Liberated Heart

by Measha Stone

  Alex grasped Alyssa’s hand and said, “Go to her apartment. Like now. I don’t care if you whip the sense back into her, but get it there. I have never seen that woman look so lost in my life. She needs you, Bradley.”

  “She’s not a weak little bird,” Bradley muttered.

  “No, she’s not. But she’s not using her damn brain right now. She needs you to remind her that she’s strong. Remind her that she’s not supposed to roll over and die because she’s been hurt.” Alex slapped him on the shoulder. “Whatever you woke inside of her brought her to life. We’ve seen it blossom when she was with you.”

  Bradley watched the two of them walk out of his office hand in hand. Alex had fucked up with Alyssa, but had gotten her back. The book.

  He ran his eyes over his book shelf to find the one he’d given her. If he remembered right, there was a full chapter on the topic he wanted. Flipping through quickly he found it and felt a weight lift from his chest. His pet would learn a few lessons from him yet.

  He just needed to get her to let him into the apartment.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  “I just sent it. You should have it in your in box already.” Erin leaned back in her chair, staring at her computer screen.

  “Yep, here it is. I’ll get it over to printing. Uh, you have a three o’clock meeting tomorrow with Sean.”

  Erin sighed. She hadn’t left the apartment since she moved in several weeks ago, aside from quick trips to the grocery store down the block. “Okay, I’ll be there.” At least she hoped she would. Staying hidden away the rest of her life wasn’t going to work for her career. “Can you please reserve the conference room? And if you could be in the meeting with me, that would really be great.” Sean wasn’t a threat, her head knew that, but looking down at the healing wound on her arm, she didn’t want to take any chances.

  “Of course, Erin. Not a problem.” Brenda said. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, okay?” The soft hesitant voice grated against Erin, though she couldn’t rightfully blame Brenda. She had been hiding out in her apartment for weeks with little contact with the outside world, aside from the delivery men who brought her food.

  “Thanks. See you tomorrow.” Erin clicked off the call and turned her chair to take in her surroundings. An empty pizza box sat on the coffee table alongside an empty wine bottle. Clothes that had been washed but not yet folded were crumbled up on the armchair and dirty dishes from her breakfast of frozen waffles and oatmeal still sat on the end table.

  Knowing she should get up and clean the mess, but having no patience or energy to do so, she pushed off her chair and went into the kitchen to grab a soft drink. Something full of sugar and carbonation would help.

  It had been weeks. Why was she still feeling so dead inside. No, dead wasn’t right, that would imply a numb feeling. She’d beg for numbness. No, the pain in her chest was very much alive. Passing by the book case she caught a glance of the damn book she’d been trying to get up the nerve to throw away.

  If she could just toss it in the garbage can, this would all end. She could stop fighting her urge to flip through the book to find all of her highlighted markings. The desire to seek more answers within the pages would have to fade if the temptation wasn’t glaring at her every time she walked into the living room. Yet every time she reached for it with the purpose of tossing it out, she’d stop herself. Not willing to dig into the reasons as to why, she would promise herself to do it the next day. Staring at the book in a dead lock of emotions, she barely heard the doorbell ring. Midafternoon on a Thursday, everyone she knew should be at work.

  “Fed ex,” the voice from the intercom told her.

  She hadn’t ordered anything. “Just leave it by the door.”

  “I need a signature ma’am.” The garbled voice insisted.

  “Fine. I’ll be right down.”

  She wasn’t afraid of the Fed ex guy. It wasn’t fear that made her hesitate. It had more to do with the fact that she hadn’t showered since the morning before, and also hadn’t changed her clothes. She grabbed a wrinkled shirt from the laundry pile on the chair and threw it over her tank top. Wrinkled as all hell, at least the pizza stain from last night’s dinner would be hidden.

  When she jogged down the stairs to the front door, the Fed ex guy looked a little irked to be left waiting for so long. She couldn’t find her damn shoe. It wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t expected anyone.

  After signing for the package she headed back up to her apartment looking for the return portion of the mailing label. She found it just as her apartment door shut behind her.

  Bradley Sorenson Top Floor

  She froze. Every muscle in her body revolted against her brain that said throw it away and never look at it again. That chapter in her life ended. She’d shut the book on it herself. It was over.

  Then why was there a package from him in her hands? What could he have sent to her through FedEx? She’d already picked up all of her things from his house under the cloak of darkness, knowing he’d be at the club, and George wouldn’t stop her from gathering her things. He did try to lecture her about being upfront and fully honest with Bradley, and mentioned more than a few times that Bradley wouldn’t be pleased that she stole away while he had his back turned. She apologized to him, and tried to get him to understand that seeing Bradley would be too hard. The older man had only raised an eyebrow and pinched his lips together in response.

  With a trembling hand she peeled back the tab to open the box and yanked it across the box. The packaged opened and a book along with a letter flew out of it and onto the floor.

  She picked up the letter first, hand written by him.

  Pet,

  I’m not sure exactly what’s going on in that pretty head of yours. I thought we were past hide and seek, but I suppose not. You have been through a horrible experience, one I should have prevented and did not. For that, I cannot apologize enough. I don’t like what I’m hearing in regards to how you are taking care of yourself, but that can be addressed later.

  She paused and looked around the apartment and then down at her own attire. If he were there to see what she’d done to herself, she would be completely humiliated.

  I realized I missed a very important part in your training. Then again, I wasn’t quite finished before you ran away. With you, I don’t think I could ever be finished. Together, we could both grow and learn from each other, each day bringing something new to our lives. However, this particular item should have been addressed by this point.

  He could never be finished with her? How could he mean that? He didn’t, that’s how. Her own cynicism surprised her. She’d been living in Jessica’s apartment too long. Her past man hate was beginning to seep into Erin’s own psyche.

  Turn to page 108 and read the entire chapter. I will be at the club tonight if you’d like to discuss your reading. I will expect you at 8pm. Please be sure to wear something non-kindergarten teacher-like.

  I hope to see you there.

  With all my love,

  Bradley.

  With all his love? He loved her? She shook her head, willing the hopefulness that thought brought to her to go away. She couldn’t believe that. Wouldn’t believe it. She’d been a fool once, no twice, but she finally learned her lesson.

  Erin read the letter three more times, picking it apart word by word, trying to find the hidden meaning. The secret agenda. If he was into just training newbies like Claudia said, like how she allowed herself to believe, why would he ask for her to return? Now that the club was open to the public for membership, he could have his pick of a newbie sub. There wasn’t a need to drag her back.

  She peeked down at the book that rested on the floor near her mismatched shod feet, and picked it up. The same book he’d gifted to her at their first meeting. The book she hadn’t had the heart to throw away.

  After tossing the empty box to the floor and tucking the letter beneath her arm she flipped to page 108 and read the title of the chapter. Trust and Open Commu
nication in a D/s Relationship. After which, in his handwriting was written the words and Love. That word again.

  Several lines were highlighted and little notes were scribbled in the margins. His notes for her. She began reading while walking over to her couch. Sitting in the corner, pulling her knees up to her chest she went over the entire chapter, reading each word of his notes. When she finished, she began again.

  *

  The elevator ride from the main level to Top Floor seemed endless as Erin made her way up to see Bradley. Her stomach knotted even further when the doors finally dinged and slid open. Jeremy, a new member of the security staff took notice of the doors opening and relaxed when he saw it was her. A warm smile in greeting he nodded.

  “He’s expecting you, Erin.” Jeremy had been the same staff member to let her know he was expecting her the last time she’d graced the club. It had been the night of her punishment. She wished she could conjure up angry emotions about the last night they spent together, but all she remembered was how loving he was after he flogged her and spanked her. How much he cuddled her in the car on the way home, and how warm it felt to have his body pressed against hers while they slept.

  With shaky legs, she maneuvered her way through the small crowd in the lounge. The dungeon wouldn’t be in full swing for another few hours, but under Alyssa’s management many members arrived early to enjoy their dinner or a few drinks with friends before moving on to their play.

  Erin stopped when she came to Bradley’s door. Just a closed door, nothing to make her tremble. Except she knew on the other side of it was Bradley. The evening could go wrong in so many ways. He could decide not to accept her apology. He could decide she was too much trouble, and carried too much baggage for him to continue on with her. The book he sent could have just been a ploy to get her to give him the answers he wanted before he tossed her aside.

  “Knock on the door, Erin.” Alyssa’s whispered words startled her. Erin spun around to find her holding a tray of drinks and sporting a supportive smile. “Go on. Knock. He’s there. He’s waiting, has been all afternoon. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the tough Bradley so unsure.”

  “What if this is the wrong thing to do?” Erin let her fear out with a breath.

  Alyssa shook her head. “What if it’s the right thing?” Lifting an arm, she knocked on the door and gave Erin a wink. “Only one way to find out.” Alyssa walked away just as the door was pulled open and Bradley was there, taking up the doorway.

  Erin swallowed hard, gripping the book in her hand harder as she dragged her gaze up from his chest to his face, trying to gauge his reaction to her arrival.

  He looked as sexy as always, despite the pressed lips and dark glare. A black t-shirt hugged his torso, and over washed jeans hung loosely on his hips. She’d never seen him look so casual at the club, unless they were playing, and in those times he wore his cargo pants. Better to stash naughty toys in all the pockets.

  With one step, he moved out of the way to allow her to enter. Hugging herself around the middle, she stepped inside.

  The door closed behind her, making her jump at the sound. His office, though not at all new to her, seemed different, bigger than before.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” His voice filled the room. Had he always seemed so much bigger than life to her, or was it her guilt and her fear of losing him that made it so at that moment?

  “I got your book.” She tried to smile, ignoring how much it hurt to even pretend to be anything but terrified at that moment.

  “I see that.” He moved to his desk, leaning against it and folding his arms over his chest. His expression went blank. “Did you read the passage?”

  “Yes.” She nodded and held the book out, as though to prove to him that she’d opened it and read every word. Hell, she damn near memorized the passage, but mostly his notes. He’d opened her eyes with his side notes. “I’d like to talk with you, if you’re open to it.”

  “Do you think I would have asked you here to stare at you then send you on your way?” His grave tone didn’t set the most positive tone for the meeting, but she pushed on.

  “No, I mean, I’m not exactly sure of anything at the moment. What I thought no longer makes sense, but everything is all fucked up now. I fucked everything up. I told you I would. I warned you.” She cut herself off before her emotions boiled up into her voice. It wouldn’t do to start blubbering, or they’d never get anywhere.

  “You asked me what would happen if you fucked everything up. And what was my reply?” He maintained his position against this desk. Not moving a muscle.

  Did he know how much she wanted his touch at that moment? She thought back to their first few text messages. “You said I wouldn’t. That we’d always talk it through.” If only she’d looked back on those messages weeks ago, maybe she would have had a chance to fix things.

  “So.” Both eyebrows raised, his blue eyes drilling into her. “You’re here. Let’s talk.”

  “I shouldn’t have broken up with you through a text. That was awful of me,” she blurted out.

  “Go on.” Still he remained motionless.

  “I don’t know where to start, how to begin.” She looked around the room, as though she would find a “start here” square on the floor.

  “I should have protected you better.” His soft voice pulled her gaze back to him. He was hurting, she could see it in his eyes, the raw emotion lingering there. He blamed himself for Claudia? It never occurred to her that he would take that on his shoulders.

  “You did protect me. How could you have known? She made an appointment with me through my office. It’s not uncommon to meet a new client for coffee or at their office.”

  “I shouldn’t have let you out without a body guard. I should have hired one of Kendrick’s men to follow you.”

  “That wouldn’t have changed much.” She wanted to step to him, to comfort him, but too afraid of what would happen the moment their skin touched, she stayed rooted to her spot. “I went to her car willingly, still under the impression that everything was normal. It wasn’t until we were inside that I realized what a fool I’d been to get in with her. Having a security guard there wouldn’t have changed that. Her driver would have just lost him in the traffic.”

  “When you wouldn’t let me back in the hospital room, I assumed you blamed me. I blamed myself.”

  “No! That had nothing to do with it. I never blamed you for any of it.”

  He gave her a curt nod. His jaw ticked. Her stomach sank into her feet, for the past month he’d been beating himself up over it. That he’d been the cause of what happened. “It wasn’t your fault,” she said with more heat.

  “Tell me why you left.” His order came at her with more force than she’d heard from him before. His eyes narrowed a fraction, enough to tell her that he would listen to her, but warning her that it better be good.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  How much longer could he look at her trembling before him without touching her? He doubted she even knew how much her body expressed her emotional state. The sheer veil of tears tore at him. When she stepped closer, she was within grabbing range, and he had to fight himself to keep still. Wrapping her in his arms before he got to the bottom of things wouldn’t help, and she had yet to say if she wanted to come back to him.

  Her showing up gave him hope, but he was quick to check that emotion and put it aside. She could be there to give him the courtesy of a face to face break up, and nothing more.

  He waved a hand. “Explain yourself.”

  She didn’t look him straight in the eyes, though he hadn’t expected her to. Instead, she looked up at him through wet lashes. Her breath was shaky when she inhaled. Standing before him was a woman stripped bare of all defenses, ready to put everything on the table for him, to completely bare herself to him. He had waited weeks for her to be ready, weeks for her to find her courage, and now that the moment arrived, he was torn.

  He knew if he held her, she would still get
through the moment, she would have an easier time of it, but it wasn’t supposed to be easy. He needed her to work through it, to show both of them that she was strong enough to get through the rough patch and that as a couple they could get through it, too.

  “I doubted you. Us. I doubted us,” she began, still trying to meet his gaze but not quite there. “You have so much more experience than me. You own a BDSM club for crying out loud. Everyone here has more experience than me. Why on earth would you want to waste your time with someone who still questions her submission, still wonders if it’s okay to relinquish control over to someone else?”

  When she didn’t go on he prompted her. “Keep going, Erin.” His voice wavered slightly, a sign of his fight to keep his own emotions in check. She was too close, so close and in such need of him. But he would hold out.

  “You had to punish me for the same thing over and over again. I mean it wouldn’t be long before you gave up. I mean who wouldn’t? And then the Claudia thing happened.”

  “Claudia thing?” He hadn’t meant to sound so incredulous but her casual stance on being kidnapped and nearly murdered wouldn’t stand with him for long.

  “What I mean is, she said things. Things about you. How you like the training, you enjoy bringing a new sub to heel, then you let them go. I remembered about the book you gave me the first time I met you. You have a whole shelf of them. You just have them on hand. So it made sense, and I was already doubtful.”

  He frowned and waited for her to continue.

  Her hands twisted the book, curling it and uncurling it in her grasp. Her arm still looked as though it were healing. The stitches had been removed, but the wound hadn’t fully healed yet. The fear he’d felt that day, not knowing if he’d get to her in time, then seeing the blood—so much blood—swallowed him up.

  “I should have talked with you.” She took another breath then met his gaze. The tears that had been teetering fell down her cheeks, leaving their mark as they fell. “I should have talked to you right away about what I was thinking.”