by Lauren Wood
“That was her son’s name. He died when he was young and since she never had anymore children, she wanted to name the place after him. I guess it is her way of remembering what she had, but moving on from it to start something good.”
Her words made me think of my divorce and how I was supposed to be moving on. It didn’t feel like it sometimes and though I worked hard at the tough guy routine that worked so well with Carlos, it was hard to do. The real me came out and in that moment, so did the emotions that I was desperately trying to push out of my mind.
Stuffing them back down, I started eating so we didn’t have to talk anymore. I usually felt that way with women since my ex-wife, but like everything it seemed that it was different with Cameron. I wanted to know how she saw things and it was comments like that telling me that she was deeper than most of the females I had aligned myself with in the past year.
“Are you okay Joel?”
“Huh, yeah why?”
“I don’t know. You haven’t said anything in a while and you are just looking off in the distance for a long time.”
“Just thinking.”
“Must be pretty important.”
“It is.”
I didn’t say any more about it and the dessert was coming out. Who would have thought that there was a such thing as bread pudding? The rum sauce topping was the best and before I left Monty’s, I knew that I was converted for life. When she asked what I thought of the place now, I told her the truth of more than one thing.
“I think I am in love.”
She looked down from my gaze and smiled. “The food there is good.”
I wasn’t talking about the food anymore, but the little witch that had come into my life. I didn’t know if she was there for a tease or what, but so help me I wanted her. I had to have her.
***
I convinced her to go out with me for a drink. I saw a bar that felt like the one that my cousin had owned back in Chicago. It was a biker bar and though I knew it wasn’t her scene, I would have felt more comfortable there than anywhere she was going to take me.
Cameron must have had the same look on her face that I had on mine when we had walked into the run-down restaurant, but she took it like a champ. She may have taken it better than I did because she just smiled and made a comment about the bike next to us. It was markings that I knew from the north and I knew I was going to be right at home there.
Getting inside, I ordered us a couple of drinks and found a pool table that wasn’t occupied. “Have you ever played?”
She shook her head that she hadn’t and I believed her. Cameron didn’t seem the type. I wasn’t sure what type she was, but everything about her stuck out at the bar. She looked like she should have been in a classier joint, with a classier man.
“No, not on a pool table like this. I had a smaller one when I was a kid.”
I didn’t know what that meant, until she beat me the first game. Here I was thinking that I was going to teach her a thing or two, but it was Cameron that tried to help me, showing me which shot would be the best. It gave me conflicting emotions. On one hand I liked the fact that she played and well, but I hadn’t liked the looks I got when she walked behind me and gentle moved the stick further down the green velvet to set up the shot better.
“There you go Joel. That should do it.”
It did and that irked me even more. Cameron was drinking more than me and she was still on a winning streak that would have driven anyone crazy. What couldn’t she do?
“Do you want to play some darts?”
One of the boards had opened up and Cameron was starting to look at the clock on the wall like she was ready to go. I wasn’t ready for our time to be up and though I had told myself that I was going to make her mine, there was still part of me that was looking for the right time. It just hadn’t come yet.
“Okay, I can play one or two games of darts, but I am not drinking anymore. You are starting to look like two people.”
“We can get you some coffee if you want.”
As soon as I said the words, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to be who I needed to be, who I had convinced myself to be. Carlos would have told her to drink another, but I just wasn’t that way. I had learned my lesson once before a long time ago.
“No, I don’t think I want any coffee. I will just slack off for a while. Those drinks went to my head a lot quicker than I am used to.”
I didn’t mention that she had been getting doubles the whole time. The bartender had winked at me and then I hadn’t understood it, but now I did. It was an unwritten favor that I hadn’t asked for.
When I got the board zeroed out for us to play, I was thankful as soon as she threw the first one. I don’t know if it was because of the drinking or what, but it wasn’t her game. It was my turn to try and teach her and that meant that I was able to get closer to her than before.
Coming up behind her to help her hold the darts in her small hands, her soft floral fragrance overwhelmed my senses and I was left thinking of nothing but what it would feel like with her in my arms. I mean really in my arms and for me to finally have her.
Cameron turned around and smiled at me. “Are you ever going to kiss me?”
I didn’t know if it was Cameron talking or the Long Island Ice Teas. I was hoping that it was genuine desire in her eyes instead of the booze. But the fact of the matter was that I just didn’t care. Whatever it was that made her make such a request was the one for me.
Leaning down, our lips finally met and it was then that I knew I was falling for her, I had already fallen. Pulling her closer, I deepened the kiss and waited for her to push me away. I don’t know why I was expecting it. Maybe I hoped that was what she would do because I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to control myself.
When I finally did pull away, Cameron’s eyes were still closed and her face was upturned towards me. Her lips were still pursed and I rubbed my finger along the outline of her pouty pillows.
Cameron gazed at me and my heart lurched in my chest. I wanted to do it again, but I could tell that she wasn’t ready. If I was truthful with myself, I wasn’t ready either. I needed some time to think about everything that was going on. It wasn’t something that my cousin would do, but maybe that was a good thing. As much as I tried to not care, it was hard not to when it came to Cameron.
“Okay, so it is your go.”
“Huh?”
I pointed towards the dart board and went to sit at our table nearby. I had to get some distance from Cameron before I lost myself again. There really was something about her that was going to get me in trouble. I didn’t like the idea of her having so much control over me, but control she did have, whether I liked it or not.
She was a little shaky and I took that as a good sign. Even though I wasn’t shaking visibly like her, I felt it in my body. There was a big part of me that was only worried about what was going to happen next, while the other part was already thinking about years from now. How would she look when she was older and had a belly full of my baby? It was not a thought that I had ever had before, not even with my wife and that threw me off too.
“You are doing it again.”
“What?”
“You are staring off into space. Are you sure that you are okay?”
She was closer than I thought she was when I looked up. I hadn’t seen her walk up and I realized then that she was too observant. I had to get it together. Pushing away all of the thoughts and feelings that the woman put inside of me, I took the darts offered and took my turn. My aim wasn’t off, even though the rest of me was.
After the game was over, I offered to take her home. She had told me one or two, but with the way I was feeling, I needed some space from her and one was enough. I couldn’t have what I wanted, not really, so I needed a moment to breathe without the smell of her sweet pea perfume in my nose, messing with my brain.
Chapter 7
Cameron
“I was hoping that you would want t
o go out tonight and take a break from all of these reports. We have been here all day and I need something to eat. Can’t we take a break for a little while at least?”
Stephen was looking at me hopefully and my stomach took that moment to growl as if on cue. I was starving as well. The clock on the wall said that it was almost seven and lunch was a long time before.
“Okay, but we can just pick something up and that will get us back here quicker.”
He shook his head. “No, I want a real meal and no talk of quarterly reports.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that came out. He was beyond tired, anyone could see that, but it was the way that he said it like he really was going die if he had to work anymore. It wasn’t that bad, but Stephen had always been a bit of a drama king. That was why I didn’t like working with him, but since we were paired up I didn’t have a choice. If feeding him a little bit was going to help, I was all for it. I was all for anything to get him to stop whining.
Closing the journal for the last three months, I told him that he was right and we should get something out. Whatever I could do to get this done faster I was going to do. I was hoping that I would see Joel when I got home. I didn’t know why, but I was still waiting for another kiss from him.
“Fine, let’s get out of here. There is a place not far from here that we can get a bite to eat. I need to go home and change anyways.” If I had to wear those heels for much longer, I was going to lose my mind.
“Okay.” He agreed too quickly and I wondered why he was looking at me like that. Stephen had been with the firm for almost a year and though we never really got along, that didn’t stop him from trying to get into my business. Rachel, my co-worker thought that he had a crush on me, but I was sure that it was just her being fanciful. She was always trying to hook people up together and she had tried with me several times when she realized that I didn’t date much. Stephen had been one of her great ideas, but he just wasn’t my type.
“We can walk since it isn’t that far. I need to stretch my legs.” And I didn’t want to get in a car with him, not after he had gotten into two wrecks in the last year since he had been working there.
Stephen didn’t look too happy with the idea of it, his hand pushed the blonde hair from his face like it was a problem. I didn’t wait for him to suggest something else. Instead I grabbed my black purse and keys and headed out the door. I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to find another way to go.
When we got to the apartment building, I wished for a second that I had really thought it through. I didn’t really want him in my apartment, but he was there and I wasn’t going to be rude. The second reason really came to me when I saw Joel in the hallway. He kept looking from me to Stephen and he didn’t have to say a word, I knew what he was thinking.
“Good evening Cameron. I was waiting for you to get home. I didn’t know that you were going to have company.”
I sighed to myself and wished that he had just left it alone. I looked over at Stephen and saw that the two men were looking at each other like they were mortal enemies. This was not at all what I wanted to happen and before it could get any worse, I started up the stairs and asked Stephen if he was coming.
“Cameron!”
Turning around, Joel was looking at me red-faced and I was left to wonder what was going through his mind. Couldn’t he just see by looking at Stephen that it wasn’t like that? My answer came when he moved towards me with anger in his eyes. “Can we talk?”
“This isn’t really a good time Joel.” I wanted to say something to ease it all over, but at the same time I was upset that I had to. Why did I have to make it all better when I wasn’t doing anything wrong? It wasn’t like me and him were together or something. We had gone out as friends one time. Yes, there was a kiss, but I bristled at the idea that he owned me or was going to act like he did.
“I want to talk to you now. I don’t care if it is a good time or not.”
That really got me upset and I turned away from him before I could say anything that I was sure to regret later. What kind of nerve did this guy have?
“Hey pal, why don’t you just get the hint?”
I told Stephen to just let it go. I didn’t know what it was that he thought he was doing, but I could see the situation quickly escalating in a way that I didn’t want it to. They were both acting like they didn’t have any sense and I just wanted to shake my head to them both. It was a moment where I should have pulled out a ruler so they could measure the manhood that they wanted to compare.
“You are not involved in this pretty boy, so just go up the stairs and wait while the grown-ups talk.”
I couldn’t believe that Joel was acting like the jealous boyfriend. We weren’t together, so where the heck did he get off?
Stephen moved back down two steps and they were in each other’s face. I was about to try to get between them. The first punch flew and I wasn’t getting in the middle of it. I watched as the two men fought for what seemed like an eternity. I tried to stop them by yelling, but there was no way that I was getting involved in another way. It got intense for a few minutes and then finally there was a victor. He grinned up at me and I was speechless. What was I supposed to say? There was no congrats in order for the little stunt and I didn’t return the smile.
Chapter 8
Cameron
“Cameron, are you going to answer this door or not?”
I just looked at the door and sighed. It was burning up in the apartment, but there was no way that I was going to get Joel to help me now, not after what happened. It wasn’t just that he had beat up one of the guys I worked with for really no reason at all, but it had started a bunch of gossip at work that I wasn’t even ready to deal with.
That was why I was at home, instead of at work like I would have been. But I couldn’t handle all of the looks and the questions. There was no telling what Stephen had said. It was his first day back after the attack, that is what he is calling it and it was the last thing that I wanted to find out. Dealing with Joel was just out of the question.
Not answering, I waited for the footsteps to go away from the door and back down the stairs. It wasn’t until I heard the sound of the knob on the door that I realized what he was doing. He was opening my door with the master key that he had because he was a manager. I couldn’t believe it and before I could get up, he was in the door.
“You know that I know you are in here. Why didn’t you just answer when I knocked?”
I was sputtering I was so angry. “What are you doing? You can’t just walk in here whenever you want! There are laws against this!”
I was outraged and it wasn’t because he had come in the way he did. I was more upset about the way I was trembling and the smile on his face like what I was saying didn’t matter. He made it appear I was just there just to do his bidding. If I wouldn’t have responded in the way that I did, I might have thought that he was going over the line. But with Joel, there was a blurring of the line that was hard to get around and it wasn’t a situation that I planned for. What did I do when an intruder was one that I wanted in some weird way even though I couldn’t admit it?
Pulling me to his chest, I didn’t even try to pull away. “You need to talk to me Cameron. I told you that I was sorry, many times. I didn’t know that you worked with him and I just got jealous and kind of lost my head.”
He acted like beating the crap out of some guy was no big deal. It was a big deal. It was a huge deal and I didn’t understand why he didn’t get that. I couldn’t think much with him so close anyways so I just kind of looked at him. Joel took that as a bad sign and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it wasn’t that way.
“Please Cameron, say something.”
I wasn’t able to speak because I was pressed so hard against his body. I knew how hard he was from our ride on his bike, but the reminder of that fact was enough to make my head spin. He was just too handsome, too much of a man to be denied and I didn’t want to ignore the way
he made me feel.
“I just, I don’t know what to say Joel. I don’t know why you think that this is okay. You barge into my apartment and now you want to apologize?” It didn’t make sense and I let out a sigh of frustration and relief when he released me.
“I know that I was an idiot. Can you see that you are the one that made me do it? You have driven me crazy Cameron. You are hot one moment and cold the next. After our date, I thought that there was something between us. I know that you felt it when we kissed.”
I had to stop myself from touching the lips that he was talking about. I could still feel his mouth on mine if I closed my eyes and really thought about it. I had done that one too many times and I was sure that it was why I was so on edge around him. I had built him up in my mind too much. That was all that it was. I had made him larger than life and he was only just a man.
“I felt something, but I can’t be with you. I can’t be with a man like you Joel. We are from too different worlds.”
He didn’t want to hear that and he was back to holding my arms and pulling me towards him. “I knew that I should have just done this from the start.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about until his lips crushed against mine. I heard a soft moan and I was more than a little embarrassed to realize that it was me that had made that noise. This kiss was not like the last one. There was no permission given and it wasn’t necessary because he certainly didn’t ask for it.
When I knew that it had gone too far, it was too late. My body was moving back towards the couch and I fell down onto it when he kept pushing me back. The couch hit my calves and I moved into the soft cushion. He was quick to follow me and before I knew it, Joel was straddling my body.
“Joel, what are you doing?”
“Something that I have wanted to do for a very long time, Cameron. I know that you want this. I can see it in your eyes, so don’t try to fight it anymore.”
The door was still open from him, but there was no way that I was going to say anything. I was too worried about the hard man on top of me and what he was going to do next. Joel’s dark brown eyes looked down at me and I heard myself whimper. It was not a sound that I would have liked to cop to, but I knew that it was my lips that had made it.