by P J Gordon
Josh looked down at the key unhappily, as if it symbolized the end of something wonderful—and Manda supposed it did. He made no move to take it.
“You should keep that,” he urged. “See what happens.”
Manda could feel tears coming again. Richard’s refusal to agree to her request had been absolute—without any doubt or hesitation. He hadn’t given any indication that he might change his mind. She’d hoped—prayed—that he’d reconsider when she played her final card, but he hadn’t wavered. He’d forced her hand and then walked away. No. She couldn’t cling to false hope.
“Thank you for lunch,” she said, pushing away the food she hadn’t even tasted. “I have to go.” She left hastily, not even acknowledging Josh’s plea to wait. She made it as far as the elevator before the tears overcame her control, and there was no hiding them from David as she rushed past him to the privacy of her office.
He knocked on her door once. “Do you want to talk?” he called softly through the door.
“Maybe later,” Manda managed to answer.
“Well, I’m here if you need me,” he called back and then he left her alone for the rest of the day.
The following weekend was particularly hard for Manda to endure. She and Richard had made plans that would have kept them busy all weekend, but now she was at loose ends. Emily and her family were in Hawaii and David and Stacey had plans with their other friends, including Josh. Manda tried to fill as much time as she could with household chores, but the crew Richard had brought in to do her spring cleaning several weeks earlier had been extremely thorough and she ran out of things to do shortly after lunchtime on Saturday.
On Sunday she tried to read but couldn’t focus on her book. After an hour and a half spent rereading the same page over and over, she gave up and prowled her house and yard, looking for anything she could find to occupy herself. By the time Monday morning dawned, she was relieved to go back to work. She felt as if all of the color had drained out of the world, leaving only a gray shadow, but at least at work there was plenty to keep her distracted.
As she’d done when Richard had left many months before, Manda threw herself into her work, trying not to give herself time to think about her personal life. Josh asked her to lunch several times during the week but she turned him down. She couldn’t avoid thinking about Richard when she was with Josh.
Manda was reconsidering her commute for the same reason. Accepting rides from Richard’s driver tied her to him more than she could endure. She’d still have to find a way to work with him, since there was still much work to do for the foundation, but the sooner she could dissolve any personal ties to him and put their relationship back on a purely professional footing, the better. She would never be able to be “just friends” with Richard. She loved him too much and the temptation to simply fall back into the same relationship would be too great.
The only thing Manda was certain of was that she was very confused. It was all too complicated. She didn’t know how things would work out in the end. For now she just needed a little time to figure things out and put some emotional distance between Richard and herself. She left work on Friday resolved to do just that.
She found Mark waiting for her in his usual place in the lobby. When he saw her step off of the elevator, he stood expectantly. Manda sighed to herself. She hadn’t spoken to Mark much since her breakup with Richard—she hadn’t spoken to anyone much—but she’d talked to him often before and she liked him. After the breakup, Richard would have sole custody of his driver, she thought with a bit of gallows humor. Then she wondered which of her other new friends she would lose. Josh? Sarah and Daniel? That tiny bit of dark humor evaporated.
As was his habit, Mark stepped out slightly ahead of her, ready to open doors for her and run interference if necessary.
“Wait!” she said, calling him back. He turned toward her with a quizzical look. “I need to talk to you.”
“Oh. What about? We can talk in the car if you’d like.” He edged toward the exit.
“That’s what I need to talk to you about. I want to thank you for driving me around lately. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. I won’t need the rides anymore though, so you won’t have to endure rush hour traffic twice a day on my account.” He didn’t smile at her pathetic attempt at humor and she fidgeted uncomfortably.
He just nodded, as if he’d been expecting this. “I understand. Richard won’t like it, but I suppose that’s not your problem. Come on. I’ll drive you home one last time.”
“Thanks, but I’ll just take the train,” Manda said. “I think it would be better.” She had broken up with Richard and so it was no longer right for her to rely on his help...even through Mark. Now that she’d made that decision she would abide by it.
“But I’m already here,” Mark pressed. “It seems pointless not to just take you home now.”
Manda saw her train a few blocks away, approaching the station across the street, and she drifted toward the door.
“Here comes my train now, so there’s really no need for you to bother. Thanks though.” She made a break for the exit. Media attention had slackened again lately, but sometimes there were still a few photographers around, and if the car was parked in its usual spot it would act as a decoy for any paparazzi that were waiting. If she darted out the other door, she would have a clear shot to the train. She heard Mark call after her but she wasn’t going to let him change her mind so she just waved and kept going.
She made it to the train without incident and found a seat at the end of the car, next to the window. She sat staring out as the train filled up around her. Lost in her own world, she stared past the buildings and streets that flashed by beyond the window as the train sped north through the city and into the suburbs. At the first stop, there was a bit of commotion on the platform but Manda was only vaguely aware of it. It wasn’t enough to engage her attention. Instead she idly watched a sparrow as it busily worked to build its nest beneath the overhang of the platform shelter. The woman seated beside Manda got off at the next station and was replaced by a man who had been standing in the aisle of the crowded train. He was larger than the petite woman and Manda edged closer to the window to give him more room before losing herself in unhappy thought again.
Manda wasn’t sure when the excited buzzing started. She didn’t notice it at first. It wasn’t until the low murmuring had overtaken half of the train that she became aware of it. She glanced around once to see what was causing the excitement, but she couldn’t see beyond the men standing in the aisle and on the exit stairs nearby and she really wasn’t that interested anyway. She looked back out the window, tuning out the minor disturbance.
When the low murmuring turned into excited whispering, Manda began to take notice again, and when the scuffling of feet finally drew her attention fully, she looked around and discovered Richard standing in the aisle beside her seat.
Her eyes widened in shock and her heart skipped a beat. “What are you doing here?”
The man sitting beside Manda glanced between her and Richard and then shoved the magazine he’d been reading into his bag and stood up.
“Here. You can have my spot,” he offered, stepping into the aisle.
“Thank you. That’s very kind of you,” Richard said, taking the offered seat. He sat closer to Manda than the stranger had. She could feel the warmth of his leg as it pressed against hers. She waited for the persuasive words she knew were coming. He was going to try and convince her to accept what she just couldn’t. She squared her shoulders, steeling herself to resist—but this time Manda was wrong.
Richard reached over and clasped her hand in his. He did it hesitantly, as if he wasn’t sure she would allow it. Then, with two words, he changed everything and color flooded back into the world.
“I promise.”
Chapter 36
Richard leaned on the terrace wall and gazed off at the mountains to the west. He’d been pacing restlessly for the last hour and he was trying to get
a handle on his nerves. Josh had just headed up to shower and change, so he still had some time to pull himself together before they left for the game.
Mikey and Mark would be picking Manda up a little later and they would all meet up at the baseball stadium. Richard could see part of its brick façade from where he stood. Rain would be singing the national anthem at tonight’s Fourth of July game, and Mikey would keep Manda company until Richard and Josh could join them. Then, after the game and the following fireworks, Richard had something special planned for Manda.
Manda was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he thanked God for her every day. He hoped they would have a future together, though there had been times when he’d been sure they wouldn’t. Last spring his own fear and stubbornness had almost cost him everything.
When she’d found out he was following her, she’d asked him for the one thing he hadn’t been prepared to agree to and so she’d said goodbye. Looking back, he admired her strength and the way she’d stood up for herself. Sarah had helped him appreciate that.
After a week without Manda he’d been a mess. He’d continued to follow her, determined to keep her safe even if she wouldn’t see him anymore. Sarah had called him one night when Josh had been keeping an eye on Manda. His mother had been concerned and they’d ended up talking all night. She’d surprised him by defending Manda’s position, and had pressed him to really look at the situation from her point of view.
“You’re lucky she didn’t leave you beside the road in the snow! If it had been me, I would have run away screaming and gotten a restraining order. Instead, she talked to you about it and gave you a chance to stop. She told you how she felt and asked you to respect that. That tells me that she must trust you very much. She knew you weren’t just some lunatic. She also must really love you. It must have broken her heart when you wouldn’t even consider what she wanted…what she needed, really. I know you have good reason to worry, but I guess what you have to ask yourself is what’s more important to you—your peace of mind or Manda?”
That had put everything in perspective for him. Sarah and Josh both argued that he should just tell Manda everything so that she’d understand, but he hadn’t been willing to put that burden on her yet. She’d be happier not knowing. He would rather sacrifice his own peace to protect hers.
He’d waited for her in the backseat of the Mercedes the next day after work. When Mark brought her to the car, Richard would beg for her forgiveness and make her the promise she wanted. When Mark instead returned to the car alone, Richard had raced to catch Manda, dodging through the closing door just before the train pulled away, but Manda hadn’t been on that car.
At the next station, he checked the second and third cars with no luck. The black bird over-head hadn’t been helpful at all and Richard barely made it onto the fourth car before it pulled away. She hadn’t been on that one either and he’d had to force his way through a crowd of college girls at the next station in order to squeeze into the last car before the train pulled away. He’d finally found Manda at the far end of that car and made her the promise she’d asked for. They’d gotten off the train at the next stop, where Mark was waiting for them. In the car on the way to her house, he’d been free to tell her what he couldn’t on the crowded train.
“I’m sorry, Manda. Please forgive me. I do trust you. That’s not it. I worry about you, but I understand how I made you feel and I promise I won’t follow you anymore. In return, please just promise me that you won’t do foolish things that put you in harm’s way. Will you at least do that? Please? I love you, you know.”
Manda had looked so beautiful then, with all of her love shining in her eyes.
“I love you too,” she whispered, “and I promise.”
She’d then shrewdly extracted another promise from him—that he wouldn’t let Josh follow her either. Without hesitation he’d made that promise as well, and then prayed for her safety every time she was away from him after that.
Richard had realized that day on the train that he would give anything to spend the rest of his life with Manda. The only thing standing in the way now was the secret he’d been keeping from her. He’d sacrificed a great deal to keep it while still keeping her safe, but he was going to have to tell her everything if he was going to ask her for a lifelong commitment. He had no idea how she would react. Richard felt his anxiety returning and he consciously turned his thoughts to other things.
After almost a year of planning and effort, the Raines Foundation was a reality. Just the night before, their kick-off fundraising event had been a huge success. Jen had suggested a high-profile event for their big launch and Manda’s creativity had, as usual, served them very well. He remembered the exact moment the idea had come to her.
She, Richard, Josh, and Mikey had been having a cookout on the terrace at the loft. Manda had tuned the radio to a local station that was playing ‘80s hits and she was singing along to herself as she set the table. Josh had joined in first, and then Richard. Losing himself in the enjoyment of the moment, he’d begun to sing lyrics to the popular song that differed from the version on the radio. Manda and Josh had stopped singing and listened until Richard realized he was performing solo and looked around quizzically.
“Those aren’t the words,” Manda laughed, “but I like your version better.”
“But those are supposed to be the words,” Richard countered with a mischievous grin before turning back to check the steaks on the grill.
“He would know,” Josh explained. Richard could hear the amusement in his voice. “He wrote it.”
“You wrote that?” Manda exclaimed in delight, slipping up behind him and sliding her arms around his waist.
Richard closed the grill and turned into her embrace, pulling her closer. The awe and pride in her eyes when she looked up at him filled him with pleasure.
“Yes, I wrote that.” He lowered his head and stole a quick kiss. “Do you like it?”
“Yes. Very much. What other songs have you written that I would know? I mean, besides Rain’s songs.”
Josh answered for him, rapidly naming off a long list of songs that he’d written between the late seventies and the present. Richard watched Manda’s expression turn to amazement as the list lengthened. Josh was just naming the songs that had charted in the top forty. He’d written many more, though they were all under a variety of different pseudonyms.
As Richard held Manda and watched her reaction, a shiver caused her to tremble in his arms and she gasped.
“That’s it! That’s your fundraiser!” She quickly explained her brainstorm to the three men and the idea she’d had at that moment eventually culminated in last night’s concert at Red Rocks.
Manda’s idea had been simple but brilliant, and from concept to execution she’d had fun with it. The result had been a concert of ‘80s hits featuring Rain performing with the original artists. They’d called it ‘80s Class Reunion and Richard had used his influence and called in favors to secure the participation of some very big names. There had been a great deal of buzz and Manda’s promotional materials had driven the anticipation even higher. The concert had sold out within hours and donors had clamored to be included in the pre-concert reception, where they would meet stars from past and present. As a gift for those who attended the donor event, Manda created a book with pictures and profiles of all of the performers, as well as information about the foundation, all themed as a high school yearbook. Jen had even convinced a national yearbook printing company to donate the books.
The reception had taken the form of a yearbook signing, where attendees were able to have their books signed by the performers. As a companion piece to the concert and yearbooks, Rain and a number of the other performers had recorded an album of songs from the concert, all of the proceeds of which would benefit the foundation. That had been Manda’s idea as well. Thanks in a large part to her, their foundation would be able to help a good many people.
Richard pulled the small box out
of his pocket and opened it. He tried to imagine how the ring it held would look on Manda’s slender finger.
“So, tonight’s the big night,” Josh said. Richard hadn’t heard him come downstairs. His thoughts had been on Manda...and, he admitted, Josh had gotten much better at moving soundlessly. When Richard started taking assignments again, he’d have to start thinking about letting Josh come with him. That would have to wait until he knew Manda was safe though. She was his first priority.
“Are you excited?” Josh continued when Richard didn’t respond.
“I’m scared to death,” Richard admitted. He snapped the ring box closed and tucked it safely back into his pocket.
Josh put an encouraging hand on his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be. She loves you. She’s gonna say yes.”
“I’m not so sure,” Richard worried out loud. “I mean, I know she loves me. I can’t believe my luck sometimes, but I know she does or she wouldn’t have put up with me as long as she has. I’m just not so sure she’ll say yes after I tell her everything. She might just run away from me as far and fast as she can.”
“You’re not giving her enough credit,” Josh disagreed. “She doesn’t scare easily, and she’s stubborn enough that she’s not going to let something like that stand in the way of what she wants...which is you.”
“I still can’t help but think she might be better off if she did run away,” Richard sighed.
“Well, she won’t, so you’d better start deciding where you want to spend your honeymoon.” Josh shoved him playfully. “Now, let’s go. They can’t start the game without us.”
The local baseball franchise sent a car for them and they arrived at the stadium well before the game for the usual walk-through and meet-and-greet. Richard had been through it all before and was impatient for it to be over so he could join Manda in their seats behind home plate. She’d decided to wait for them there rather than endure the pre-game hoopla to which he and Josh would be subjected. He wouldn’t have agreed to it himself if it weren’t for the publicity it would bring to the foundation. They had started the foundation because it was important to them—it was something they believed in very strongly—so he shook hands and made conversation with good grace and a friendly smile. Then he stood on the field with Josh, wearing a team cap and jersey, and sang the Star Spangled Banner. The entire time he was singing, however, his attention was on Manda.