Homegoing

by Janae Keyes

  Ripping the package open, I was eager to get it on and get into her waiting core. I unrolled the rippled condom onto my rock-hard shaft. It had been forever since I was so turned on by any woman. It was quite possibly because she was the woman.

  I climbed back onto the bed and took her hips in my hands. She moaned as I gripped onto her tightly. There was so much fire that we couldn’t be extinguished, at least not tonight.

  Gently at first, I stroked my shaft over her wet and awaiting entrance. She groaned and leaned into me. It was her way of demanding what she wanted without using her words.

  “I never thought I’d have this day again,” I said, my voice low as I stroked her more. I liked when she was on edge, it lit her aflame. “It’s so different, but better. Fuck, I can’t even give you the right words. It’s so damn intense and I don’t want it to end. At least not now.”

  “I know, but I need you inside me, Liam,” she huffed softly into my pillow before once again groaning at the sensations I gave her. “I want to remember how good it was with you. How good we were together. We had magic, you know?”

  “Yeah. That magic was something else.” I grinned thinking of all the good times. There were mostly good times with us. It was like nothing could get in our way… until my fears did.

  “Let’s be magic tonight,” she rasped.

  I pushed into her. She cried out in pleasure as I worked to savor every moment. I thrust into her, gripping her hip and an ass cheek. The heat was overpowering, but I fought through the urge to cum into her right there. For her, I’d make it last longer. I dug deep for the strength.

  “Turn over, baby,” I rumbled in her ear.

  My heart ached from the moment I pulled out of her. When we fused together, it was like nothing else in the world. That magic still existed.

  Bethany turned to her back and peered up at me. I saw a tinge of pain in her eyes. Pain was the last thing she needed to feel. Quickly, I grabbed a pillow and lifted her bottom to place it under her. I positioned myself back at her entrance and drove in.

  Her eyes never left mine. She was fighting to hold on too, to keep it lasting. She bit down on her lip, she didn’t want to let go, but would have to.

  “Let it go, Bethany. Cum, baby,” I nearly roared into the dimly lit room as I refused to release until she did. I forcefully pressed my thumb to her clit and it was all she needed for her release.

  Bethany yelped into the room. My name spilling from her lips like it used to. The memories were too good to let go of and I’d held onto them. The present mixed with those memories gave me my end and I spilled into the condom.

  “Fuck,” I howled as my cock continued to twitch with the power of the orgasm. I couldn’t see straight and the only thing I could do was collapse onto the bed with her.

  We allowed our breaths to settle and she rested her head on my chest. I turned my fingers in the ends of her hair. She hummed onto my chest before she placed a single kiss there.

  “I can’t say that letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life because letting you go gave me Serenati. My daughter is my entire world and she’s the only good that came out of it, but letting you go was a huge fucking mistake, and I don’t know how many ways I can say, I’m sorry,” I told her as I wrapped my arms around her and secured her close. I wasn’t letting her go again. I absolutely couldn’t.

  Chapter Eleven

  Bethany

  Wrapped in only Liam’s sheet. I flipped through the documents the lawyer had given us. The bar belonged to the two of us and my sale process would have to be halted until we could come to a mutual agreement on the fate of Crossroads.

  “Breakfast?” A deep voice that sent shivers down my spine asked from the doorway. I glanced up to see Liam entering the bedroom with a plate in one hand and a mug in the other. “I remember you like your coffee black.”

  “Yes, thanks,” I hummed as he set the plate down and leaned into me. I allowed his lips to take mine in a chaste kiss before I peered down at the plate of pancakes with a side of bacon. I frowned.

  “Don’t worry there, Girlie. The bacon is mine. I didn’t forget you’ve become a vegetarian,” he playfully mocked me as he sat the coffee mug on the bedside table. I rolled my eyes knowing there were some things about Liam would never change.

  He plopped down on the bed with me and grabbed a piece of bacon while I took the fork on the edge of the plate and got myself a fluffy piece of pancake. Liam used to make breakfast for me when he’d visit me in graduate school. He’d spend a full weekend at the apartment I shared with Olivia and wait on me hand and foot.

  “Mmm, these are delish,” I mumbled through a full mouth of pancake.

  “Don’t talk with your mouth full, young lady,” Liam playfully scolded before he kissed my cheek. Who were we to go from aversion to this?

  It was as if years of animosity and anger had melted away and left us shells of the careless kids we used to be. There were times I wanted to be here still, but I’d gone through so much pain over the years I could never truly be the old Bethany.

  I sighed as I thought of years lost and experiences, good and bad, gained.

  “Hey, don’t get all reflective and shit on me there,” Liam interrupted, and I was thankful for it. “You’ve been going through this packet.” He motioned over to all the papers bestowed on us by Dad’s lawyer. “Anything interesting?”

  “Not yet,” I answered before taking another bite of pancake.

  “We’re going to have to work out the bar ownership. I know that much. You want to sell it and I obviously want to keep it. We don’t have to talk about it now but know it’s important to me and the town to keep it open,” Liam argued, and I nodded. I knew it was an important issue, but I also knew I had a ton of debt to pay off that I inherited from dad.

  We were quiet for a few moments. I sipped at the coffee, which was perfect and took a few more bites of the pancakes while Liam mostly munched on the bacon.

  “So, how often does your daughter stay with you?” I asked as I noticed a few things around the room that were representant of his daughter. A few teddy bears, a little girl’s t-shirt thrown over a chair, and a barbie discarded on the floor next to the dresser.

  “The custody agreement is seventy-thirty. Kayleigh is supposed to have her seventy percent of the time and I get her thirty. It is more the other way around. I have her a lot, which is great. Kayleigh only wants the child support to fuel her drug habit.” Liam looked so broken and disappointed. I knew it wasn’t anywhere near the life he imagined or wanted for his daughter.

  “Kayleigh is a bit of a mess,” I commented.

  “A bit?” Liam laughed astounded at my light interpretation. I was trying to be polite, she was still the mother of his child.

  “Kayleigh was a mistake. Serenati not. She’s a great kid and deserves more. I’m fighting for full custody. I don’t feel right with her over there. Kayleigh has so many men in and out of her life it’s like a constant revolving door. I don’t want my daughter at risk and every moment she spends with Kayleigh she is at risk of something happening.” Liam was a great dad. From what I knew of the situation, he deserved custody.

  “I hope you get it. I really do.”

  “Thanks.”

  My fingers thumbed through some of the documents before I came across something from a credit union. My eyes scanned over it. Dad had an account there.

  “Liam,” I pointed to the document. “Dad had an account at Nor. Cal Credit Union in Yreka. As of the date on this paper, which was a year ago, he had twenty thousand dollars in that account. We’ve got to get up there. That will pay off a significant amount of this debt.”

  “How about we finish eating, shower, and then head up to there,” Liam offered, and I nodded as I took a quick bite of pancake trying to finish eating quicker.

  Liam opted to drive, and I rode shotgun as we headed up I-5 to Yreka, which was only about twenty-five minutes or so from Fort Shasta. The windows were down, and my hair blew around m
e as we rode along.

  I was feeling upbeat and positive for the first time in the last week. Hell, I hadn’t felt this good in a long time. There was a freedom that flowed through, a freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. My breakup with Liam had trapped me in a place where I could never go forward from those feelings I held toward him, and finally they were set free.

  “I can’t remember the last time I was up here,” I told him as we took the freeway exit and watched my surroundings. A few things had changed, but much remained the same as it had in Fort Shasta.

  Liam pulled the car into the parking lot of a shopping center and found us a spot right in front of the credit union. Being able to pay off much of dad’s debt would be a huge weight off my shoulders and could possibly help Liam keep the bar open.

  Getting out of the car, Liam greeted me and secured a hand to the small of my back. I shivered at his touch as he led me toward the door of the bank. It was like we were that couple again. We used to be the guy and girl everyone wanted to be, hashtag relationship goals.

  As Liam opened the glass door, a gush of cold air greeted me from inside the air-conditioned credit union. It was still early and the place was pretty empty. A sweet looking plump red head waved us over to the first counter.

  “Welcome to Nor. Cal Credit Union. What can I do for you today?” she asked kindly as we approached.

  “Hi. My dad recently passed away and his lawyer just handed over documents that stated he had an account here. I wanted to check it out and possibly close the account,” I explained.

  “First, I’m sorry for your loss,” she expressed. I gave her a weak smile. “Do you have the account number and a death certificate?”

  “I do.” Anxiously, I pulled out the document with the account information, followed by the newly printed death certificate. I hated the thing. It was the proof Dad was no longer with us.

  The girl looked over the documents and began typing into her computer. Liam stood next to me, his hand rubbing my lower back. His touch kept butterflies in my stomach, fluttering around with anticipation.

  “Hmm,” the girl said as she continued to type for a moment. “It seems this account was emptied earlier in the week. I have a transaction here stating the deceased wife emptied it of twenty thousand dollars and fifty-six cents.”

  “Wife?” Liam questioned. “But Mr. Cross wasn’t–”

  “My mom,” I sighed. I hadn’t seen the woman in years and neither had dad. They never legally divorced after she left him alone with a two-year-old. “It had to have been her. Do you have any information for her?” I asked eagerly.

  “Sorry, they didn’t take anything down,” she apologized.

  “It’s okay. Thanks for your help.” I turned away from the counter. I was disappointed and angry. Dad didn’t owe that woman a cent, yet she took advantage of his death and emptied his account before I could make it to the bank.

  Liam walked behind me as I rushed outside and into the hot air. My feet carried me as I paced back and forth in front of Liam’s parked car. I had to find her somehow and suddenly a thought came to mind.

  “We need to go to Dad’s house,” I insisted to Liam as I faced him.

  “What’s there?” Liam asked as he opened the passenger side door and I quickly got inside.

  Liam jogged around and hopped into the driver’s side. He started up the engine with a roar. It was very different from my quiet BMW.

  “In Dad’s kitchen, there was an old address book. He had to have her address or some contact information for her. Dad kept everything in that old book. That’s the first place I’d look to have any idea of where she could be,” I explained to him as he started in the direction of the highway.

  Would we find her? What would she be like? Would she recognize me? Anxious questions ran through my mind and every scenario possible replayed. Dad never talked much about her. Only when he got pretty drunk and wanted to take a walk down memory lane. All I knew was she left. I didn’t quite remember it as I was only two, but I do remember a loneliness that stuck with me.

  I hadn’t even realized the drive had passed me by. I glanced up to Liam pulling into Dad’s driveway. I’d been so preoccupied with thoughts of possibly seeing my mother for the first time since I was a toddler I was shocked.

  Liam hadn’t even come to a full stop before I’d jumped out the car and was charging up the front walkway to the door. I poked around in my purse until I found the set of keys that went to dad’s properties. My fingers flipped through the keys until I found the one that went to the front door and fumbled until I managed to unlock the door.

  Inside, it was how I’d left it. Boxes filled the nearly empty living room. It hurt my heart every time I entered the house. It was Dad’s sanctuary away from the bar and the house I’d grown up in. I took my first steps in the kitchen, said my first word in Dad’s room, and lost my virginity in my old bedroom. Every memory I had growing up was in this house and I’d been packing them away.

  Leaving my memories behind, I scurried into the kitchen where I knew Dad’s old leather-bound address book was. I yanked open the drawer next to the refrigerator and there it was in the place Dad always kept it.

  As I reached for it, I hadn’t even realized how bad I was shaking until Liam rested a hand on my forearm, soothing me. He moved my hair and rested his nose in the nape of my neck before giving my skin a kiss.

  “Hey Girlie, it’s going to be okay. You know that right?” he asked in a low, reassuring voice.

  I nodded. Thirty years was a long time though to ditch your family and then take their money. I was angry and hurt by her actions and my fear wasn’t just for myself alone.

  Touching the leather of the book, I was instantly taken back to being a little girl and Dad asking me to get his book in the kitchen. I smiled as I thought of getting the book and skipping to wherever Dad was with a cigarette and giving him his address book.

  With a sigh, I took the book out and placed it on the counter. I flipped through the pages. Dad’s handwriting was throughout with scribbles of names, phone numbers, addresses, even appointments. There were also post-it notes, and business cards thrown in for good measure. Flipping to the beginning page for the letter C, I scanned the pages until I arrived at a name scratched down in dad’s erratic handwriting.

  Tammi Cross

  I took a deep breath before I pointed to it for Liam to see.

  “That’s her,” I said quietly as I stared at the name that filled the Mother field on my birth certificate. She hadn’t been much of a mother to me. Dad filled both roles.

  “She lives in Medford,” Liam commented as he looked over the address.

  “Guess we’re going to Oregon,” I mentioned with a shrug as I ripped the page from the book and turned toward the door, but Liam stopped me in my path.

  “Bethany are you sure you’re okay?” he asked sternly. Liam had always been protective of me when we were together. He also knew the pain I buried deep inside when it came to my mom. We’d talked about it on many occasions including the one time I did have contact with her and she stood me up.

  “I’m fine,” I insisted. I just wanted to get it over with. I wanted to get the money back and move on with that part of my life. She and I would never have a relationship, that was painfully clear.

  “As long as you’re sure you’re fine. Let’s go.” He kept me close as we ventured through the house and back out front.

  Getting in the car, Liam took a glance at me. He put his warm hand on my thigh and gave it a protective squeeze. I managed a weak smile before he started up the engine and he took off toward Medford.

  Liam turned up the radio as we cruised along. Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ came on and Liam started humming before he was full out singing. I couldn’t help myself and had to join in. Damn those days of being that small-town girl seemed to come back to me in my last week in Fort Shasta. That down had been a blessing and a curse to me. At the end of the day, I was still grateful I got out. I had made
a life for myself that most from the town would never even dream of for themselves.

  Before Liam and I knew it, we crossed the border from California and into Oregon. As the song ended, I burst into laughter. It was the good times I missed with him. When we were together, life was simple and singing aloud as we rode together was the norm.

  I paused and swallowed. We couldn’t honestly keep up with this. I had a life in L.A. and Liam had his daughter up here. He’d never leave Fort Shasta behind for the congested city life. He’d shown me that years ago when he broke us up. I could stop what we were doing at any moment, and truthfully it would be the smartest choice, but my weakened heart needed love–his love.

  Like Northern California, Southern Oregon was gorgeous. There were trees for miles upon miles. The air was clear unlike Los Angeles, and life moved just a little bit slower. I’d grown up coming up to Medford with Dad on occasion to shop. When I got my driver’s license, Olivia and I would come up to shop when we wanted something more than Redding’s small mall.

  “You went to school up here,” Liam interrupted as I thought of the days Olivia and I would drive up to Oregon to take classes to finish our credits faster.

  “Yeah, in Klamath Falls. Anything to finish high school early.”

  “You and Olivia wanted out.”

  “Obviously. Life goes nowhere in Fort Shasta and we wanted to be somewhere,” I informed him. What was I going to do there? My dreams of becoming a surgeon would never be realized in that small ass town with no resources.

  “So, I’m going nowhere because I stayed?” Liam scolded.

  “That’s not what I said,” I asserted instantly as I turned to look at him.

  “You did. You said you and Liv wanted your lives to go somewhere because it doesn’t in Fort Shasta. You’re saying that all of us who stayed aren’t going anywhere. We’re just a bunch of losers. I guess because you guys got out and got your fancy fucking degrees,” he argued.