A Deep Dark Secret

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Jillian braced herself all while watching his pants and underwear dropping to the floor. They dropped, and this time, he never even bothered closing her blinds.

  Chapter 15

  IN THE PAST, HER FATHER HAD ALWAYS MADE SURE THE LIGHTING in her room was pretty dim, so Jillian had never gotten a real good look at her father’s thing before. Now that she had, she despised what they were doing even more. She hated this. Still, though, after he had released himself in her mouth and walked out of her room, she had reconfirmed in her mind that it was her responsibility to protect Layla and that she would do whatever her father asked from now on. She would take care of him whenever he wanted her to, and she told herself that at least he wasn’t making her have intercourse. Giving him oral sex was the worst, but it still couldn’t be nearly as bad as going all the way, not to mention she didn’t even have to spend time with him every single day.

  Jillian finished the last of her homework and tried calling Nikki again. This time she picked up.

  “Hey, Jill.”

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’m okay, I guess.”

  “I called you when I first got home from school, but you didn’t answer.”

  “My mom ran to the store, and I never even looked to see who was calling.”

  “Are you coming to school tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know yet. Maybe.”

  “If not, I’ll come by tomorrow after key club to hang out with you for a little while if you want.”

  Nikki paused and then said, “So was it real bad?”

  “Was what bad?”

  “All the gossip and all the rumors. I mean, was everyone saying nasty things about me?”

  This was the last question Jillian wanted to answer truthfully, but she did. “You know how some of those kids are. They talk about everybody no matter what’s going on.”

  “Did you see Marcus?”

  “Yeah, once. But that was it.”

  “Did he ask about me?”

  “No. He didn’t.”

  Nikki sniffled multiple times, and Jillian knew she was crying.

  “I just don’t understand what I did wrong. I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me. I did everything he asked me to do, and now he’s acting like he can’t even stand me. I even called him last night but when his mom called him to the phone, all he did was hang up on me. He never said one word.”

  “I don’t understand either. I don’t get Marcus at all. But, Nik, you deserve a lot better than the way he’s doing you. There are so many other boys that like you, so forget Marcus.”

  “But I love him, Jill. I love him so much.”

  Jillian was lost for words.

  “He told me that if I did this one thing for him, I would be his girl from now on. He told me that if I did what he wanted, he would never even look at another girl again. He made me so many promises.”

  Jillian debated whether she should ask Nikki what it was he’d wanted her to do, but she couldn’t help herself. “What did he ask you to do?”

  Nikki broke into tears again but soon settled down.

  “You already know because Kyle told you on Saturday. Marcus asked me to do it with him and two of his friends, and I did. I did it with all three of them, and now he won’t even speak to me.”

  Jillian sighed. “I can’t stand Marcus. I never liked him, not even a little.”

  “I just don’t get why he’s doing this, because I even let him do it to me without a condom. He didn’t use one the first time we did it, and he didn’t use one on Friday night either. His two friends did, but Marcus said that since I was his girl, he needed to feel all of me with nothing in between and that we didn’t need any protection.”

  “Oh my God, Nik. You don’t think you’re pregnant, do you?”

  “I don’t know. I’m so scared because if I am, my mom is going to kill me.”

  “This is horrible.”

  Nikki cried out loud again, and Jillian sat holding the phone. Maybe this whole conversation was nothing more than some wicked dream Jillian would soon wake up from.

  But she knew this was only wishful thinking. She knew she was sitting there on the phone with her best friend and that what she’d just confessed was reality. What had happened to Nikki was real, and there was no taking it back. No chance to rethink anything, no chance to reconsider, no chance to reevaluate. The damage had already been done and now all she could do was deal with the consequences.

  “Jill, what am I going to do?”

  “I’m going to start praying right now that you’re not pregnant, and you need to do the same thing.”

  “I will, but what if prayer doesn’t work?”

  “We have to believe that it will.”

  “How could I be so stupid?”

  “Don’t say that, Nik.”

  “But I am. I was so stupid for doing those things for Marcus and then thinking he really loved me. I was stupid for not listening to you.”

  “We all make mistakes, and my mom always says that there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you learn something from it.”

  “Speaking of moms,” Nikki hurried to say. “I hear mine calling me and she sounds upset. I’d better call you back.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  Jillian ended the call but when she thought she heard loud voices, she turned her television down. She listened, and it sounded like her parents were arguing. Jillian knew she was probably wrong about that, though, because her parents barely even disagreed about anything and she could only remember a couple of times in all the years they’d been together that they’d even been angry with each other. Even then, they’d barely raised their voices, and it was never long before she saw them hugging and smiling again.

  But when Jillian eased open her door and heard her mother say, “Byron, please tell me you haven’t been sleeping with another woman,” her heart skipped a beat.

  “Baby, of course I haven’t,” he insisted. “You know I would never do anything like that. This is just some childish eighteen-year-old girl, right out of high school, who’s got some silly little crush on me. That’s all this is about, and she’s lying through her teeth.”

  “Well, if that’s true, then why is she saying that the two of you get a hotel room every Wednesday during your lunch hour, when you’re supposed to be out doing claim reviews? And if she’s lying, why would she give me her phone number?”

  “I don’t know why. Maybe she’s crazy.”

  “But, Byron, she even says that you’ve been sleeping together ever since she was hired at your company four months ago.”

  “I don’t care what she says. She’s lying.”

  “Does she work in your department?”

  “No, she works in the switchboard room, and unless she transfers a call to me, I never even talk to her.”

  For a few seconds, neither of them said anything, but Jillian didn’t move. Then her father finally spoke again.

  “Look, honey, I’m really sorry that this has happened and that you’re so upset, but I promise you on my life that I’ve never touched this girl. I’ve never even considered it, and if you think about it, what on earth would I want with a child? Why would I have anything to do with someone that much younger than me?”

  “I just don’t understand why she would lie about something like this.”

  “I already told you. She probably has some sort of crush on me, but I’m sure it’ll pass in no time.”

  “I want to talk to her.”

  “For what?!” he yelled.

  “Because I do. And I’m going to.”

  “You mean to tell me you’re going to believe some fickle teenage girl over your own husband?”

  “I never said that. But at the same time, there’s no way I can just simply ignore all the stuff in this letter. I mean, would you?”

  “Of course I would. I would ignore it because I trust you. I trust you with everything in me, and no one could ever make me feel any differently.”

&
nbsp; “That’s very easy for you to say, though, because I’ve never given you the slightest reason to feel otherwise. Not ever.”

  “And neither have I. I mean, baby, come on. This is me. The man who loves you and who has always loved you. The man who would never even think of touching another woman, let alone some girl.”

  Jillian raised her eyebrows, begging to differ with his last statement.

  “But that’s just it, Byron,” her mother said. “She’s not just some girl. Legally, she’s a grown woman. A grown woman who is obviously tired of sharing you with your wife.”

  “I really don’t believe you, Roxanne. I mean, not after all the years we’ve been together and how wonderful of a husband I’ve always tried to be to you. Not after all the years I’ve tried to be a perfect father to our girls.”

  “I know that, and I want to believe that this woman is lying, but I need peace with all of this. I need peace of mind, and the only way I’ll be able to get that is by talking with her.”

  “And what if this gets out at my job? I mean, what if she tells other people that you confronted her? Then what?”

  Jillian’s mother didn’t respond.

  “Roxanne, baby, please, don’t do this.”

  “Look, Byron, I love you with all my heart, but if I don’t find out the truth, things will never be the same between us. I’ll always be suspicious of everything you do, and I could never live like that. Even now, I’ve got a ton of terrible thoughts going through my head, and my heart is literally aching.”

  “But—”

  “My mind is made up. I’m calling this Deanna woman now, and if she can’t prove any of what’s in this letter, then I’ll never bring it up again.”

  “Baby, please wait.”

  “Wait for what?”

  “Oh God, what have I done?” Jillian heard her father say.

  “Byron, what are you talking about?”

  “Baby, please sit down so I can talk to you.”

  “No! Just tell me.”

  “Okay, okay. Honey, I did something really stupid. Something so far outside of my character that even I can’t figure it out.”

  “What?”

  “Roxie, this will be so much easier if you’ll just sit down.”

  “No. Now, just tell me.”

  “Okay…it’s true. I did sleep with her, but last week I told her it was over.”

  “You what?!”

  “I’m so sorry, baby, but I swear it will never happen again. Not for as long as I live.”

  “Don’t touch me,” Jillian heard her mother say. “Don’t you dare come near me.”

  “But, baby—”

  “Byron, I want you out of here.”

  “All because of one mistake?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Look, baby, I know you’re upset and that I’ve hurt you really bad, but please, let’s talk about this.”

  “I need to be alone.”

  “Baby, please don’t shut me out. Please let me explain what happened.”

  “Get out of here, Byron!”

  “Mommy, Daddy, why are you yelling at each other?” Jillian heard Layla say, and went to make sure her sister was okay.

  “Layla, sweetie, everything is fine,” her mother said. “Mommy and Daddy are just talking.”

  “Mom, what’s wrong?” Jillian asked when she walked into their room, even though she’d heard every word.

  “Honey, please take your sister into your room and close the door behind you.”

  “Come on, Layla,” she said, grabbing her hand and escorting her down the hallway.

  “Jill, why is Mommy crying?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Layla burst into tears, and Jillian sat down on her bed. “Come here,” she told her. “Don’t worry. Everything’ll be fine just like Mom said.”

  Jillian tried reassuring her, but to be honest, she wasn’t sure how things were actually going to play out. There was no way to know one way or the other, but she hoped her prayers were about to be answered. She hoped her father really was moving out—for good.

  Chapter 16

  JILLIAN AND LAYLA WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN AND SAT across from each other. “Good morning, Mom,” “Good morning, Mommy,” they each said one after the other.

  “Good morning, girls,” she responded, and Jillian saw tears forming in her mother’s eyes. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

  Jillian hated seeing her so upset, and just knowing that her father was the cause of it made it all that much worse. Ironically, he was now entering from the garage, looking as though he was some sort of victim. He wore a noticeably pitiful expression on his face, but Jillian wasn’t buying it.

  He sat down at the table with them. “There’s something I need to talk to you girls about. I’ve thought about how I would tell you this, but the truth of the matter is there’s no easy way to say this, except, Daddy’s going to have to go away for a while.”

  Layla wrinkled her forehead. “Why, Daddy?”

  “It’s sort of hard to explain, but Daddy and Mommy need to spend a little time apart.”

  “Is that why Mommy was crying last night?”

  “Yes. Daddy made a mistake, but he’s very sorry about it.”

  “What kind of a mistake?”

  Jillian couldn’t wait to hear his response.

  “It was a grown folks kind of mistake, but what I can tell you is that I’ll never make a mistake like this again and that I know for sure that God is going to work everything out. I love Mommy, and I love you and Jill, and I promise I’ll make things right and will be back home in no time.”

  Layla looked at him, then at her mom, and then at Jillian with misty eyes. “Daddy, I don’t want you to leave us.”

  Their father reached his hands out to her, and she went over and climbed onto his lap.

  “Pumpkin, I know this is hard for you, but everything really will be all right,” he said, and then looked at Jillian. “I know this is painful for you too, princess. It’s painful for all of us.”

  Was he serious? Did he honestly think she was feeling even the slightest bit of grief about his leaving? If he did, he was crazy. If he had any sense at all, he’d know just how overjoyed she was and that she couldn’t have been happier.

  Her father hugged Layla for a few seconds and kissed her on her forehead. Then he stood, stepped around the table, and did the same thing to Jillian, who still said not one word to him.

  After that, he walked over to their mother. “Baby, please. I’m begging you to reconsider. It’ll be so much easier for us to try to work things out if I’m right here with you.”

  “Byron, please just go.”

  Jillian watched him pause for a few seconds, displaying a pathetic and sad look on his face, but then he finally grabbed his duffel bag and left. She was sure he needed a lot more clothing than that, so maybe he’d already packed the rest of his things in his truck. What she hoped was that he’d taken just about everything he owned, so he wouldn’t have to come back there any time soon.

  Their mother wiped the wetness from her face and then set a bowl of grits, a dish of scrambled eggs, and a plate of turkey sausage links down in front of them. Sadly, though, Layla cried more intensely and their mother tried consoling her. Jillian hated seeing her baby sister so unhappy, and she felt even worse for her mom, who was now shedding just as many tears herself. She felt terrible and even a little guilty because for her, today was a wonderful time of celebration.

  Her mother sniffled a couple of times and then looked up. “Jill, I know this is just as difficult for you as it is for Layla, and I’m so sorry that we have to go through this.”

  “No, Mom. I’m the one who feels sorry.”

  “Sorry for what, sweetie? You didn’t do anything.”

  “I’m sorry that you’re feeling so sad.”

  “I know, but I’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine. You’ll see.”

  Her mother sat holding Layla for a few minutes longer until she was much cal
mer, and then Jillian and Layla ate their food. They mostly sat in silence, and when they finished, Layla went back up to her room to watch television, something she always did whenever it wasn’t quite time for her to leave for school yet.

  Their mother opened the dishwasher and stacked inside one dish and utensil after another. “So, how’s Nikki doing?”

  “When I spoke to her last night, she was still feeling kind of down, and she didn’t sound much better when she called here this morning.”

  “Is she going to school today?”

  “Uh-huh. Her mom is driving her, though, and she wanted to know if I would ride with them,” she said, but didn’t tell her that Miss G had found out the truth and was actually demanding that Nikki go back to school today.

  “Well, unfortunately, it’s probably going to be very hard for her, because I got a call from Shelly’s mom yesterday saying that some little boy Nikki was calling herself going with talked her into having sex with him and two of his friends.”

  Jillian was shocked to hear what her mother had just said because she hadn’t planned on telling her mother anything. Not about the kids at school and all the rumors they were spreading or that, yesterday, Nikki had finally admitted the truth to her.

  “So, is that what happened?” her mother asked.

  “Mom, Nikki is my friend, and I don’t want to say anything that will get her into trouble.”

  “That’s all well and good, but I can’t help worrying about the effect all this is having on you. Don’t get me wrong. You’ve always been the model child, and I’ve always been very happy about that, but it’s like I’m always telling you, I still remember what it was like being twelve. You become a lot more interested in boys, and sex is always an issue.”

  “But I’m not like Nikki, and I would never let any boy talk me into doing that kind of stuff.”

  “Well, I’m really glad to hear that, because at your age, sex should be the furthest thing from your mind. You, Nikki, and every other girl should be focusing on school and on having the kind of fun young ladies can be proud of. Sex is something you shouldn’t even have to think about until you’re a whole lot older.”