“You remember how I said the club is where I feel real? Where I feel genuine connection? Where am I going to go if I throw that behind?”
“You’d go to me.”
“But…”
I crossed my arms and one leg.
“I guess it’s impossible to say what would happen until we got to that point.”
That’s not the full answer.
“You’ve already been through this once with Kathryn, right? How did it work with her?”
“It wasn’t like she always got put to the side. It wasn’t like she went to the hospital and I ignored her so I could attend to club duties. No, we aren’t monsters and animals, Anna.”
“I know,” I said, feeling a little curt.
“It’s just… the club isn’t something that you show up to at nine and leave at five. It’s a lifestyle. Just like your job. You don’t show up at nine and put it away at five. You teach on weekends, you teach at nights. People come because you’re probably a great fitness coach and class leader. Right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t risk death every time I teach class.”
Petey recoiled back. I sighed as I took a sip of my drink. Both of us looked around, trying to avoid eye contact. This “date” was going pretty poorly, and it felt like we were just going in a giant loop of what we had discussed before. We weren’t solving the issues; we were only looking at the solutions to the issues but, instead of approaching them, kept circling them.
It was too bad, really. I still had a visceral reaction staring at Petey. He still aroused me. Whenever I looked into his eyes, I felt like I could just fall into him and be a part of him.
But if we couldn’t solve this, then it would just be Jason all over again, just on the other end of the playful-dull spectrum.
“Sorry,” I said. “But I haven’t heard enough here today. I appreciate you coming, and I’m happy to be friends with you, but I’m not going to put myself at emotional risk to be with you. Sorry.”
Petey nodded, biting his lip.
“I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
“You didn’t,” I said. “It’s never a waste of time to try and make something work. Sometimes, it just doesn’t.”
“I appreciate the sentiment,” he said.
He stood up and walked to me. For a second, I almost thought that he was going to try and kiss me. I bit and pursed my lips as my hands fell to my lap.
“Here,” he said.
He positioned his body so that no one in the shop could see what he was giving me. My eyes went wide when I saw what he was offering.
“A gu—”
“Shh,” he said. “Security. We were watched. I don’t need anything happening to you.”
A pit fell in my stomach.
“You better be serious, Petey.”
“I am,” he said. “Those two bikers that drove by? I think they were with the Anarchists. It wouldn’t surprise me if something happened with them. Just… keep this by you and stay protected, OK?”
“Where should I go?”
“Someplace besides home for now,” he said. “Drive around town a bit and see if anyone follows you. If you think you’re being followed, call me immediately. I won’t take it as anything other than someone needing help. I promise.”
How did I get dragged into this? How did my life come to this?
“You don’t need to carry it everywhere forever. They’ll eventually recognize that we aren’t together and will hopefully leave you alone. But please—”
“OK, fine,” I said, stuffing the gun into my purse, annoyed that my life now included this. “Thanks.”
I got up without another word and headed straight for my car. It was too bad that the conversation had ended like this. I had really hoped that we could have had a more productive and happy dialogue, even if it wasn’t one that built up to something more serious.
Now, not only did I not want to date him, I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to attend one of my classes.
* * *
I still kept the gun in my purse, but after going to the grocery store and to get gas and noticing no one of any particular interest following me, I shook my head and thought of just tossing the gun to the side. I got rid of that idea at the notion of someone less responsible taking a loaded gun and doing something with it. But I still didn’t want the damn thing on me.
I almost went home when it occurred to me that I had a private lesson in about five minutes. It had totally slipped my mind, and only a cursory check of my calendar told me it was happening. I was to teach a middle-aged woman named Nancy some yoga.
I hurried over to the shop, happy to see that the glass on one side of the door was installed. The other side still needed work, but it was remarkable progress from what had been.
“Sorry,” I said to Nancy as I showed up. I recognized her as one of the students in my outdoors class from the day that Petey had joined in. “Busy, busy Sunday.”
“You’re fine,” she said as she texted on her phone. “I’m just excited to get started.”
I smiled, unlocked the studio, and let her in. I followed her, put my purse on the desk, and laid out a yoga mat.
I was bent over when I heard the sound a gun clicking.
“I’m sorry,” Nancy said. “But they made me do this.”
5
Petey
That sucked.
I’d made myself believe that it was practically inevitable that Anna would come back to me after our conversation. I would show Anna that I could care for her more than I had and that I would be the best boyfriend she could ever have. We’d laugh like we did in the early parts of our relationship, we’d have makeup sex, and then we’d start dating.
And instead, precisely none of that happened. I didn’t even think we’d laughed once the whole time. And if we weren’t laughing, something was seriously wrong.
I headed back to the shop, frustrated at myself but also a little concerned. I’d given Anna the gun as a precaution, but she acted like one of those weirdos who believed a weapon of self-defense would suddenly attract a lot more violence. I had done it as a favor, and yet she had taken it as a burden.
The real concern, though, was that violence might actually have followed her. We all remembered how we’d had to rush into action to rescue Heather, and none of us were keen on having a woman get put in danger again. I couldn’t remember if Heather had had a gun when she got kidnapped, but even if so, I just felt that Anna having it would increase her chances of safety than not.
But there wasn’t anything that I could do to increase her security. She had stormed out just at me giving a gun; following her to ensure her safety was a good way to ensure an awkward call and confrontation with Sheriff Jones about how I hadn’t actually been trying to follow her home, but had only meant to stalk her. The sheriff may have been on our side, but he was still the sheriff of the people.
At the shop, I plopped down on the couch, leaned my head back, and let out a very long sigh. Brock came over and sat next to me.
“I take it from the way you’re acting things did not go very well.”
I snorted.
“Understatement.”
“Well, maybe you can try and reach out to her again in a few days,” he said. “These kinds of things have a tendency to be run by emotions. You usually need some time for emotions to digest before logic can kick in.”
“Thanks therapist,’ I said with a shrug. “I just think that it’s the end of what Anna and I were. Nothing wrong with that. It’s just… well, that’s that.”
“That’s that,” he said with a chuckle. “I can’t even begin to remember how often Heather and I—”
“Brock.”
Brock stopped, excused himself, and walked away. The rest of the club members seemed to get the hint, because no one else came up to me. They all gave me the space I needed to process what had just happened.
Maybe this was my destiny. Maybe I had just gotten lucky with Kathryn. Maybe fate had allowed me
a few years of marriage so I could say that I had experienced it, but at the end of the day, I was cursed to not have real connection so long as I chose to get my fill through the Savage Kings.
Ours was a cruel world. It just seemed that sometimes, the world wanted to be especially cruel to those of us who chose to live just an inch outside the normal boundaries.
I stood up, poured myself a drink of whiskey, and talked to myself.
“Here’s to the choices I make,” I grumbled, holding the drink before downing it quickly.
I didn’t set out to get blitzed. I just felt like it was an appropriate moment of clarity that called for a celebratory drink or two. That was all.
I had two of those drinks, continuing to mutter to myself, ignoring the others who were staring at me, wondering if I had lost my mind. Truth be told, they probably weren’t wrong.
I contemplated getting a third drink when my phone rang. I hurried to pull it out with way too much enthusiasm. It was Anna.
“Hey, you OK?” I said, worried she was calling me for help.
“Oh, uh, no, I’m fine, I’m fine,” she said, though something in her voice seemed just off enough that I didn’t know if I entirely believed her. “Listen, Petey, I was actually thinking about our conversation from earlier, and I’d like for us to try again. Do you want to come over to the studio and chat?”
“Uh, sure?” I said, very surprised at this request—nothing had felt as out of left field from Anna as this.
“I can even throw in a private lesson for you,” she said, forcing a laugh.
But the laugh didn’t feel at all natural. I knew what her laugh sounded like, and that wasn’t it.
“Sure, when do you want me to come?”
“Oh, as soon as you can,” she said. “I’m very eager to see you and can’t wait any longer.”
“OK, perfect,” I said, playing along. “Then I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Great, bye!”
I went to hang up, but before I did, I heard something in the background. A man’s voice I didn’t recognize.
“Is he coming?”
“Yeah, he said he was on his way in a bit.”
“Good.”
The next thing I heard was the sound of the phone smashing into something, followed by the line going dead. I immediately pocketed my phone, grabbed a rifle, and yelled for Brock. He showed up seconds later.
“Gather up as many of us as you can,” I said. “Anna’s in trouble.”
“Where is she?”
“At the studio,” I said. “She called me and asked to see me. She didn’t hang up, though. I heard it. The Anarchists are there. We need to go, now.”
“Kings!” Brock yelled, rallying the troops.
How the fuck? I gave her her gun…
Did you really think someone who isn’t trained like her is going to be able to stand up to the Anarchists? Even if she killed one of them, there’s bound to be more.
Stupid. Fucking stupid. I should have made sure she got home safe. Who gives a fuck if she would have found it overbearing? Would’ve saved her life.
I stormed outside, revved my engine, and immediately sprinted ahead, even as Brock yelled for me to wait for everyone. I wasn’t going to. They could catch up.
Anna could not wait.
6
Anna
Nancy’s boyfriend, a tattooed man with a buzzcut named Ray, stood over me, a rifle to the back of my skull as I spoke with Petey. He warned me that if I gave anything away that indicated I was in danger, he would shoot me.
So I didn’t. But I decided to not hang up. I made the motion was if I was, but I then locked the phone. The call kept going as Ray relaxed and stepped to the side. When he asked if I was coming, I could answer honestly.
But what I had not anticipated was that he would then grab my phone, slam it to the ground, and stomp it with his boot, destroying it under his weight.
“Hey!” I shouted.
“You’re not in any position to talk right now, you stupid bitch,” he growled. “You got into bed with the Kings, you suffer the consequences.”
He then moved over to Nancy, who looked absolutely terrified of Ray in his current state. He put his hand on her chin, stroked it, kissed her, and then moved back to me.
“How long until he shows up?”
“I don’t know—”
“Guess,” Ray said, making a motion with his gun that indicated he wouldn’t be afraid to use it.
“Five minutes if he left right then. Which he sounded like he was doing.”
Ray nodded, satisfied. The man looked like a straight sociopath. His eyes had nothing to them but hunger for blood.
“In four minutes, I want you two to stand by the entrance, like you’re about to leave the private session,” he commanded. “If you disobey, I’ll kill you and then kill the King anyways. Do what I tell you, and you’ll live as long as you keep your fucking mouth shut.”
He stormed away from me and past Nancy, heading to the front. He shut off the lights and kept an eye out on the distance, trying to listen for motorcycles or for lights coming toward the studio. Nancy came up to me, her head bowed and her hands folded.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know…”
I wasn’t going to pretend like I could just put this to the side and instantly forgive Nancy. My life and the life of the man I most cared about right now was at risk. But who was I to judge? I’d fallen into bed with Petey, just like Ray had said. Petey could have easily coerced me into doing something like this.
“What’s going on with him?” I said. “What do you know?”
“The Anarchists are trying to lay traps for the Kings,” she whispered, constantly looking over at Ray to make sure he wasn’t coming over. “They’re trying to tear apart Romara by making it look like the Kings are to blame. And then, whenever they can, I think they’re killing them. I don’t know for sure, but Ray’s made the Kings out to be scum.”
I shook my head. Nothing could be further from the truth, though I doubted I really had to explain that much to Nancy right now.
“At least he’s telling you this,” I whispered.
“More like he’s boasting about it,” she said. “He’s talked about how it’s the Anarchists time and how they’ve had to lay low for years.”
“If you don’t mind me asking… how did you wind up with him?”
Nancy had to stifle a tearful laugh.
“Haven’t you ever made a bad dating decision?”
Touche. I almost made one just now and would have if not for a couple of deaths.
How fucked up is it that that’s what prevented me from jumping head first?
“Of course I’d go back and fix it, but I can’t now,” Nancy said. “When this is done, though, I’m never seeing him again. I’m packing my bags and moving to Arizona. And if you have any sense, you’ll move your studio down too. You don’t need to be here. You don’t need to be in this gang-infested—”
“Hey, shut the fuck up!” Ray called from the front. “I need to be able to hear what’s going on, so shut your fucking traps!”
Nancy and I went quiet for a few moments before we both slumped behind the desk, the better so our voices would carry as little as possible to Ray.
“You seriously should move to Arizona, though. Or anywhere that isn’t here. This town… it just doesn’t offer much in the way of the world. So the girls move away and the boys, depending on how pessimistic or optimistic they are, join the Anarchists or the Savage Kings. You don’t get people who are programmers or who are starting companies here. It just doesn’t happen. The good people leave.”
Not all the good people. He may not be someone that I could date, but Petey is still a good person. A very good person, at that.
“I’ll see what I can do,” I said.
Nancy wasn’t wrong. But I had moved to get away from everything that had happened in my life; I didn’t need to run again. I may not have literally run from
my relationship with Petey, but I had certainly run from having an honest conversation with him.
“There’s a big battle coming between these two clubs, you know,” Nancy whispered. “He won’t stop bragging about it. How the Kings are going to get demolished. At first, I just thought it was a rivalry, like two sports teams talking about it. He did a good job of hiding the darker side from me. But…”
But the truth always comes out. It’s impossible to hide.
But maybe I can use that truth to help Petey when he comes.
“Has he said anything specific?” I asked.
Nancy bit her lip.
“He keeps a lot of that a secret from me,” she said. “But he’s said they’re going to turn the town on them, wait until they’re weak, and then destroy their home. Once they do that, they’re going to move to destroying the individuals.”
Shit.
“He keeps saying that the brothers are the key. If you take out the brothers, then they’ll crumble, but I don’t know what he means. I do know he said if tonight goes well, more opportunities will open up for the club, and he’ll reward me. He’ll buy me nice things. But I don’t even like nice things…”
I put my arm around Nancy as she started to tear up. I swore that if I got out of this alive, if I had the chance…
And that’s when I remembered I had a gun in my purse.
“Nancy,” I said nervously. “I need you to stay very still. I’m going to get us out of here, but it’s only going to work if we don’t draw any attention to ourselves. So stay as quiet as you can. OK?”
She nodded. I almost just left her as is, but I knew the sight of her boyfriend—even an abusive one—about to be shot was not something that she wouldn’t have any reaction to.
“Just keep your head tucked,” I said. “I’ll make sure that we get out of here. I promise.”
She did as commanded. When I felt sure that she would not suddenly look up, I slowly rose from behind the desk, slid my hand toward my purse, fumbled around as much as I could, and found the gun. I pulled it out and felt for the safety. It was still on.
Darkened Souls Page 3