Fool Me Once

by Brittany Crowley

“We don’t live together,” I remind him.

  “Yeah, but I’m over at your house every night. You can deny it all you want, but I’m always here, baby.” He looks me in the eye, and his face is full of remorse. “About the fight…”

  “This isn’t just about the fight. It’s about you not trusting me. Carter told you we kissed to try and get me to show my emotions, to be forced to choose between you two. It didn’t work the way he wanted, you fed into him. Not for one second did you think about asking me first. You jumped to conclusions and painted the whole sordid picture in your head. Do you really want to know what happened?”

  “I do.”

  “He made a move on me and sneak attacked me. I was a part of that kiss for a second before I shoved him away. I yelled at him for disrespecting you then stormed out of his house and back to mine.”

  Nate rubs his hands down his face and sighs loudly. “I’m such a fuck up. I’m sorry Lex, I should have talked to you first. It’s just… when he said he had his lips on you, I lost it.”

  “I have a few questions, and I want you to promise to answer them truthfully.” Nate nods his head for me to go on. “Do you trust me? And before you say yes, I really want you to think about it. Do you truly trust me?”

  Nate let’s go of my hands and sits back in his chair. He’s deep in thought for some time, and before he speaks, he worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

  “Not with Carter.”

  That one statement hits me like a punch to the gut. Thinking something and it being true are two highly different things, and it causes a sob to erupt from deep inside. He doesn’t move to comfort me already knowing how badly that hurt me and there’s nothing he can do to make it better.

  “With my actions since he came back into our lives, I don’t understand how you can say that,” I whisper, the pain evident in my voice.

  “You’re loyal to me, in love with me, there’s no question about that. You can stick up for me, do the right thing by me and still have feelings for another man. A man you have a child with and have admitted to being in love with before she was born.”

  My god, is he right? I’ve been so concerned with doing the right thing by Nate that I haven’t given a second thought to my actual feelings. How I really feel when it comes to Carter. The emotions that I hold beneath the surface when he’s around. Truth is I don’t know, I’ve never let myself dwell on my feelings because it felt like I was disrespecting Nate.

  He’s completely right. Up until recently, I didn’t have conflicting emotions because I wouldn’t allow myself to.

  That makes the tears come harder. I lift my legs up on the chair and bury my face in my knees. I’m not sure what this all means for us, and the unknown of what else he has to say terrifies me.

  “You see it right? What I’m talking about.”

  I nod my head yes. “I love you so much Nate, but with Carter… I’m not really sure. Sometimes he brings up old memories, and I remember the way it was. Are there still feelings there? I think so, our relationship always felt unresolved. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt the feelings I have for Carter are nothing compared to what I feel for you.”

  “That makes me so happy to hear, but you haven’t fully let yourself feel anything with Carter again. I think there’s only one solution. Before we can continue on with our relationship…” He stops and looks at the ground quickly. “You should go on that trip with Carter to meet his parents. Just you, Hazel and Carter.”

  “What?” I ask dumbfounded.

  “I want you to go with Carter and explore your feelings. I’m not saying sleep with him to see if you still love him, but if it comes to that, I guess I’ll have my answer.”

  Is he telling me he wants me to fall back in love with Carter? To sleep with him? I’m so blown by his suggestion I don’t even know how to respond.

  “What if that happens and I still choose you?” I question on a whisper.

  “Then I’ll have to live with that because this is my idea. I’m not giving you up Lex, that’s the last thing I’m doing. I’m sending you off to get some closure with your ex because I’m confident you’ll come back to me.”

  “I don’t know if I can do this. The thought of hurting you rips me up inside. You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

  “I do. For us to move on this has to happen. You need to figure out if you still love Carter, if you’re in love with him.”

  I nod my head and wipe a tear that escapes my eye. Honestly, I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. If this is what it takes to move forward with either of them, it has to happen. Nate’s right.

  “I love you, so much.”

  “I love you too, but if you aren’t meant to be with me, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll never make you feel guilty for doing what’s best for you Lex.”

  “And Hazel?”

  “No, just you. For this, I don’t want you to factor Hazel in at all. You need to follow your heart, and wherever it leads you, well, that’s where you truly belong.”

  “Are you breaking up with me?” My voice breaks.

  “No, we’re just taking a pause. Carter wanted to go next week, right?” I nod my head. “Go, and I’ll be waiting for the two of you when you get back.”

  With that, Nate gets up, kisses me on the forehead and leaves the backyard. I sit in my chair and cry for a good while unable to process the severity of what’s about to happen. How can I let myself go there with Carter when I know it’ll hurt Nate so much?

  I hear a door shut and a second later, George is standing next to me.

  “I put her down for a nap. Aw darling, are you okay?” George pulls me into him and lets me cry on his shoulder.

  “I don’t know what to do. No matter what, someone gets hurt.”

  Carter’s let his feelings be known that he wants another chance with me. He’s been showing his intentions all along, and I’ve been too naïve to read into them. The kiss the other night was definitely him throwing his hat in the ring along with his declarations that it’s his time to show me I belong with him.

  I explain to George what Nate wants, and he ends up agreeing that I need closure with Carter. With his advice to go on the trip, I pick up my phone and make the hardest phone call of my life.

  “Lex? Hey,” Carter says surprised.

  “Hey, is the trip next week still on the table? Hazel and I would love to come and meet your parents.”

  “Uh, yeah. Of course. I’ll set it all up and get back to you.”

  “Great, I’ll talk to you soon.” I hang my head after I end the call.

  The next week is proving to be the most difficult of my life, but I need to figure out my feelings before I break two hearts along with my own.

  Chapter 33

  “We are now beginning our final descent. Please put your tray tables in an upright position and turn all electronics larger than a cell phone off. Welcome to North Carolina.”

  I look out my window and see the runway fly up beneath us as the wheels touch down. My nerves have been all over the place the last couple days and decided this morning before we left that I’d enjoy this trip. I’m taking it for what it is, and I’m going to explore my feelings completely. I owe it to myself, I owe it to Nate, and I owe it to Carter.

  I haven’t told Carter I’m here because of Nate. There’s no need to give him the green light to be all over me when I’m trying to figure things out in my head first.

  “Hazel, we’re here!” I say excitedly. “Want to meet daddy’s parents?”

  “Yes! Mama, I’m hungry.”

  “I think we can solve that.” Carter kisses her cheek and pulls out his phone. “A car should be waiting for us after we grab our suitcases. We can go anywhere you want Hazel.”

  “Donald’s!”

  I roll my eyes and smile because she always wants to go to McDonald's.

  “I could go for a McChicken and a milkshake,” Carter agrees.

  We grab our things, and Carter carries Hazel off the pl
ane along with her little carry-on bag. I get our extra bag and follow them down the narrow aisle.

  As I move through the airport, it’s a similar experience from when I landed in LA. People are looking, practically gawking at Carter. I know his parents live here now, but he’s not from here. It’s kind of weird to me that he still gets recognized everywhere.

  “Carter Larue?” Some fan yells in our direction, and he gives her a tight-lipped smile keeping us moving.

  I hear tons of whispers. OMG, it’s Carter Larue! I want to get a picture with him!

  “If you want me to take Hazel…” I start saying so he can do what he usually does, but he reaches his hand back and grabs mine.

  “Nope, we don’t stop until we’re at the car. I didn’t factor in fans on this vacation, and I’m not wasting a second of this trip.”

  “It’ll be easier if I grab the luggage, that way you can go to the car with Hazel.”

  When we get to the baggage claim area, Carter looks like he wants to argue with me, but then we notice a crowd of people walking towards him, and he gives me a remorseful smile. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” He bends down, kisses my cheek, and walks out the exit with Hazel.

  Being stared at is a weird feeling, and I know they’re staring. Probably trying to figure out who I am and why Carter’s with me. The light on top of the luggage carousel goes off, and I quickly snatch up our bags and get out of the airport. Once I’m outside, the sun blinds me, and I have to shield my face with my hand to try and find the car.

  “Miss Kile.” Someone speaks to the right, and I find an SUV with the driver waiting outside. He hurries over to grab the bags and tells me he’ll take care of them and to get into the car.

  “Was everything okay?” Carter inquires as I check Hazel’s buckles on her car seat. I can’t help it, I’m a mom.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

  “Off to Donalds!” he proclaims while me and Hazel cheer.

  ***

  I had no idea that we’d be staying at Carter’s parents’ house. I’m even more surprised to see that they aren’t Larue’s but Laraby’s. When I question Carter about it, he tells me Larue is a stage name for his celebrity persona, his real name is Carter Laraby. For some reason that doesn’t sit well with me. What if I had decided to give Hazel his last name and it was the wrong one? I’ve thought he was one person for the past four years and now it turns out he’s another.

  “Hey now, it’s just a name.”

  “Yeah, but you never told me your real name. You didn’t trust me.”

  “I never really told anyone my real name. It’s hazardous for my parents. They want to live without people turning up on their doorstep asking about me.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not everyone.”

  “No, you aren’t. I’m sorry Lexi.”

  There’s nothing left to say and before we know it we’re pulling into Carter’s parents’ driveway, and I’m trying to push my annoyance at his last name to the side. It’s really a small thing, why am I so worked up about it? In my mind when we were together, I was so in love and him not sharing something as small as his last name shows me he wasn’t as invested. Wasn’t he as into the relationship as I was?

  There’s a reason why he didn’t stick around is in the back of my mind, and before I can dwell on that thought, his parents are out the door and walking towards the car. Their excitement makes me happy for Hazel. We went from barely any family to so many people who want to love and spoil her. I just hope she doesn’t get overwhelmed.

  Carter exits the car after unbuckling her and pulls her out with him. I open my door and walk around the back of the SUV and watch the scene play out before me.

  Hazel clings to her daddy but awards her new grandparents a shy smile when they mention her resemblance to a princess. Carter’s definitely been coaching them on the way into Hazel’s heart.

  The sense of Déjà vu I’m getting is overwhelming. This is the very same situation we were in a few months ago, except with Nate. Were his parents more excited? Was he prouder to show off Hazel?

  I need to stop comparing the two. They’re two totally different situations, and it’s not fair to Carter. It’s funny, generally, you compare new boyfriends to your ex, and I’m doing the complete opposite.

  “This is Lexi.” Carter gestures for me to come to him and when I reach him he grabs my hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Laraby.”

  “None of that now, we’re family. I’m Jean or Grammy to you.” She tickles Hazel. “And this big lug is Garrett or Grampy.”

  I smile sweetly at them, and they tell us all to get in the house stating we must be exhausted after traveling with a three-year-old. As I walk through their house and smell cookies wafting through the air, my mouth begins to water.

  In the living room, there are pictures on practically every surface of the wall space. Mostly Carter, some of them on vacations and I see a little section off to the side where they’ve started a little collage of Hazel. I recognize the first picture from when Carter first came to the beach with us. She’s standing there in all her diva glory with her Frozen bathing suit and heart-shaped sunglasses resting on her cute little button nose.

  “Carter’s been sending us pictures faster than we can hang them. We’ve been waiting to meet you for a while.” Jean places her hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze.

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you too.”

  When I turn around, she grabs my shoulders, pulling me towards her until I’m engulfed in a warm hug. “Why don’t you come with me for a little one-on-one time.” She turns towards the group sitting on the couch. “Boys, I’m going to show Lexi around the house.” Carter looks happy with his mom taking a liking to me, and I have to say, so far, I like her a lot too.

  “You have a lovely home, Jean.”

  She ignores my comment and comes to stand in front of me. “Thank you for giving him a second chance. You have my utmost gratitude for letting him be a part of Hazel’s life and letting us be included in that.”

  “He told you everything?” I whisper completely surprised. It had to be hard to admit that you abandoned your pregnant girlfriend and moved on with your life to your parents.

  “He did. It was tough to hear, and I was angry with him for so long. I didn’t raise him that way, and I’d like to think the bright lights of LA changed him. Made him a pompous ass, someone who would abandon their daughter.” Tears form in her eyes and the way she’s talking, I can tell she’s not the biggest fan of her son’s celebrity status. “Then he started sending us pictures of our grandbaby and just like that, everything was right with the world.”

  “She has special powers.” I wink.

  “That girl certainly does. I know I’ve only skyped with her a few times and talked on the phone but getting to know her has meant so much to my husband and me. I don’t think I could ever say thank you enough to express how grateful we feel.”

  “No need to thank me. Thank your son for actually being a great dad to Hazel, she’s lucky to have him.”

  “You’re a saint dear.” She wipes under her eyes. “Okay, enough with all this girl talk, let’s get these cookies out there so I can start spoiling my granddaughter.”

  Chapter 34

  Sometimes life isn’t as cookie cutter as you’d like to believe. Before Carter showed up, I fell for Nate, and we started forming a little family, something I looked forward to maybe growing someday. I still feel that way, but Carter’s thrown me a massive curveball.

  I cannot believe I thought I’d be able to push my feelings for Carter to the side. It would have helped if he came into this situation like a raging asshole. That would have kept my fire fueled, and I’d have easily been able to keep him at arm’s length.

  Watching him right now on the beach building sand castles with Hazel, it’s almost like a fantasy come true. I can’t count the times I had hoped he’d come back and that we could be a happy little family. Seeing my little g
irl giggling at her fathers failed attempt at molding a sand crab gives me the vision. I see it so clearly. We could be happy.

  There, that’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself. My feelings haven’t been completely shut off to Carter and coming out to North Carolina with him has lit a flame that’s been missing. I can’t allow myself to think of Nate, he wanted this, practically threw me out here. He wants me to explore my feelings for Carter.

  In the end, someone’s hearts going to be broken. Either way, whichever man my heart chooses, a little piece of mine will be shattered along the way too.

  “Lexi, get your butt out here and help us. The waves are getting higher,” Carter yells to me.

  I see Hazel waving me over and get up from my chair. Once I reach them and drop to my knees, I try to erect a barrier wall to protect the castle. My girl’s getting worried the waves are going to take out her castle and demands higher walls. Such a diva, I think on a chuckle.

  “You know sweetie, it’s okay if the water takes it. We can always build another one,” Carter reassures her.

  “Okay,” she sighs and decides to take matters into her own hands, stomping her little feet all over her perfectly placed sand castle pieces.

  We’ve been in North Carolina for a few days now, and I’ve really been enjoying myself. Carter’s showed us the sights, took us to all his favorite spots and his parents were included in most of it. This is the first day we ventured off on our own.

  A few hours later, after we’ve swum, buried Carter in the sand and eaten our lunches, Hazel falls asleep in the beach tent. Carter picks her up, and we leave in search for the car knowing she’s had enough sun for the day.

  “You are kind of good at this,” I say to Carter.

  “Carrying kids?”

  “No, being a dad. Who would have thought we’d find ourselves here?”

  “I know Lex. It’s like this was meant to be, I was meant to be at the Weston’s that day.”

  I nod my head in agreement because it was too coincidental. The universe is trying to show me two very different paths my life could go down, and there has to be a reason. A greater purpose.