room, like the memory of her face, of that last look, etching itself into Margot’s brain forever.
Although Margot had promised herself not to burst into tears anymore, especially at work, her eyes filled with moisture, big drops raining down her cheeks in wide tracks. Because with Inez, a part of herself had walked out of that door. The part that had crushed her upon Inez’ return. The part of her that loved so unconditionally, it destroyed lives.
She would need to consider her options of how to get back into Claire’s good graces. And she knew it would take time. The slow approach. She needed time to get back to herself again as well, to feel like herself again, because this person she’d become over the past month—the too sensitive sides of her personality on full display—had to be reined in. Maybe not as much as before, but enough to make her feel human again.
CLAIRE
“Jules, relax. It’s just us.” Claire didn’t know what Juliette was so up in arms about. “You’re not even doing all of the cooking yourself.”
“You can’t very well expect me to present Dominique Laroche with one of my country home dishes.”
“You’re a good cook, Jules. No one expects restaurant quality. Is that why you’re so nervous? Because Dominique is coming?”
“God no.” Juliette shook her head, but didn’t elaborate further.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Claire tried.
“No. I want to, but it’s a surprise.” Juliette chewed the inside of her cheek.
“You haven’t adopted a child behind everyone’s back, have you?” Claire joked.
Juliette burst out laughing. “Ah, mon dieu. No, of course not.” She made a gesture with her hand that signalled she didn’t want to discuss the surprise she had planned further.
“Has Margot confirmed her presence?” Because if anyone should be nervous about tonight’s party, it was Claire.
“Yep, so try to behave, will you. No crying in my hallway tonight.” Juliette said it with a smirk that made Claire forgive her for the remark instantly.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Claire scanned Juliette’s face. What was she up to?
“Inez left the hospital already, you know. Said her goodbyes earlier this week.”
Claire’s heartbeat picked up speed again. “I’m sure deep down she’s a lovely person, but good riddance.”
“Have you spoken to Margot at all since you heard about Inez’ departure?”
Claire drew her lips into a pout and shook her head. “No, I, uh, have been busy with work.”
“Oh please.” Of course, Juliette saw straight through her. “You’re scared.”
“Of course I’m bloody scared. The woman broke my heart.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Juliette paced to the window of Claire’s office and perched against the windowsill. “Are you waiting for her to make the first move?”
“I guess.” At the party you’re throwing for your partner, Claire thought, but was wise enough not to say out loud. “I said some really hurtful things to her the last time I saw her. Practically chased her out of my flat. I really thought we were done after that. Which is why I let Steph convince me to go on that stupid blind date. That poor woman…” Claire just stared in front of her for an instant. “But now that Inez is leaving… and then Steph said some things again. I don’t know, Jules.”
“No drama in my hallway, either.” Juliette raised a finger while cocking her head.
“Don’t ask too much of me, Jules. I’m only human.” Claire put a hand to her chest. Beneath, her heart was still thundering away.
“God, it’ll be so strange to actually see Steph with another woman. Someone she’s actually with, as opposed to someone she just picked up. In all the years I’ve known her, it will be the first time.”
“It’s going to be one hell of a party.” Claire rose from her chair. “Why don’t we let the ship be managed by our new assistant manager for the rest of the afternoon? Let’s get out of here, Jules. Have a drink at Le Comptoir to take the edge off.”
“Oh no. I absolutely cannot be tipsy before this party starts. Out of the question.” She started pacing again. “Besides, I have some things to arrange.” With that, she walked to the door and opened it. “I’ll see you tonight. Seven-thirty sharp.” She closed the door and was gone.
Claire checked her watch. It was only four, but there was no way she’d be getting any more work done, what with the thought of seeing Margot again gnawing on her mind. She dialled Steph’s direct line and invited her for a drink instead.
NADIA
Juliette tucked the same strand of hair behind her ear for the hundredth time, in between running from the kitchen to the living room, and practically measuring the spacing between the cutlery and the plates on the table—crouching down until her eyes were level with the surface, squinting like a scientist in a lab.
“Babe,” Nadia said, but Juliette didn’t seem to hear. She put a bit more urgency in her voice when she spoke the second time. “Jules, come here.”
Nadia leaned her backside against the armrest of the sofa as she watched Juliette hesitate between obedience and more mania. “Come on.” Nadia waved her fingers in her own direction.
“I’m sorry. I just need to adjus
t these spoons—” She glanced over at Nadia, tugging at her fingertips.
“Fuck the spoons.” Nadia held her arms wide. “It’s my party and I want a hug from you.”
Juliette checked her wristwatch. “The party hasn’t started yet.”
If Nadia didn’t know any better—and if they weren’t expecting their friends to arrive in ten minutes—she’d bet Juliette was gunning for another spanking.
“All the more reason to stop freaking out and get yourself over here.” The tone Nadia used this time around wasn’t one Juliette would ignore.
Juliette headed in her direction, her lips drawn into a defiant pout. “I just want everything to be perfect for you.” She grabbed Nadia’s hands and looked her in the eyes.
“I think, in this instance, you’re mistaking me for you, babe.” Nadia pulled Juliette closer. “Because for me, everything is already more than perfect.” Nadia kissed Juliette on the forehead. “I wish you’d just relax.”
Juliette took a deep breath. “I will,” she said, but Nadia could feel the tension in her muscles—and the tell-tale deepening of the line bracketing the right side of her mouth.
“We’ve thrown dozens of parties like this, Jules. What’s so important about this one that it has you all worked up?”
Juliette shrugged. “It’s the first one since we got back together.”
“Oh babe.” Nadia tugged her even closer, wrapping her arms around Juliette. She wished she could sneak inside Juliette’s brain and erase a few of the useless worries she carried around with her all the time. “It’ll be just fine.”
The doorbell interrupted their hug. Nadia felt her partner tense in her arms and wished Juliette had accepted some of the wine Nadia had poured earlier, just to relax a little.
“Showtime,” Juliette muttered nervously and sauntered to the hallway.