The Witch's Daughter

by Rae D. Magdon

  Despite my better judgment, I let her leave a trail of kisses along my jaw and throat, making me sigh heavily against one of the blankets. When her hand slid under my shirt to caress the bare skin of my stomach, I flinched and pulled back. “Stop,” I said, gripping her wrist. Even though it was dark, I could tell that Rapunzel was hurt. “We are guests in Doran’s house,” I mumbled, offering a pathetic excuse.

  Disappointed, Rapunzel shifted on the mattress and turned away so that her back was facing me. Now, I was the one who was hurt, but since my rejection had caused her bad mood, I could not really complain. “I am sorry…” I whispered.

  Rapunzel reached behind her, taking one of my arms and draping it over her waist in an attempt at reconciliation. I felt a little better as I pressed against her back, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

  Words began to build inside of me, but I did not know how to sort through all of them. I did want to make love with Rapunzel again, but I was afraid, not of the act itself, but of exposing all of my heart to her. Seeing her with Byron had nearly destroyed me and I was still emotionally sensitive. Beneath that ran a much deeper fear. I was terrified that once she saw into the depths of my soul, Rapunzel would think me a coward. Even though she had broken my heart, I was the one who did not feel worthy of her. Even though my quest had been successful, leaving her alone and unprotected had been a mistake.

  “I love you,” I murmured against her hair, not wanting to fall asleep without telling her. Despite my secret fears, I did love her very much. I wanted to stay with her for as long as she would let me. I hoped that would be forever, but I worried that she would leave me if I let her get too close. What if she did not like what she found?

  Rapunzel squeezed the hand that was draped over her stomach, our fingers tying together. “I love you, too,” she said. Both of us closed our eyes and tried to find a few fitful hours of sleep.

  I woke screaming in the dark, my arms thrown out to all sides as I struggled with the blankets. “Ailynn! Ailynn!” I ignored the voice calling out to me, trying to push away clinging hands. Instead, the hard grip tightened, holding me down against a mattress. Breathing quickly, I pushed at the attacker’s arms. When that failed, I went limp, trying to get my bearings.

  After a few moments, I remembered that I was safe in Doran’s house with Rapunzel. For several terrifying minutes, I had been back in Mogra’s tower, watching as she held the knife against Rapunzel’s throat. Crimson blood pressed out from either side of the blade’s edge, red wetness smeared over white skin and silver metal in a shining crimson stain. The memory of it made me tremble.

  Slowly, I became aware of soothing words and soft touches coming from beside me. Realizing that it was Rapunzel, I relaxed and let her stroke my face and chest as she reassured herself that I was all right.

  “Ailynn, dear heart, open your eyes…”

  Realizing that my eyes were squeezed shut, I opened them. The fire had died in the hearth, and the room was almost completely dark. Still, faint traces of starlight that seeped in through the windows illuminated Rapunzel just enough for me to make out her silhouette. She was hovering over me, concern rolling off of her in waves even though I could not see her expression. Her touch and her voice told me everything.

  “Stay with me,” I gasped, surprised by the desperate, breathy quality of my own words. I had not chosen to say them. They had a helpless quality to them that embarrassed me. For some reason, I was still afraid that Rapunzel would decide that she did not want to be with me after all and leave. She was free to do so now.

  “Always.”

  That one word was all I needed to hear. My heartbeat slowed down, my breathing grew even and deep and I felt myself drifting into a much more peaceful sleep. For now, I believed her. For now, she was here and she was mine.

  …

  Chapter Nine:

  “No, concentrate harder!”

  I groaned from my hunched over position, resting my hands on my knees and bending down to catch my breath. For an old man, Doran had a surprising amount of focus and stamina. I was already exhausted, but he was ready to continue practicing. Biting back a plea for mercy, I straightened my spine and prepared for another assault.

  Today, I was supposed to be learning how to shield myself against magical attacks, but it was difficult. The technique involved shape-magic, feeling out the threads of energy and pulling them together into a barrier. Ideally, it would deflect any missiles coming towards me. However, it was difficult to react fast enough to Doran’s attacks. The task was made even more complicated by the Word of Power that Doran had taught me – Secutem, from the ancient word for shield. Theoretically, if I spoke the word while performing the magical action, the two would eventually become linked in my mind. Then, speaking or thinking the word would act as a trigger, helping me to perform the spell faster.

  It had started simply enough. The old wizard threw various objects at me, and I tried to create a barrier before they could make contact. Gradually, the game grew more complicated as Doran substituted rocks and handfuls of gravel with bolts of magical energy.

  “I’m finding it difficult to close all of the holes,” I admitted. While constructing a barrier was relatively simple, it was difficult to cover my entire body with only a few seconds notice. In a real fight, I knew that I would not get that much warning.

  “Protect your chest and head first,” said Doran. “They are the most important. Better to be losin’ a few fingers than to fall over with a hole through your middle.”

  I scowled, pressing my lips together. I did not like the idea of leaving any part of me unprotected, but he was right. It would be quicker and easier to block the center of my body instead of worrying so much about the extremities. I was fast enough to dodge smaller missiles anyway.

  It was difficult for me to abandon my perfectionism. My background in magical theory was useful, but putting what I had read about in to practice with such urgency and speed was tiring.

  “Again,” said Doran.

  This time, I gave the threads of magic surrounding me a solid tug, yanking them together in time to create an admirable shield. As I pulled at the magical energy, I repeated the word – “Secutem!”

  Unfortunately, Doran’s bolt of energy was aimed at my legs this time and I fell backwards onto the ground. I found myself staring up at the sky, rubbing my aching head with a dazed expression on my face. So much for that attempt.

  “Here,” said Doran, offering me his hand. I took it, gratefully accepting his help. His old age and feeble appearance certainly belied his power. Although he lacked youthful energy and quick reflexes, he more than made up for it with his experience and skill. I was soundly defeated for at least the twentieth time that day. “Dinna worry,” he said, “that shield was a good one.”

  I groaned, giving my head a brief shake to try and clear away the blurriness at the edges of my vision. “A good shield in the wrong place is not very helpful.”

  “You will learn.” I was already learning a lot from Doran. I just wished that the lessons did not always involve injuring myself.

  By the time we were done, my muscles were shaking with exertion and my head was swimming. The harmless looking old man had used wind to blow me off balance, lobbed balls of fire at me, and even hurled bolts of energy directly at my chest. I had several scratches, bruises, and even a few burns along my upper arm.

  “Better,” he said, giving me a satisfied look. “I will be teaching you more tomorrow.” Despite my exhaustion, I felt the warm glow of pride in my chest. One day would not make a fighter out of a magical scholar, but I was improving. I had managed to deflect a few of Doran’s attacks near the end, although I was sure that I looked the worse for wear.

  “Ailynn, by the Maker, what happened to you?” Peering out at me from the front door, Rapunzel was staring at my disheveled appearance with horror.

  I flinched at the note of panic in Rapunzel’s voice. “I’m fine,” I insisted.

  Doran laughed as he gent
ly pushed her to one side and entered the house, leaving me to face my lover alone. “She missed,” was the only answer he gave.

  Staring at the retreating form of the old man, Rapunzel glanced from him back to me, looking bewildered. “He did that to you?” she asked doubtfully, gesturing at the burns on my shoulder and the streaks of dirt that covered my face and clothes.

  “Trust me,” I muttered, “he is much more dangerous than he looks.”

  “It looks like I need to take care of you,” she said, cupping my cheeks and pressing a kiss to a miraculously clean patch of skin on my forehead. “Come inside and let me help you clean up.”

  Although I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I was more than willing to accept Rapunzel’s assistance. “Who am I to reject an offer of help from such a beautiful woman?” I teased, managing a tired smile.

  Enjoying the warmth of Rapunzel’s hand as it held mine, I allowed her to lead me inside and seat me at the table. Doran had retreated to his bedroom and I suspected that he was eager to get some rest. “Stay here,” she said, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. I closed my eyes, leaning my weight against the back of the wooden chair. While not fancy, it was sturdy and well balanced. I sighed happily. It felt wonderful to sit down.

  A few minutes later, Rapunzel returned with some hot water and a cloth, which she used to clean my face and the burns on my arm. I relaxed, enjoying the pampering without protest. Once most of the dirt had been wiped from my face, hands, and arms, she pressed the line of her body against my side. “Here, let me get you some new clothes,” she said, her hand resting on my shoulder.

  As she shifted against me, I noticed something strange. The feel of Rapunzel’s body against mine, even while seated, was unfamiliar. Perhaps I had been too distracted to notice it before, but now that we were relatively safe, it leapt to the forefront of my mind.

  Curious, I stood up and pulled Rapunzel into my arms. She did not object, staring silently at my confused expression as she wrapped her own arms around my waist. As she pressed close against me, I noticed it again. Despite the newness of our physical relationship, we had shared a bed for years before that. I was intimately familiar with how her body fit against mine. Her breasts were fuller, her lower abdomen swelling out into a soft, womanly curve…

  Suddenly, Mogra’s strange inspection in the tower made sense. I shrugged out of Rapunzel’s embrace, ignoring her protests. I was too startled and angry to feel remorseful about hurting her feelings. She gave me a wounded look and reached for me, but I backed away.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded, pointing at her belly, which was only just starting to expand. Only a keen or experienced eye would have noticed, but my mother had treated several women at various stages of pregnancy while I was growing up. I knew what to look for. I felt like a fool for taking so long to notice. It was so obvious, now that I was really looking…

  Realizing what had caused my reaction, Rapunzel’s expression screamed guilt and terror. When she did not offer an explanation, I continued. “You lied to me. You hid this from me…”

  “You have only been back for a little over two days,” Rapunzel said. “Exactly when was I supposed to tell you? The moment you came through my window?”

  Reminding me of our unpleasant reunion was a mistake. This time, I was the one who gave her a wounded look. Remembering her and Byron together cut me even deeper. “I can’t… I don’t…” I stuttered, upset and unsure of myself.

  “Just listen to me for one moment,” said Rapunzel, her words coming all in a rush, “then you may be as angry as you like. The Maker knows your feelings are justified.” I nodded stiffly. I did not know what else to say anyway.

  “I knew that this might happen when I made the choice to be with Byron. It was a calculated risk. I hate that I have hurt you, Ailynn. I never meant for that to happen. This doesn’t change how I feel about you, but I won’t blame you if it changes how you feel about me. I was going to tell you once I figured out the best way…”

  Both of us knew that there was no best way. I did not think that Rapunzel had deliberately hidden her pregnancy from me. The pain in her voice was genuine. “When I… realized that I was expecting… I pretended that the child was yours.” This last sentence was spoken in a quiet whisper that broke my heart all over again.

  So many emotions were storming inside of me that I could scarcely rein them in. Carefully, I reached out to press my hand against Rapunzel’s stomach, acknowledging the life within her. Part of me was amazed that this miracle was happening inside of my lover. A larger part of me felt betrayed.

  I had to leave. Anywhere would be better than standing here, frozen, while Rapunzel stared at me with that broken look of sadness. “I’m going back outside,” I said stiffly, removing my hand.

  She flinched at the rejection, but did not try and stop me. “If you need me…”

  “I will find you,” I mumbled, wanting to tell her that I loved her, but too confused to let the words out. They were true, though. They would always be true.

  Turning away from her, I wandered out of the front door, only glancing over my shoulder once. Rapunzel was crying quietly, her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Even though I hated myself for it later, I left her there without turning back to offer comfort.

  Outside, the weather was sunny and cheerful, an irritating contrast to my dark and gray mood. I sat by the brook, trailing a finger loosely in the water to disturb its glassy surface.

  Despite how angry I was, the last thing that Rapunzel had revealed echoed in my ears. ‘I pretended that the child was yours…’ She really did love me in spite of how much pain she had caused me. She loved me enough to want children with me. If only the child were mine, I thought sadly. Now, if I stayed with her, it would be impossible to erase the memory of Byron from our lives.

  Staring down into the water, I caught a glimpse of my own heartbroken expression. It reminded me of Rapunzel’s. I splashed the image away with my hand. In addition to being angry with my lover, I was angry with myself. I had already abandoned my lover once. Could I survive another separation?

  Children had never been a part of the future with Rapunzel that I had dreamed about. My own mother was certainly not the best role model to follow. With some surprise, I realized that I was already considering the best way to raise the child. I did not remember choosing to act as a second parent. Perhaps that meant that there was no decision to make.

  I sighed. Being with Rapunzel meant accepting her child. Perhaps this was my punishment for abandoning her when she needed my protection. Immediately, I felt guilty for viewing the unborn child as a punishment. None of this was its fault.

  I wanted someone to blame. It was a complicated situation. As much as I wanted to put all of the blame on Rapunzel’s shoulders and hold her responsible, I could not bring myself to think of her that way. She had made a choice – a choice that hurt me deeply – and I needed to accept that if I wanted to stay with her.

  A feeling of helplessness crashed over me. I felt like I was drowning, gasping for breath beneath the surface of a great ocean. Once again, I wondered if Rapunzel would have been better off without me – if I would have been better off without her. But we had both waited too long to throw away what we had now. I owed it to her and myself to try for an ‘us’.

  Everywhere I turned, things were happening to me that I could not control. I just wanted some quiet, peaceful time with Rapunzel so that we could get to know each other again. I had not asked to fall in love with her. I had not asked for my mother to lock her in a tower like a madwoman. I had not asked for my lover to betray me, however understandable her motives were, and I had certainly not asked to be roped into raising a child. Instead of living my life, my life was living all on its own and dragging me along for the ride. The only other option I had was leaving Rapunzel and just thinking about it made my heart ache twice as much. It was not really an option at all.

  …

  Chapter Te
n:

  I did not speak to Rapunzel for the rest of the day. Respecting my space, she did not try to talk, only giving me longing glances whenever I passed close to her. We ate in silence, but I forced myself to share the table with her, not wanting the rift between us to expand. Rapunzel seemed grateful for the small concession.

  The wall between us crashed down when I climbed into bed with her that evening. I had thought about taking a blanket and settling on the floor somewhere, or even going outside, but images of Rapunzel sleeping alone, curled into a tight ball and wrapping her arms around herself, haunted me.

  She was cautious when I joined her on the mattress. She did not move to touch me, unsure if I would allow it, but she did give me a warm smile to let me know that she wanted me to stay. I was the one that finally made contact, curling an arm over her hip and pulling her against my side. I felt her muscles tighten briefly before she melted into me. Our bodies fit together, two halves reunited. Even the curve of her belly matched the shape of my side. The physical reminder of her pregnancy made me flinch and Rapunzel froze, worried that she had done something wrong.

  Propping myself on one elbow, I touched Rapunzel’s shoulder, urging her to look up at me. Behind the fear, the sadness, and the loneliness in her expression, I saw love. Despite everything, she still loved me and I still loved her. I was not ready to forgive her, not yet, but I could not let the distance between us continue to grow, either.

  Bending my head, I caught her lips in a forceful kiss. She whimpered at the sudden contact, understanding and accepting what I was asking for. There was no slow burn, no torturous anticipation, only need. She did not make me wait, helping me to remove her clothes as quickly as possible. Perhaps later I would regret rushing to possess her, but in that moment, I was too far gone to care.

  Although she was not corseted (neither of us had been as children), the laces on her dress were difficult to untangle. I wondered why she was still wearing it until I remembered that neither of us had brought a change of clothes. Growling in frustration, I ripped the laces with a swift tug, ignoring her startled gasp. A small, gentle hand reached up to stroke my cheek, but as soon as it made contact, the timid fingertips vanished. There was uncertainty in Rapunzel’s eyes. She did not know if it was all right to touch me.