Dirty

by Gina Watson

  He didn’t know how he felt about her attending a dance at the age of thirteen with a boy. At least it was Dallas Garner taking her to the dance and not anyone else. He’d observed their interaction at church. The boy was deathly afraid of girls, and Jess could be very opinionated. He chuckled thinking of the time Dallas had worn a white Don Johnson Miami Vice era suit to church one Easter. Jessica had asked him if he’d gotten a job on a cruise ship. The boy had turned as red as a tomato. Satisfied that Jessica would be okay with Dallas, he asked her to follow him into his bedroom.

  “How much do you think it’ll be for the dress and shoes?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He pulled five twenties from the box under the bed. “Here.”

  Jess took his offering, her eyes widening as she counted. She peeled off two twenties and pushed them into his chest. “I’m sure I can make do with less.”

  Sawyer pushed her hand away. “Take a hundred just in case. If there’s any left you can bring it back.” He laughed, doubting there would be.

  “Thank you, Sawyer.” She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I love you.”

  His palm on her back, he returned the phrase, “I love you.”

  Since Courtney was taking the girls for the day, Sawyer was free to work and, as luck would have it, there was plenty of opportunity.

  At the construction site he dug sewer lines for the new restaurant and thought about how nice it was to have help with the girls. This past week he’d cherished not only the physical help, but also having another adult to confide in and talk with. Sensual memories came to mind. Memories made after the girls had gone to bed. He missed Courtney every minute that he didn’t have her beside him. Wondering if they’d have time for a nap in his bedroom, he decided he’d become one of those fools in love. He didn’t mind…he’d be her fool again and again.

  ***

  Saturday night Sawyer ordered pizza and he and the girls convened around the coffee table as Riley loaded Princess Diaries into the DVD player.

  “Can we watch something else?” Jess pleaded. “You’ve picked that stupid movie for your last three.” She held Levi in the air and touched her nose to his.

  “I think it’s more like her last five picks.”

  Riley stood and held the DVD in the air. “It’s my turn to pick and I pick this.”

  “How much was everything today?” Sawyer asked. Riley took Levi from Jess, content to dress him in the T-shirt provided by Courtney.

  “I don’t know. A lot I think.” Jess scooted her butt forward on the couch, and then slid her hand into the pocket of her jeans. “Here.”

  He took her offering. “Why didn’t you use the money I gave you?”

  “Courtney put it on her credit card.”

  “But I wanted to pay for it.”

  Jess shrugged. “I tried to give her the money, but she wouldn’t take it.”

  “Well I’d like to pay for it so I’ll give her the money directly.”

  Jess turned anxious eyes on him. “It was a lot of money, Sawyer.”

  “How much?”

  “I don’t know exactly, but the shoes alone were over three hundred dollars.”

  “Three hundred dollars for shoes?!”

  She frowned. “Courtney said she wanted to pay for it.”

  “We can’t accept it.”

  “Why not?”

  “How much for the dress?” Maybe he could buy her the dress. “Six hundred.”

  “Oh Jess, you’ll have to return those items to Courtney.”

  She stood. “No!” She screamed through her tears, her face red-hot.

  Riley left the room with Levi in her arms and Sawyer wished he could do the same. He hated arguing with either one of them. For the most part they all got on well, but occasionally they’d have it out. “We’ll get you something else just as nice.”

  “I don’t want something else, I want what she gave me.”

  “I’m sorry, Jess, I’m going to return those items to her.”

  She ran out of the living room. A few beats later the door to her room slammed shut. He leaned forward on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees. Running a hand through his hair he thought about the woman with the platinum hair and eyes so blue he could see the world reflected in them. Why had she gone and spent so much money on a poor girl from east Baton Rouge? He’d never be able to provide for Jess like that once Courtney was gone. And she’d inevitably leave once she found out his father’s permanent address at the federal correctional institution.

  The night was lost and Sawyer was exhausted. He turned off the television and DVD player. He’d go grocery shopping tomorrow after church.

  On Sunday Jess spent the first half of the day in her room feigning a headache to get out of going to church, so he and Riley went alone. By one o’clock, Jessica’s headache had miraculously taken a turn for the better and they returned home to find she’d moved her pouting to the couch where she currently channel surfed in her pajamas.

  “I’m going to run to the store and get sandwich stuff. What kind of chips do we want today?”

  “Barbecue!” Riley yelled.

  “Jess?”

  “I don’t care.”

  “So I’ll just get you salt and vinegar.”

  “I hate vinegar!”

  “Then you do care.”

  She stormed off in a huff and on cue a door slammed in the distance. He and Riley stood in the living room, stunned.

  “Maybe she could just keep the dress but return the other stuff.” Riley shrugged.

  “I can’t pay six hundred dollars for a dress.”

  “I know. You wouldn’t have to.”

  “Riley, come over here and sit next to me on the couch.” She complied immediately. “Do you understand why it would be wrong to accept those items from Courtney?”

  “They cost a lot of money.”

  “That’s right, they do, but that’s not the only reason we can’t accept them.”

  “What’s the other reason?”

  He sat with his fingers steepled and thought carefully about how he’d relay this next bit to his younger sister. “We are not six-hundred-dollar-dress people. To wear the dress would be like putting a lion in an ostrich costume. Beneath the costume, he’s still a lion, not an ostrich. Instead of hiding behind the ostrich, he should be proud of who he is and where he comes from. He doesn’t need a costume.”

  Big brown doe eyes blinked up at him. “Maybe the lion just wanted to have a little fun doing something he may never again get the chance to do.”

  His baby sister had just delivered a master line. He kept playing it over and over in his head, analyzing the intent of her message.

  “I’m starving. I think we have hotdogs.” She went into the kitchen, leaving him with dropped jaw on the couch as he contemplated his next move.

  ***

  All night Sawyer tossed and turned in bed. He finally got up to use the restroom and realized he’d not charged his phone in quite a while. Where had he even left it? In the dark, using the light filtering in from the street, he walked through the house in search of his phone. He found it in the dollhouse, and then remembered Riley had been using it to text with one of her friends.

  He set it on the charger, noticing a text from Courtney that had been sent around two o’clock.

  Hey, what’s my favorite trio up to? Miss you.

  xoxo

  The dress and shoes would be returned to her tomorrow. Somehow he’d have to let her know she couldn’t buy things for them—something she’d been doing quite a lot of lately.

  He sighed, hoping their talk would go well and she’d accept the clothes without much ado. For some reason he didn’t think she’d give in easily. He should return her text, but he didn’t know what to say. He was annoyed—should he text that? Unsure, he decided to leave it until tomorrow.

  The next day around ten o’clock he stood just inside the door of Greystone Realty. He’d only been inside the place once before and
he surely hadn’t committed it to memory then, given that his blood flow had been between his legs. The place was bright and modern. He looked around for Courtney, but found Perla instead.

  “Well hello, sailor! What can I do for you today?”

  She was so weird. “I’m looking for Courtney.”

  She pointed a finger at him. “I thought you might say that.” She pushed her red-framed glasses up and then yelled, “Courtney!”

  Jesus, he could have done that.

  “Goodness Perla, how many times have I asked you not to yell?” Courtney came around the corner holding a steaming mug of coffee. When her eyes caught his, her frown turned into a full smile, “Sawyer, this is a nice surprise.”

  He was nervous and didn’t want to reveal the reason for his visit in front of Perla.

  “Is something wrong?” Her blue lasers cut him to the bone with their intensity.

  He turned, walking toward the door. “There’s a lot wrong.” Exiting the shop, he heard the shuffle of heels on cement.

  “Sawyer, what is it?”

  He ignored her questioning voice and walked through the cheese shop and into the kitchen. “Sawyer?”

  “Just come out to the truck so I can give you these things.”

  She stood before him, chewing her lip, her worry lines pronounced on her forehead and between her eyes.

  He pulled the dress, shoes, and purse from the truck.

  Her jaw unhinged, the look on her face was confusion mingled with what he interpreted as hurt. “I don’t understand.”

  “You must take these and return them to the store. It was a nice gesture, but we can’t accept them.”

  “Of course you can.” She wouldn’t take them, and instead stepped back.

  “I had it out with Jess all night, I won’t stand here and do it again with you.”

  “Oh but please, Sawyer. You can’t take it away once it’s been given to her.”

  “She's too young to understand a gift like this. It was very nice of you, but it’s just way too much for a girl like her. We buy our back-to-school clothes at Wal-Mart and Goodwill. I won’t have her thinking she’s something she’s not.”

  “I don’t know what you mean, but please…we already talked about how she’d do her hair and we picked nail polish to match the dress. You can’t do this to her. To take all of it away now would devastate her.”

  “She’s my issue, not yours. It was a mistake to let you take her shopping.” He forced the items into her hands.

  He should have never looked into her huge blue pools because they were swimming with tears and it gutted him. She held the dress and other items in her arms, her chin trembling in frustration. “Please let her have them,” she pleaded, her face twisted in turmoil. “It’s my fault…she tried to tell me, but I insisted. I messed up this time, but I’ll do better.” The tears broke free of their dam and trailed down her face to her chin and then dropped onto the plastic covering the dress.

  Sawyer looked away. He wanted to give her everything she wanted, but he also wanted to teach Jess and Riley their place in life. It wasn’t their place to wear six-hundred-dollar dresses. What could he ever give Jess that would ever compare to that? “If she starts fantasizing about a life where expensive dresses and shoes are part of her, she’ll be let down. I don’t want her to wish for things she’ll never acquire, constantly trying to reach an unobtainable peak. Can you understand that?”

  She swiped at her tears. “Yes, I understand that. I don’t agree with you, but I understand you.”

  “You don’t agree? No I don’t, but I don’t have to agree with you to know it’s wrong to take this from her now that she’s already dreamed of the night she’ll wear it. Don’t punish her for my mistake.” Her clear blue eyes blinked several times at him. “I wasn’t trying to undermine your authority…honestly I wasn’t even thinking about the cost because I’d intended to pay for the dress and shoes.”

  He didn’t like this little platinum-haired pixie telling him how to deal with his sisters. He’d been doing just fine until she came along. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true…he’d been out of his element regarding attire for Jessica’s first school dance, but they would have managed.

  Her body trembled as she whispered, “I just really wanted her to have this dress. Please.”

  Her tears were his undoing. This little doll had taken his well-ordered world and ransacked it. He’d had his laundry all neatly folded into drawers and she’d come in and pulled everything out. “Okay.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Okay.”

  She jumped into his arms, the plastic of the dress crushed between them. He pulled away so that he could take the items and place them back in the truck before they got ruined in her delight. Her eyes sparkled and her smile was genuine. He’d made her happy and her reaction made everything worth it.

  Her hands laced around his neck and she lifted her feet from the ground as she eagerly kissed him. “Everything’s going to be perfect, I promise.”

  “I don’t doubt it.”

  “You should know that we already made plans to get hair, makeup, and nails done. Riley too.”

  “Riley!”

  “Riley’s just coming along to the spa day but she can’t be left out. We’re all going to get spruced up right along with Jess. Riley’s very excited…she also picked a color of nail polish. It’s new in the line…frosted cotton candy.”

  “Frosted cotton candy? Sounds like food, not makeup.”

  “Well the lip gloss I’m wearing is raspberry sorbet. So if you’re hungry”—

  His lips took hers in a heated kiss and he did in fact taste sweetness with a hint of berry flavor. “Mmm tasty,” he mumbled against her lips.

  “I miss you, Sawyer. Will I see you tonight?”

  “You want to come over?”

  She chewed her lower lip and cut her eyes to the ground. “Actually, I was hoping you’d accept my invitation to dinner.”

  She seemed anxious and he longed to settle her nerves so he accepted, all the while wondering what he’d do with Riley and Jess. “Sure. We’re not going to that French place again are we?”

  She winced. “No, dinner at my house. Riley and Jess too.”

  “Won’t your folks be there?”

  “Yes. I’d like for you all to meet.”

  He slammed the door on the truck. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  A frown developed between her brows. “Why not?” Her meek voice carried little in the dense southeast Louisiana air.

  “I’m working for your father, or have you forgotten?”

  “My father is retired. He’s only been to the worksite once since they broke ground, so that’s not a good excuse.” She clasped his hands in hers and firmly pressed down. “Please, Sawyer. I like you a lot and I really love the girls, and I want to introduce you to my mom and dad.”

  She was sincere and there were those damned sparkles in her blue eyes. “You only like me a lot, but you love my sisters.”

  She chewed her lower lip again and shot her eyes down to the ground. That wouldn’t do so he placed his index finger beneath her chin and lifted her eyes to meet his. “What’s wrong?”

  “I didn’t want to say it, but I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  The floor of his mouth fell as Courtney placed her palm to his chest. “Don’t say anything. Just bring the girls to my house at seven o’clock. Number one, David Way.”

  She turned and sashayed away, her heels clicking on the concrete.

  ***

  “Mom, I need those jeans with the cuff. Have you seen them anywhere?”

  Courtney huffed. She wanted everything to be perfect for dinner with her beau and his darling sisters. Dad was grilling steaks and Courtney had the potatoes baking in the oven. Other than that they’d have a simple salad, rolls, tea, and box brownies. Easy peasy.

  She put on her white T-shirt with the little pocket and then continued to search for her jeans with the cuff. She
dug through the floor of her closet. “Oh, there’s my blue scarf!” She put the scarf around her neck and tied it simply.

  “Are these the ones?” Mom held up a pair of jeans with her index finger in one of the loops.

  “Yes!” Courtney stood snatching the jeans and stepping into them. “Mom!”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “You can’t wear that. I said casual dress.”

  “This is casual.”

  “Silk is not casual! And linen pants with cream heels? Change!”

  Mom clicked her tongue. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you worked up like this over a man before.”

  She clasped her mother’s upper arms in a tight grip. Leaning into her face she said, “He’s the one, Mom.”

  Wide, ice blue eyes seared Courtney. “Honey, that’s wonderful. How do you know? You haven’t known him long. Well I guess when you know, you just know. I can’t believe it. You’re so beautiful. My daughter…in love.” Mom sighed.

  “Jesus, Mom. Breathe!” Courtney pointed with her index finger in her mother’s direction. “And get this all out of your system now because there can be zero weirdness tonight.”

  “I should think not. I’ll be very welcoming. I can’t wait to meet the man who has stolen your heart.”

  Courtney groaned. Maybe this wasn’t such a grand idea after all. “Mom, be cool.”

  “I will. Let me just go change.”

  Courtney shook her head as she watched her mother’s retreating back. She’d informed her parents regarding Sawyer’s situation. Like Courtney, they thought him to be a man of great character. It was amazing really—what he’d managed on his own for so long. She hoped with every cell she had that he’d let her help. And not just let her, but that he’d want her to help him. It was her dream that together the four of them could coexist, enjoying one another on a daily basis. She sighed at her fantasy that seemed too far away—impossible.

  Spying the new Mac laptop in its spiffy white box she pinched her lips together, aiding her worrisome frown. After their conversation in the delivery alley this morning, she knew the computer would not be well received.

  ***

  Once the Murphys arrived, Courtney completed the introductions and Mom got the girls busy making brownies in the kitchen.