by P J Gordon
“I didn’t either,” Richard conceded. “I’ve never been hurt like that. When we get hurt we just heal ourselves. I haven’t had so much as a bruise since I was a kid.”
“So that part wasn’t a dream.” Manda was intrigued and eager for a further distraction from the pain. “You can heal anything?” she asked curiously.
“Anything,” Richard confirmed, “as long as we’re conscious and can shift that is. Every time we transform we resume perfect health—no illness, no injury. I haven’t been to the doctor since I started shifting.”
Once again, questions flooded Manda’s mind and she wanted to ask them all at once. She started with the one that concerned her most.
“So, can you die?” She shuddered at the thought.
Richard smiled slightly. “Yes, we are human. We can die. It’s just a lot harder to kill us. If we’re unconscious we’re at risk, because we can’t change form unless we’re coherent.”
“So, your mind controls the change?”
“Exactly. As someone once said, ‘It is the mind that makes the body.’ We have to visualize what we want to become in order to shift. It takes some practice at first, but after a while it’s sort of a reflex.”
“When did you start changing?” Manda asked, fascinated.
“We start sometime during adolescence. I started when I was fourteen. It takes a couple of years before you can shift reliably though, with your body changing so quickly.” Richard seemed to be enjoying her interest, relieved no doubt that she was curious rather than horrified.
“How many different things can you become?” Manda inquired.
“I don’t know. I lost count. I’ve collected more forms than Josh, though. More forms than Josh but less than my parents, how’s that for a ballpark figure?” Richard smiled.
“You mentioned your parents before, that they were both shapeshifters, uh... What was the word Josh used?”
“Therianthropes?” Richard supplied.
“Yeah, therianthropes. You said they were both therianthropes. So how many of you are there?”
“Our parents are therianthropes, and so is our older brother of course, but I’m not sure how many others there are altogether. They’re scattered all over the world.”
“You have an older...? Wait! What do you mean, your parents are shapeshifters? I thought your parents were dead?” Manda demanded, startled.
Richard laughed. “No! I’m sorry, sweetie. You’ve actually met our parents. They loved you, by the way. They want me to bring you to visit.”
“I’ve met your parents? When was this?” Manda asked, baffled.
“Sarah and Daniel are our parents,” Richard informed her, grinning.
“Your cousins, Sarah and Daniel?” Manda squeaked in disbelief. Richard gave a smug nod. “But that’s impossible! They’re no older than you are!”
“Actually, they’re considerably older than I am,” Richard contradicted, more seriously. “That’s something I should explain. Whenever we shift, we assume what we call the ‘peak form’ of the animal. That means we take the form of the perfect expression of that animal’s genetic makeup. That’s the blueprint our body uses to assume a shape—the genetic code. The same is true when we shift back to our human form. Every time we shift back to our own shape we assume peak form—uninjured, optimum age, optimum fitness. That’s why we’re healed when we shift.”
“Optimum age? What does that mean? You don’t age?”
“Sure, we age just like anyone else, but when we change form it’s like hitting a reset button. Physically, we revert to our optimum age and start over again from there.”
Things started clicking in Manda’s mind and her eyes widened. “Exactly what is this optimum age?”
“The optimum age varies based on the individual. My parents, Sarah and Daniel, are maintaining their optimum age now—late twenties to early thirties. I haven’t really aged since I was 29, so that’s my optimum age. My parents stopped shifting and allowed themselves to grow older when they had Josh. It’s easier to raise children that way. They don’t want to keep moving around when we’re kids. It’s too unsettling. So they let themselves age. There are fewer questions that way. Then, when Josh was sixteen, they really were in a car wreck, and our mother was injured pretty badly. She had to shift completely, so she reverted to peak form. Dad decided to shift as well, to match her age. They’ve always been inseparable. Naturally they had to ‘die’ to the rest of the world. Josh was in the public eye already and they couldn’t very well show up 16 years younger.” Richard trailed off, noticing that Manda had become very still and quiet. “Manda, what’s wrong? What is it?” he asked warily.
“You haven’t aged since you were 29,” she whispered. “How old are you really?”
Richard hesitated, looking down at her hand as he held it. “In November I turned 68,” he answered quietly.
Manda suddenly had to struggle to breathe and she could feel the blood draining from her face. “You’re old enough to be my grandfather,” she choked. Her mind reeled. 68!
“Is that a problem?” Richard asked stiffly, obviously stung by her reaction.
“No. I…,” she faltered, stunned.
“My father is 186 and my mother is 140, Manda. Age doesn’t really mean much to us. Once you pass a century, a few decades are irrelevant. Besides, it gets hard to find someone your own age at that point.”
“Once you pass a century,” Manda repeated faintly. She tried to rally her chaotic emotions and think rationally. She’d reacted badly and had hurt and offended him. If it didn’t matter that he could turn into a lion, why should a simple thing like his age matter? He didn’t look or act any differently than he had when she thought he was 30. He was still just Richard. She squeezed his hand tightly and met his gaze.
”No. If you don’t think I’m too young for you, I don’t think you’re too old for me,” she told him, trying very hard to mean it.
“It does bother you though, doesn’t it?” Richard persisted. “You do think I’m too old for you.”
“No, that’s not it exactly,” Manda responded quickly and honestly, and then sighed heavily. “It’s just that I think I’m too young. It’s the story of my life. I’ve always been too young.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Richard disagreed. “You’re perfect.”
Manda took a deep breath, searching for the words to explain. “Did you know I never dated at all in high school?” she finally said, looking away from Richard’s probing gaze. “I wasn’t allowed to date until I was sixteen...and I graduated from high school three months after my sixteenth birthday. Not that anyone would have asked me out anyway. I was just the freaky little smart kid.” Manda plucked at the edge of the sheet with her free hand. “Then when I was in college I didn’t have many friends. I was still too young—just a kid—and I didn’t really fit in. Instead of a social life, I had a double course load. When I was a grad student and David was an undergrad, he was one of the few people, besides the professors, who didn’t treat me like some little oddity. He’s a brilliant designer, you know? I think that’s why he didn’t treat me like I was a freak. He’s a freak too!” Manda smiled fleetingly. “And now that I finally thought I’d grown up and gotten past all that, here you are, all perfect and wonderful, and again I’m just this kid.” Manda traced the stitching on the comforter with her fingernail, still not meeting Richard’s eyes.
Richard placed a finger under her chin and tipped her face up to his, forcing her to look at him. “Manda, you are far from a kid. Believe me, I definitely don’t think of you that way. You’re a brilliant, intelligent, creative, insightful, funny, well-read woman who’s mature beyond her years. And you are beautiful and sexy and you haunt my dreams.” Manda blushed and tried to turn her head away, but Richard held her chin, refusing to let her. Instead, she lowered her lashes to avoid his intent gaze.
“Look at me, Manda,” he implored. When Manda didn’t look up he sighed. “Please?”
She reluctantly met his
gaze. His brilliant blue eyes were piercing. “I’ve known how old you are for a while now, sweetie, and I love you. Nothing that’s happened in the last 24 hours has changed that. The question is how do you feel about me? Does my age...or anything else...change how you feel?”
Manda considered the question carefully. She loved Richard beyond all reason, that was a given, but did his age change anything? It didn’t change the way she felt about him. Nothing could change that. The only thing that was really different was that she now knew how old he was—and her own insecurities made her afraid he would see her as an immature child. But as he’d pointed out, he’d always known how old she was and it hadn’t matter to him so far. So, the answer was no, nothing had really changed. As she looked into Richard’s eyes, Manda’s doubts melted away.
“No, nothing has changed. I love you. If the fact that I’m 43 years younger than you doesn’t bother you, I’m just going to shut up and count my blessings,” she finally replied.
“I count mine every time I look at you,” he said in a soft voice, and kissed her tenderly. As usual, his kiss left her breathless. “Has the pain gotten any better?”
Manda realized as soon as he asked that the medication had indeed taken affect, and the pain was manageable now. It had faded to an ache that she was able to ignore for the most part.
“Much,” she breathed with feeling. “Thank you.”
“Are you ready to go back to sleep then? It’s still the middle of the night you know.”
The thought of closing her eyes again didn’t appeal to Manda—the nightmare was still too fresh in her mind—but she didn’t want to keep Richard up all night either.
“I think so. I’m still pretty tired and I think I’ll be able to sleep now.”
“I’ll be right out in the other room if you need me,” Richard said. He pressed a kiss to her hand and stood to go. “I’ll leave the light on. Good night, sweetie.”
“Good night.”
Chapter 27
After Richard was gone Manda lay in bed, unwilling to close her eyes. She really was tired but she fought off sleep, afraid of another nightmare. She’d never had one like that before. Usually her bad dreams faded quickly and could never really be considered nightmares in the first place. This one, however, had been a full-blown, terror-inspiring nightmare that refused to be banished even on waking.
She thought about her conversation with Richard and wondered suddenly how old Josh was. Her mind started to drift and her eyes grew heavy. She forced them open again and concentrated on the questions she still wanted to ask. She tried to organize them in her head, knowing it was a pointless exercise, as they would all flood back in a jumble when next she talked to Richard. It helped her stay awake and kept her mind off of the nightmare though. She tried to adjust her thinking about Sarah and Daniel. She was having difficulty casting them in the role of Richard’s parents. Her mind wandered to idle imaginings of what it must have been like when they were children. One hundred and eighty six years was a long time to live. Her eyelids felt like lead weights. They drifted closed in spite of her best efforts to stop them. Immediately Manda’s thoughts fractured into a million shards, flashing through her mind in an uncontrolled torrent. Images from her nightmare flickered behind her eyelids and she quickly jerked away from the edge of sleep with a soft gasp, her eyes snapping open again.
“You aren’t going to be able to sleep, are you?” Richard said from the doorway. “Pretty bad nightmare?”
“Yes,” Manda groaned miserably.
“Would you like to come out here with me for a while? I’ve got a fire going? Maybe that will help you relax and I can keep you company and keep your mind off of the bad dreams.” He sounded hopeful, and a warm wave of pleasure buoyed Manda. He wanted her company as much as she wanted his.
“That would be nice,” she agreed at once.
Richard lifted her gingerly from the bed and carried her to the sofa in the sitting room. He pushed aside a pillow and blanket and deposited her onto the plush cushions.
“You’re sleeping out here,” Manda accused, eyeing the pillow. “You said you were going to take Josh’s room and he would take mine. I could sleep on the sofa. I don’t want to take your bed from you.”
“Don’t be absurd,” Richard dismissed, tossing the pillow onto the chair Josh had occupied earlier and sitting down beside her. “I couldn’t sleep anyway, so I just let Josh have his room and I’ve been out here, enjoying the fire.”
“And keeping tabs on me?” Manda guessed.
“A little,” he admitted unapologetically. “I worry about you.”
“How did you know I wasn’t sleeping well? Have you been standing in the dark watching me?” Manda accused, only half joking. That would explain how he’d been there so quickly both times she woke.
He shrugged. “No, I just have good hearing. I could hear your heartbeat racing and could tell something was wrong.” He angled his body into the corner of the sofa and then enfolded Manda in his arms and drew her against his bare chest. She curled her legs up beside herself, being careful of her injured ankle. Richard shook out the blanket and pulled it over them both.
“You could hear my heartbeat? From out here?” Manda asked, snuggling into Richard’s embrace. Yesterday morning she would have been, at the least, surprised and skeptical about such a revelation, but not now.
“And so continues the education of Miss Amanda Jensen,” Richard chuckled. “Yes, I could hear your heartbeat from here. I told you, I have very good hearing.”
“Is that another part of being a shapeshifter?”
“Well, sort of a fringe benefit, I guess you could say. Josh showed you how we can change just one part of ourselves if we want. It’s sort of a carryover of that. When we want, we can adopt the qualities of different animals that we find useful. We can literally have the eyesight of an eagle, the sense of smell of a bloodhound, the strength of bear, the best abilities of any forms we’ve collected, all while looking perfectly human. It takes a lot of practice, but most of us do it. You get used to having the enhanced abilities and you start to feel handicapped without them.”
“So, that’s how you were able to run so fast in the woods!”
Richard grimaced. “I knew you’d notice that, but I couldn’t make myself slow down. I was too worried about you. I suppose the cat was already out of the bag at that point anyway...no pun intended.”
“And that’s how you can carry me around so easily!” Manda exclaimed.
“Sweetie, I could carry you all day without that.”
“Is that how you knew the lion was there? Is that why you yelled for me to stop?” It seemed like weeks since he’d chased her through the forest, instead of less than twenty-four hours.
“Yes. The wind shifted and I caught his scent. He should have run away from us, and when he didn’t I knew it could be trouble.”
Manda shivered and he kissed the top of her head. She quickly changed the subject.
“So, if you’re 68, how old is Josh? Don’t tell me he’s older than me too? I’ll be sincerely put out if he is!” Manda grinned to let him know she was teasing.
“No, little brother is only 21. He’ll keep aging until he peaks.”
“So, why doesn’t he just automatically jump to the optimum age when he changes?” Manda asked. There was still so much she didn’t understand.
“That’s just not the way it works. Until a therianthrope reaches maturity, all of the forms they assume reflect the level of development analogous to their human development. So, when Josh transforms into a tiger, for example, he transforms into a young, immature tiger. He’ll continue to age normally until he’s in his late twenties or very early thirties. And as he gets older, his other forms will mature as well.” Richard had assumed a lecturing demeanor.
“Don’t people notice when you don’t age? What do you do about that? How have you kept it secret for so long?”
“That’s the trick of it. Mostly, we’re a circumspect lot. We lead qu
iet lives, under the radar, and move on after we’ve been in one place for a while.” His mouth quirked up wryly. “Josh and I are obviously an exception to the rule. Josh just sort of stumbled into fame. He really enjoys performing though, so my parents didn’t interfere. He still has maybe ten years before he has to worry about it. He’ll still age for several years, and then it will be several more after that before anyone would notice that he’s not anymore. He knows that, and I think he’s willing to stop shifting and keep aging if it means he can still perform.”
“What about you? People will start noticing soon if you aren’t aging.” Manda’s voice was anxious. How would he be able to ‘move on’ when he couldn’t even show his face in public without being recognized?
“I’ve thought about that. I’ll have to age for a while I suppose. Then I’ll drop out of view and start over. I still have a few more years before I have to worry about that though.” Richard seemed unconcerned and Manda relaxed. He knew what he was doing.
“How have all of you kept everyone from discovering your secret for all this time? Hasn’t anyone ever figured it out?”
“People these days don’t believe in stuff like this, Manda. They think it’s all fairytales and fantasy. People in the past were much more ready to believe, I guess, and figured it out sometimes. That’s where stories about things like werewolves and mermaids came from. Sometime, somewhere, a shapeshifter wasn’t as careful as he or she should have been. I have a great aunt who was single-handedly responsible for the legends of selkies. A seal was one of her favorite forms and she was none too discreet about it.” He shook his head ruefully. “But people just think it’s imagination or superstition when they hear about things like that. It’s not as hard to keep the secret as you’d think. Next question.”
Manda considered, but before she could pose another question she was overcome with a wave of fatigue and hid a yawn behind her hand.
“Would you like to go to sleep? You can stay right here with me if that would help.”