by Derrick Rose
Cal was telling me I’m getting past guys with one move. So why keep coming back to embarrass the guy? I used to do that. I had to get past that. It’s just when you’re playing with the ball too much and you’re trying to embarrass someone. It’s a Chicago thing, New York thing, playing in a city. You could feel it’s a good move. Just like when a writer writes a paragraph or a page or whatever your goal is. Like, “Damn, that’s a good move, good paragraph.” Sometimes you go overboard. I caught myself in a lot of situations where I tucked the ball. Just getting to the league, talking to Kobe. Kobe actually talked to us in high school one time, but just random. It was around the time he was thinking of coming to the Bulls. He came to Simeon. I remember him saying every dribble he’s trying to set you up. To show you.
* * *
I always had the mentality, the “I’ll Show You,” even with my friends. When I was going to the gym working out, I wasn’t telling them that. I wanted them to say, “Oh, I see what he’s doing. He’s been in the gym.” But when the injury happened, it was the total opposite, to where I distanced myself. I was trying to find out who I was as a man—only 23, 24 at the time. You know, trying to hold up to all my responsibilities, learn about business, learn about fatherhood. Figure out who I am in this world.
It was just a weird time. But it became, “If I get another opportunity, I know where it’s gonna go. If I get the opportunity, I’m gonna be back like an All-Star, signed to a good deal, maybe a max deal.” Not a doubt in my mind. That’s one of the reasons I came back to the league and signed with Cleveland for like $2 million. I bet on myself every day. I always did. It’s nothing to me. I still feel I’m that talent, to tell you the truth. It doesn’t bother me people don’t think so.
I think some people just wanna talk about my old contract, about how many dollars I got paid when I was injured. Like, man, I don’t wanna hear about it. That’s basically what Charles Barkley and them were saying on TNT, that I’m done.
“Let’s please stop talking about him on this show.” That’s what Charles said. “He’s done.”
That’s just how it is. Even with people who say they don’t like me, if I was to see them and we’re getting on an elevator, they would acknowledge me. “Hey D-Rose!” Like with autographs. The ones who hate me, they’ll see me, not say nothing. But when they get to their best friends, they’ll be like, “Hey, guess who I saw today? Bitch-ass D-Rose. He was getting on the elevator.” You know what I mean? You’re gonna slander me, but you’re gonna acknowledge I was there.
Come on, I get it. It’s all a part of it. It’s the game. Can’t let it overtake you. Something I try to avoid. I never want to be that type of person. That’s the message I want to send to others, to kids, to everyone. You’re gonna be who you’re gonna be. Period.
I think that’s what makes my story what it is. When people stumble on my story they’ll peel back the layers and take it for what it is. I just want them to see two things—that I could improve my ass off and that I was a dawg.
I didn’t worry about basketball even with all I went through—winning all through school, high school, college finals, the MVP, and it looked like we were gonna break through and then my ACL, more injuries, leaving, coming back, from the bottom to the top, to the bottom and coming back again. Mostly I worry about how I’m gonna live my life. How my family can do certain things. How I’m fitting into society and what’s going on in the world. That’s what I care about. They think I still only care about basketball, but what do you think is gonna happen when I get to play consistent games?
I’ll show you.
That’s why now I wanna tell you my story, because I feel it’s bigger than just me.
2
I did think I was going to be the greatest. That was really my problem. I feel like I’m a student of the game. I knew exactly what was going on. Where I was at, what I wanted to achieve. Championships, more MVPs, Finals MVP. Everything you could think of as an athlete. Knowing that I made it, achieved it by working hard. Never had a problem working hard—two, three hours in the gym, workout after workout. This is all I have to do? That’s a job? For all that money? This is easy.
Then you throw the accolades on top of that and it instills even more confidence. I’m thinking I’d be the greatest small ever because I felt the league never resolved my speed, never could figure it out. They couldn’t stop me, couldn’t handle the speed. Even now. I don’t do some of the things I did when I was young—emotional, wild—but the speed is there. Like, you could throw everything else out there, but I had the speed to test you, to make plays. “Okay, how many times you gonna be able to cut me off?” Alright, yeah.
Until the injuries.
It was my fault, you know, the injuries, the ACL, the MCL. But I have no regrets. It really was the best thing that could have happened to me. I know, you think I’m crazy saying that. It was like the Cavs, when I left that season. Before I could come back, they made me see a psychiatrist because I know they thought there was something mentally wrong with me.
That’s just the kind of stuff that happens to me. It’s partly my fault because I don’t say much. A lot of people think you’re dumb when you’re quiet, or think something’s wrong with you. But like I said, I learned there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
Of course, I wasn’t thinking this way about my ACL the day it happened, the day I got injured. But I wasn’t thinking right about a lot of things back then. It was just that all my injuries finally gave me time to enjoy everything I worked for. Yes, for real. Even if it wasn’t always perfect.
It was all hoop back then for me. Almost every summer, I did too much. I enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. But when I was a lot younger, it was, “We play tomorrow? Okay, I ain’t gonna go eat tonight.” The dude I’m going against, I was thinking, “Is he going to that Jay-Z concert? Well, if he is, I’m going to bust his ass tomorrow.” That’s the way I thought. I was always so locked into the game.
I’m sleeping at night, staying in the crib, not playing around. You become a robot. Normal stuff like walking down the street, going to dinners, being able to go to concerts before games. A lot of shit I didn’t think was the right thing to do because I was chasing greatness. I wasn’t doing those things. I didn’t do anything, even go out to eat. It was like, “You don’t deserve to go out to eat. You didn’t win anything yet.”
I always looked at it that way. I was holding off on vacays because hopefully one day I’d win a championship. Then I could kick back. That was the whole thing, the whole mindset. Push, push, push. Gotta get there. “Great players wouldn’t do that,” I thought, “be out like that. Great players lock themselves in.”
I should have gone on walks more. I should have gone out to eat more. I should have gone to brunches. I should have gone to concerts more. Of course, I went to eat certain times, but most of the time I was in the house. Because I felt like I was getting the advantage over someone by doing that, that it was all about the hooping. They weren’t and I was. “Get that edge,” that’s what I was thinking.
When you look at it now, being older, who cares about accolades? Really, at the end of the day, what is an accolade? You know what I mean? Do you know who was MVP 12 years ago? Who cares?
But back then I knew I had it in me, that it was what I was supposed to do. The game just came too easy for me. I didn’t even have to score to win games. I could control the game and then…wham!
* * *
Before my ACL, everybody thought the 2011 season was going to be the one for the Bulls. We had lost to Miami in the conference finals the year before. It was in five games, but we had swept them in the regular season and then won that first game at home in the playoffs. We lost in overtime in Game 4, had two rough games, then lost a close one in the last game in that series. It seemed a lot closer than 4–1. It seemed like we were about ready. You know, you lose and that taught you to win. You always heard th
at with the Bulls against the Pistons—they had to take their setbacks and then it was their time. That was us in 2011.
We always thought we were going to win a championship. We were sure of it. With Thibs, I always felt we had a chance. Even when we were down 3–1 to Miami in the 2010 playoffs, I thought we’d come back. That was the year when Omer Asik got hurt in Game 3. If he didn’t get hurt, I feel that would have changed the series because we were so much bigger. We were confident, but there were times during each game where we didn’t execute. There were turnovers that killed us against Miami because they play that aggressive style of play. Really, just things we felt we could take care of after that experience.
They were trapping me in the first quarter, trying to make me waste energy earlier, tire me out. Miami had a good strategy. But our whole thing with that team and Thibs was that we just didn’t want it to be easy. We welcomed what they were doing. We had the big guys with Jo, Omer, Carlos Boozer, Kurt Thomas. We don’t care who you are—it’s not gonna be an easy game. It’s not gonna be a cakewalk game. It’s gonna be a game where it’s grinding and you’re gonna be kind of beaten up. Every time someone goes through the lane, you hit them. Make sure LeBron goes to the hole, then you hit. Two people jump for the shot basically. Little things like that. We wouldn’t run from that. Bring it!
They’d put LeBron on me and, being from Chicago, that’s what you want. I was wishing he was guarding me the whole game so I could get him tired. I wasn’t gonna pass the ball then. But I think they knew that, so that’s why they had him just picking me up in the fourth quarter. We did all those things, took on what they threw at us, but they really were just great players making great plays. We’d feel like we overpowered them at some point during the game, but it always came down to little mistakes, turnovers, offensive rebounds, second-chance points, us maybe not being ready yet. That’s what hurt most. But we also believed it would be our time. The Bulls went through it with the Pistons, the Pistons with the Celtics, a lot of teams had to lose and it really hurt before they could win.
The toughest loss was that Game 5 in the Eastern Conference Finals in the 2010 playoffs. Being up that many points in Game 5—like 10 or 12 with about three minutes left—we’re thinking we had a grip on the game. It’s about to be 3–2 and we’ll be back in it and we know we can beat them in Miami and then we’re going home for Game 7. That’s how close we were even then. But then they made some great hustle plays and stayed with their routine and they ended up grinding out the game and winning the series.
It hurt more because we were supposed to be that team, the one to grind out the game. I just remember after it was done thinking, “Gotta get back in the gym.” I think I took a week off and I was right back at it. It left a bitter taste in my mouth to end like that.
Every game we played against Miami under Thibs, it was intense, competitive, like a championship game. Great stuff. There were times where they blitzed me all game. From first quarter to fourth quarter. Not with LeBron because I was waiting for that, but blitz, blitz, blitz. It was just like chess. You know how the playoffs are—whoever makes the right adjustments, that’s who’s gonna win. They made the right adjustments. They tried to tire me out early and it did work. Turnovers, just overthinking. But I had to score for us to even stay in the game. So I was really overusing myself. They were trying to make me exhausted out there so I wouldn’t have the energy to attack them on the offensive end. It was smart.
That’s when me and BJ Armstrong, my longtime agent and a former champion in this league, started talking about how to approach games like that. We talked about how it’s really okay for a team we’re playing to be up big earlier in the game because I can still affect the outcome. Where if the game is close, I know what I could do. So the thought process was, “Alright, we’re down 14, 16, it’s gonna be tough, but I gotta try to get this to eight.” You know, momentum—everyone makes a run in the NBA. Teams get tense, tight when that happens. That’s what Miami did to us.
But we learned, and that’s how I was looking at it coming into the next season. Don’t get me wrong, all the teammates I had were great players. But there wasn’t a star at that time, no Klay Thompson. I never really got into that. You’re on my team, we’re gonna play. But who wouldn’t love playing with another great scorer? I wouldn’t have minded a Klay-type guy, but looking back on it, I’m sure the Bulls wouldn’t have, either. It just didn’t happen. They would acknowledge that.
Jo wasn’t that kind of player. He was more the grind-it-out player. Lu, Booz, they were great, but they weren’t gonna take over a game offensively. But the first thing I thought every year while I was under Thibs was that we had a chance to win the championship or at least get there. I felt that way with who we had, with Thibs, the accountability, the expectation, just the structure, and everybody invested into the team from the vets to the rookies to the coaches. You know Thibs, he’s fully invested. So everybody’s invested. Front office was invested. It’s just that we didn’t get the job done yet. But we would. No way we weren’t going to.
I really didn’t feel like I was set back because of the lockout that summer going into the 2011 season. Some look back at that off-season and say that was the reason for my ACL injury, no regular training camp. No, I was still in my routine, working out at UCLA and I was going to Steve Jackson’s house—the sneaker guy who has that Lakers court. I was going to his house to work out. But never playing pickup. That’s something I learned from Kobe. I watch guys, but I always picked up a lot of stuff from Kobe. I don’t know him that much, really. Did a sneaker commercial with him once—he kept me waiting like three, four hours. But it was all cool, though.
I think that it’s dope that you don’t see any of his workout videos. He was in the league 20 years. A great like he is, people around him see him play—you know he’s great or he’s gonna be great. But he’s so secretive and so private that he doesn’t even let videos of himself get out. That’s what I like. Because what he’s basically saying is, “I’ll show you what I’ve been working on.”
So during the game when he starts shooting threes, it’s, “Shit, where did that come from?” And that’s been my thing every year. Me sitting there and telling you, “I’m not gonna sell you on something. That’s not me. I want you to look at the game.”
“Oh shit! He changed his game.”
When you play pickup, guys learn your tendencies. If I play against you a couple of times in just open gym, no coaches, I could basically learn what your tendencies are, how you dribble and all that. They call it analytics, but it’s just what we see playing you. People know I’m a left-hand driver even though I’m right-handed. But it’s still hard to guard sometimes because I don’t give them an advance look.
* * *
We had home court in 2011 with the best record, and then in the 2012 playoffs we had home court again, the best record again, so, you know, it’s time. We had our apprenticeship. I did have some injuries that season, but not big ones. I didn’t play the last regular season game against Cleveland. But even with that and the shorter season, I felt I was ready, that we were ready.
The dream from the day I came to the Bulls was to win the championship for Chicago. When the Blackhawks won, I remember being motivated by them. I was dreaming about bringing that trophy home. Like, “Damn, they won two championships already? I gotta get one. Patrick Kane and them already got theirs.” Seeing the parade, the celebrations, it motivated me. I wanted that for Chicago. This was going to be it. Almost 15 years after the Bulls’ last one. It was time. I felt like I was ready. I was young. You never think much about anything. I was in shape. Just made that reckless move against the 76ers.
I felt we were just going to run through that first series, one vs. eight. They beat us one time early that season, but then we got them the last two times. We were leading by 20 that first playoff game and I felt good. They said I had 23 points and almost a triple-double, but I don�
�t remember. I hardly ever remember what I scored. Just if we won. Because then you can’t say anything to me. What you did, what you scored, you dunked, poster—I got the win. Smiling walking home. That’s how I talk shit.
I just remember after I passed the ball when I came down. I remember it didn’t tear all the way in my knee. I remember laying down by the 76ers bench. It got quiet, and when I stretched with my arms over my head it popped—it gave. My whole leg started trembling and I didn’t have feeling in it or anything. I was able to walk. Got up and walked on it. That’s why I was confused at first because I’m like, “I know something happened, but shit, I’m able to walk.”
But they were like, “You can tear your ACL and walk.” Walk with a torn ACL? No way!
“ACL.” That’s what you don’t want to hear if you’re a player. That’s one of the things you keep hearing. The worst-case scenario. You hear it all over the league, “You don’t want to tear your ACL.” You hear the meniscus is a little bit easier to come back from. But the ACL, you have more time off.
I remember going in there praying that it wasn’t the ACL. “Not no knee injury.” Got to the hospital. Everybody’s there. They put you in the MRI machine and I just remember crying and praying while I’m in there that it was nothing serious. And right when I came out, Dr. Brian Cole and the others were trying to hold it in, but they ended up telling me. My life changed right there.
I just remember my mom being there and she was telling me, “Alright, you’re gonna get over this.”
I’m crying, hysterical. Hard to accept. I’m saying, “I’m not gonna have my speed anymore.”
She’s like, “So what do you need it for?”
That was the type of talk she was trying to give me, but I wasn’t trying to hear it. I’m thinking, “Let me get a grip on what’s going on. And then I’ll be able to talk to you. But right now I’m fucking traumatized.” Like, my whole life, whole season, whole career, it’s coming to a halt. And it’s like, “Alright, what are you gonna do?” I had to ask myself that, because I had the chance of walking away. I had way more money than I needed by then. I had the chance of walking away and being totally fine with that.