by P J Gordon
“What do you mean by ‘forms you’ve collected?’ How do you collect forms?” Manda asked, still not quite believing she was having this conversation. The whole subject was insane and asking how it worked was like asking someone to explain the mechanics of flight in a flying carpet or the science behind a frog turning into a prince...it was surreal. Manda thought about the frog and the prince again and gave a quick, startled laugh.
Richard’s gaze sharpened and he addressed her warily, no doubt suspecting hysterics. “Manda...?”
“Sorry, I just thought of something funny. It’s not important. Tell me how you collect forms.” She gestured impatiently.
“By taking blood samples from a donor animal and introducing it into our own bloodstream,” Richard told her, still watching her carefully.
“Like with a needle?” Manda questioned intently. She had so many things she wanted to ask and before she could ask them, new questions kept popping into her head. And she still wasn’t completely sure this wasn’t all just a delusion brought on by head trauma and painkillers.
“Sometimes, but not usually,” Richard admitted reluctantly.
“Let me show her,” Joshua suggested. “She’ll need to see it sooner or later.”
“No! First of all, you’re assuming a great deal, and second, she doesn’t have to see it all today. Let her get used to the idea first,” Richard disagreed.
“No, I want to see,” Manda declared, eagerly. Her curiosity was fully engaged now. If this was all just a hallucination at least it was a fascinating one. “Show me, Josh.”
Richard growled in disapproval. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” But he sighed and stood up. “Scoot over, Manda.” Manda slid to the center of the sofa, kicking the pillow and icepack onto the floor, and Richard took her place on the end, pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her protectively.
Manda eyed Josh warily. “What are you going to do, attack me or something? Is this dangerous?”
Josh grinned. “No, he’s just afraid you’re going to faint again.”
“Just go ahead and get it over with,” Richard said, resigned to this demonstration.
Manda watched closely, not sure what was going to happen. Josh leaned forward in his chair and explained.
“We’re pretty choosy about which animals we collect because we can only collect one example of any species. You can never collect something that has a genetic makeup too close to something you already have, you see. So, for example, once you collect a tiger, you can never collect another tiger. And since we’re already human, we can’t collect another human form. So, like I said, we’re pretty choosy. You don’t want to get stuck with a scrawny, pathetic tiger, after all.” He grinned. “You want to find the biggest, strongest tiger you can. Anyway, when you find the one you want you probably don’t have a hypodermic needle handy to draw blood. And generally the animal isn’t going to sit still long enough for you to politely stick it with a needle anyway. Things are a little more...rough and tumble. Somehow you have to make the animal bleed, preferably not too seriously, and then...” Josh looked up at Manda to gauge her reaction and held out his arms. He looked down at them and Manda followed his gaze. Faster than Manda’s eyes could follow, his right hand became the orange and black paw of a tiger, with claws extended. Manda jerked back against Richard with a startled cry, and his arms tightened around her reassuringly.
“It’s okay,” he murmured in her ear. “I’m here.”
Josh watched her until he was sure she wasn’t going to panic, and then he carefully drew the claws on his right hand across his left forearm, slicing deeply into the flesh until he had scored a series of bleeding tears. His breath hissed through his gritted teeth as he made the gashes. Manda gasped again, closing her eyes and cradling her own claw-scored arm to her chest. Richard stroked her hair soothingly.
“Hurry up, Josh,” he ordered. “Don’t draw it out. You’re going to bleed on the carpet.” Manda opened her eyes again, shuddering.
“Okay, okay,” Josh agreed. “It stings anyway. So, we make the animal bleed, we open one of our veins, and we let the animal’s blood enter our body that way. It doesn’t take much. Then,” he paused to make sure Manda was looking, “we just have to heal ourselves.” Suddenly his left forearm, the one he’d clawed open, flashed into black and orange fur and then both arms transformed back to human flesh, all so quickly it was little more than a blur. The claw marks were gone, the flesh smooth and unblemished. Not even a spot of blood remained.
“I told you that you were going to get blood on the carpet,” Richard accused. Manda could feel his chest vibrating with silent laughter. She looked down at the carpet and noticed a fine spray of pink around Josh’s feet.
“I’ll clean it up,” Josh offered sheepishly.
Manda stared at Josh’s arms in amazed awe. “So, you can just change parts of yourself?”
“Yes,” Richard confirmed, “but it’s much more difficult. It takes a lot more control because our bodies naturally want to make the full shift.”
“Wow,” Manda muttered, head spinning. She worked to organize her thoughts. Questions swirled in her head and she was having trouble focusing on just one. “So, assuming I’m not just imagining all of this, why didn’t you just turn back into yourself after you’d killed the other lion? Why turn into the dog?”
“Because he’s modest,” Josh chuckled.
“You’re a real riot, you know that, Josh?” Richard grumbled.
“I don’t get it,” Manda puzzled. “What does modesty have to do with it?”
“Think about it, Manda. Our clothes don’t change with us,” Josh explained. “If you change into something larger than yourself, your clothes are torn up. If you change into something smaller than yourself you end up tangled in them. Actually, the trick to quickly changing into a smaller form when your dressed is to actually change into a larger form first, freeing yourself from your clothes, and then change into the smaller form. It’s one of the tricks of the trade.” Manda looked at him blankly. “Right, not answering your question. Anyway, when Richard changed into the mountain lion he shredded his clothes, didn’t he? So there he was without anything to wear. He didn’t want to change back because he would be naked!” Josh laughed and Manda blushed.
“Modesty had nothing to do with it,” Richard growled. “She was already hurt and terrified and I didn’t want to make it any worse. I thought if I could just get my car keys, I could get some clothes and get her to the car without upsetting her any further. But she had them in her hand and I didn’t want to panic her by coming too close.” He switched his attention to Manda. “I thought about just breaking a window but it was two degrees outside and you would have been frozen by the time I got you to the hospital. I was about to change back and get you to the car, clothes or not, but then I thought of the dog. I knew you wouldn’t be afraid of him. I’m truly sorry for putting you through that, sweetie, but I honestly thought it would be more traumatic for you the other way. After I got the keys from you I ran back to the car, put on some clothes, started the engine so it could warm up, grabbed the blanket, and ran back for you. When I saw that you had dragged yourself up that hill I wanted to shoot myself.” His expression twisted with remorse. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’ll never forgive myself for putting you through that. And it never even occurred to me that you would be worried about me!”
Manda was stung by his last comment. Her energy was gone, and fatigue was making her emotional and irrational. Her reaction was extreme—she knew it as soon as she opened her mouth to speak. “How can you think I wouldn’t be worried about you? I knew you would never just abandon me, so what was I supposed to think? The only logical explanation was that something terrible had happened to you.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Richard apologized quickly, trying to soothe her obvious agitation. “I was just so worried about you; I didn’t think you’d worry about me, because there was nothing to worry about. But, of course, you didn’
t know that. Please forgive me.” He traced a line of kisses up her neck as he spoke, whispering his plea for forgiveness in her ear. She shivered, her ruffled feathers forgotten.
“Cut it out!” Josh teased.
Manda made a face at him, and then yawned before she could stop herself.
“Okay, that’s enough for tonight,” Richard announced decisively. “You need some sleep. There’ll be plenty of time for more questions tomorrow. I think we’ve covered the basics.” He turned her around slightly in his arms and studied her face. “Are you okay with everything so far? Do you want to go back to your room now, or will you stay here?”
The uncertainty on his face was endearing and Manda squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I’ll stay here,” she told him, without hesitation.
Richard’s lips curved into a pleased smile. “Good. You can take my room, since your things are already in there. Josh and I will work out the rest of the sleeping arrangements after I get you to bed.”
“Okay,” Manda yawned behind her hand. Fatigue had caught up to her with a vengeance.
“Come on, Sleeping Beauty,” Richard said, standing up with her cradled in his arms.
“Goodnight, Josh,” Manda said sleepily.
“’Night, Manda,” Josh replied fondly. “Sleep well.”
Manda leaned her head against Richard’s shoulder as he carried her into the bedroom. She wondered idly how he carried her so easily, without the slightest strain. The muscles under the fabric of his shirt were smooth and relaxed.
Richard sat her down on the edge of the bed and knelt on the floor in front of her. “How’s the pain? Are you ready for some more painkillers?”
“No, I don’t like those. They make me feel funny,” Manda refused, frowning. “It’s hard to think straight after I take them.”
“Well, how about just some over-the-counter stuff then? “
“Okay. That’d be good.”
“I’ll go get you some.” Richard disappeared into the bathroom, returning after just a few moments with a glass of water. He gave Manda the glass and the two small pills he had in his hand, waiting for her to wash them down, then he took the glass back and placed it on the nightstand. He pulled back the sheet and comforter and helped Manda slide into the soft warmth of the bed, tucking her in snugly. He bent down and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, my Manda,” he whispered.
“Good night, Richard,” she sighed. Her unruly emotions made her melancholy when she thought of him leaving, even just as far as the next room. Richard straightened, as if to go, but then hesitated. He sat down slowly on the edge of the bed and cupped her cheek with a gentle hand.
“I love you, Manda. You know that, don’t you?”
A tide of bliss engulfed Manda and she turned her face into Richard’s palm, her eyes fluttering closed. “I love you, too,” she murmured, dreamily. And then she slipped into sleep.
Chapter 26
Manda’s heart pounded in her chest and her breath came in ragged gasps. She was trying to get home, but no matter where she went or what she did, she could never seem to get there. Darkness was closing in all around her and she longed for the safety and familiarity of home, but somehow it was always out of reach. Then, as the darkness deepened, everything shifted, as was often the way of dreams, and she was suddenly searching not for home, but for Richard. She knew he was there, somewhere in the darkness, but she couldn’t find him, couldn’t see. She was inexplicably certain that he was hurt and suffering, and that the longer she searched for him, the farther away he became—and the more dire the danger to him. Her terror grew as the darkness thickened and gained a life of its own—a malevolent, dangerous life. She heard voices in the distance, could make out a light far off, illuminating a short stretch of road. Richard was there, with others, walking away from her, searching -– searching in vain for her, for the darkness around her was impenetrable—searching while the malevolent darkness waited for him outside the circle of light. Manda sensed the darkness coalescing behind her. She knew, somehow, that there was no one there, but with the same certainty she knew that the darkness threatened. She spun to face the threat behind her and screamed as claws raked across her throat and tore into her body.
******
Manda woke with a strangled gasp and sat up rigidly. Her trembling hands clutched at her throat. Her body ached with pervasive pain, fueling her nightmare-induced terror.
“Manda?” Richard’s voice startled her, soft and unexpected from the foot of the bed. She flinched violently and he was by her side in two long strides. “What is it, Manda? Are you hurt?”
Shuddering sobs tore from Manda’s throat and she buried her face in her hands, unable to speak. She’d never had such a vivid, terrifying dream. The feeling of menace still lingered, mixed with her fear for Richard.
“Please, sweetie, tell me what’s wrong?” he pleaded. “Are you hurt?”
“It was dark,” she finally choked out between sobs. “I couldn’t find you, and...the claws... and...”
Richard pulled her into his arms and stroked a hand up and down her back soothingly. “It was a dream. It’s okay. I’ve got you, sweetie. It was just a dream. It’s not surprising after what you’ve been through.”
Manda fought to control her tears as Richard held her protectively in his arms. It had just been a dream, but the horror of it remained in her mind, as did the terrible feeling of being lonely, adrift, and helpless. And the pain. She thought she could almost feel the claws tearing her throat. She moaned miserably.
“You’re hurting again, aren’t you?” Richard asked anxiously. Manda nodded mutely. “I’ll get your pain meds.” But Manda clung to him, not allowing him to go. He held her until her breathing calmed and then leaned away slightly. “I promise I’ll only be gone two seconds.” He pulled Manda’s arms from around his neck and placed her trembling hands in her lap. He stood and dashed into the sitting room, returning before Manda had a chance to really realize he was gone. He handed her the glass of water from the nightstand and shook two pills into his hand from a small amber bottle. “Take these. They’ll help.”
Manda reached out an unsteady hand for the pills and swallowed them both with one gulp of water. She handed the glass back to Richard, who returned it to the nightstand.
“Those will take a little while to work. Where does it hurt the most?” Richard asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stroking her hair with his fingers. The light shining through the door to the sitting room was the only illumination, backlighting Richard and throwing his face into shadow. He was bare from the waist up, wearing only a pair of pajama bottoms.
Manda tried to assess the pain and determine where she hurt. Her arm burned fiercely. That seemed to be the sharpest, most intense pain. Her ankle throbbed and her side was sore where she’d injured her ribs, but those pains were only slightly worse than the pervasive ache that wracked every other part of her body. Every move she made caused the pain to flare.
“My arm hurts the worst,” Manda answered honestly, not mentioning the fact that the other pains, taken as a whole, came close to blotting out the pain in her arm. There was nothing Richard could do about it, and hopefully the pain pills would help.
“Let me look at it,” Richard said, turning on the lamp. Manda blinked in the sudden brightness, shielding her eyes with her right hand. She heard Richard’s hissing intake of breathe as her sleeve slid down toward the elbow of her raised arm. He grasped her hand tenderly and pulled it down while his brow furrowed in distress. “Oh, Manda,” he murmured softly.
Manda looked at her right arm, which he held gently. The bandage swathed most of her forearm, but what was visible was black and blue. Surprised, she pushed the sleeve up higher to reveal another large bruise on her bicep. Richard released her arm and examined her more closely, his face darkening as he did. Manda followed his progress with dismay. He pushed her other sleeve up carefully to reveal a left arm that was as mottled as her right, and then slid the collar of her v
-necked shirt to the side, exposing her left shoulder and collarbone, both of which were discolored as well. Lifting her shirt slightly, he examined her midsection and closed his eyes. Manda craned her neck and pulled her shirt closer to her body so she could see past it to what was causing his reaction. The entire left side of her torso was bruised. The dark splotchy skin extended down her hip and disappeared under the waistband of her pajamas.
“Where do you really hurt, Manda?” Richard demanded in a hard-edged voice with his eyes still closed.
“All over,” she admitted reluctantly. “It hurts to move at all.”
“No wonder you weren’t sleeping well. I should have made you take the pain pills,” he declared roughly.
Manda bridled. “That’s not up to you. You can’t make me take anything I don’t want, so you should just get that out of your head right now.”
Richard’s eyes opened to narrow slits. “If you think I’m just going to sit back and watch you suffer unnecessarily, you are sadly mistaken, Manda,” he shot back in a tight voice.
Manda sighed and then winced as the deep breath caused the pain in her side to ignite. Richard was immediately solicitous, arranging her pillows and carefully easing her into a semi-reclining position on them.
“I’m not asking you to do that, Richard,” she said more gently, as he cradled her left hand in both of his. “I’m saying that you can ask me to do things, even argue with me about it, but you can’t make me do anything and so you aren’t responsible for my actions—or their consequences. I am. I’m a big girl. If I make stupid decisions, that’s my right and my fault.” Manda thought that perhaps the pain was abating a little. She didn’t know if it was the medication working or if she was just distracted. “And you’re right. I should have taken the pills before. I didn’t realize it would be so bad,” she admitted truthfully.