Farewell, My Loves
Page 19
And there was also the universe conspiring against it.
Because I was tired of denying that one of them was my destined soul mate.
I’ve just also accepted it was not fate.
There was a time and place for everything and I truly believed that in another lifetime, Michael and I may be together when our paths crossed at the suitable moment.
But in this lifetime, Gio intercepted it at my birth and I don’t resent it him for it either, because I’m so very loved.
I love them both too, only one of them will only get it in the depth of my heart.
One afternoon that Gio went to Roma to work on the books, I went to the salon to trim my ends. My hair became brittle with the pregnancy.
I was in the parking lot waiting for a cab to arrive when I ran into Chiara on her way into the salon.
Why was New York suddenly feeling so small?
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my long lost daughter! I’ve missed you, bambina,” she said with her fake smile.
She made my stomach flip which I hoped she couldn’t notice was beginning to show. I kept my purse in front of it just in case, but the cardigan I had on didn’t help cover much.
I knew this day would be coming sooner or later.
“Ciao, Chiara. Nice to see you,” I tried to be as formal as I could. My mother did teach me a few manners, after all.
“I’m not happy that you’ve avoided me all this time. It’s no good dividing the family like this. We have to stick together, you know. We go way back. Apolognia tells me she hasn’t heard from you in a very, very long time either. You can’t be angry at the world, bambina. You’ll get crows feet before you know it.”
Oh my God, I wish she would shut up.
“I’ll be sure to moisturize, Chiara, thanks for the advice. Are you getting your nails done today?” I ask because she’s dressed to the nines with her hair already done, and I’m trying to change the subject while impatiently waiting for the taxi.
“My son’s been very different lately. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I’m not too pleased he’s been distant with us,” she forges right into it.
“Which son will that be? Because I can only vouch for one of them, and I can assure you, prison changes a man,” I tell her, hot temper rearing its ugly head.
“Gianna, don’t be daft. He’s acting like he’s not a Moretti. Like he doesn’t have obligations to La Cosa Nostra. He has important responsibilities he’s liable for and things between all the families are very strained as it is. We can’t afford to have you convincing him otherwise in your pillow talks, bambina. He’s got a lot going for him. You’d do good to be on his side for once, rather than against him. Your mother and I always knew you’d make a fine wife for him, but not if you’ll be clouding his judgment.”
“Chiara—” I cut myself off, not giving her a reaction because that’s exactly what she wants, goading me. ”Duly noted,” I chose to say.
“Good, but I have to say, Gianna, and I mean it with the best of intentions as your other mother, and as woman to woman. You’ve put on too much weight. Any bigger and my son is going to be repulsed if not already! That will not help matters when you two try for my grandchild,” she says, shaking her head at me like I’m a bimbo.
Bullseye, Chiara.
She’s about to get the reaction she’s been egging for.
“You know, I used to wonder why Domenico had so many mistresses… but after a few minutes with you, I’d want one of my own, too! I couldn’t imagine doing anything else to you with a cock, other than to maybe shove it down that stupid mouth of yours to get you to shut the fuck up!
“Mind your own business for once! Stay out of mine! Your son wants distance? Get the fucking hint through your dense skull. He doesn’t want to be in the family business anymore! And he doesn’t have to be! Giorgio doesn’t have to answer to anyone but himself, so back the hell off, Chiara, and leave him alone. You’re his mother, act like one!”
“Gianna, what a foul mouth you have! Domenico is right, you need to learn some respect. Apolognia would be ashamed of you!”
“Gesu Cristo, stai zitto!” I yell at her in frustration to shut up. She’s giving me a headache.
Finally, the cab shows up and I run up to it to get away from her faster.
I heard her still yammering her nonsense in the background. Right now, I almost missed having Pasquale drive me around. I could’ve avoided this if he still was my driver.
The ride home felt like it took a year to get there.
To make matters worse, Gio was home already. I had hoped to calm myself before he saw me.
“What’s the matter?” he asks immediately, seeing the annoyance on my face.
“Nothing, amore. I’m not feeling that well. It may have been just motion sickness from the drive over. I’m going to lie down,” I tell him, not wanting to get into it with him.
“C’mon, let’s go lie down, then,” he tells me reaching a hand out for me to join him.
“You’re going to bed too?” I smirk.
“Sure. Family nap time,” he says proud of himself with that one.
And just like that, looking into his warm brown eyes looking back at me with so much adoration, and wanting to just be with me, I felt better.
He’s always known how to do that.
Maybe I keep falling for his charm, but somehow amidst all the chaos, Giorgio was mending me without him even knowing he was doing so.
As much as I didn’t want to, I knew it was time to share the news with his family.
I was six months pregnant now, actually almost seven, but six months to Gio, and beginning to really show.
The run-in with my mother-in-law a month ago made me realize my time to hide was up. So when I heard a knock at the door and saw Matti there after Giorgio went out for the day, I didn’t think much of it.
I figured he must’ve told his brother and he’s come over to say hello.
I’ve never had anything personally against Matti all these years. He has always been neutral, never meddling during family feuds, and even went as far as to hold me back when I threw the whiskey toward his father without manhandling me.
It was actually a little exciting he would be the first to know, since it has felt like the baby has been a dirty little secret all this time. Even though it kind of was.
Maybe this baby would be the reason we washed the bad blood that was boiling between all of us. I didn’t want her to be part of, or know of La Cosa Nostra, but I wouldn’t keep her from having any semblance of a family either.
I opened the door to let him in, but before I could say hello to him I was yanked forward by my hair, tripping over my feet, and twisting my ankle trying to right myself.
“Matti! What the hell?” I yell on my hands and knees. His hand was gripping my hair still and there were two pairs of shoes in my line of vision.
He’s not alone.
“G, be quiet,” Matteo warns as I hear my front door shut.
The adrenaline was pumping strong... maybe it was fear.
Either way, whatever was happening or about to happen, was either going to inflame Gio or wreck him.
He drags me to stand up and I see that it’s not Matti holding me, but the man he’s with and I can’t say I’ve ever seen him before.
He drags me still by my hair toward the lift, barefoot, and without my purse or keys.
When we get in, Matti leans over to warn me not to give them any trouble when we reach the lobby downstairs.
What the hell is happening?
I straighten up in the elevator and the other man he’s with lets my hair go in exchange for a death grip on my arm.
I glare at Matti murderously, when I notice he’s sweating profusely and worried.
He does not look like the orchestrator of today’s visit.
Finally, he makes eye contact with me, and minutely he shakes his head at me, in a silent plea for my cooperation, or perhaps forgiveness.
Oh God,
this is bad.
This is really fucking bad realizing now he’s in a position he doesn’t want to be in.
We step out to the lobby and my ankle is throbbing, making it difficult to walk without causing attention, but we manage to pass Charlie at the door and make it to the car waiting for them.
I have no sweater on in the cold weather, no purse, no shoes. People in the lobby and entrance were bound to notice something was awry.
The brute of a man shoves me in the back seat and slides in next to me as Matti takes the front passenger seat, and the driver I don’t recognize either, drives off.
My heart is beating faster than bullets fired from a tommy gun…because I need to try something.
I can’t just sit back.
Maybe I could just talk to my brother-in-law in Italian, hoping these men aren’t fluent, “Matteo—”
But I don’t get to utter more than his name.
I didn’t even see it coming when it happened.
It was too fast and I never expected it.
Matteo, my brother-in-law, a friend since I was a child, backhanded me, busting my mouth from the impact of his hand against my teeth.
“Sit the fuck back, and shut your mouth!” he bellows, scaring me with a side I’ve never seen from him before, instinctually making me cover my belly in case I had to block any more possible strikes from any of them.
I couldn’t believe it.
Matti just struck me.
I’ve never been hit in my entire life.
Not from my parents, my family, no one.
And he just struck me.
Hard enough to make me bleed because I taste the metallic copper in my mouth and I tried not to make a peep, gagging on it as it pooled in my mouth.
But Matti’s in shock, too.
He’s staring at my hands covering my belly.
He didn’t know… and now he does.
Again, his eyes plead with me with a small shake of the head.
Neither one of us say another word when he turns around to face forward.
We arrive some time later at Belucci & Sons and I already know why we’re here.
I’m here to die.
I was going to be murdered and covered in cement.
Or probably dropped in the river.
Whichever place I ended up, I only hoped it was fast.
A quick bullet to the brain would be very welcomed because I can’t imagine enduring a cruel torture with the baby in my belly.
I didn’t even care why they were going to kill me, who ordered it, or who betrayed whom to do this.
I just prayed that Giorgio found solace one day.
That he didn’t lose the last shred of his humanity looking for me. And I also prayed he never found me either. Never that.
I didn’t care that Matti was part of it. I didn’t know the other two men, so I surmised that maybe he may have been betraying his family by siding with another mob.
None of it mattered. I wouldn’t be here to see the aftermath.
I was afraid, though.
Absolutely scared out of my mind, I was paralyzed with fear.
With three men, one of whom was family and already the one to have hit me, I was in no position to try anything else again. Opening my mouth got me backhanded, I was too tired and honestly too afraid of the pain, I wasn’t going to try anything physical with a belly.
Was it terrible I hoped Michael never knew about anything either?
I didn’t want him hurting over me or the baby he was never going to know.
I was so sorry for too many things in this short life. In a way, there was miniscule relief in knowing the baby would never experience this wretched life I was bringing her into. She would be coming with me and she would never be touched by any of this.
When we arrived, they all exited the car and I didn’t bother fighting it, I slid toward the door and stepped out without a fuss. The least I can do is die with my head held high.
They parked right in front of a shipping container and Matti came up to me to drag me on my twisted ankle, causing me to stumble to the ground. I didn’t see the reason for his excessive force, but once I’m on the ground he makes a show of grabbing me by my arms and whispers to follow his lead, right before he yanks me up roughly.
I take heed because he might actually help me out of this.
I almost don’t want to hope though. It was so much easier to accept and make peace with my death. It’ll crush me when hope takes this chance away from me.
We get inside the container and he shoves me toward a chair in the middle of the space.
One of the men, the driver, starts to tie my hands to the arm rests when the other man, the one who first dragged me from my home, walks right up to me and punches me on the side of my face.
The pain was unbearable.
It felt like he broke my cheekbone and my right eye throbbed with the impact of his fist.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t think.
Next thing I know, I hear a gun shot.
BANG!
Thank God!
Thank God they killed me right away.
Then I heard another shot, BANG! Making me jump in the seat I was tied to.
But that couldn’t be right.
Wasn’t I dead?
“What the hell were you thinking?”
Thinking?
I couldn’t think right now.
I was still hurting from the close-fisted punch and trying not to hyperventilate with the fear I was overcome with, hearing a gun shot by my face.
I’ve never heard one this close before.
“Gianna! Answer me! What the hell were you thinking running your mouth to my mother?”
His mother?
No.
I did not just get my face bashed in because Chiara and I exchanged words.
Opening my eyes finally, I see Matteo kneeling by me and realize he’s trying to untie my hands but fumbling too much to get them free.
I’m trembling.
I had to be in shock.
I look at my belly and see blood all over it and that’s when I start screaming.
My God, they’ve hurt my baby.
Matti jumps up and covers my mouth with one of his hands.
“Gianna, stop! Stop! That’s not your blood!” he tells me, frantically yelling over my hysteria.
He’s covering my nose with his big hands, constricting my oxygen so I start thrashing and then I had to bite him to get his hand off of my face. It hurt so much.
“Get the hell away from me!” I scream.
“G, why, why, would you antagonize my mother?” he asks me through gritted teeth. “My God, I had no idea you were pregnant. Giorgio! Fuck! This is so fucked!” He frantically snapped.
He stood up and pulled back his hair with his bloodied hands in frustration.
The sight of him smearing the blood across his temples and hair made my stomach flip.
Finding my voice, I asked “What’s going on, Matti?”
“G, this is all so fucked. You ran your fucking mouth to my mother and she went and told my father. Why would you tell her Giorgio was getting out? Why? Do you know my father thought it would be poetic to have me be the one to rough you up? Teach you the first of many lessons he planned on, if you didn’t heel? He thought it best that family be the one to show you. And since he knew I was reluctant to do this to you and Gio, he sent me with two new guys to make sure I did it. You made this really hard. You’re fucking pregnant, for God’s sake! That’s my nephew!”
“Matti, calm down. You’re not making any sense.”
“I can’t fucking calm down. I knew this was suicide. I just buried myself! Gianna, you’re fucking pregnant. Do you know what this means?”
“No! Calm down! You’re scaring me! Matti, are you going to kill me?” I was sobbing now.
“No! But Giorgio is going to kill me!” He yells in hysteria. ”I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t. I planned to have you help me ou
t. Explain everything to you and see what we could do, together. Fake some bruises or something, but I wasn’t anticipating these two assholes to babysit me, and especially to start fucking hurting you—even after seeing your goddamn belly!”
“Matti, Domenico sent you to do this?” I was trying to understand. I felt slow with my head pounding, my heart stopping, my body shaking.
“Yes! He wanted you to learn your place, and he wanted to make sure that Gio knew his loyalties belonged with La Cosa Nostra. You were to see that ‘distractions’ could be easily eliminated,” he tells me, giving me a hard look, like it’s my entire fault.
“Does Giorgio know about this?” I ask.
“No! He has no idea.”
“And Domenico thought Giorgio would just sit back and accept it?”
“I don’t know what the fuck he thought! I just know what he ordered!”
I was shivering from both the cold and fear that had permeated my bones.
I can’t even look him in the eyes. I can’t believe their father made him do this to us. I’m terrified of what Giorgio’s going to do.
Matti, clearly distraught, kneels in front of me to finish untying me.
“G, I was never going to kill you. I just had to rough you up. But I never would have hit you if I would’ve seen your belly earlier. I had no idea. I wasn’t expecting that asshole to step in either. I don’t know if they had other orders. It’s why I killed them.”
Suddenly, one of the panels at the front of the container was yanked open and there stood Gio looking like death himself. He was the epitome of calm, it was disturbing to see he looked like he was in his true element. I wasn’t relieved to see him in the slightest.
How were we going to fix this?
It wasn’t Matteo’s fault.
I don’t think he was lying either when he said he would have told me so we could do something together.
“Giorgio, let me explain,” Matti starts as Gio walks in with a look I can’t decipher crossing his face.
I don’t recognize him to be honest.
He surveys me without coming to me and I already know he’s calculating how he’s going to hurt Matti. He’s waiting for his moment to strike.