A Mighty Love

by Anita Doreen Diggs

  Maybe he should just walk away so that Adrienne could start over. No, that wouldn’t be right. If he asked Adrienne for a divorce, it would send her spiraling back into the depression that had enveloped her after Delilah’s funeral. Worse, she could have a nervous breakdown and end up as a patient in Bellevue Hospital or something. Delilah’s death was all my fault, he thought. Adrienne is just beginning to rebuild her life and she wants to make our marriage work. Besides, what kind of man causes the death of his only child and then leaves his wife alone to live with the memories? If I left, I’d be a worse man than my own father was.

  No, he couldn’t break Adrienne’s heart again. Tears sprang to Mel’s eyes at his predicament, and he wiped them away quickly. It took a few minutes for him to get his emotions under control, and then he turned to greet another line of boarding passengers with a quiet, tired smile.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  All the bills from Adrienne’s shopping spree arrived to haunt her.

  She took them to work with her one morning to call the credit card companies and confess that she couldn’t pay. Her bills were neatly stacked in two columns on each side of her desk. The tears that pooled in her eyes fell in heavy drops atop her desk.

  “Adrienne?”

  Adrienne wiped her eyes and looked up. Good Lord, she thought, I forgot to close the door! “Yes?”

  “Why are you crying?”

  “I don’t want to bother you with my problems.”

  “It’s never a problem to listen to a friend.”

  Adrienne managed a weak smile.

  “Is it your husband?”

  They had never spoken about the dinner. Lloyd seemed to know that she didn’t want to discuss it. Adrienne felt a crying jag approaching, but she was powerless to stop it.

  Lloyd closed the door.

  “Oh, Lloyd, I’m in so much debt.” She waved the bills in the air in desperation.

  Lloyd lifted her chin up toward him and watched the tears stream down her face.

  “Adrienne, you know money is not an issue for me. I’ll give you the money to pay your creditors.”

  Adrienne pulled away and furiously shook her head. “I could never accept such a gift. I owe too much money.”

  “How much do you owe?”

  Adrienne continued to shake her head.

  “Tell me.”

  She sighed. “At least twenty thousand dollars.”

  Lloyd rolled his eyes. “That’s nothing. I’ll get my checkbook and we can settle all this right now.”

  “Absolutely not. I can’t take that kind of money from you.”

  “Fine. It’s a loan, then. Does that make you feel better?”

  “I’ll think about it, Lloyd.”

  “May I ask you a question?”

  “What?”

  “Are you in debt because of your husband’s problem?”

  “What problem are you talking about?”

  Lloyd frowned. “His drug problem.”

  Adrienne felt as if he had slapped her. “Are you crazy? Mel is not on drugs!”

  “Yes, he is,” Lloyd said firmly. “I can spot a user a mile away.”

  “He isn’t,” Adrienne said stoutly. “And you don’t know a damned thing about my husband.”

  “It’s kind of you to stand by him after all he’s put you through,” Lloyd said quietly.

  “Kindness?” Adrienne laughed bitterly. “I’m lucky he stayed with me after what I did.”

  Lloyd cocked his head to one side. “Guilt?” he asked.

  Part of her wanted to tell the whole sad story, but she didn’t want to watch the respect and admiration fade from his eyes.

  “I don’t know what hurt you’ve caused him in the past, Adrienne, but I’ll bet that debt has been paid in full a thousand times over.” He shifted from one foot to the other.

  Adrienne shook her head. “You’re so wrong.”

  Lloyd cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you. Please don’t get mad.”

  Adrienne took a deep breath and decided to let the truth come out. It was better than letting Lloyd believe that Mel’s erratic behavior was caused by drugs. “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I just wish you had known Mel before we lost the baby. He hasn’t been the same since Delilah died.”

  Lloyd was shocked. “A baby!”

  Adrienne stood up and began to pace as she spoke. The story tumbled out: her need to get away from the baby, Mel’s fatigue, the visit to the hair salon, dinner with Dan, the drive home, the street in Rosedale that was clogged with police cars and fire trucks, Delilah’s funeral, and her withdrawal from life.

  Her phone rang, but she and Lloyd both ignored it.

  Lloyd listened without interruption until she sank back down on the chair, covering her face with her hands as though she were waiting for him to pass some terrible judgment.

  “Adrienne,” he spoke to her bowed head. “Every mother gets tired of her child once in a while. Escaping from a crying infant for a few hours didn’t make you a bad mother. It means you were a good one. Do you know how many women are in jail for child abuse? Women who probably would not have snapped if they weren’t under so much pressure?”

  Adrienne had never thought of her longing to get away from Delilah that dreadful day as a sign of good parenting. It was a remarkable notion, and when she met Lloyd’s eyes and saw that he meant it, a gigantic weight fell off her slim shoulders.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Mel walked through the back alley, rang the bell, and waited in front of the glass so the barmaid could see his face clearly. A cinnamon-colored, oval-shaped face stared at him for a moment and then disappeared. The door remained closed. Mel rang again. After five minutes, the same face reappeared. “My sister, Debra, works here,” Mel shouted. He banged on the door for emphasis. The face disappeared, and then a new pair of eyes appeared in the glass, angry eyes that turned soft when they recognized him. The door swung open. It was the guy with the handheld metal detector. “Hey, man, you tryna catch a bullet or what?”

  Mel followed him down the short, dark hallway and dropped his switchblade in the box. “Naw, man. Just wanna drink like everybody else. Who is the new hoochie that was just at the door?”

  The man shrugged. “Think her name is Jane or some shit like that. How you been?”

  “I’m all right.” Mel waved good-bye and walked down the short flight of steps, through the second door, and into the bar. He blinked to adjust his eyes to the dimness. The place was packed. There was no empty stool, so he stood at the bar, waiting for Debra to notice him amid the waving, shouting, singing, and laughing customers.

  Debra finally spotted him and smiled. “I know what you drinkin’,” she yelled in his direction. “One rum and Coke comin’ up!”

  He squeezed himself in between the folks on the stools. When Debra placed the glass in front of him, he drank its contents straight down without stopping. “Give me another one.”

  “Damn! What’s wrong with you?”

  Mel wanted to say “everything,” but there were too many other men around. He would come off sounding like some kind of punk. He shrugged off her question, but she wouldn’t be put off so easily. “You need something, Mel?”

  Hell yeah, he needed a whole lotta shit. Like somebody to talk to about the drugs that kept calling him. He needed a place to stay since it was just a matter of time before Adrienne threw him out in the street. He needed a preacher to go to God for him and ask how much more bad luck he had to suffer through before his debt to all those women he had wronged was paid in full. He needed to hit the lottery so he could pay off his wife’s bills and wipe away that worried crease on her forehead. He needed his sister to come out from behind the counter and tell him everything was going to be all right. Most of all, he needed somebody to tell him why he felt so scared and lost inside.

  But the bar was crowded. Debra put two more drinks in front of him and went to serve some other customers.

  In the end, Mel didn’t even get a
chance to talk to his sister. She kept him supplied with drinks as she worked the busy bar. Finally, he gave her forty dollars and staggered home.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Charlene answered her phone on the first ring.

  “Can you do my hair?”

  “Now?”

  “It’s okay if you can’t do it.”

  “No. Come on over.”

  The evening temperature was balmy, so Adrienne decided to walk the fifteen blocks to her brother’s house. She was surprised to see that a photo of Dan and Charlene, which had been taken in Hawaii on their honeymoon, was now blown up to a gigantic size and hung on a living room wall. The expression on their faces made Adrienne want to weep. She and Mel used to look at each other like that.

  “When did you do that?” Adrienne gestured at the picture.

  “About two weeks ago,” Charlene said proudly. “Doesn’t it look great?”

  “Yeah.”

  Charlene started bustling about, gathering her hairdressing gear. Adrienne followed her as she pulled some towels from the linen closet.

  “Look, Charlene, I’m really sorry about what happened the last time I was here. I’ve been too embarrassed to call and tell you that.”

  Charlene turned around, her arms filled with towels and her eyes warm with concern. “I know that, honey. How is Mel?”

  “I haven’t been speaking to him and I can tell that it’s driving him crazy.”

  “That’s not the answer, and you know it.”

  “I’ve been too angry with him to have any kind of rational discussion about what happened. I plan to talk with him tomorrow night. I’m giving him an ultimatum. Either he signs up at Alcoholics Anonymous or finds someplace else to live.”

  “That’s a start,” Charlene said mildly, “but it’s not enough.”

  Adrienne didn’t want to hear any of Charlene’s psychobabble. There was something else on her mind. “Stop. I’ve got something to tell you.”

  “Good news, I hope?”

  “Very good news. Come on, I’ll tell you while you’re washing my hair.”

  They went into the bathroom. Charlene turned the water on as Adrienne knelt on the floor with her head hanging over the tub. The cold tile was hard beneath her knees. “Why don’t you and Dan have bath carpet?”

  “Because you have to wrestle with them to fit them into the washing machine. Then you can’t put them in the dryer because the foam rubber will melt off. The back of the darn thing has to hang over the shower rod until it is dry enough to put back on the floor. Too much work.”

  “Lazybones,” Adrienne grumbled. “And what happened to the bath mat?”

  “It was old. We threw it out.”

  “Don’t you know it’s dangerous to get in the tub without a mat in it? What if you slip and fall?”

  “What if you talk about what is really on your mind instead of complaining about my bathroom?”

  Warm water cascaded over Adrienne’s head. There was a pause and a squishy sound when Charlene squeezed the shampoo bottle. Finally, Charlene massaged the shampoo through her hair and began to scrub her scalp with her fingertips using vigorous circular motions.

  “Lloyd has offered to lend me the money to get out of debt,” said Adrienne.

  “What does Mel say about that?”

  “I didn’t tell him.”

  The fingers stopped moving. “How much money are we talking about, girl?”

  “Twenty thousand dollars.”

  “What?! I know you’re feeling really desperate, Adrienne, but you can’t commit Mel to something like this behind his back.”

  “Mel didn’t make these bills,” Adrienne answered irritably, “and I don’t expect him to help me pay Lloyd back. So it’s none of his business.”

  Charlene refilled the pail and rinsed the shampoo from Adrienne’s tresses. “Sounds like you’ve already decided to take Lloyd up on his offer.”

  “I guess you’re right.” Had there ever been any real doubt about it?

  Charlene relathered her head. “Be careful, girl.”

  “If Mel finds out, I’ll deal with it then.”

  There was a hush, and then Charlene said, “That is not what I meant and you know it. Things are starting to get way out of hand, Adrienne.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Adrienne replied stubbornly.

  “Sure you do. This may have started off as a platonic friendship between two old high school chums, but it is turning into something else.”

  “No, it isn’t. Lloyd knows that I am not going to sleep with him. I already told him that.”

  “You haven’t taken his twenty thousand dollars yet.”

  Adrienne couldn’t suppress a giggle. “Okay, you may have a point. I’ll just have to make it clear to Lloyd that I’m not interested in him romantically. I’ll say it just before he puts the check in my hand.”

  Charlene wrapped a towel around Adrienne’s head and helped her to a standing position.

  “Adrienne, are you sure you aren’t interested in him, maybe a little?” Charlene asked, biting her lip. “You have mentioned more than once or twice how fine he is.”

  “Charlene, I ain’t thinking about Lloyd, and you know I love Mel.”

  “I hear you, girl. I hear you, but we both know sometimes love don’t have nothing to do with it.” Adrienne huffed beneath Charlene’s hands. She was blotting her wet hair with the towel.

  “And besides,” Charlene continued, “Mel won’t believe you and neither do I. You practically break out in a sweat every time you say Lloyd’s name.”

  Adrienne shook her head emphatically. “That’s not true.” But it was. He affected her in a way she didn’t know how to understand. At first she had thought it was simply nostalgia, some desire to relive that part of her youth, do it differently; but now she didn’t know what to think. Every time he touched her—even the most innocent of brushes—left her remembering something she was beginning to think was no more with Mel.

  Charlene folded her arms across her chest. “Cut it out.”

  Adrienne could not look Charlene in the eyes, but she still refused to give in. “I enjoy his friendship and that’s it.”

  “Pure crap. You know what I think?”

  “What?” asked Adrienne.

  “I think that you would like to lay your head on Lloyd Cooper’s broad chest and run your hands down those sleek dark thighs.” Charlene was laughing now as she blocked Adrienne’s attempt to leave the bathroom. “I think that you have fantasies of him holding you in those muscular arms.”

  Adrienne tried to choke back a giggle but she was unsuccessful. “It sounds like my brother is the one with the problem here. You were definitely checking Lloyd out when he came over here. I’m going to call Dan and tell him all about it, right now.”

  “Don’t you dare!” Her face grew serious. “But really, Adrienne, I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am a social worker, and I’ve seen so many families go down this road, and—”

  “Charlene, please. No psyche-speak now. And anyway,” Adrienne said, tying the towel tighter around her head, “I have a phone call to make to my brother. He needs to know that you thought Lloyd’s thighs were sleek.”

  Adrienne ran from the bathroom and headed for the kitchen phone with Charlene hot on her heels. They wrestled playfully with the phone for a second, and then Adrienne sat on the dining room chair as her sister-in-law rooted around in a closet and emerged with a handheld blow dryer and an electric curler. She plugged them in and took the towel off Adrienne’s head.

  “Don’t worry, Charlene. I’ve got the situation with Lloyd well under control, and even if something did happen, Mel would deserve it. I don’t believe he didn’t sleep with Big Boy’s cousin.”

  “We don’t really know what happened between Mel and that woman. It’s best not to jump to conclusions—or jump into a situation with Lloyd you may regret sooner than later.”

  “I know in my heart, Charlene. Anyway, I don’t want to talk abo
ut Mel. And no more of this booty talk about Lloyd. I need your advice about something nice that I want to do for him.”

  Charlene looked wary. “What is it, and why do you want to do it?”

  Adrienne settled back in the chair as Charlene untied the towel and began to comb the tangles out. “The way I see it is like this. It’s going to take me a long time to pay Lloyd back all that money. Even then, it won’t really mean a lot to him because he isn’t going to really miss the cash in the first place. So, I’m thinking of using the Internet to try and track down at least one of his sisters. I can’t think of a better way to say thank you than that.”

  Charlene agreed. “Well, although I don’t approve of you accepting the money, that is a wonderful idea, but if you find an address or phone number, don’t set up any kind of reunion. He may need to do that in his own way, on his own terms. Just give him whatever information you find and leave it at that.”

  “That’s exactly how I planned to handle it. Do you have any tips on where to start? I’ve gotten lost in the Internet maze quite a few times.”

  “At Social Services, we use People Search. First you go on the Yahoo, click on People Search, and then follow the steps. It’s really easy.”

  “How much does it cost?”

  “It’s free.”

  So the following week, Adrienne took the check from Lloyd, gave him a grateful kiss—on the cheek—and stayed late one night to search the World Wide Web for her old friend’s family. The search engine took her to the People Search home page. It was a simple form. All she had to do was enter the first and last names, city and state, then click on “Search.” The results yielded no match for the name Noney Jenkins. There were eleven matches for Denise Jenkins in the New York City area. Ten Pamelas, seven Annies, and eleven Brendas. That meant she had twenty-four phone calls to make. She was tired, but it was best to make the calls in the evening while people were at home. She started dialing.

  Adrienne and Lloyd crossed paths several times the next day, but she didn’t want to give him the exciting news while he had business to take care of. He would need some silence and privacy in case his emotions got the better of him. She simply whispered, “I have a secret to tell you, but it’ll have to wait until after five.” When he pressed her for more information, she only smiled at him mysteriously. “I’ll meet you in your office at five-thirty,” she told him.