Indelible

by Shae Scott

  “Won’t you be asleep by then? You don’t have to wait up on me Gran,” I smiled, touched at her concern.

  “Nah, I’m gonna read for a bit before I go. So you call. I mean it,” she warned.

  “Okay. I will call. I promise,” I smiled as her eyes crinkled with her own smile. Age couldn’t hide the beauty that she’d been blessed with.

  She waved at me from the porch as I climbed into the car. I gave her a wave back and headed down the drive. It was still pretty early really, 8:30. But dominoes didn’t require a late night.

  I’d made it about three blocks before my car started to rattle. I don’t know much of anything about car engines, but when they start to rattle and knock and then they thud to a stop, it can’t be good. I pulled to the side of the road, worried. Did I try and start it again? Did I head back to Granny’s? Walk back and call someone. I may be a girl, but my dad would be so ashamed of me right now.

  I tried to start the car again and luckily it came back to life. That was good. But it was still making that horrible knocking sound and a forty-five minute drive back to Nashville didn’t seem like the best idea.

  Slowly, I turned it around and headed back up the road to Granny’s house. Better to park it there while I called about getting it looked at than doing it here on the side of this country road. I held my breath the whole way back, praying that I wasn’t doing irreparable harm to the engine.

  I made it back in one piece and shut off the engine with a sigh of relief. I climbed the steps and knocked on the big white door and waited. It cracked open and I smiled at Granny dressed in her night robe.

  “Ally, dear, what are you doing back here? Did you forget something?” she asked opening the door wider.

  “No. My car is acting funny. I thought I’d come back here and try and find someone to come look at it.”

  “Oh no. Well, you won’t find anyone to come out here tonight. Why don’t you just stay and get it sorted in the morning. I’ve got lots of room.” She ushered me inside and into the living room where her lamp was on beside her chair, a cup of tea sitting next to her open book. I stole a glance at it and smiled at the cover. Granny liked romance.

  “Oh, no, that’s okay. I can call my friend to come out and pick me up. It’s no problem.”

  “Nonsense. You’ll stay here. Let me go and find you something that you can sleep in. I have a room all made up for such an occasion. Follow me.”

  I did as I was told and followed her as she climbed the stairs ahead of me. I hated to impose, but she was right. I’d pay a ton to get someone out here now. I might as well wait it out. Plus, I’m sure that Granny would like the company.

  She led me to one of the guest rooms. It as decorated in soft blues, a handmade quilt folded over the bed. I smiled as I took in the lace curtains and sweet antique furniture.

  “You should be comfortable here. I’ll get you some clothes, hold just a moment.” She disappeared down the hall and I took a moment to appreciate where I was. I ran my hand across the quilt, knowing that she’d made it herself. There were little patches of material making up the squares.

  “I made that with scraps from old dresses and suits,” she said, walking back into the room.

  “I love it,” I said, admiring the stitching.

  “See there, that square is from a dress I wore back when Susie was little. And that one is a piece of suit that Jack wore on our wedding day. I could probably tell you where each one came from. I saved so much back then and tried to turn into something,” she laughed.

  “It’s perfect,” I said, honestly. It amazed me how so much history could be found in this blanket.

  “I brought you a pair of old shorts and one of Jacks t-shirts. Everything is clean. It’ll be more comfortable sleeping in it than your clothes,” she said.

  “Thanks, Granny. Sorry to put you out tonight,” I said.

  “Don’t be silly. I love having you here. If you want some tea there is still some water in the kettle,” she offered.

  “That sounds good,” I smiled.

  I followed her downstairs and helped myself to a cup of tea. Maybe it would soothe my nerves and worry about the car. I couldn’t do anything about it until tomorrow, so I might as well try and get some rest.

  Granny stayed up with me for a little while before finally giving in and going to bed. I told her not to worry, that I was going to steal a book from her shelf and head up myself. She kissed my cheek and told me again that she was glad to have me there and then she left for bed.

  I took my tea cup to the kitchen, rinsing it out and putting it in the dishwasher. Then, I went back into the den and scanned the shelves packed with books. Granny had lots of them. She loved to read, like me, but what surprised me was that she had some of my favorite titles among hers. It made me s mile to see recent contemporary stories there among her classics.

  I picked out one that I hadn’t read and made my back upstairs. I grabbed the clothes that she’d brought me and went to the bathroom to change and wash my face. My thoughts were all over the place. As I grabbed the shorts to put them on I noticed that that they were boxers, covered in tiny guitars. I was pretty sure that these had not belonged to Grandpa Jack, Nope, these were Owen’s and the thought of putting them on my body made my skin tingle. It probably wasn’t a good idea. The idea alone brought images to mind, flashes of memory of him wearing something similar. I put them on the chair, opting out. I put on the t-shirt and it hung past my thigh. I grabbed my book and climbed into bed. I needed to shake the memory before it decided to invade my dreams.

  I opened to the first page of my book and let myself get lost in someone else’s story.

  It took me a second to realize where I was when I woke up the next morning. I was snuggled in comfortably, light filtering in through the window and a distinct smell of bacon in the air. I opened my eyes and peered around the room and remembered that I was at Gran’s. I groaned when I thought about my car, but was thankful that it had happened here, so that I at least had had somewhere to stay and the fact that I was waking up to breakfast wasn’t so bad either. I stretched out the sleep from my muscles and made my way up. I grabbed he old boxers from the chair and put them on. They were easier to face in the daylight.

  After a quick stop in the bathroom to wash the sleep from my eyes I pulled my hair up on top of my head to tame the mess and started to make my way downstairs. I felt bad that Granny had gotten up to make breakfast for me, but she probably liked having someone to tend to. It was her nature to take care of people. I yawned as I descended the back stairs towards the kitchen.

  The smell of bacon lost its appeal as my stomach lurched unexpectedly. Three steps from the bottom I froze as my gaze met the person behind the counter.

  Owen.

  Shit.

  I should have stayed in bed.

  9

  Owen

  I saw her jeep in the drive when I pulled in this morning. I didn’t know what she was doing here, but I was excited as hell for the opportunity to see her. I walked into the house cautiously through the back door that led into the kitchen. Gran was making coffee, she looked up and smiled.

  “Hey, sweetie. You’re early this morning.” She walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

  “I was going to work on the old truck. Ally’s here?” I couldn’t help it; my eyes darted around looking for her.

  “She’s upstairs sleeping. She had some car trouble last night so she stayed over. Maybe you can help her with it later?” she asked.

  “Oh. Yeah, of course. She’s upstairs?” I asked. Gran smiled at my distraction.

  “She is. I’m sure she’ll be awake soon enough if you want to get started in the barn. I’ll let you know when she’s up and around,” Gran offered.

  “Nah, that’s okay. I could make breakfast or something,” I offered. I didn’t want to leave the house if she was here. Hell, I wanted to run upstairs and see her right now. But that would make me a creeper. And I was already a creeper.


  Gran gave me a secret smile and started for the stairs. “That sounds like a great idea. I’m going to go get dressed. I’ll be down soon.”

  Knowing Ally, she probably wouldn’t be happy to see me or to have me helping her by fixing her car, but it didn’t matter. When life hands you an opportunity to prove yourself, you take it. I grabbed some eggs, some bacon and I set to work. I was so busy grating up potatoes for some hash browns that I almost didn’t hear her come in. But there was a creak of the step and a slight intake of breath that made me look up.

  She made my heart stop. Literally. I felt it skip and fall to a stunned silence. It was as if it, too, had to stop and appreciate the sight of her. God, she was beautiful. I wanted to run to her, grab her up and pull her close. I wanted to kiss her and smell the faint scent of grapefruit on her skin. I was a starved man and it caused me physical pain.

  “Good morning,” I managed. I tried not to stare at her, afraid I’d send her right back upstairs.

  “Hi,” she said softly. I saw the indecision flash across her eyes. She wanted to bolt. I held my breath and focused my attention back on the potatoes, silently willing her to stay.

  She stood, paused on the step for a long moment before taking another one into the kitchen. I sighed with relief. Shit, I was a mess and it had to be written all over my face.

  I dared to glance back up at her and gave her a smile, which she returned reluctantly. I hated what had become of us. My need to fix things was so intense, but there really was no easy way to do that.

  I had screwed up. I may never get her back. It’s the worst kind of torture to know that I pushed her away and convinced her that she was better off without me. Now that I am left with the task of trying to convince her that I was wrong, I doubt every move I make. Some days it seems impossible, but even in those moments, I know I have to try. I don’t have any other choice.

  I can’t help but think about that guy from the bar. He was so protective of her. I recognized that look in his eyes. I knew it first hand. The thought of him being that close to her, knowing her so well made my stomach turn. I felt it revolting against me. I had no idea what the relationship between them was like, but I’d seen enough to know that I didn’t want to think about it.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t have much of a choice. I’d been assaulted by nightmare visions of the two of them since that night, flashes of possibility tearing at my heart at unexpected moments; his mouth on hers, her beneath him. My fists clenched beside me, my jaw tightening as I felt my heart rate pick up.

  My emotions must have been written all over my face as I watched her because her eyebrow quirked up and she gave me a puzzled look. Probably wondering why I looked like I was about to punch someone. I tried to calm my anger, taking a deep breath and forcing my fists to relax.

  “Are you okay,” she asked cautiously, taking a seat on the barstool.

  Fuck no, I wasn’t okay. I was a mess. A complete fucking mess. I cleared my throat, shaking the scattered thoughts in my head. “Yeah, I’m fine. Want some coffee,” I asked, turning from her.

  “Coffee sounds good,” she replied. I stole a glance over at her. Her hair, piled high on her head in a type of bun, had begun to fall from its hold and it matched her sleepy gaze perfectly. I had to tell myself not to stare. But she was so beautiful this way. Her t-shirt was too big, one of granddad’s, it nearly hid the shorts that she wore underneath. My eyes couldn’t help but fall to her legs, imagining how they felt against my hands, how they felt wrapped around me.

  Somehow I managed to set the coffee cup down in front of her and pour her a cup. I grabbed the half and half from the fridge and the sweet and low and pushed it towards her. I knew how she liked her coffee. I knew a lot of things about her. I missed all of those things.

  “Thanks,” she said softly, taking the sweetener packets and shaking them. Even that simple act had me mesmerized. I was pathetic. Being away from her had turned me into someone I didn’t know. But I was going to own it. I had no other choice.

  “Gran said you had car trouble. I’ll take a look at it for you after breakfast,” I said. I moved about the kitchen seeing to breakfast. I needed to keep busy or I’d end up staring at her like an idiot.

  “Thanks. That would be great. I appreciate it.” She sounded so formal and it hurt. I didn’t like her treating me like a stranger. No matter what had happened between us we would always be more than just casual acquaintances. She was everything to me, even if she didn’t know it.

  “Don’t mention it. Bacon?” I asked giving her a smile.

  “Like you have to ask twice,” she smiled, sipping her coffee. Fuck, I loved that smile. I wanted nothing more than to make her do that everyday for the rest of her life.

  Gran came downstairs and helped me finish up breakfast. Ally seemed to relax with her as a buffer. I hoped it wouldn’t always be so hard for her to be in a room alone with me. Sometimes it seemed that I was working on an impossible task. I wanted to believe that I had changed enough to be worthy of a second chance. I wanted to believe that eventually she would see that. But it was a long shot. Some damage can never be undone.

  We sat around the table, eating breakfast and I listened as Ally and Gran talked like old friends. It made me smile, to see how close they had become. I loved watching the way her eyes lit up when she told a story or how she seemed to be completely consumed as Granny told us stories about Granddad. I sat quietly, observing, soaking it in and letting them talk. It was nice to see her relaxed with me here. I know it was because I was staying on the peripheral, but it didn’t matter. It was a rare treat that I’d been without for too long.

  “Owen, dear, you did good. Thank you for making breakfast,” Granny said throwing her smile at me.

  “It’s no problem. I like an excuse to cook. And two lovely ladies seemed like the perfect reason,” I said, smiling back at her. I saw Ally give me an awkward smile. I hated the tension that found her with the reminder of my presence.

  “Yeah, thanks for breakfast. It was good,” she said, avoiding my eyes as she stood and started to gather up the dishes.

  “Don’t worry about those,” I said reaching to grab the plates before she could. My hand brushed hers and her eyes jumped to mine. I let go of the plate and stood.

  She forced a smile and said, “It’s fine. I’ll clean up. You cooked.”

  I didn’t argue.

  10

  Ally

  When I’d offered to do the dishes I hadn’t expected Owen to stay with me while I did them. I had thought that he would go out and fix my car so that I could head home. I only offered because it was the polite thing to do. He’d made breakfast and Granny had let me stay over. Now I was stuck, my hands in soapy water as Owen stood beside me waiting to dry the dishes. It was hard to focus with him standing so close. I had no idea what to say to him. Our last few encounters hadn’t been easy and I just couldn’t figure out how I was supposed to act around him. He was a stranger to me now. A familiar stranger that smelled amazing and made my heart pound in childish ways.

  “You really don’t have to help. I can handle this,” I said again, hoping he’d take the hint and leave. I didn’t even look at him. I just concentrated on the dish in my hands as I scrubbed it clean.

  “I want to help. Besides, I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute,” he said. I closed my eyes. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do, especially here, where I felt trapped.

  “Thanks for looking at my car for me. I really appreciate it,” I said, trying to steer the conversation away from potential disaster. I heard him sigh as he set a plate into the dish rack.

  “I wanted to talk about what happened with us,” he said. He wasn’t letting me off the hook.

  “I’m not sure there’s really anything to talk about,” I said.

  “But there is. I need to explain some things,” he started.

  I managed to meet his gaze. “Owen, please. I don’t want to talk about anything. Whatever it is you think that you need to
say, please, just let it go. I don’t want to have to hash it all out again. You said your piece months ago. I don’t need to relive it. It’s over. I’m fine. Let’s just move on, okay?” I returned to my dish, fighting back the frustrated tears that were threatening me. I swallowed them back and began rinsing the plate. I hoped he wouldn’t notice that I was shaking.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said. He sounded sincere and it made my heart hurt. I didn’t want to feel anything right now. Having him this close made me feel and I just couldn’t do that. I had to get out of here and find my resolve. I turned off the water and set the dishrag down.

  “Can you finish here? I have to go get my stuff ready. Let me know if you need help with the car.” I couldn’t be in this room with him anymore. I needed to escape. He could finish the dishes on his own.

  “Uh, sure. No problem,” he stumbled over the words, but I refused to look at him. My guard was slipping and I couldn’t breathe properly. I practically ran to the stairs and up to my room.

  I sat down on the bed, hands on my knees and took a few deep breaths. What did he think he needed to explain to me? When he’d walked out that door he’d been pretty clear cut on his feelings, or lack there of; I needed to hold on to that. I didn’t need him coming in here and messing with my head. I didn’t need him singing me songs at a bar or trying to explain away that night. I remembered every moment of it; there were no more details I needed.

  Still. I was curious. Part of me wanted to know what he would have said. Was he going to take it all back? How could he have been so hot and cold? And what about what he’d said back at the club, insinuating that he had made so many changes because of me?

  That was ridiculous. The man I knew had walked out on me after saying he’d never loved me and that I had just been a nice lay. Something to get out of his system. Those words didn’t match the man I used to know and they didn’t match this man who was suddenly back in my life. But he’d said the words. He’d been the one to push me away. No explanation could ever take away the hurt that I’d been carrying with me since that moment. So it didn’t matter. None of it. Curiosity would only set me back and that was something I couldn’t afford.