Confessing History (Freehope Book 3)

by Jenni M. Rose

  The man she remembered—sweet and understanding to a fault—wasn’t there anymore. The man she’d seen last night was an entirely different person. When she thought about all he’d been through, she knew the changes in him were inevitable.

  But could that new man love her? Would he make her feel the same as the old Logan had?

  Would she be able to make that man love her back, despite her faults?

  She’d have never been able to make the old Logan happy. He’d wanted things from her that she couldn’t give him. Maybe this Logan would be different.

  “Sleep okay?”

  Beth turned to find a sleepy looking Cole padding down the stairs, brown hair mussed as he ran a hand through it.

  Logan hadn’t talked much about his family when they’d been together. She knew his mother was a southern woman with a penchant for feeding everyone that walked through her door and liked to take ghost tours in New Orleans once a week.

  She knew nothing about Logan’s father.

  Beth shrugged in answer to his question. Had she slept well? No, she hadn’t slept at all, but that was neither here nor there, was it?

  “That wasn’t very convincing.” He laughed. “I make a halfway decent cup of coffee, if you’re interested.”

  Beth stood and followed him into the kitchen. He popped a plastic pod into the coffee machine and pressed a button. Coffee sputtered out into a mug.

  “Impressive,” she said, noting that his coffee-making took zero skill.

  “I’m a man of many talents,” he said, sliding the mug to her when it was full. He took another from the dish rack in the sink and grabbed another pod, preparing his own coffee. “I’ve gotta say, I was not expecting you to be who you turned out to be. None of that went as planned.”

  “Do things ever go as planned?” she asked vaguely, knowing damn well that they didn’t.

  Hell, wasn’t she living proof that life liked to kick you when you were down and then stomp all over your precious plans?

  “You’ve got a point,” he said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. Good show, girl.” He held up his mug and clinked it with hers. “But, I was thinking more of trying to entertain Logan, lift his spirits. Not show off his naked girl in front of all his closest friends.”

  “That’s a bit of a stretch,” she said. “I highly doubt those guys were Logan’s closest friends.”

  “Why do I feel like you’re purposely missing the point?” He smiled at her over the rim of his mug. “I can see why he likes you.”

  “Is that what that was last night?” she asked sarcastically. “Him showing me how much he liked me?”

  “In his defense, you did dance around naked in front of a roomful of dudes. Plus, there’s the whole ghosting him situation.”

  “I didn’t mean to ghost him,” she said in her defense. “There’s a possibility that I have commitment issues.”

  He barked out a laugh. “You and me both, sister.”

  “How is it you all are related again?” she asked.

  “Oh, you know, the usual. My mother and his mother were first cousins or something like that. We have a very small family, so even when you’re distantly related, it feels close because there wasn’t anyone else around.”

  “So, you’re some kind of cousins,” she deduced. “That’s nice. I don’t have much extended family myself.”

  “But you got brothers and sisters.”

  “One brother,” she corrected. “Two sisters.”

  “Twins,” he said dreamily.

  “Gross.” She laughed. “Do you have any idea how old that joke gets?”

  He shrugged. “A classic is a classic.” He pulled out the stool across from her and sat. “So, tell me more about you.”

  “Not much to tell.”

  “You’re awfully evasive,” he noted. “I’m just trying to get to know you.”

  “Doesn’t seem to be much point,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll be here much longer anyway.”

  “You’re going to let him run you off like that?”

  She shook her head. “I know he’s going through a lot right now. I know I’ve put him through a lot. I don’t want to make it worse.”

  “He’s worse without you,” Cole told her honestly. “Most days, he says and does all the right things. He goes to his appointments, he participates in conversations, he pretends like he’s really here. But he’s not. I don’t know where he is, but I know it’s not a good place. Until you showed up last night, I almost didn’t notice that he was missing something.”

  “And you think that something is me?” she asked, not daring to be hopeful but unable to help herself.

  Cole shrugged. “Could be. Worth a shot, don’t you think?”

  Beth matched his shrug. “Your guess is as good as mine. I have yet to make the right call where Logan is concerned, so I don’t think my judgment is the best.”

  Cole put his mug down on the island and sat up straight, his eyes now serious as they watched her.

  “It took me a while, but I think I figured it out last night. Here you are, a woman Logan’s been chasing after for a year. You two have your go-arounds, you leave him, he leaves you. Neither of you are in a position to have a relationship. But then, the shit hits the fan and yeah, maybe you’re a few months behind, but here you are. You could’ve left last night. You could’ve taken Logan’s attitude to mean that he really didn’t want you here and walked away, but you didn’t. Here you are, in a stranger’s house drinking coffee with a strange man, waiting for Logan to wake up.”

  “Pathetic, isn’t it?” she asked.

  “Sounds like love to me,” he replied, winking.

  “I’m not sure what I’d do with love,” Beth told him. “How sad is that?”

  “I don’t think anyone knows what they’d do with love until they find it. But hey”—he held up his mug in a toast— “what the hell do I know? My brothers and I are sworn lifelong bachelors.”

  She laughed. “What are you, twenty-five?”

  “Eight,” he corrected. “Twenty-eight.”

  “Still plenty of time,” she joked. “But if you need any lessons on how to screw it up, I’m your girl.”

  “I’ll pass.”

  “What is it we’re passing on?” Tucker asked as he shuffled into the kitchen, his hair finger-combed in an easy wave off to the side, his warm, brown eyes sleepy.

  “Lessons on how to screw up a relationship,” Cole told him.

  “Oh,” he said. “I think we’ve got that covered. Good morning,” he said to Beth. “Glad to see you’re still here.”

  “Did everyone think I was going to leave?” she asked.

  “It was a definite possibility,” Tucker replied, grabbing his own cup of coffee. “Elliot owes me twenty bucks now, so thanks for that.”

  “I’ll take twenty-five percent off the top of that.” Beth laughed.

  “That’s fair,” Tucker agreed. “Logan’s usually the first one up in the morning. Sleeping in or hiding?”

  Beth’s eyes cut to Cole. “Love, huh?”

  “Hey.” He shrugged. “It takes some people longer than others to see it. Cut the guy some slack.”

  Beth’s phone signaled an incoming video call from the coffee table where she’d left it. She jumped off her stool in the kitchen and hurried to grab it in time. Surprised, her brows furrowed at her sister Andy’s picture on the screen. When she swiped her thumb, it wasn’t Andy, but her niece Jenna.

  “Hey there, cutie,” she said, smiling. “What are you doing up so early?”

  “Auntie Alex told me to call you and wake you up.” The girl laughed. “She said you went to bed really early last night and you’d be up early to talk. She and my mom got their phones mixed up.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Jenna, what have I told you about your Auntie Alex? She lies through her teeth and you should never believe a word she says.”

  Jenna laughed again. “She said the same thing about you.”

  “But she’s a liar,�
�� Beth said again. “So, don’t listen to her anymore.”

  “So, you’re both liars,” her niece said. “Maybe I shouldn’t listen to either of you.”

  “That’s probably a good start,” Beth agreed. “Where is your Auntie Alex anyway?”

  “She’s in the kitchen, making a monkey bread. She swears it’s going to be her best one yet.”

  “Has she ever made a bad one?”

  “Not that I’ve ever tasted,” Jenna said, just before her eyes widened. “Who’s that?”

  Beth noticed Cole standing behind her on the screen. “That’s Cole, Logan’s cousin. I stopped by to visit Logan in Connecticut to see how he’s doing. He’s here staying with his cousins.”

  Cole waved into the camera. “You must be Jenna,” he said. “Logan has talked a lot about you.”

  “Yeah,” the girl muttered, her eyes still wide.

  “Put a dang shirt on,” Beth told him. “Both of you.”

  Cole and Tucker hurried out of the room and up the stairs.

  Jenna’s cheeks turned pink.

  “I know,” Beth agreed to her niece’s silent assessment. At thirteen, Jenna would probably remember the sight of those bare chests for a long time to come. “Apparently, they come from good stock.”

  “Where’s Logan?” Jenna asked.

  “Avoiding me,” Beth said truthfully. “He hasn’t come out of his room yet this morning. So, I’m trying to figure out if I take the hint and hit the road before he gets up, or if I stay and face the firing squad when he gets up.”

  “Want me to call him?” Jenna asked, her voice soft and sympathetic.

  Jenna was a total sweetheart and held a very special place in Beth’s heart. Her niece had been one of the only things that kept her going after her mother died. Their relationship had been the one bright spot in a very dark place. Jenna had been just a baby, well, two years old, but young enough that her innocence took the sting out of Beth’s despair. She’d been young herself, only eighteen, but being Jenna’s aunt had been the best thing she had going at that time.

  Hell, it was the best thing she had going now.

  “No, sweetie, but I appreciate the offer. You know that saying: I made my bed now I have to lie in it.”

  “Adults are weird.”

  “No joke,” Cole agreed as he came back down the stairs. “Being an adult sucks. Bills to pay, jobs to go to, pressure to settle down. Enjoy being a kid while you can.” He settled on the couch next to Beth, his arm stretched out along the back behind her as he looked at Jenna. “So, Andrea is your mom?”

  “Andy,” Jenna corrected. “That’s what everyone calls her.”

  “Andy and Alex,” Tucker chimed in as he entered the room and sat on the other side of Beth. “I like it. Has a nice ring to it.”

  “Jenna, this is Tucker, Logan’s other cousin.”

  “There’s two of them?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

  “Three if you count Elliot,” Cole answered. “But he’s a bit of a bear, so we don’t always count him. He’s such a grump, he bought a house on the other side of town just so he didn’t have to be near us.”

  Jenna laughed. “Auntie Beth got a job working on a cruise ship just so she didn’t have to be near us.”

  “That’s not true,” Beth corrected. “I got a job working on a cruise ship just so I don’t have to be near Lexi.”

  “Who’s Lexi?” Cole asked.

  “Auntie Alex,” Jenna said.

  “So she goes by Alexa, Alex, and Lexi?” Tucker asked. “This could get confusing.”

  “Technically, she does not go by Lexi or Lex,” Beth hedged.

  “Technically, she hates being called Lexi or Lex,” Jenna said with a laugh. “Auntie Beth is the only one who calls her that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she hates it,” Beth explained. “I’m a little sister. Little sister’s got to do, what little sisters got to do.”

  “Let’s see the monkey bread,” Cole said with an infectious smile. “Take me to Auntie Lex.”

  “She’ll totally hate that,” Jenna told them as she began walking through Alex’s house. “I wouldn’t say that in front of her.

  “What are we doing?”

  They all turned to see Logan standing behind them. His blond hair was combed neatly to the side and he was fully dressed. Clearly, he’d been up for a while. Beth felt a pang in her chest that he had been in his room hiding from her, then kicked herself for taking it so personally.

  She’d probably never get Logan back, ruining what they’d had beyond all recognition. What she could do for him, however, was help him get back to where he wanted to be. She’d made the decision in a split second. It had taken nothing more than laying eyes on him, standing there in the hallway, leaning heavily on a cane and standing on two feet. That, coupled with Cole’s comments about Logan being lost, had solidified her decision. He’d been through a trauma, not to mention the nightmare she’d put him through. He had every reason to take that step back from life and recalculate. He wouldn’t trust her, there was no doubt about that, but it was time for her to be selfless.

  She’d have to try to emulate her sister Andy because selflessness was not her strong suit. Looking at Logan, she was willing to give it a shot. If she couldn’t have him, which she was reasonably sure was out of the question, she’d have to be okay with that.

  She had to tell herself that making sure he was in the world and living a happy life would be enough for her. She was going to have to work for his trust, and the thought of working for it filled her gut with determination.

  “Well,” Tucker began, interrupting her thoughts. “We just met Jenna and now she’s taking us to see Auntie Alex of the famous monkey bread.”

  “Famous monkey bread, huh?” Logan smiled affectionately at the girl on the screen. “How’s my girl?”

  “Good.” She smiled at him. “How’s my pirate?”

  Logan sent her a wink. “Hanging in there. I promise I’ll come visit you soon when it’s a little warmer.”

  “It’s not that cold,” Jenna said. “It’s March. Spring is next week.”

  “Your spring and my spring are very different. Your spring is snow melting. My spring is Mardi Gras.”

  “What’s Mardi Gras,” she asked.

  Beth laughed under her breath. Good luck to him explaining that to Jenna. The minute he told her it was a giant party, she’d want to go.

  “I’ll take you when you turn twenty-one,” Beth promised when Logan looked unsure of where to start. “Until then, forget you heard about it.”

  “Auntie Alex, what’s Mardi Gras and why can I go until I’m twenty-one?”

  “Huh?” Beth heard Alex’s voice getting closer. “Who’s taking you to Mardi Gras?”

  “Logan and Auntie Beth.”

  That wasn’t what had been said, but Beth didn’t correct her.

  “Figures. Let me see her.”

  Jenna propped the phone up so she and Alex were both in the picture.

  “Seriously?” Alex rolled her eyes, her apron covered with flour, a streak of it across her cheek. “How does this always happen to you?”

  Beth looked at the three men surrounding her and shrugged. They were an exceptionally good-looking group of men.

  “Hey, Alex,” Logan said. “Good to see you. These are my cousins Tucker and Cole.”

  They all greeted each other and Alex cut her eyes to Beth.

  “Seriously,” she repeated.

  “They wanted to see the monkey bread,” Jenna put in.

  “It’s in the oven, baking already. Here.” She grabbed the phone and held it up to the oven window. Sure enough, there was a pan on the wire rack, filled with dough rising, before their eyes. It looked shiny and gooey, with butter generously slathered on top.

  “Have you ever thought about moving to Connecticut?” Cole asked with a smile.

  “Not even once,” Alex returned, her deep voice grating through the phone’s speaker. “I’m trying out new
recipes for the class I’m teaching at the university on the principles of working with yeast.”

  “Fascinating,” Beth lied.

  “After this, Jenna and I are going to make some honey wheat loaves and we’re going to compare how each loaf bakes, depending on how long we let the yeast proof.”

  “Stop saying yeast.” Beth scrunched up her face. “It sounds disgusting.”

  Jenna laughed. “I get to eat the bread when it’s done and I’m doing a lab report on it for school as extra credit.”

  “Silver lining,” Beth agreed. “Where’s your mom?”

  “At home with Dad, I guess. I stayed over here last night. Are you coming up to see us?”

  Beth looked to Logan. “You know, cutie, I don’t think I am. Not quite yet.”

  Logan didn’t like the way Beth was looking at him. Like she had some kind of plan going on in her mind that he didn’t know about. He’d always thought that Beth’s face was very expressive and he could read every emotion she felt, but emotion and plans we’re not the same thing.

  So, while he could tell how she felt sometimes, what was going in that mind of hers was a whole different ballgame. The look in her eyes was dangerous though, he knew that much.

  God, he still wanted her.

  The fact that she’d shown up kind of blew his mind. She was more the kind of girl that felt things out from a distance. If she wanted to know how he felt, she’d text or call. She might come right out and ask over the phone, but she didn’t always put herself in the firing line. This time she’d shown up on his doorstep and that was a first for them.

  He hated that he kept thinking of them as a them. Six months ago, he’d gone to Owen and Andy’s wedding, hoping with all that he had, that they would end the weekend with he and Beth being a them. Instead, Beth had left him alone, once again, and he’d walked away without her.

  He’d more than walked away, he’d run like hell. Straight back to the base and onto a transport plane, he’d run as far and fast from the memory of her as he could get. Three months into his detail, there had been an accident. It would be easy to blame it on someone else, but he had been the officer in charge. Anything and everything that had happened on that detail fell on him.