Breaking the Ice

by Mandy Baggot

  ‘Well, perhaps I could help,’ Felicity suggested, realising that she had upset Samantha.

  ‘Thanks, but I’m not sure anyone can help now. I’ll call a meeting, probably tomorrow,’ Samantha said with a sigh as she headed out of her office.

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ Felicity offered kindly.

  ‘No thanks, I need to get on. There’s a lot of stuff to get organised,’ Samantha spoke with a swallow as she walked back out from behind the counter into the foyer.

  ‘Well perhaps I’ll tell Jane that the press got it wrong - just for now - until the meeting,’ Felicity called out after her.

  ‘Thanks,’ Samantha responded not really caring what was said any more.

  ‘By the way, she does ballroom dancing on her day off - at the Grand with a fishmonger called Leslie,’ Felicity informed as Samantha departed.

  She walked through the foyer, heading for the auditorium. She had to see Jimmy. He was the only thing that made sense from the night before and she wanted to be sure that it hadn’t been imagined. More than that she needed to know he had made things right with Nigel and was back in the show.

  The arena was deserted when she got there, except for Jimmy who was powering around the ice. He looked up when he saw Samantha enter the room and immediately skated over to that side of the rink.

  ‘Hey,’ he greeted as he stepped off the ice to meet her.

  ‘Hello,’ Samantha responded.

  She felt a little bit awkward, realising that the last time she had seen him she’d been completely naked.

  He kissed her deeply and then held one of her hands in his.

  ‘Good shower? Get time for an old movie?’ he asked.

  ‘No, I had to get home and get changed and then I endured an anti-terrorist inquisition from Cleo. Have you spoken to Nigel?’ Samantha asked quickly.

  ‘Why don’t you go and get your skates? No one will be here for at least an hour,’ Jimmy told her, holding onto both her hands.

  ‘Have you spoken to Nigel? Are you back in the show?’ Samantha repeated.

  ‘Go get your skates,’ Jimmy urged.

  ‘Tell me what he said Jimmy. I’m starting to panic and you know that isn’t good for me. See, I’m getting wheezy already,’ Samantha spoke as she coughed.

  ‘I’m not going back in the show,’ Jimmy stated, looking at her seriously.

  ‘No!’ Samantha exclaimed her voice coming out in a wail.

  ‘Sam it isn’t like you think,’ Jimmy spoke.

  ‘No! This isn’t fair! You haven’t done anything wrong! Didn’t he listen to you?’ Samantha asked as she started to tremble.

  ‘Yes, he listened - for a while at least, but…’ Jimmy started.

  ‘But he has to listen! You haven’t done what he thinks. Dana put alcohol in your drink - did you tell him that? I saw her with your bottle, did you tell him I saw her?’ Samantha questioned as her breathing quickened and she struggled to maintain control.

  ‘Hey, Sam, calm down. This isn’t the end of the world,’ Jimmy spoke, trying to get her to focus on him as he held her hands tightly.

  ‘It is! It is the end of the world! There are reporters outside, people think you’ve done this. People think you’re drinking again and it isn’t true,’ Samantha carried on tears filling her eyes.

  ‘It doesn’t matter what people think, they can think what they like. I know the truth, you know the truth, that’s all that’s important,’ Jimmy spoke still holding on to her and trying to get her to look at him.

  ‘I won’t let this happen to you! I can’t let you lose your place in the show. I’m already losing this hall, I won’t let Dana do this to you,’ Samantha told him her voice loud and out of control.

  ‘She’s insignificant Sam, don’t let this get to you. This is a positive thing, maybe I need to have a break. Let me explain what was said,’ Jimmy begged, as he tried to calm her down.

  ‘No! I won’t let things go! I’ve got nothing to lose now! Nothing! I can say what I want to who I want because, to be honest, I don’t care any more. Is she here?’ Samantha questioned, taking her hands from Jimmy’s and beginning to walk in the direction of the dressing rooms.

  ‘Sam! Wait! Sam!’ Jimmy called as he hurried after her, teetering along on his skates.

  Tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment, Samantha raced down the corridor from the auditorium towards the dressing rooms. She felt hurt and let down by everything and everyone. It was like the whole world was conspiring against her. But the emotion overriding all the others and the one winning the battle to appear at the forefront of whatever was coming next, was anger. She was furious like she had never been before.

  She pushed open the door to Dana’s dressing room with force and it slammed against the inner wall as she stormed through it.

  There was a loud, ear-splitting scream and Samantha put her fingers to her ears as she tried to digest the scene before her. What she saw stopped her in her tracks momentarily and made her gasp aloud.

  Dana was completely naked, led over the sofa, and Nigel, the show producer was also minus his clothes, down on his knees, performing an intimate sex act on her. Both catapulted from their position and began rooting around on the floor for articles to cover themselves with.

  ‘I should have guessed,’ Samantha spoke when she had recovered her power of speech.

  Dana was scrabbling for her clothes and Nigel, who had turned beetroot red at being caught in such a compromising position, desperately tried to hide his ‘embarrassment’ with a cushion.

  ‘What the Hell is going on here?! You can’t just barge into a private dressing room!’ Dana yelled at Samantha as she tried to cover herself up.

  ‘Yes I agree entirely! And you should have thought about that before you intruded into Jimmy’s dressing room and laced his drink,’ Samantha spoke with authority, hoping that her trembling legs wouldn’t give away her fear.

  ‘What are you talking about? Get out of here!’ Dana screamed, able to stand up now that she was loosely clothed.

  ‘No. Not until you admit what you did. I want Loverboy here to hear it. I saw you in Jimmy’s dressing room with his sports drink,’ Samantha continued, trying to ignore her racing heartbeat.

  ‘She’s crazy Nigel! Will you leave?’ Dana repeated, approaching Samantha, an angry expression on her heavily made up face.

  ‘I told you I’m not going anywhere until you admit what you’ve done,’ Samantha ordered, standing her ground.

  ‘Sam – whoa! What’s going on?’ Jimmy remarked as he entered the room and saw Nigel cowering on the sofa behind a very small cushion.

  ‘I told you to get out of my dressing room, now get out or I’ll call security,’ Dana warned and she pushed Samantha’s shoulder.

  Samantha let out a loud nervous guffaw of laughter that echoed around the dressing room and then, quick as a flash, she grabbed Dana by the hair, pulling it tight into her fist.

  ‘In this hall I am the security! I’m the manager here, so you tell your naked friend over there what you did to Jimmy’s drink,’ Samantha ordered and she dragged Dana over to where Nigel was still hiding his manhood under the Civic Hall furnishings.

  ‘You’re deranged! Get her off me! Nigel!’ Dana screamed as Samantha tugged harder at her hair.

  ‘Sam! Let her go,’ Jimmy ordered.

  ‘I’m not letting her go until she’s admitted it! Admit it or I swear I will pull out every hair in your head. Let’s see what make-up can do for you then,’ Samantha yelled, pulling again at Dana’s hair.

  ‘Nigel! Don’t just sit there! Do something!’ Dana shouted almost in tears as her scalp started to smart.

  Nigel had turned the colour of a radish and, needing to hang on to the cushion that seemed to be shrinking by the second, he was in no position to help anyone.

  ‘Sam! Come on, just let her go, she isn’t worth it,’ Jimmy urged, taking hold of Samantha’s free arm.

  ‘Admit it!’ Samantha continued, hissing the wo
rds into Dana’s ear.

  ‘Alright! Alright! I did it!’ Dana shouted her voice hoarse.

  ‘You did what?’ Samantha asked, keeping a hold on the skater’s hair.

  ‘I put scotch in Jimmy’s drink. Now please, let me go, you’re hurting,’ Dana begged, crying out loud.

  Samantha let go of Dana’s hair and shoved her hard away causing her to fall into the sofa and knock Nigel’s cushion on the floor.

  ‘There! The truth! At last! Did you hear it? Did you hear her admit it?’ Samantha questioned, staring wide-eyed at Nigel who was scrabbling on the floor for something to salvage his dignity.

  ‘Yes, I heard,’ he replied.

  ‘Good, that’s good. Well Jimmy seems to think you’re a fair man, so now you know the truth he can be back in the show regardless of who you wish to pleasure during your spare time - yes?’ Samantha spoke her voice verging on sounding triumphant.

  ‘Sam, let’s go and get a drink,’ Jimmy suggested, taking her arm.

  ‘No, not yet. Not until he says you’re back in the show. That’s what we’re here for, to see justice done. I couldn’t save the hall but at least I can get you back in the show where you belong,’ Samantha spoke, staying where she was, looking at Nigel and Dana.

  ‘Sam, come on, let’s just go and get a drink. We can talk about it,’ Jimmy suggested, holding her hand.

  ‘I don’t want a drink, I want him to say you’re back in the show. Why haven’t you said it yet?’ Samantha asked him.

  ‘He won’t be telling me I’m back in the show,’ Jimmy told her bluntly.

  Samantha turned to look at Jimmy, a bewildered expression on her face. She waited for an explanation, her mouth dry and her stomach contracting in anticipation of whatever she was about to hear.

  ‘You should have done your homework Ms Manager, before you came storming in here. You don’t get back into the show when you’re an alcoholic who’s purchased a bottle of vodka. In the end Jimmy dug his own hole,’ Dana retorted a smug look on her face.

  ‘Sam, come with me and let me explain,’ Jimmy spoke still holding her hand.

  ‘I don’t understand. What’s happening here? She spiked your drink, you did nothing wrong and you’re not going to be reinstated in the show? Doesn’t he care about what she did? Did he know about it? Are they in this together?’ Samantha questioned as Jimmy led her to the door of the dressing room.

  ‘Come on, I’ll get us some tea,’ Jimmy said, gently nudging Samantha towards the door as she began to cough violently.

  A few minutes later Samantha found herself sat in the sound booth, looking down at the ice rink. It was beautiful and pure, white and glistening, and as empty as it had been the first time she had set eyes on it a few weeks ago. So much had happened since then, so much was still happening. She felt exhausted. She wasn’t used to change and she wasn’t sure she liked even the idea of it. Anyway, change was what happened to other people.

  The door opened and Jimmy entered, carrying two cups of tea. He had removed his skates and now had trainers on his feet. He handed Samantha one of the cups and sat down on the chair opposite her.

  ‘It’s camomile - apparently they’re all out of blackberry,’ Jimmy remarked to her as he took a sip of his drink.

  ‘What?! Out of blackberry?! They can’t be! We had a delivery yesterday - unless it was missed off the order. Who served you? Margaret or Mabel?’ Samantha questioned, becoming agitated.

  ‘Sam, it doesn’t matter does it? Not for now,’ Jimmy spoke.

  ‘No, it doesn’t matter. Let the place go to the dogs, it will all be rubble in a few months anyway,’ Samantha stated, placing her cup on the desk with a shaking hand.

  ‘Don’t say that, you never know what might happen,’ Jimmy told her.

  ‘No, I don’t any more do I? I used to know you know. I used to know exactly what would happen at every minute of every day and now I don’t. Now all I know is that nothing in life is fair. You think you can win, you think you know what’s right, you try your best and you don’t ask for much, just a fair chance. And then one day you wake up and you realise that life just isn’t like that! It’s hard and cold and mean and people lie and cheat and stamp all over you! And to top it all off they get rewarded for it!’ Samantha exclaimed.

  ‘It isn’t like that, I don’t want you to think like that. The council’s decision is wrong, Dana is evil, but those things aren’t a true reflection of life as a whole. If we all thought like that then there’d be no hope for anyone or anything,’ Jimmy replied.

  ‘Hooray! You get it! You’re catching on! That’s exactly what I’m saying. Everyone’s a liar and a cheat and people like that always seem to win. And me, plain old Samantha Smith, someone who’s done the right thing all her life has to watch everything she ever had and everything she ever wanted get trampled on,’ Samantha shrieked as she became hysterical.

  ‘No, stop this. I don’t want you thinking like that. Leaving the show wasn’t about what Dana did or what Nigel said, or about how unfair life is - it’s about me,’ Jimmy stated, taking hold of Samantha’s hand and making her look at him.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Samantha replied, taking deep breaths.

  ‘I told Nigel everything when I saw him earlier. There was no point telling him anything else. Despite the conclusion he jumped to yesterday he did give me a chance on this tour and I owed him the truth,’ Jimmy started.

  ‘What truth? That witch spiked your drink,’ Samantha reminded him.

  ‘I told him about buying the vodka. I told him I was angry because he didn’t believe me and my first thought was to have a drink to suppress that anger with alcohol,’ Jimmy explained.

  ‘But why did you tell him? You didn’t drink it! I did,’ Samantha exclaimed.

  ‘I told him because it proved that essentially his decision was right. I’m not strong enough yet if I can’t deal with things without my first thought being alcohol,’ Jimmy told her.

  ‘But, the only reason you thought about it was because he didn’t believe you, because he didn’t trust you. He caused that reaction, the unfairness of his reaction caused you to think about drinking,’ Samantha told him with a sniff.

  ‘Maybe, but the thoughts were mine and the action was mine. I bought the drink and I shouldn’t have,’ Jimmy responded.

  ‘So what are you going to do now? Without the show? Are there other ice shows? There must be others, I mean, what are Torvill & Dean doing these days?’ Samantha asked him.

  ‘I was going to talk to you about this tonight but I guess it can’t wait,’ Jimmy admitted a serious tone to his voice.

  Samantha’s heart began to beat almost incessantly detecting his tone, frightened about what he was going to say next. She could feel the uncontrollable laughter rising up in her already.

  ‘I’m going back to rehab,’ Jimmy told her.

  Samantha laughed out loud and then coughed, her face turning almost purple such was the ferocity of the attack. She felt sick and panicked and she clutched at her chest, the pain like a thousand heavy duty kitchen knives.

  ‘Hey, come on, there’s no need for that. It’s all going to be OK,’ Jimmy spoke, wrapping his arms around her as Samantha bent double, coughed and tried to keep breathing.

  ‘OK? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think things are going to be OK, ever again,’ Samantha managed to speak.

  ‘I need to go back Sam and see my counsellor. I need to go through the process again, I need to reaffirm my intentions and come out feeling one hundred percent able to get through it,’ Jimmy told her as he held her.

  ‘But you are getting through it. You’ve been doing it - you didn’t drink,’ Samantha reminded him.

  ‘No, but I was so close to drinking it’s scared me. I need reassurance. I need to know that I’m going to be strong enough to keep resisting it,’ Jimmy tried to explain.

  ‘But I can - I can help you - here,’ Samantha said still struggling for breath.

  ‘Oh Sam, you’ve already helped me,
more than you realise. You’ve been like a breath of fresh air in my life,’ Jimmy told her, holding her face in his hands and gazing at her.

  ‘But now you’re leaving. We spent the night together, just last night and you’re going. Didn’t it mean anything to you?’ Samantha asked desperately.

  ‘Of course it did. It meant everything to me, I thought you knew that,’ Jimmy responded, smoothing down her hair with his hand.

  Samantha just looked at him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment. She didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Sam, I’m doing this for us - so we have the best chance,’ Jimmy told her sincerely his brown eyes looking into hers.

  ‘I really don’t know how much more I can take,’ Samantha admitted, her shoulders beginning to heave with emotion.

  ‘I know, but it’s going to be OK, I promise. We haven’t had the most conventional beginning but it can only get better and it will,’ Jimmy spoke as he took her in his arms and held her tightly to him.

  He stroked her hair as she cried and then suddenly she moved out of his embrace and looked up at him again. She had had a flash of inspiration, a thought of pure genius. She could go with him. Yes, that’s what she would do. She didn’t wholly feel safe with the whole concept of flying, too many people, too flimsy a construction, but millions of other people did it all the time. If they could do it so could she! They would step out together in public, she would let Cleo dye her hair, she would go on an ‘eat nothing but your own body weight in lettuce’ diet and they would be a celebrity couple. She could be there supporting him while he did what he had to do. OK, so there would be a few cameras and reporters and people wanting to know every intimate thing about her. But she could cope with that couldn’t she? Just because she didn’t usually like her photo taken and hated talking about herself to anyone, didn’t mean that she couldn’t actually really do it if she put her mind to it. And she could put her mind to it for Jimmy.

  ‘I could come with you,’ Samantha blurted out, swallowing a knot of fear as she conjured up images of her and Jimmy on Oprah talking about his alcohol issues and her panic attacks. She tried to envisage her newly dyed hair and matching luggage, carefully packed, and could almost see Cleo waving her off at the airport, wearing sunglasses and a new TopShop dress, pouting for the paparazzi.