A Mighty Love

by Anita Doreen Diggs

  By eleven, she was looking good in a clingy white skirt that fell right above her knees, accenting her long legs. She wore a sheer white blouse with a white tube top underneath, silver jewelry, and matching heels. Adrienne knew she looked good, and Mel’s approving glance confirmed her opinion.

  Mel was decked out in a pair of creased dark-gray slacks and a light-gray silk shirt. He refused to put on a tie. “It’s too uncomfortable,” he grumbled.

  Adrienne wore her evening cape, and Mel put on his black dress coat.

  They took a cab down to Fourteenth Street. Nell’s was packed. They worked their way through the crowd and waited at the bar until two seats became available. Adrienne’s heart was heavy; Mel hadn’t said a word since they left the house. She put on a brave smile and squeezed his hand. He responded by ordering drinks for both of them and tapping his foot to the music as he turned to watch the well dressed men and women who were gyrating to Will Smith’s “Getting Jiggy Wit It.”

  “I thought you said this was old-school dance night,” Mel grumbled.

  “It starts in a few minutes, Mel. Please be patient.”

  “Well, I hope it starts soon, ’cause this music ’bout to get on my nerves.”

  Adrienne didn’t answer. When the drinks arrived, Mel swiveled around to watch the dancers and sipped his rum and Coke with a grimace on his face.

  Adrienne drank her sloe gin fizz quickly and slid down from the barstool. “I want to dance,” she said flatly.

  They danced two songs before the disc jockey played a slow jam. It was a real old tune called “Sideshow” by a group called Blue Magic. Mel held Adrienne close. “This song brings back a whole lot of memories,” he murmured.

  Adrienne sniffed. They hadn’t known each other when “Sideshow” was a hit song, so he was obviously thinking of someone else.

  When the song ended, Mel’s expression was unreadable.

  “Who are you thinking about?” Adrienne demanded.

  “It’s not a ‘who,’” he answered. “I was remembering a time when my life was carefree and happy.”

  They were poised at the edge of the dance floor when Mel spoke. Adrienne felt tears well up, but she blinked them back and squared her shoulders. “Perhaps you’ll be happy again someday, but right now I want to go home.”

  “I’m sorry,” he replied. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  “Really? Well, it sounded like you meant it,” Adrienne said, staring at him under the strobe lights. “You know, I don’t understand you. If you really didn’t want to go dancing with me, you could have stayed your ass at home.”

  “Look, Adrienne,” Mel said, raising his voice. “I told you from the get-go that I didn’t feel like going, but you was the one standing there looking pitiful. I told you I didn’t mean it that way, and you need to let it rest.”

  “I’ll let it rest, all right,” Adrienne said, pulling her purse under her arm. She tipped the bartender and started heading for the door. Angry, Mel followed behind her, weaving through the crowd of dancers who were swaying blissfully to the music.

  When they pushed past the line of couples still waiting to get into the club, Adrienne stood on the sidewalk, forcing back the tears. Mel wouldn’t even look at her. He stood in the street and held his arm out, signaling a cab.

  The cab ride home was silent, and that night, Mel and Adrienne slept back to back.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Mel was lying on his back with the radio playing softly on the nightstand beside him. His hands were folded behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. Adrienne had questioned him again about the “mugging,” and he had lied his ass off. But now that the episode was over, he was really scared. He had meant it when he vowed to leave drugs alone. Yet once he and Debra’s girlfriends had finished off the liquor, the craving for cocaine had been intense. Had he developed a drug problem during the horrible months after the fire? Mel had known a lot of dudes who had believed it when they said, “I can stop whenever I want to.” Most of them were either dead or in jail. He shivered even though the bedroom was warm. A phone call interrupted his gloomy reverie.

  “Wassup, little brother?” Debra asked playfully.

  “Not a hell of a lot. Adrienne just went to work. I’m gonna go back to sleep. Gotta be at work at four.”

  “When you comin’ to see me?”

  “I dunno,” he muttered. “I doan want no shit with your old man, and it seems like he’s always at your house these days.”

  “I see. Well, stop by the bar, then. Okay?”

  “Sounds good.”

  After they hung up, Mel started to call Adrienne at work just to chat but then changed his mind. She would pick up on his gloomy mood, and it might ruin her day. He turned over, went back to sleep, and sank into a familiar dream.

  The welcome home party was jumping, and the champagne flowed like water. Adrienne’s family—Aunt Patsy, Aunt Clarice, and Aunt Ellie, who had all come up from Dietsville to celebrate—mixed, stirred, fried, and laughed in the kitchen as they kept the chicken, greens, and macaroni coming. Debra and her friends were everywhere dancing and shouting over the loud music that boomed over the Jordans’ new sound system.

  Neighbors from Adrienne’s old building came with their grandchildren, and even her former roommates showed up. Everyone under fifty and over thirty clapped and sang along with the Gap Band’s “Burn Rubber” as those too old or too young to remember the noisy song mumbled among themselves in disapproval.

  Mel and Debra drank cup after cup of rum and Coke as they passed out handfuls of pink-ribboned cigars to celebrate Delilah’s birth. The infant didn’t let the party disturb her. Closed off in her parents’ room, she slept quietly in a white, lace-covered bassinet that her grandma had bought her, fists held tightly against her cheeks.

  Adrienne, still a little tired from Delilah’s birth the week before, sat in the living room watching everyone have a good time. There was a strained smile on her face as she waited patiently for the celebration to end. Then the screams rose in Mel’s ears. Higher and higher they became, until he found himself looking into a singed bassinet to find nothing but ashes where his angel had once slept. The guests, who had been wearing party clothes, were suddenly draped in black. They swarmed around him with their sorry, tear-streaked faces. A white man sprang up with a shovel in his hand, and everyone was transported to Delilah’s gravesite, where the man proceeded to dig the hole that would put Mel’s baby in the ground forever. Rain suddenly poured out of the sky, drenching everyone with such force that Delilah’s charred little lips popped out of her mouth and landed on the ground next to Mel’s foot.

  Mel sat up shaking from the nightmare, his face damp with perspiration and tears.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Adrienne had just booted up her computer and started on the day’s work when her phone rang.

  “Media Services,” she said crisply.

  “Hi, Adrienne. How are you?”

  It was Lloyd Cooper. Adrienne’s heart skipped, but she kept her composure. “I’m fine. And you?”

  He sighed. “I’m in the midst of an apartment hunt, and believe me, it isn’t fun at all.”

  “I know exactly what you mean. It took weeks for me to find something decent in Manhattan. At least you’ll get help from the company.”

  “That’s true,” Lloyd agreed. “Every week I get a list of ten empty spaces that sound just perfect. I make time in my schedule to view the place and it turns out to be either a dump or a cubbyhole.”

  “What are you looking for?”

  He paused. “I want a three-bedroom duplex on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, with a doorman.”

  “Where are you living in the meantime?”

  “At the Parker Meridien Hotel.”

  “Not bad.”

  “Parton, Webster will pay for the suite for another month or two, but I don’t want the search to take that long. I’m practically living out of a suitcase, and I miss my belongings. They’re all
in storage back in Chicago.”

  “I’m sure you’ll find something soon.”

  “I’m sorry that I made such a mess out of our first meeting.” Lloyd said quietly.

  Adrienne could hear phones ringing around her, feet scurrying up and down the hall, peals of laughter, and the whir of the printer as it spewed out documents. But none of these ordinary office sounds could distract her from the knowledge that Sherry Ingles had stopped typing and was eavesdropping on her conversation.

  “It was quite a shock, but I’m all right now.”

  “All right enough to have lunch with me today?” he asked.

  “Ah, sure,” she said cautiously.

  “How about one o’clock at the Four Seasons?”

  “That’ll do,” Adrienne answered casually.

  “Great. I’ll meet you there. We could walk over together but I don’t want to start tongues wagging. Okay?”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  For the rest of the morning, she worked like a woman on automatic pilot. There were so many unanswered questions. Where were LaMar’s sisters? How did he end up in Chicago? Was he married? Did he have any kids? When Regina or Sherry tried to make conversation with her, all they received in return was a blank stare and a monosyllabic answer to their remarks. After a while, they left her alone.

  Adrienne turned heads as she entered the restaurant. Lloyd stood up until she was seated.

  “How was your morning?” he asked, sitting down.

  “Pretty good. Yours?”

  “Great. I just saw a terrific apartment this morning. It’s not a rental, though. I’ll have to buy it.”

  Adrienne wanted to ask what the cost was, but that would have been rude. “Congratulations!”

  “Thanks. Hotel life just does not agree with me. The place I found is on East Seventy-seventh Street. It’s a three-bedroom duplex with a den, eat-in kitchen, and formal dining room. I’ll have to do a lot of business entertaining, so it’s just perfect.”

  Adrienne didn’t know what to say, so she took a sip of her water and then gazed at him thoughtfully. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

  Lloyd signaled a waiter and turned back to face her. “Let’s order lunch first. Are you in a hurry?”

  “I don’t mind so long as you give me a late pass when we get back to work.”

  He chuckled. “After lunch, I have a meeting across town, but I’ll write the pass on a napkin and you can present it to Regina Belvedere with my apologies.”

  “That should go over well,” Adrienne said dryly.

  “If she gives you a problem, let me know.”

  A pale, thin young waiter eagerly approached the table clutching his pad.

  “Welcome to the Four Seasons; may I take your order, please?” he asked with practiced enthusiasm.

  “What would you like?” Lloyd asked, examining the single-card lunch menu.

  “I’m not sure; how about the salmon?”

  “Excellent choice. But then, you always had good taste. I’ll have a steak, medium rare, and a Caesar salad.”

  Adrienne blushed and nervously cleared her throat as she passed the waiter her menu.

  Lloyd chuckled. “I’ll have a cranberry juice with seltzer.”

  “The same for me.”

  The waiter flashed another winning smile. “I’ll be back in a moment with your drinks.”

  Lloyd placed the card down and smiled.

  An uncomfortable silence fell between them. “Let’s play a game,” she finally said.

  He cocked his head to one side and stared at her. “What kind of game?”

  “Let’s see if we can fill in a little of the seventeen-year gap since we’ve seen each other.”

  He agreed. “Great idea. I want to know all about your life, and I’m sure you have a million questions for me. So, we each get to ask three questions. First you, then me, and so on. Okay?”

  Adrienne’s stomach tightened. There was no way she was going to talk about Delilah. “I’ll go first,” she said cheerfully.

  “Okay.”

  “How is Noney, and the rest of your sisters?”

  His face looked pained. “I don’t know, Adrienne.”

  “You haven’t found them yet?” Adrienne asked, astonished. “Have you thought about hiring a private detective to find them?”

  He hesitated. “Yes, but there is something very important to consider before I could take such a step.”

  Adrienne wondered what could be more important in life than finding your family, but Lloyd looked so upset that she decided not to pursue the subject. “Your turn.”

  “All right. Tell me why you opted for corporate life instead of the bright lights of stardom.”

  Adrienne shook her head. That would take more than a lunch date to explain. She still couldn’t explain it to herself. “I didn’t decide on corporate life,” she began. “I tried to make it as a singer and failed. Corporate life seemed like the most sensible alternative.”

  The waiter arrived with their drinks, and they sipped quietly for a few moments before Lloyd wiped his mouth delicately. “Hmmm,” Lloyd said, “I’m surprised.”

  “Surprised about what?” Adrienne asked, intrigued.

  “You. It’s just that it’s not like you to give up.” Adrienne didn’t respond. “I remember when I was tutoring you in math. You didn’t let anything stop you, no matter how hard or difficult it was to you. You were focused. And optimistic. That’s what I liked most about you. And your beauty.”

  “Seventeen years is a long time to try anything,” Adrienne said, blushing.

  “Is it?” Lloyd stared at her, his brown eyes seeming to stroke her skin. Adrienne shifted in her seat.

  “I believe the ball is in your court.”

  “Okay.” She thought for a moment. “What really happened that last weekend?”

  After a strained silence, a silence filled with dread and desire, Lloyd began to speak.

  “On the morning after graduation, I left the bedroom that I shared with my older sister Noney and went into the kitchen. Noney was toasting bread and trying to make sure that each slice received a scrap of butter, since it was almost gone and there was no money to buy more. She also had a pot of water boiling with our last three teabags in it. Breakfast for the brood is what she called the meal.”

  Lloyd smiled bitterly before continuing. Adrienne lowered her eyes. “Poor Noney,” she said. Lloyd nodded in agreement.

  “Noney’s hands were shaking as she apologized to me because she and the rest of the brood had missed my graduation. There wasn’t enough carfare, you see. I comforted her and went to get my other sisters in order. They were fighting over who would get to use the bathroom first. I barked out orders at them until they were all washed and sitting at the kitchen table. I kept watching Noney as she ate, wondering why her hands were shaking and why her face looked even sadder than usual. After cleaning up the kitchen for her, I made the younger children go outside so I could find out what was going on.”

  Lloyd took a deep breath. Adrienne sat very still.

  “The news stunned me. Unless we could produce a mother within forty-eight hours, the authorities were going to step in and split us up. Worse, Noney and Pam were both in the early stages of pregnancy.” Adrienne’s eyes widened at this news. They were both so young—and alone. “I was suddenly sick and tired of the whole lot of them. I felt a sudden, violent hatred for my promiscuous mother. I had to get out of the house. Without saying another word to Noney, I set out to walk to your house in Manhattan.”

  His lips went down at the corners and his face creased into a frown. When he spoke again it was through clenched teeth. “I hated it when you insisted on returning home with me. For years, I remembered the look of shock and disgust on your face when you saw my living conditions. It stripped me of the last of my pride. When you gave me the money to buy food, I wanted to toss it back in your lap, but that would mean no food for the rest of the weekend, and I couldn’t do that to my sisters.
Especially since two of them were pregnant. So I took it.”

  The waiter came to the table with their food, but by that time Adrienne’s appetite was gone. She hadn’t realized Lloyd felt like that, and from the bitter tone of his voice, it didn’t seem as though his pain had lessened over the years. She felt ashamed. She didn’t mean to hurt him. She was only trying to help. Lloyd stared down at his plate of salmon, and his voice dropped to a whisper. Adrienne had to lean forward to hear the rest of the story.

  “I had not planned to seduce you. I just needed someone to hold me. When you didn’t say no to my advances, I was very surprised. When we were making love, I believed that you were really in love with me. I thought that we could go through college together and build a life. We could get married, have fun, raise a real family, and love each other just like your parents did. The fantasy blew up in my face as I walked you back to the subway. You made a remark that wasn’t about love at all. I can’t remember your exact words, but it was clear that what we’d just shared was “pity sex.” My beloved Adrienne had given up her virginity because she felt sorry for me. I wanted to die.”

  Waves of emotion washed over Adrienne. She cried softly into her napkin.

  “After kissing you good-bye, I went back to the apartment. It was crawling with cops and official-looking folks who separated me from my sisters. All of us were taken away. I haven’t seen my family since.

  “Don’t cry,” Lloyd said. “The past is gone, and I’m a long way from that.”

  Adrienne blew her nose and struggled to regain control of herself.

  “Enough about me,” Lloyd said briskly. “I’d like to hear about you. Are you happy?”

  “Yes . . . well, I will be.”

  “What a curious answer. When will you be happy?”

  “My husband and I are having some problems. I will be happy when they are resolved.”