Liberty At Last (The Liberty Series)

by James, Leigh

  “Dinner,” I said, sniffling.

  She came over to me again and hugged me to her, patting my hair. “You’re too skinny,” she said. “Let’s get in line and go eat. We can cry later.”

  “Okay,” I said. We walked, arm in arm, over to where John stood. “John,” I said, “I’d like to meet my sister Sasha.”

  “It’s a pleasure,” John said, shaking her hand and smiling at her.

  “It’s nice to meet you in person,” she said.

  “Let’s go get in line,” John said. “You girls need to eat.”

  “I should have worn bigger pants,” Sasha moaned, sliding herself into the booth next to me. We were back at the Avignon, in the bar. John and Sean had politely excused themselves after dinner.

  “I’m going back there someday, and I’m wearing sweats so I can eat every single thing that they put in front of me,” I said. The restaurant had been a revelation. Skillet fried chicken, collard greens, fried catfish, spinach lasagna and barbecued ribs. Fried green tomatoes with bacon, and biscuits — lots of biscuits. And strawberry shortcake.

  “It hurts. Pretty bad — but it was totally worth it,” she said.

  I’d ordered some wine and she’d ordered a Diet Coke. “You still don’t drink?” I asked.

  “Nah,” she said, playing with her straw. “I can’t. Every time I try to, it just makes me think about Mom.”

  I took a large sip of wine and hoped that she didn’t think I was an alcoholic, too. “Did you ever talk to the hospital?” I asked. “When she died?”

  “Yeah, I did,” she said, studying her glass. “I just couldn’t make myself come down.”

  I nodded. “I went to Vegas right after,” I said. “Things had gotten out of control with Ray, and I just couldn’t stay in Eugene anymore. I figured you wouldn’t come, anyway.”

  Sasha exhaled and looked up at me. “I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry enough. I couldn’t handle it…but my baby sister. You poor girl. I left you all alone. And then I couldn’t face you afterwards.” Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears again. “You kept sending emails,” she said, the tears spilling over. “I read them every day. I missed you so much. I felt so guilty about leaving you with such a mess, I couldn’t face you.”

  She wiped her face and I shrugged. I’d dealt with it. It didn’t matter, now; I wouldn’t have left our mother, no matter what, even if Sasha had bothered to try to get me to come to Portland. And if Sasha had stayed, Ray probably would have tried to mess with her, too. As for afterwards…when I was in Vegas, emailing her everyday…well, I still hadn’t forgiven her for that. One step at a time, I told myself.

  “Sasha,” I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m fine. I missed you, and it hurt when I didn’t hear from you, but we’re together now. That’s all that matters. You’re the only family I have left.”

  She squeezed my hand back. “I’m going to text you and call you all the time,” she said. “I’m going to drive you nuts.”

  “Perfect,” I said, smiling at her. “I could use a little nuts in my life right now.” Which was actually the opposite of true. But what she didn’t know wasn’t going to hurt her.

  “I was so happy when John got in touch with me, when he was first looking for you. I had to call my friend who’s a cop to have him checked out, before I would talk to him. He told me about your father.” She trailed off. “I’m so sorry he passed, Liberty. I’m so mad at mom for keeping him from you.”

  “I know,” I said. “I don’t think she did it to be mean, though.” I looked at Sasha pleadingly. Sasha never had patience with my mother; she only saw her as a total fuck-up. “I think she put him in that big category of Things She Didn’t Want to Deal With,” I said.

  “Like bills, laundry, and grocery shopping,” Sasha said. “I think Mom’s motto was: squint at it until it goes away. Or at least until you pass out.”

  We both laughed at that — it was sad, but it was true. We talked about Mom for a while longer. I explained to Sasha what was happening before she died, how much she was using. Even though it was sad, it felt good to share the sadness with her; I felt like my burden was lifting, and I didn’t have to shoulder it alone ever again. Sasha loved our mother as much as I did. She just had a lower tolerance for human imperfection.

  “So...what are you doing now? Are you going back with John?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Well, he seems wonderful,” she said. “So at least something good came out of all this.”

  “Yes. You’re right,” I said and smiled. “He’s amazing. I’ve never met anyone like him. But what about you?” I asked. I knew nothing about her life now.

  “I just finished school,” she said, and smiled proudly. “I’m an x-ray technician now. I’m working at one of the big hospitals up in Portland.”

  “Sasha! That’s great!” I said. I could picture her going to work every day, in her scrubs, with a travel mug full of coffee. It was probably the life she’s always wanted — predictable, orderly, with high standards. She probably worked with professionals who were capable and reliable — everything our family hadn’t been. She was where she needed to be.

  “And do you have a boyfriend?” I asked, arching my eyebrow at her.

  She shrugged and her face turned red. This is how you could tell we were sisters. “I’m dating someone,” she said, looking down. “He’s at the hospital, too. His name’s Rodney,” she said, laughing. “He’s really nice, but isn’t that a horrible name?”

  “It’s better than ‘Rod,’ I guess,” I said, laughing too. “Because that could be embarrassing: ‘I love your rod, Rod. Yeah Rod, give it to me!’” I fake yelled, being silly and laughing some more. Until I saw her staring at me with her mouth hanging open.

  Oops. I hadn’t meant to make sex jokes. Last time I saw Sasha, I wouldn’t have even known how.

  “So obviously, you’ve slept with John,” she said, matter-of-factly.

  “Umm, yes,” I said. I could feel myself blush all the way up to my hairline. “I was probably the oldest virgin in the world,” I said, trying to explain myself. “And I was stripping in Vegas when I met him, so it had gotten completely ridiculous. Strippers can’t be virgins.”

  “So…I take it it’s serious between you two?” She was looking at me closely.

  “Serious?” I asked, not knowing how to proceed. I gratefully accepted the fresh glass of wine the waiter brought. I hadn’t ever talked about my relationship with him with anyone. I hadn’t had a friend around. It had all happened so fast. “I hope my drinking doesn’t bother you,” I said, trying to change the subject. “I actually really like wine — it’s relaxing. Not pass out relaxing, like Mom, but relaxing relaxing.”

  “Okay, stop trying to change the subject,” she said, slipping into her bossy big sister routine.“I know that I have absolutely no right to lecture you,” she said, “but there are a couple of things bothering me. His business is sketchy, and you’ve only been together for a little while — a summer, really, right?” I didn’t say anything, waiting for her to go on. Yes, just a summer, I thought. But I’d been waiting a whole lifetime.

  “You’re going back to Rhode Island with him tomorrow? How long are you staying?”

  “I’m not sure,” I said. But suddenly I knew. I knew exactly what I was going to do.

  “What about your apartment? What are you going to do for a job?” she asked.

  “I’m staying with him,” I said, saying it as much to myself as I was to her. He’d promised me that he meant it, that he loved me, and I was going to let myself believe him.

  I was going to trust someone for the first time in my life.

  And I was going to train with him. I was going to help him with his next — his last — assignment. I didn’t want to be apart from him, not ever again. If he felt finding Darius was something he had to do — well, I was going with him, and I was going to be prepared. I was going to do it for the both of us. One final assignment. One las
t time, in order for us to be done with that life for good.

  “Are you sure?” she asked. “I’m going back tomorrow — you can come with me. I would love it.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “I know what I’m doing. I want to be with John. I’ll figure the rest of it out.” And I probably won’t tell you about any of it. It felt wonderful to have a secret from her, something all to myself, not for her to judge. Instead of feeling alone, I felt independent.

  That’s because it’s on your terms, my inner voice told me. It’s because you’re making a choice. Finally.

  “Besides, I don’t want to crowd you — and Rodney,” I said, lasciviously. I wagged my eyebrows at her.

  “Lib, I mean it,” she said, frowning at me. “I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have a choice. You’re my sister. I know I haven’t been there for you, but I can be. I want to be.”

  “I know I have a choice,” I said, smiling at her. I was suddenly, perfectly sure. “And I’m making the right one. For me.”

  “We need to talk,” I said, flopping down, after I has washed my face and brushed my teeth.

  “You know men absolutely hate to be told that,” John said, smiling at me sideways from his position on the massive bed. “But what would you like to talk about?”

  “Something Sasha said that bothered me,” I told him. I stood up and took off my beautiful new clothes, carefully hanging the outfit over the back of a chair. I searched for my clean tee-shirt and pulled it over my head. I flopped back down next to him.

  “And that was?” he asked.

  “She said our relationship was quick,” I said. “Our relationship. You and me. It bothered me because it’s true. Is that bad?” I asked.

  “Just because it happened fast doesn’t mean it isn’t real,” John said. “For me, how fast it happened helped me know it was real. I knew the moment you walked up to me in the Treasure Chest. I felt like someone sledgehammered me in the gut.” He laughed. “I haven’t been the same since.”

  Hearing that gave me chills — fun, sexy chills, but also the willies. Because it was exactly like that for me. “The same thing happened to me,” I said, looking up at him. “The moment I saw your face, it was like everything else went out of focus. The center of gravity changed for me.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “Nothing has been as important as you from that moment on. I understand your sister’s concerns, though,” John said. “People who fall in love really fast aren’t usually falling in love — they’re just hot for each other, right? Then they try each other on for a while, and once they get to actually know each other, they don’t like what they find. That kind of heat burns out fast.

  “With you and me,” he continued, “I’m a lot older than you. You were innocent. You are innocent, pure. I could see how she’d be concerned. She might think I’m taking advantage of you, and that you haven’t had enough experience to separate out your thoughts from your feelings.” He paused for a second. “But I happen to think that would be underestimating you. And in my experience, that’s a bad move.”

  We sat there quietly for a little while. Then he kissed me lightly, over and over, mesmerizing me. “I knew from the second we were together, from the first time you touched me,” he said, pulling back and tenderly stroking the inside of my arm, looking down at the marks his crazy daughter had put on me. “And when we had our first conversation…it was like you woke up something inside of me that I thought was gone a long time ago. I hadn’t realized how dead I’d become. I was like a cardboard cut-out of a man.”

  “In a nice suit,” I said, smiling down at our now-entwined hands.

  “Yes, I have great suits.” He smiled at me. “You brought me back, babe. From that first week — even when I scared you off with the glasses and the backpack — my new life started. Every waking moment since, I’ve been thinking of you. So yes, your sister was right: it was quick. But when I found you, I realized you were the thing I’d been missing for so long. So when you find the person you’ve been looking for your whole life — especially if you’re older, like me — you want the rest of your life to start immediately.”

  I leaned up and kissed him, deeply. Heat was building in me, my need for him, coupled with how wonderful it felt to be secure in his love. “Well, I am younger than you, but I feel exactly the same way,” I said. “I feel like any time apart from you is wasted. And I don’t want to waste any more time.

  “And I’ve thought about it…I’m okay with one last mission,” I said, in between kisses. “As long as you promise.”

  John pulled back from me and raised his right hand. “Liberty Davis, I promise that Darius will be my last assignment as a bounty hunter. Once we bring him to justice and tie up the loose ends, I will quit the business, get some sort of a desk job, and start working on a beer gut.”

  “Okay — except for the beer gut,” I said, running my hands down his chest and abdomen. It was rock hard and chiseled, and I was very fond of it. I felt myself start to feel rowdy but I tried to ignore it. I had business to take care of. “But I’m coming with you.”

  John sat back, looking at me seriously. “What?”

  “You heard me,” I said, sitting up straight. “You’re not going without me. And as much as I’m scared of guns and getting beat up and blown up, and all sorts of other things, I’m more afraid to be away from you.”

  “I can’t have you in that kind of danger,” John said, shaking his head. “I just got you back. Liberty, I can’t handle having you hurt. You’re so thin right now, so vulnerable. I need to protect you. I need to keep you safe. I can’t have any more people I love being hurt. My conscience can’t take it.”

  He looked at me pleadingly. “Do you understand?”

  “Of course I do,” I said. “But that’s my condition: you go, I go. Otherwise, it’s not happening.”

  He blew out a long breath. “No,” he said.

  “Fine,” I said, shrugging. “You said yourself you don’t want to be apart from me. Let Darius continue to tear it up in Brazil or wherever he is these days. Not my problem.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Don’t do this to me, babe. I just got you back, I just got Catherine back. I need to work on keeping my family safe.”

  I understood him perfectly, and I knew he was right. I was not fit for bounty-hunting in Brazil, and I would hold him back. I would make it more dangerous for everyone, John included. But I was not budging. We were together from here on out. I couldn’t stand anything else.

  I had to show him some tough love. “My condition is final for me. I won’t change my mind.” He cringed and I felt bad for him, just not bad enough to change my mind. “You said yourself I had a choice,” I said. “Well, I made one. The right one. You feel its necessary to finish this case. I feel it’s necessary for us to stay together.”

  “So that’s it?” John asked, looking at me finally.

  “That’s it,” I said, defiantly.

  “Fine,” John said. “I know you well enough to know how stubborn you are.” He grimaced. “This particular choice puts you in danger, which is unacceptable, but at least you’ll have me by your side to keep you safe.”

  I pulled him into my arms. “Thank you,” I said. “I just can’t say goodbye to you again. My heart can’t take it.”

  “I understand the feeling,” John said, and kissed me on the top of my head. He squeezed me with his powerful arms, sending simultaneous chills and heat hurtling through my body.

  “But I have a condition, too,” he said. I pulled back and looked at him suspiciously. “Training,” he said, and smiled an evil smile. “Lots and lots of training.”

  Noooooooo. I’d been through this with him before. At the time, I’d secretly wondered if he was trying to kill me. “Don’t you think I’m too thin for that?” I asked, hoping for sympathy.

  “That’s what Stop N Go Burgers are for,” John said. He was starting to look a little excited. I was starting to feel a little afraid. �
�I’ll call Ian and make sure he has everything stocked for us. I’m going to put you on a high protein diet. Protein shakes, lots of lean red meats, legumes…”

  What the fuck is a legume? I wondered, crawling under the covers. He started rattling off all sorts of food I’d never heard of, and then he started talking about strength training and hot yoga. I flopped onto my stomach, put a pillow over my head and desperately tried to tune him out. The feeling of victory I’d had only moments before was fading, replaced by a fear of squats, plank poses and running mile after mile.

  “Babe,” John said, after a while.

  I was still hiding under the pillow. “Are you done?” I asked.

  “Are you up for it?” he asked. His voice was husky now. I felt something familiar, hard and extraordinarily welcome pressing up against my backside.

  “Some of it,” I said, lifting up my ass and pressing his hardness against it.

  “I need you ready for all of it,” he said. He poked the tip of his penis into me, through my underwear, and I writhed back against him. He started to thrust in and out me, just his tip, like that, and I moaned. I got up on all fours and he grabbed my underwear and pushed them quickly to the side. Before I knew what he was doing he had leaned down and put his mouth on me from behind, licking and sucking on my clitoris.

  “Oh. My. God,” I said, writhing against him, trying not to climax. Not yet. I had to have him inside me. “Put it in me. Please,” I whimpered, suddenly overwhelmed with need. He pulled back and I felt him kneel behind me. He rubbed his huge, rock-hard cock up and down against me, getting it slick with wetness. He was making me crazy I threw back my head and groaned; he gathered my hair and wound it around his hand, tugging it gently, pulling me back onto him and moving against me rhythmically. He entered me slowly, tantalizingly, inch by throbbing inch.

  He waited for a minute and the world swirled around me. And then he slowly thrust in and out of of me, deeper and deeper, gently pulling my hair like a rein, pulling me back against him as he pulsed into me. He pumped into me again and again, pushing me towards the edge. I heard myself scream as I climaxed all around him, exploding, shattering. He started to come then, too, pounding up against me so hard I could feel his balls and shooting all of himself into me, hot and glorious, filling me.