Book Read Free

Poe, Edgar Allen - The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe

Page 112

by Volume 01-05 (lit)


  The Man That Was Used Up

  The Business Man

  The Landscape Garden

  Maelzel's Chess-Player

  The Power of Words

  The Colloquy of Monas and Una

  The Conversation of Eiros and Charmion

  Shadow.--A Parable

  ======

  THE DEVIL IN THE BELFRY

  What o'clock is it? -- _Old Saying_.

  EVERYBODY knows, in a general way, that the finest place in the world

  is -- or, alas, was -- the Dutch borough of Vondervotteimittiss. Yet

  as it lies some distance from any of the main roads, being in a

  somewhat out-of-the-way situation, there are perhaps very few of my

  readers who have ever paid it a visit. For the benefit of those who

  have not, therefore, it will be only proper that I should enter into

  some account of it. And this is indeed the more necessary, as with

  the hope of enlisting public sympathy in behalf of the inhabitants, I

  design here to give a history of the calamitous events which have so

  lately occurred within its limits. No one who knows me will doubt

  that the duty thus self-imposed will be executed to the best of my

  ability, with all that rigid impartiality, all that cautious

  examination into facts, and diligent collation of authorities, which

  should ever distinguish him who aspires to the title of historian.

  By the united aid of medals, manuscripts, and inscriptions, I am

  enabled to say, positively, that the borough of Vondervotteimittiss

  has existed, from its origin, in precisely the same condition which

  it at present preserves. Of the date of this origin, however, I

  grieve that I can only speak with that species of indefinite

  definiteness which mathematicians are, at times, forced to put up

  with in certain algebraic formulae. The date, I may thus say, in

  regard to the remoteness of its antiquity, cannot be less than any

  assignable quantity whatsoever.

  Touching the derivation of the name Vondervotteimittiss, I confess

  myself, with sorrow, equally at fault. Among a multitude of opinions

  upon this delicate point- some acute, some learned, some sufficiently

  the reverse -- I am able to select nothing which ought to be

  considered satisfactory. Perhaps the idea of Grogswigg- nearly

  coincident with that of Kroutaplenttey -- is to be cautiously

  preferred. -- It runs: -- Vondervotteimittis -- Vonder, lege Donder

  -- Votteimittis, quasi und Bleitziz- Bleitziz obsol: -- pro Blitzen."

  This derivative, to say the truth, is still countenanced by some

  traces of the electric fluid evident on the summit of the steeple of

  the House of the Town-Council. I do not choose, however, to commit

  myself on a theme of such importance, and must refer the reader

  desirous of information to the "Oratiunculae de Rebus

  Praeter-Veteris," of Dundergutz. See, also, Blunderbuzzard "De

  Derivationibus," pp. 27 to 5010, Folio, Gothic edit., Red and Black

  character, Catch-word and No Cypher; wherein consult, also, marginal

  notes in the autograph of Stuffundpuff, with the Sub-Commentaries of

  Gruntundguzzell.

  Notwithstanding the obscurity which thus envelops the date of the

  foundation of Vondervotteimittis, and the derivation of its name,

  there can be no doubt, as I said before, that it has always existed

  as we find it at this epoch. The oldest man in the borough can

  remember not the slightest difference in the appearance of any

  portion of it; and, indeed, the very suggestion of such a possibility

  is considered an insult. The site of the village is in a perfectly

  circular valley, about a quarter of a mile in circumference, and

  entirely surrounded by gentle hills, over whose summit the people

  have never yet ventured to pass. For this they assign the very good

  reason that they do not believe there is anything at all on the other

  side.

  Round the skirts of the valley (which is quite level, and paved

  throughout with flat tiles), extends a continuous row of sixty little

  houses. These, having their backs on the hills, must look, of course,

  to the centre of the plain, which is just sixty yards from the front

  door of each dwelling. Every house has a small garden before it, with

  a circular path, a sun-dial, and twenty-four cabbages. The buildings

  themselves are so precisely alike, that one can in no manner be

  distinguished from the other. Owing to the vast antiquity, the style

  of architecture is somewhat odd, but it is not for that reason the

  less strikingly picturesque. They are fashioned of hard-burned little

  bricks, red, with black ends, so that the walls look like a

  chess-board upon a great scale. The gables are turned to the front,

  and there are cornices, as big as all the rest of the house, over the

  eaves and over the main doors. The windows are narrow and deep, with

  very tiny panes and a great deal of sash. On the roof is a vast

  quantity of tiles with long curly ears. The woodwork, throughout, is

  of a dark hue and there is much carving about it, with but a trifling

  variety of pattern for, time out of mind, the carvers of

  Vondervotteimittiss have never been able to carve more than two

  objects -- a time-piece and a cabbage. But these they do exceedingly

  well, and intersperse them, with singular ingenuity, wherever they

  find room for the chisel.

  The dwellings are as much alike inside as out, and the furniture is

  all upon one plan. The floors are of square tiles, the chairs and

  tables of black-looking wood with thin crooked legs and puppy feet.

  The mantelpieces are wide and high, and have not only time-pieces and

  cabbages sculptured over the front, but a real time-piece, which

  makes a prodigious ticking, on the top in the middle, with a

  flower-pot containing a cabbage standing on each extremity by way of

  outrider. Between each cabbage and the time-piece, again, is a little

  China man having a large stomach with a great round hole in it,

  through which is seen the dial-plate of a watch.

  The fireplaces are large and deep, with fierce crooked-looking

  fire-dogs. There is constantly a rousing fire, and a huge pot over

  it, full of sauer-kraut and pork, to which the good woman of the

  house is always busy in attending. She is a little fat old lady, with

  blue eyes and a red face, and wears a huge cap like a sugar-loaf,

  ornamented with purple and yellow ribbons. Her dress is of

  orange-colored linsey-woolsey, made very full behind and very short

  in the waist -- and indeed very short in other respects, not reaching

  below the middle of her leg. This is somewhat thick, and so are her

  ankles, but she has a fine pair of green stockings to cover them. Her

  shoes -- of pink leather -- are fastened each with a bunch of yellow

  ribbons puckered up in the shape of a cabbage. In her left hand she

  has a little heavy Dutch watch; in her right she wields a ladle for

  the sauerkraut and pork. By her side there stands a fat tabby cat,

  with a gilt toy-repeater tied to its tail, which "the boys" have

  there fastened by way of a quiz.

  The boys themselves are, all three of them, in the garden attending

  the pig. T
hey are each two feet in height. They have three-cornered

  cocked hats, purple waistcoats reaching down to their thighs,

  buckskin knee-breeches, red stockings, heavy shoes with big silver

  buckles, long surtout coats with large buttons of mother-of-pearl.

  Each, too, has a pipe in his mouth, and a little dumpy watch in his

  right hand. He takes a puff and a look, and then a look and a puff.

  The pig- which is corpulent and lazy -- is occupied now in picking up

  the stray leaves that fall from the cabbages, and now in giving a

  kick behind at the gilt repeater, which the urchins have also tied to

  his tail in order to make him look as handsome as the cat.

  Right at the front door, in a high-backed leather-bottomed armed

  chair, with crooked legs and puppy feet like the tables, is seated

  the old man of the house himself. He is an exceedingly puffy little

  old gentleman, with big circular eyes and a huge double chin. His

  dress resembles that of the boys -- and I need say nothing farther

  about it. All the difference is, that his pipe is somewhat bigger

  than theirs and he can make a greater smoke. Like them, he has a

  watch, but he carries his watch in his pocket. To say the truth, he

  has something of more importance than a watch to attend to -- and

  what that is, I shall presently explain. He sits with his right leg

  upon his left knee, wears a grave countenance, and always keeps one

  of his eyes, at least, resolutely bent upon a certain remarkable

  object in the centre of the plain.

  This object is situated in the steeple of the House of the Town

  Council. The Town Council are all very little, round, oily,

  intelligent men, with big saucer eyes and fat double chins, and have

  their coats much longer and their shoe-buckles much bigger than the

  ordinary inhabitants of Vondervotteimittiss. Since my sojourn in the

  borough, they have had several special meetings, and have adopted

  these three important resolutions:

  "That it is wrong to alter the good old course of things:"

  "That there is nothing tolerable out of Vondervotteimittiss:" and-

  "That we will stick by our clocks and our cabbages."

  Above the session-room of the Council is the steeple, and in the

  steeple is the belfry, where exists, and has existed time out of

  mind, the pride and wonder of the village -- the great clock of the

  borough of Vondervotteimittiss. And this is the object to which the

  eyes of the old gentlemen are turned who sit in the leather-bottomed

  arm-chairs.

  The great clock has seven faces -- one in each of the seven sides of

  the steeple -- so that it can be readily seen from all quarters. Its

  faces are large and white, and its hands heavy and black. There is a

  belfry-man whose sole duty is to attend to it; but this duty is the

  most perfect of sinecures -- for the clock of Vondervotteimittis was

  never yet known to have anything the matter with it. Until lately,

  the bare supposition of such a thing was considered heretical. From

  the remotest period of antiquity to which the archives have

  reference, the hours have been regularly struck by the big bell. And,

  indeed the case was just the same with all the other clocks and

  watches in the borough. Never was such a place for keeping the true

  time. When the large clapper thought proper to say "Twelve o'clock!"

  all its obedient followers opened their throats simultaneously, and

  responded like a very echo. In short, the good burghers were fond of

  their sauer-kraut, but then they were proud of their clocks.

  All people who hold sinecure offices are held in more or less

  respect, and as the belfry -- man of Vondervotteimittiss has the most

  perfect of sinecures, he is the most perfectly respected of any man

  in the world. He is the chief dignitary of the borough, and the very

  pigs look up to him with a sentiment of reverence. His coat-tail is

  very far longer -- his pipe, his shoe -- buckles, his eyes, and his

  stomach, very far bigger -- than those of any other old gentleman in

  the village; and as to his chin, it is not only double, but triple.

  I have thus painted the happy estate of Vondervotteimittiss: alas,

  that so fair a picture should ever experience a reverse!

  There has been long a saying among the wisest inhabitants, that "no

  good can come from over the hills"; and it really seemed that the

  words had in them something of the spirit of prophecy. It wanted five

  minutes of noon, on the day before yesterday, when there appeared a

  very odd-looking object on the summit of the ridge of the eastward.

  Such an occurrence, of course, attracted universal attention, and

  every little old gentleman who sat in a leather-bottomed arm-chair

  turned one of his eyes with a stare of dismay upon the phenomenon,

  still keeping the other upon the clock in the steeple.

  By the time that it wanted only three minutes to noon, the droll

  object in question was perceived to be a very diminutive

  foreign-looking young man. He descended the hills at a great rate, so

  that every body had soon a good look at him. He was really the most

  finicky little personage that had ever been seen in

  Vondervotteimittiss. His countenance was of a dark snuff-color, and

  he had a long hooked nose, pea eyes, a wide mouth, and an excellent

  set of teeth, which latter he seemed anxious of displaying, as he was

  grinning from ear to ear. What with mustachios and whiskers, there

  was none of the rest of his face to be seen. His head was uncovered,

  and his hair neatly done up in papillotes. His dress was a

  tight-fitting swallow-tailed black coat (from one of whose pockets

  dangled a vast length of white handkerchief), black kerseymere

  knee-breeches, black stockings, and stumpy-looking pumps, with huge

  bunches of black satin ribbon for bows. Under one arm he carried a

  huge chapeau-de-bras, and under the other a fiddle nearly five times

  as big as himself. In his left hand was a gold snuff-box, from which,

  as he capered down the hill, cutting all manner of fantastic steps,

  he took snuff incessantly with an air of the greatest possible

  self-satisfaction. God bless me! -- here was a sight for the honest

  burghers of Vondervotteimittiss!

  To speak plainly, the fellow had, in spite of his grinning, an

  audacious and sinister kind of face; and as he curvetted right into

  the village, the old stumpy appearance of his pumps excited no little

  suspicion; and many a burgher who beheld him that day would have

 

‹ Prev