by K E Osborn
A warmth lights her face, and I can tell she isn’t judging, she’s simply looking out for me. “Way I see it is the only person judging you here Bex… is you. You and Chains have such a strong bond, if there’s feelings there, I mean true, earth-shattering, explosive feelings, then you can’t try to back away from it or block them out. You can’t try and hide it. No matter how hard you attempt to fight it, those feelings will come out, probably when you least want them to. If you and Chains try to figure out what you’re both so obviously feeling, then maybe you can work something out?”
I exhale. “All this therapy you’ve had over the years has rubbed off on you.”
She giggles. “Yeah, so you should listen to me. I’m practically a trained therapist,” she jokes.
“I think you’re having delusions. I might have to talk to Dr. Prescott, have him up your meds.”
“Oooh, I see, calling in the big guns, threatening my psychiatrist on me, now are we? I see how it is.” She laughs. “Well, in any case, if I’m having an episode, I’m going to lock you in a room with Chains tying you two together seeing as I’m so crazy. See how you like them apples?”
Problem is, I probably would like them apples a little too much. Being tied up against Chains doesn’t sound as appalling as she makes it out to be. My body would be pressed against his. I see it as a win. Suddenly, I realize what I’m thinking, so I mentally berate myself as I frown.
She exhales gripping my shoulder. “Bex, it’s okay to want him. You and he are so tied up in thinking you’re siblings, and you’re not. You couldn’t be further from siblings if you tried. None of us here think you are. Sure, you might have spent the last few of your teenage years together, but you don’t have any genetic links. Try to remember that when you’re mentally berating yourself for wanting to ravage him.”
“Our parents won’t understand.”
Sparx grabs my hand again, smiling at me. “They will. You have to give them the chance. Let them find out the right way. Not second hand or by accident.”
“I need to think this through a little more first. If I act on this with Chains and it goes south, it could ruin everything. Our friendship, our family, our lives.”
“You’re adults, Bex. If you try and it fails, you move on. You can still be adults about it. Chains isn’t an asshole, he’s far from it. You’re not one either, so if things went to shit, I think you’d both be capable of getting the fuck on with it.”
I snort at her upfront manner. She’s right, we are grownups, and maybe just maybe, if we did see where this went, things might be okay.
Torque, Trax, Ace, and Chains walk into the room. My heart leaps into my throat when I see Chains after what Sparx and I have just been discussing. But I can’t talk to Chains about it now. I need to look over Gatekeeper then get back to work.
Chains can wait.
It’s been nineteen years.
We can wait a little longer.
CHAINS
The Next Day
It’s been a strange day. Knowing Luc is here but he’s strapped to a chair in our supply closet, not walking around freely, makes me feel all kinds of fucked up. I want him to be walking the clubroom, drinking beer with me, joking about how much Edgar would be fucked off. I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. I don’t know why I was kidding myself thinking this would work out.
Things never fall into place. Shit’s never easy. Why should this be any different?
I’m a fucking fool.
Why should he choose me over them?
I’ve been to check on him once today already. All he gave me was more of the smartass he seems to have mastered. I’m not sure I’m going to get anywhere with him. So, I haven’t been in again. I just can’t bring myself to see him this way.
He’s not the boy I knew.
But now it’s nighttime, I know Bex will be coming in any minute to assess where he’s at. I’ve been thinking about her all day, but I have let her be. She got out of here pretty quick last night. I didn’t get to talk to her after she dealt with Luc, and of course, after our moment in Ace’s room.
I know she feels this connection we have. It’s always been there with us. It’s just the last few months it’s become intense. I don’t know why or how come it’s getting stronger. I think with everything building to this point, the point where Luc is back, it’s making everything heightened for us.
My past is on our doorstep.
It’s making my nightmares stronger.
It’s making me weaker—I hate it.
I never want to appear weak, not to my brothers, not to my family, and especially not to her. Though, I have a feeling Bex sees right through me. She knows my past, she knows everything. Besides Torque, she’s the only other person who does. Sometimes it’s my saving grace, other times it kills me. Knowing she knows all my secrets, knowing she knows all my flaws, but she loves me anyway, means she truly is an amazing woman. She doesn’t judge me for what they did to me. For how they treated me. For how they abused me. She sees me for me, scars and all, and I can trust her with anything. I think maybe it’s why I’m so drawn to her. I think it’s why I’m so scared to act on this attraction I have with her. If we take this further, if I go there with her, and it blows up in our faces, I lose the one person who stands by me no matter what.
Is it worth it?
I honestly don’t know.
Plus, the whole issue of she’s my family is there too. That’s just as big as it ever was. If Abi found out I had feelings for her daughter, I honestly don’t know how she’d take it. She took me into their family, treated me as their own. Fought for me. Betraying Abi’s trust like this kills me. The guilt washes over me every time I feel something for Bex. Every time I imagine myself wrapped up in her. But I can’t help it. Just to think of what could be. However, the guilt is huge, the unwavering doubt of how it shouldn’t be this way. How, I shouldn’t be feeling the things I’m feeling.
It’s wrong.
Plain and simple.
“Chains, you look a million miles away,” Cindi murmurs sliding a beer my way over the bar.
I glance up, finally distracted from my rampant thoughts as I blink rapidly while looking at her. Her brunette curls fall beautifully over her shoulders.
“Cindi, do you ever feel like shit just doesn’t fall into place?” I ask.
Her eyes don’t light up as much as they usually do. “You have no idea…” she sighs, “… something on your mind you wanna chat about?” Her hand comes out reaching for me as she squeezes my arm. Unease washes over me, but I think I need this as her fingers run up and down my arm in a soothing way.
“Yeah, I think I do.”
She leans over the bar a little more, her tits pressing on the counter, but I keep my eyes firmly on her face. “Well, then, tell ol’ Cindi what’s going on?” she asks as the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I know that feeling.
I feel it every time she walks in the damn room.
I turn to see Bex watching me with Cindi. Her eyes drooping like she’s unsure of what she should be doing as she continues to walk into the clubroom, striding past me trying to feign disinterest, but I know she’s watching me. I lean back, taking a deep breath. Any brief ideas I had about chatting to Cindi fly out the window as I stand up to start walking without even saying a goodbye to her.
“Chains…. Chains?” Cindi calls out, but I don’t answer her. Instead, I just keep walking, following Bex as she heads for the hall. I round the corner, but Bex is standing waiting for me, like she knew I was coming. Her arms are folded over her chest as she glares at me.
“You waited for me?” I ask.
“I’m surprised you even wanted to talk to me with tits McGee lusting all over you.”
I let out a chuckle tilting my head. “Careful, Bex, anyone overhearing would think that sounds like jealousy.”
She slumps her body relaxing back against the wall while shaking her head. “What are we doing?”
Bex wants to be serious right now, so I slide in against the wall beside her folding my arms over my chest. “I don’t know.”
She lets out a stifled laugh. “What help are you then?”
“You’re the smart one out of the two of us, Bex. You’re supposed to have the answers here, not me.”
She turns her head to look at me, her sky blue eyes so alight with hope I can’t imagine not looking into them for the rest of my life. She licks her bottom lip, pulling it in with her teeth, the minor movement sexy as fuck.
I’m going to hell.
“Why are we like this?” she asks confusing me.
“What do you mean?” I reply.
She exhales turning away from me. “You’re my family, Ty.”
I reach out holding onto her hand, a fucking tingle shooting into mine. “I always will be.”
Her head snaps to look at me. “That’s exactly what I mean.”
Inwardly, I cringe mentally berating myself. She didn’t want a brother in this moment, she wanted something more. I’ve totally screwed up.
“Bex…” My fingers slide up and down her soft skin. I want to ease her, I want her to know I want this as much as I don’t want this. This kills me as much as it’s killing her. I need her to know that.
“I should go talk to—” she murmurs her eyes still locked on mine.
“I think we have more to talk about, don’t you?” I interrupt her not wanting her to go.
She exhales, turning away from me. “What’s there to say, Ty?” she asks as she breaks off from the wall, stepping off to leave.
“Don’t go.” I reach out grabbing her hand again.
She stalls but pulls her hand free continuing to walk out of the hall back into the clubroom. My chin falls to my chest as a small growl rumbles through the space.
I’m annoyed.
I don’t know what’s happening between us.
The push. The pull. The unknown.
I can’t tell whether I like the idea of us being together more, but what I do know is I can’t tell which way this is going to go.
Footsteps behind startle me. I look up to see Trax rushing down the hall. He spots me, slapping my shoulder on the way through. “C’mon, Chains, it’s chow time in the clubroom,” he tells me.
Raising my brow at his upbeat manner, I shrug walking with him into the main room to see everyone sitting ready for dinner. Trax strides over to where Sparx is already sitting taking a seat next to her. I see Bex sit down next to Sass and Sensei, so I make my way over sliding in next to her. She doesn’t look at me when I move in beside her, but her body shudders as if it can sense me. As I settle into the seat, I’m not listening to the conversation Bex is having with Sass. I hear the word contraception, so I tune out immediately. I don’t want to know what Sensei and Sass are getting up to.
As I glance around the clubroom, I notice Trax peering down the hall as if he’s looking for something or someone. Sparx is next to him, Torque sits opposite him. I don’t know who he could be looking for, but suddenly, he stands up. Sparx looks up at him in confusion as I cock my brow. No one else seems to notice, so he lets out a loud whistle gaining everyone’s attention.
He looks at Sparx with his lopsided smirk then back to the middle of the room as if he tries to keep his focus.
“Can I have everyone’s attention,” Trax calls out.
Most people stop, looking at him, but a couple of brothers continue chatting.
“Oi… fuckers… shut the hell up. I’m talking here,” he calls out as Torque and Sparx both shrug at each other.
“Right, so ahh… honor…” he looks at Torque dipping his head, “… honor is a noble thing between men, between brothers—”
“You going soft, you pussy?” Scratch calls out making us all laugh.
Trax flips Scratch the bird. “Fuck you! As I was saying, honor between men is incomparable, but to honor and cherish in love… that’s indescribable.”
“Shit. He has gone soft,” Lift calls out.
“Shut up, guys,” Sparx defends making Trax turn to her.
He grabs her hands as she subtly looks around the room like she’s a little unsure of what the fuck’s going on.
“Trax?” she murmurs.
“Shh… I’m not done,” he replies. “This woman has given us all so damn much. She’s given me so damn much. She’s not just the love of my life, she’s the mother of my kids who are the second generation of our club, the next legacies…” He smiles. “Sparx, you’re fierceness to overcome all the hurdles in your life astounds me. You’re so fucking brave. I’m honored to call you my Old Lady.”
Sparx lets out a small giggle as she stands up, her eyes misting while she sniffles. “Trax, where’s this all coming from?”
He glances down the hall again, then grimaces. “I just want everyone to know how fucking much I love you, is that a crime?” he asks checking the hall again. Sparx beams wide while our brothers start to turn on him. Vibe throwing some fries at his head.
“Sit down, lover boy,” Ace calls out making everyone laugh.
Sparx tugs on his arm to make him sit. She sits, but Trax continues to stand like he’s stalling.
“But your beauty, Sparx… you’re so fucking gorgeous everyone should know you’re the only woman for me.”
Everyone bursts out laughing as more fries are thrown at him while Sparx puts her head in her hands letting out a loud laugh.
“Fuckin’ hell, Trax, you high?” Torque calls out.
Suddenly, some music starts to play from down the hall as Trax visibly relaxes like it’s the cue he’s been waiting for. “Fucking hurry up, Lala, I’m having trouble stalling out here,” Trax yells as we all look to the hall to see Lala and Pyro walk out with the twins. They’re wrangling them as they help them waddle along wearing their matching white jumpsuits. Everyone chuckles watching Pyro and Lala trying to keep the two little thirteen-month-old twins in line, but they’re doing an okay job as they walk the twins over toward Sparx and Trax. The twins stumble, falling a couple of times each, but it’s cute as fuck watching Lala and Pyro trying to help them walk in the right direction.
Sparx laughs while shaking her head. “What the hell are you doing, Trax?”
Trax steps out next to the twins, Lala behind Rix, and Pyro behind Grace, as Trax radiates so much love it’s like he can hardly keep his shit together.
“Mylee, I fucking love you. I love our family…” He signals to them. “Now Lala,” Trax instructs.
Lala and Pyro spin the toddlers around as we all read the writing on the back of the jumpsuits. But we don’t have to read it as Sparx reads it out loud.
“Marry me?” she reads off Rix’s jumpsuit. Then she murmurs, “Will you,” as she reads directly from Grace’s.
Obviously, Lala and Pyro got the toddlers in the wrong positions, but the message came through clear enough. It’s quite fitting Pyro and Lala are the ones helping here seeing as they’re engaged. They were going to elope, running away to get married, but opted to have a big wedding instead when their plans were foiled by the Gentlemen invasion. They realized Neala wants her princess wedding, so Pyro told her he would rather give her that than elope. Their date is yet to be decided, but planning is well underway.
Sparx’s hand flies to her mouth as Trax drops to one knee yanking a ring box out of his pocket as the room erupts in a fit of cheering. Even I let out a whistle of appreciation. I feel Bex beside me chuckling—I hope this puts her in a better mood.
Sparx burst into tears as she places her hand out in front of Trax without saying anything. She’s too busy crying to be able to form any coherent words. Trax places the ring on her finger then bends lifting her into his arms, swinging her around in a tight embrace as they kiss passionately in front of us all. I look away, the woman I want to kiss like that is right beside me, and that fact is eating me up, twisting my insides making me feel sick. I may never get the chance to kiss her with such eagerness and passion.
The thought of spe
nding my life with Bex, but having to fight this attraction to her for the rest of our damn lives is going to kill me. Honestly, I don’t know if I can do it. Sitting here right now with all this love in the room and Bex next to me is screwing with my brain.
I have to go.
I need to get out of here.
Sparx and Trax pick up their kids in a family hug, so I stand while everyone swarms around them. I would love to give them my well wishes, but I genuinely can’t right now, I don’t have the strength. Needing fresh air, I head for the rear door.
The mild spring air cools my face as I stroll around the side of the building. The breeze and the atmosphere inside reminding me of a time long ago.
I slammed my fist into Johnny Larson’s nose, hard. Blood spurted from his face as he fell backward, and all his dickwad friends ran away like scared little mice. Bex grabbed at my arm yanking me, anger evident in her perfectly made-up eyes. She looked so fucking gorgeous, I didn’t want anything to ruin her night, and fucking Johnny and his asshole mice did. Bex dragged me through the gym doors out into the hall where the music was dulled as I tried to calm down.
“Why the hell did you do that, Ty?” she asked her voice clearly annoyed, but she was still a vision in that dress.
I scoffed throwing my arms in the air. “He was being a dick.”
“You’re being a dick!”
“He asked why I would bring my sister as a date to the prom, Bex.”
She exhaled with a shrug. “So? Fuck what they think. They all know we’re inseparable. We’re not blood siblings, hell, we’re not even related. We wanted to come here together. Who cares if they think it’s weird. I don’t care what they think, you shouldn’t either. ”
My entire body relaxed as I saw the fight in her, the fire, the passion. I knew I was in fucking trouble. There are lines you just don’t cross. We were at our senior prom. I’d been with Bex for two years, and in that time, we’d grown close, so fucking close. She knew everything about me. She was my rock. I didn’t know how to breathe without her.