by Susan Crosby
“Marco?”
“Yeah.”
“Which doesn’t change the fact that José is dead. And it’s my fault, isn’t it, because I wouldn’t wait for you to come get Señor Escobar.” She shoved herself out of the chair.
It was time to stop the blame, he decided, watching her pace from the fireplace to the front window and back. He shouldn’t blame her for going above and beyond the call of duty, something he’d done himself many times, for what he’d also thought were the right reasons. How could he fault her? Yes, he’d been kidnapped, too, because of it. But she’d also escaped further harm because he was there. His presence had been necessary.
He would stop blaming her. And she needed to stop blaming herself.
“We need to let go of it all,” he said, joining her. “We both need to move on.”
Her eyes searched his. He saw deep compassion and caring, something he’d seen from the first time they’d met, but mixed now with guilt.
“I need to know if you were mistreated,” she said.
“I was a low man and therefore given the worst jobs to do. Everyone was knocked around some. It’s a way of life. But aside from eating really bad food and sleeping on the floor, I wasn’t mistreated, no.” There was more, so much more, but why put those thoughts in her head? It was enough that they were in his.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, like a quiet scrape across sandpaper. “Can you really move on? Leave it behind?”
“That part of it, yes. But I need to know why you didn’t contact me and tell me about the baby.”
“You mean before you went undercover?”
“You had four months, Keri.”
“I didn’t realize I was pregnant. I know that must sound impossible, but the trauma of the kidnapping had a physical and emotional impact on me. I stayed with Señor Escobar during his recovery, but I was healing, too. I left as soon as I could manage. I had to find someone to replace me first. Then I came here. I was sitting in the Lode when your brothers and Nana Mae walked in. Everything happened so fast after that. After a trip to see Doc Saxon, I was moved into Nana Mae’s house and had been there ever since.”
“What did you tell everyone about us?”
“Not much. They took what little I said and turned it into some kind of fairy tale. Because your mother and grandmother needed to hold on to a piece of you, I let them all believe more than was really there.”
“And you? Did you need to hold on, too?”
“I held hope,” she said after a few beats. “I already had a piece of you growing inside me.”
“You could’ve kept it all to yourself. Lots of women do.”
She frowned. “That would be wrong. You deserved to know you were going to have a child. I couldn’t have justified not telling you, not for any reason.”
Duty bound, he thought. Always duty bound. They made quite a pair.
“What do your parents say about the pregnancy? I assume you’ve told them by now.”
She actually smiled, although a little grimly. “I was born six months after they married. What could they say?”
“Where are they now?”
“In Peru. They’re taking a new assignment in a month, probably in Lesotho, Africa, helping with the AIDS crisis there. They called this morning. They’re going to come visit on their way and meet their grandchild.”
He scratched his head, was startled by the short length of his hair. “Then I guess your father won’t point a shotgun at me.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. They might both be throwbacks from the hippie era, but they did marry, Jake.”
“Meaning?”
“I don’t know how they’re going to feel about it all, now that you’re home and available, so to speak. I’m their little girl, no matter how old I am.”
Great. So a month from now he would face her parents, who’d spent their adult lives doing good all over the world—and would probably expect him to do good, too, as in marry their daughter. And they might not approve of their grandchild’s father traveling into hot spots all over the world, a world that was changing, the risks intensifying.
“Are you all right?” Keri asked.
Sure. He didn’t say the sarcastic word aloud. “If you want to get the rest of your things from Nana Mae’s house, let’s go now. I’ll get a tape measure, too, and we can see if you can fit behind the wheel.”
Her chin went up a notch. “I have an appointment with Doc Saxon at one o’clock. Would you like to be there?”
No. “Yes.”
“I also have some pictures from the ultrasound I had a few months ago. Do you want to see them?”
“Maybe later.” His sisters had shoved plenty of ultrasound photos in his face, given the fact they had sixteen children between the five of them. He didn’t figure these pictures would be any different. He crossed his arms. “They expect us to get married, you know,” he said.
“They, who?”
“My family. Everyone in town.”
She was quiet a couple of seconds too long. “Which is a normal expectation, since they all think we’re in love and there’s a baby involved.”
“Do you expect it?”
Again she hesitated a few seconds. “The only expectation I have at this time is to deliver a healthy baby. The rest will work itself out.”
Did she know that no one in his entire family had ever divorced? Had she not heard that? She must have. It was legend in Chance City. Everyone called his brothers and him “the men who wouldn’t commit”—especially Joe, because he’d courted Dixie for so many years without committing. It was more than that, and mostly tied to Nana Mae, the moral compass of the family, and her expectation that once you married, that was it. You married for life.
“Jake?” Keri said, leaning closer to him. “You need to remember that they don’t realize we hardly know each other. We went through a horrible experience and we found solace in the midst of it, but it was all in…” She seemed to search for the right words.
“The heat of battle?” he offered.
“Yes. Emotions were heightened. The will to survive colored everything. It wasn’t real.”
He gestured toward her belly. “That says otherwise.”
Her mouth tightened. “Yes. But it’s only one factor.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to get married?”
“I’m saying if we do, it’ll be because it’s what we both want. And if we take that pressure off ourselves, it would let me relax around you a lot more. I’d like to have fun with you. Laugh a little.” She set a hand on his chest, enjoying how his muscles contracted at the slight touch. “I know you have some healing to do. You need to eat and rest and exercise. You also need to relax. So, don’t worry about me. About what will happen. Not now. There’s time.”
Her words, and the gentle tone in which she said them—her nurse voice?—went a long way toward relieving his tension, not like a balloon with a slow leak, but one that hit a power line and popped, letting out all the air at once, almost knocking him to the ground.
She was too understanding, too kind….
Cynic. The word bounced in his head. He’d seen the worst in people, and sometimes the best. This was a honeymoon phase with Keri at the moment, like all new relationships. Theirs had just started at a different point from most.
He found the medallion again, which settled him. “If you’re ready, we can head into town and do whatever needs doing before the doctor’s appointment. I’ll grab that tape measure.”
She laughed, sounding a little nervous, but he noticed she didn’t try to stop him, didn’t say okay, that she’d let him do all the driving.
They would see who won this round.
They found Nana Mae on her sun porch eating lunch, a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tea, no sugar, which she always drank hot, never iced, no matter the season. As Keri made small talk with her, Jake noticed his grandmother was using a mug and holding it with hands that shook a little. One of his most vivid
memories of her, aside from playing a million games of Yahtzee, was of her pouring tea from a flower-painted pot into matching teacups, the set a treasured wedding gift.
He recalled being made to attend her tea parties with some of his sisters. Nana Mae always poured, sat back, held the cup close to her face, shut her eyes and let the aroma soothe her before she took a sip.
Ritual.
When he was ten or so he’d refused to attend the event anymore. He knew it had hurt her feelings, but he didn’t want his friends knowing he drank out of those girly cups. He hadn’t even visited her much after that, just saw her at family events or occasionally delivered something from his mom or dad. Now he regretted that.
Did he have any rituals himself? He didn’t think so. His life changed almost daily. He moved from place to place, sometimes danger to danger, quietly doing jobs most people never knew existed, mostly on foreign soil. After graduating from college, he’d spent eight years in Army Intelligence, was fluent in seven languages, had also learned to fly most kinds of small planes and helicopters. His firm’s name and number were in the databases of government leaders, corporations and even some celebrities from around the globe.
He thrived on the adrenaline rush that came with each experience and his ability to control it.
Who would’ve thought a kid from Chance City, California, would end up—
“That wall won’t tumble if you move away from it, Jake,” his grandmother said, her eyes twinkling. She patted the chair beside her. “Come sit while Keri packs up.”
Dutiful, he sat. “I was just remembering your tea parties.”
Her face lit up. “Were you? I’m glad.”
He covered her hands, wrapped around her mug, with his. “Too hard for you to hold the teacups now?”
“It’s hard to bend my fingers comfortably, but also the warmth feels good when I hold the bigger mug. A little arthritis, that’s all. One of the non-perks of getting old.”
“There are perks?”
She laughed. “Too many to count. Not the least of which is seeing my grandson safe after months of my being too scared to sleep.”
“I’m sorry. I’m here now, though. I hope you slept last night.”
“It was easier. For Keri, too, I imagine.”
“She said as much.”
“We sure do like her.”
“I hear the feeling is mutual.”
“So, when’s the wedding?”
He’d been waiting for the question. “When we’re ready.”
“I hope it’s before that baby comes. You don’t want to be the first in our family to have a child out of wedlock, do you?”
“Do you have a new hairstyle?”
She shook a finger at his diversionary tactic, then patted the soft, silvery curls. “As a matter of fact, I do. Dixie fixed it this morning. Do you like it?”
“Very hip.”
She laughed. “Hip? Me? Well, that’s…awesome.”
Jake laughed then, too. He looked around to see if Keri was nearby before he spoke again. “She’s going to want to use your Geo. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t let her.”
“Why would she do that?”
“So that she has her own car to drive, but I intend to do the driving until she’s not pregnant anymore.” And beyond. He wanted a sturdy car for his baby to ride in. But that was an argument for later.
“Honey, she hasn’t driven for a month. She said she was too close to the steering wheel to be safe. The girl walks everywhere. Said she’d have an easier delivery and recovery if she did.”
Jake sat back. If that were the case, why had she made a big deal out of her wanting the car?
When Keri was ready to go, she came in to hug Nana Mae. “I’m so glad Dixie’s going to stay with you.”
“Well, you know I’m perfectly capable of—”
“It’s going to be so helpful for her,” Keri interrupted smoothly. “Cutting a full four months out of her schooling will be great. That was sweet of you.”
Nana Mae eyed the innocent-looking Keri. “I’ve always liked the girl. I think Joe is crazy to let her slip through his fingers.”
“It’s not over yet,” Keri said, then looked at her watch. “We should get going.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Jake asked.
She looked around, frowning. “I don’t think so, but if I am I can get it later.”
“The car?”
Her cheeks flushed. It was obvious she was deliberately avoiding looking at Nana Mae. “I decided to let you chauffeur me,” Keri said, “since that’s what you want.”
Jake saw his grandmother’s eyebrows arch. She looked from Keri to Jake, her eyes taking on some sparkle. She hid a smile behind a napkin she patted against her lips.
Keri quickly kissed her cheek, apparently wanting to hustle him out of the house before Nana Mae questioned or commented. “Looks like Dixie decided to give you a new look.”
The older woman laughed, then laughed harder. “You two are a match made in heaven, like my William and me. You have interesting times ahead,” she said, then eyed them more thoughtfully. “Will and I didn’t know each other well or for long before we walked down the aisle. Kept things lively for a long time.”
Jake carried Keri’s filled grocery sacks to the car. He was running out of steam. Too much stimulation without any break, without time alone to assimilate his return to town and independence.
“What did Nana Mae mean?” Keri asked as they headed to the doctor’s office.
He could’ve told her how he’d distracted his grandmother with the same ploy about her hair, too. “You haven’t driven her car in a month,” he said instead.
“You interrogated her about me?”
“It came up in conversation.”
She crossed her arms and faced forward.
“Why did you lie to me?” he asked. When she didn’t answer, he pushed. “Keri, now I doubt everything else you’ve said or will say.”
Her foot tapped against the floorboard, but she stayed silent until they pulled into the parking space in front of the doctor’s office. He grabbed the door handle, annoyed.
“You left me without transportation,” she stated. “And alone.”
He turned toward her, not understanding what the big deal was. “So?”
“What if I’d needed to go somewhere?”
“Like where?”
“I don’t know.” Exasperation strained her voice. “The hospital or something.”
“Or something.” He pondered that. “If you had an emergency, you would call nine-one-one, right?”
“What if I couldn’t?”
He frowned. “Why couldn’t you?”
“What if I’d fainted or fallen and couldn’t get to a phone?”
Her words hit hard. It was stupid, selfish, not to have thought of that. He knew how to deal with bullet wounds, but pregnancy was a mystery. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“And if you’re going to leave, please tell me so that I can at least be dropped in town for a while. Your property is beautiful, but it’s also fairly remote. I’d rather not be alone there for now.”
So much for independence. She was his responsibility now. He wondered if she felt that way about the baby.
He set a hand along her headrest. “How did you feel when you first realized you were pregnant?”
“Shocked.” Her gaze met his. “Scared.”
“And now?”
“Heart-tied.”
“Still scared, though?” he asked.
“Not since you came home.”
The weight of responsibility had always sat well on him. He was a man of his word—his honesty, reliability and trustworthiness never questioned. He would fulfill his responsibilities toward his child and Keri, no question.
Just as soon as he figured out exactly what those responsibilities were going to be.
Chapter Six
Keri dangled her legs from the doctor’s exam table, trying n
ot to laugh at Jake’s reaction to the graphic wall posters representing the stages of pregnancy and childbirth. He slipped his hands into his pockets, toying with something in the left. She’d noticed it before. A lucky coin, maybe? Something small enough not to leave a visible bump, anyway.
Doc Saxon swept into the room. He was no easygoing, rumpled, country doctor as was often portrayed in movies, but a lean, fit, seventy-two-year-old man who maybe looked sixty. Even his thick black hair was shot with very little gray.
“I don’t have to ask you how you’re doing today, Miss Keri,” he said, taking her hands in both of his. “Those worry lines between your brows are gone.”
Keri smiled at Jake. “We are all relieved.”
The doctor extended his hand toward Jake. “I’m glad you’re home safely.”
“Me, too. Thanks.”
Without releasing Jake’s hand, the doctor moved a little closer. “Don’t feel you have to mail me an invitation to the wedding. A phone call will do. Or even an e-mail.”
Keri watched the men exchange silent looks. Neither blinked.
“The baby is sitting on my bladder,” Keri said into the increasingly tense silence.
“You know where the restroom is,” Doc said, turning to her.
“That wasn’t my point. I mean this child has dropped as far as it can.”
“Getting anxious?” He gestured for her to lie back, then he picked up the fetal Doppler to listen to the heart.
“Anxious to meet our baby.” Keri smiled at hearing the heartbeat amplified, a sound that comforted her like little else. She looked at Jake. He moved slowly toward her, as if drawn magnetically to the sound coming out of the speaker.
“Uh, that’s a normal rate, right?” he asked the doctor.
“Sure is. Keri’s had a problem-free pregnancy.”
Jake reached her side just as the doctor put away the monitor, then had her draw up her knees to examine her. She felt Jake’s hand wrap around hers, then clench tighter and tighter during the exam.
“Jake.” She tried to wriggle her fingers, which were going numb.
“Yeah?” He hadn’t taken his eyes off Doc Saxon.