by Lauren Wood
“Tell me that you want me Cameron.”
I wanted to, the words were literally stuck in my throat and I couldn’t. I didn’t know how I was supposed to say such a thing, especially not out loud. Why couldn’t he just see that I wanted him? He had to know it, but I could see the determination in his eyes. What did he want me to do, beg for it? It was something that I refused to do and when he told me to tell him again, I shook my head.
“You don’t want this?”
He looked almost aghast and before I could think of what I was doing, I was pulling him down for another kiss. I didn’t want him to go anywhere. It was the last thing on my mind and if he left me then, I was sure that I was going to explode or something of that nature was going to happen. I was past the point of no return.
“Forgive me Cameron, please.”
How could I say no to him? I wanted to forgive him, but he had made everything so complicated at work. I didn’t know what to do about it and a job that I loved was now one that I dreaded. “I just don’t know what got into you Joel. Why would you think that Stephen and me were together? And why would you be mad when we aren’t even together?”
“What is this then?”
I shrugged and didn’t want him to see how bothered I was by it all. “I don’t know what this is, but it isn’t an excuse to attack someone. What if he decides to press charges?”
Joel didn’t seem too bothered by it. My mind was finally working and every question that I asked him was one that I had asked myself over and over again. While I didn’t like what he did to Stephen, the truth was that I didn’t want him to get in trouble either. I just wanted him to see how stupid that was so he wouldn’t do something like that again.
“So what if he does. I will pay a fine and go on about my business. Is that really what you are worried about?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
It was hard to be sure of anything with him literally on top of me. How was I supposed to think like this?
“I am sure that is what you worry about. Are you mad that I hurt your boyfriend?”
Sighing to myself, I started to push him off of me. “You really just don’t get it, do you Joel?”
I heard someone coming up the stairs and finally remembered that the door was open. I didn’t want gossip going around in the building about me and Joel, so I practically pushed him off of me. He was reluctant, but finally did as I was making him do.
Standing at the door, he shut it, but was still on the wrong side of it.
“I don’t get you.”
“You don’t have to get me Joel. We are just friends and this has to stop. You have to promise me that you will never come into my apartment like that again.”
He was struck by the tone of my voice and if I was honest with myself, I was as well. There was something about it that made it clear what I was feeling. I felt like I had been fooled and there was no way that I was going to let it happen again. I had a bit of a weakness from him, but that didn’t stop the fact that he had just came in like he had a right to. I never would have let him in, not after what he did to Stephen. If he hadn’t gotten his hands on me, I wouldn’t have lost myself around him.
“Cameron…”
I went to the door and moved past him with my hand, opening the door that he had so recently shut. I needed space and time to think. There was too much going on in my head to deal with him.
“Just go, please.”
Chapter 9
Joel
“Man, it has been a long time.”
“I still can’t believe you are here Carlos. What are you doing down here?”
Carlos looked around at all of the beautiful women passing by on the street. The bench was right outside the bar that we had lunch in. It was a hot day, but I was already getting used to the heat. Carlos didn’t seem to be as acclimated, but the scenery seemed to help him cope.
“I just wanted to come and visit. I needed a change.”
“How’s the wife?”
The look told me all that I needed to know. His new found paradise was short lived. I didn’t have the heart to ask anymore. I didn’t want to hear that him and Eve had called it quits. I liked the idea that maybe both of them would find love. I don’t know why I liked the idea of it so much, but I did. It gave me the hope that maybe I had a chance to find real love too. Their love had seemed so real.
“So are you seeing anyone? I know that there are a lot of hot women around here to choose from.”
I thought of Cameron, but there was no way that she would consider us together. I still did in my mind, even though I knew that I had no claims to her. All I really wanted to do was talk to her, but she had made sure that there hadn’t been a word spoken between us in a long time. I had no choice but to go with what she wanted. It was hard and talking about it certainly wasn’t going to help. What was going to help was focusing on someone else’s problems instead of my own. I didn’t want to tell my cousin that I loved her and her name was Cameron.
“There is this one chick…”
Carlos shook his head and smiled at me. “Man, there is always this one chick. That is the story of my life. “
“Is that why you and Eve aren’t together anymore?”
“No, we are still together.”
“Does she know that?”
He kind of grinned at me and then he just shook his head. “Yes. We are just fighting a little bit. That is perfectly normal from what I hear. I don’t know.”
“So why are you here then Carlos?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to see you and ever since I found out she was pregnant, my head is twisted. I don’t know if I am ready to have a kid. I mean, what if I really fuck everything up?”
I thought about his father and how Carlos used to be a long time ago. I still thought about him as a kid when he was so adamant about not being who he turned into for so long. His father was a womanizer and had devastated his mother and him when he was younger. I didn’t want to tell him the resemblance. I didn’t think he would forgive me for it, so I kept that to myself. I really hoped that Eve would pull him from his ways.
“You are going to do fine Carlos. I think everyone kind of freaks out when it comes to kids and all of that. It is natural to be freaked out. You just have to not worry about it. Everything works itself out.”
He smiled and sighed as he closed his eyes for a moment. “See, this is what I needed. I knew that you would have the right thing to say to me. I just am freaking out. I know it’s all in my head, but I’m too young for all of this.”
“Just don’t mess it up trying to pretend you are something you are not. Don’t mess it up with Eve. You will regret it.”
Carlos made a sound and I watched a small dog run his owner around the small park across the street.
“So what about this girl, Joel? Are you going to tell me about her or introduce us? I want to know what you have hooked down here with all that I taught you.”
I paused and my mind shifted to the only woman that I could think of anymore. I wanted to tell him about her, but then I realized almost at the same time that I really didn’t have much to say. It was just one kiss and after I beat up her co-worker for pretty much no reason, there was no going back. I hadn’t seen her since.
“Come on Joel, don’t keep me waiting.”
“Well I fucked things up with her, what can I say?”
“Did you do what I told you to do?”
I shook my head that I hadn’t and he looked at me as if I was the last idiot on earth. “If you didn’t do what I told you Joel, what happened? Did you get all emotional?”
I hated the question or more than that, I hated the fact that my cousin knew me so well that even he knew that I was going to fuck it all up. I wished that he was wrong. I looked away and it was a dead giveaway of what I was thinking about.
“Come on Joel, I told you that chicks do not dig the emotions. The only emotions that we are supposed to feel is anger. T
hey dig that broody type.”
“That was what happened. I ended up getting into a fight with someone that I wasn’t supposed to and I think I ruined it.”
Carlos just nodded like he understood. “If you lost it like that, she will be back. All women like that.”
“Not Cameron.”
“Ah, so she has a name now.”
I stopped when I realized that I had just given him what he wanted. I should have known that Carlos was pumping information out of me.
“So where does she live?”
Turning towards him, I got up and asked him if he wanted to walk with me a while. It helped me think and got me off of the bench. I didn’t want to tell Carlos the truth. The truth was that she was so close, but still so far away.
“She lives above me at the complex.”
“How convenient. I told you that convenience always wins out. If all you have to do is go upstairs for some nookie that is perfect. It will be a lot easier than a girl that lives across town. You just need to go over there and lay it down. If you can make a girl come enough, she isn’t going to go anywhere. This I promise you.”
He was probably right, always was, but I couldn’t admit that I hadn’t even gotten that far. I wanted to, more than anything. There was something holding me back and I wished again that I had his confidence. The apartment building came into sight and I tried to get him to drop it. The last thing I needed was for Cameron to over hear us or for Carlos to see her. If he did, then he would know who she was and what she meant to me.
“So where is she?”
Carlos had been quiet for so long, but that had passed now and he was back on target.
“I think she is at work or something like that.”
“Oh.”
He was suspicious and I didn’t blame him. It didn’t mean that I was going to do anything that would help him figure it all out. Instead of trying to answer, I pulled the key out so that the door would be opened sooner. When I saw Cameron coming down the stairs, I realized that I had the same bad luck that I had always had.
He looked from Cameron and then to me, blurting out the first thing that came to his mind. “So you are the one that I have heard so much about?”
I looked to Cameron to see her expression and I could see that she didn’t like the comment. I didn’t either, but there was nothing that I could do about it. Carlos was a man that would say what he wanted and didn’t care what I said about it. He was going to blab it out anyways. Why had I told him about her?
“Cameron, right?”
Chapter 10
Cameron
Meeting Carlos in the hallway with Joel, I started to realize how far out of my league he was. Joel was just as rough and tumbled looking as his cousin was, but there was something different seeing them both together. I had thought that Joel was a big puppy dog, but now I wasn’t so sure. Now I was sure that he was just like the man that stood next to him, asking questions that I didn’t think were important.
When I finally got outside, I knew that I wasn’t over Joel. He had told Carlos about me and I had to wonder what it was that he had said. Carlos knew who I was, so there was really no telling.
I walked the few blocks to work and tried my best to pretend that I hadn’t just seen the man that still made my knees weak. It was hard to do, but I managed somehow. Now I was left to think about all of the what-ifs. Ever since Joel came to my apartment and let himself in, I had been avoiding him. It wasn’t really about him barging in and his lack of proper personal space. It was about how he made me feel when he was around and the simple fact that I was afraid of what I would do when I was too close to him. That was what kept me up at night worried.
Work was just like it always was, though the gossiping had finally stopped. I tried to keep my cool, but seeing Stephen kind of ruined it for me. He was still bruised up and if I wasn’t feeling so bad about the whole thing, I would have been thankful for it just for the fact that he left me alone now. There was no dark look in his blue eyes like before. Joel had gotten his way and whether Stephen had wanted me all along or not, he certainly didn’t now.
Angela came into the office and knocked on the wood frame. “You got a minute?”
I told her that I did. Wondering what it was that the senior manager wanted, I didn’t want to think about what I figured it was about. Had the management found out about Stephen being attacked while with me?
“Sure Angela. What can I do for you?”
She had this look on her face and I started to get nervous when she shut the door behind her. This can’t be good.
“I want to talk to you about what happened last week with Stephen Bishop.
Even though I knew that was what it would be about, I was still a little thrown off. What was I supposed to say?
“Um, okay.”
Angela smiled at me, but it wasn’t one that went all the way up to her eyes. She was not happy to be talking about it and neither was I. What was I supposed to tell her about it? I still wasn’t sure why Joel had acted the way he had and I didn’t want to have to make excuses for him, not when I didn’t have anything to do with it.
“Stephen says that your boyfriend attacked him while you were in your apartment building. Is that true?”
I shook my head that it wasn’t true. Stephen was still black and blue from Joel, but it wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t with Joel.
“No, that isn’t right. That is not what happened at all.”
Angela was not prepared for my denial. It was hard to deny that he was attacked, so I was sure then that she’d thought I was going to admit to it. Which I would admit to the attack, but I wasn’t going to admit to my culpability in it.
“Okay, so what is not right because I have a written complaint that states just what I just said to be true?”
“A written complaint?”
“Yes, you two were still on the clock, so it has been picked up by me to handle.”
I wanted to slouch lower in my seat and disappear. I couldn’t believe that he had reported me to the higher ups. What was he trying to do, get me fired and take my job? He couldn’t have done it, but I wouldn’t have put it past him. He was that kind of guy and that was why I had never really liked him to begin with. I just got a bad vibe from him.
“While we may have been on the clock, it was Stephen that insisted on getting something to eat. I needed to change my shoes, so we walked over to my apartment building down on Hastings.”
She was writing what I said down, “So you did go to your apartment building with Stephen?”
I nodded that it was right and then I told her what happened between him and Joel.
“You stated that he was not attacked by your boyfriend, but from what you just told me, he was.”
“Joel is not my boyfriend. He is just a friend and he happens to be the manager of the apartment building. He is the owner’s nephew, not my boyfriend.”
Angela sighed and sat back in her seat. “So you are saying that Stephen was the one that pushed the altercation?”
I nodded that he was. I tried to get the two of them to stop, but it was Stephen that had come back down the stairs. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I was sure it had to do with some sense of male ego or something like that.
“Yes and while I do know Joel, there really was no need for the provocation. I tried to stop it, but they are two grown men that I don’t want to get in the middle of.”
She told me that she understood, though I could tell that she was still reserved about her judgement. There was something else beyond just some paperwork and I should have known it would be more. He hadn’t thought the fight was enough to press criminal charges, but seeing an opportunity, Stephen was going to try and get paid one way or another. He was going after the company and I was going to be in the middle of it whether I liked it or not.
“You can’t be serious. How could he sue the company? We weren’t even on the grounds.”
Angela pressed her lips together and mentioned
the fact that he was salary. “He was working overtime and was still on our dime, so now he is suing. Our lawyers have told me that he actually has a case and we are going to most likely have to settle with him.”
My head was spinning and of all the things and unpleasantness that I thought I was going to deal with, I was not prepared to deal with this. I couldn’t believe it at the same time that I could. Why would I have thought that he would be any different?
“I will testify or do whatever I have to do to help you.”
“I know you would Cameron. You have been with us a long time and we value you as an employee.”
“But…?” I could hear the breath before everything that she said was going to be wiped away by something bad. I didn’t want to know what the bad part was. It seemed to me that it was bad enough without having to add anymore.
“He wants you fired. Stephen is not willing to even talk about a settlement until you are let go.”
My heart sank further in my chest and now I couldn’t breathe. Was I really getting fired?
“You are going to let me go?”
She nodded her head and wouldn’t look me in the eyes. There was an envelope that I hadn’t really noticed before, but I did now. It was already arranged and that made me mad. “Why did you even ask me what happened, if it wouldn’t have mattered anyways?”
“I don’t want to do this, but I have to. You understand, don’t you?”
I didn’t understand, but I didn’t want to make a scene. While I couldn’t get my job back, I could at least leave with a little dignity. I didn’t want to give Stephen the satisfaction of getting me fired. It was the last thing that I wanted to do as I batted away a bit of moisture that I refused to let fall. Standing up, I reached for the envelope.
“There is a rather substantial severance package in there for you and I will make sure that you have the best references. There are a couple of businesses around that are looking. I could put a good word in for you.”