by P J Gordon
“Manda, I…”
“You’re right,” she interrupted. “You shouldn’t expect me to forgive you…because there’s nothing for me to forgive. In case you missed the memo, Chelsea and Tina are the ones who messed up the last fifty years of your life and tried to kill me. All you ever did was love me, make my life wonderful, and try to keep me safe in spite of myself.”
“Sweetie, Chelsea and Tina wouldn’t have come near you if it weren’t for me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.” Richard could see that Manda was ready to challenge him, and he didn’t want to argue. Not tonight.
“I have something else to talk to you about. Something Kastl told me last night that you need to know.”
Manda joined him in front of the window, wrapping her arms around him. “Okay, but you have to promise to tell me more about your life as a top secret super hero later.” She smiled up at him with love shining in her eyes.
“I promise,” Richard agreed, relieved that she’d allowed him to change the subject. She obviously didn’t want to argue either.
“So, what else has Kastl been telling you?”
He led her to sit next to him on the sofa before answering.
“It’s about the therianthropic treatment that saved your life.” Richard very carefully avoided mentioning that her life wouldn’t have needed saving if it hadn’t been for him. That was dangerous ground between them it seemed.
“This has something to do with all the blood tests they’ve been doing, doesn’t it?” Manda asked.
“Yes it does, in a way. There’s a side effect to the treatment that he didn’t tell you about.”
Manda laughed, surprising him. “Well, I don’t suppose I’m going to die. I flatter myself to think you’d be much more upset if that was it. It’s more like you think I’m going to be upset. What is it?” She spoke lightly, as if it was trivial, but her hand found his, seeking comfort. He squeezed it reassuringly.
“What Kastl didn’t tell you was that by using the factor in his blood to save you but not change you, he in effect made you immune to the change. Sweetie, they don’t think you can ever be changed now. Not by him or me or anyone. The blood tests seem to support that theory.”
“But that means…,” Manda began in a faint whisper that faded into silence.
“It means,” he said, enfolding her hand in both of his and wishing he could say something that would erase the stricken look from her face, “that you can never be a shapeshifter. I’ll never be able to share that with you.”
Manda was silent and her face was pale. He couldn’t decipher her expression. He slid onto his knees in front of her, cradled her face in his hands, and searched her eyes. He so loved those eyes.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he pleaded.
“I’m wondering how you feel about this,” she admitted, finally allowing her fear to show.
“I’m disappointed,” he said frankly, but rushed on when he saw her flinch, “because it was something I thought you would love. I wanted to share it with you, sweetie. Other than that, it doesn’t matter to me. Being with you is all that’s important.”
“Like William and Becky,” Manda observed with a stricken look that Richard didn’t understand.
“Is that a bad thing? They were very happy for a long time.”
“Tell me the truth though,” she pressed. “It’s not what you would choose—being with someone who’ll never be like you.”
Richard needed to put a stop to her ridiculous doubts right now. He reached into his pocket and found the ring hidden there.
“I love you, Manda Jensen, just the way you are. The only thing I want is to spend the rest of my life with you.” He held the ring out to her. “Will you marry me?”
Chapter 57
It was as if the world stopped as soon as the words left Richard’s mouth. He wasn’t absolutely sure what Manda’s answer would be. Tears filled her eyes but was that good or bad? After the longest, most suspenseful pause in Richard’s life, Manda finally found the words to answer.
“I love you, too, Richard—more than I can even wrap my mind around—but I can’t marry you right now.” The tears spilled out the corners of her eyes but she ignored them. “I’m sorry.”
Richard was stunned. She’d said no. Given what he’d just told her, he’d thought there was a good chance she might want some time to consider her answer. He knew she loved him though, so he hadn’t anticipated an immediate and definitive no. What did that mean? What now?
“Why, Manda?” he forced out between numb lips.
She reached out to clasp his hand—the one not holding the ring.
“I don’t want you to make any commitments to me that you’ll regret later. Things are insane right now. So much has happened in the last day. I’m having trouble keeping up. I don’t think it’s the right time to be making that kind of decision. Besides, I don’t want you tied to me out of some misguided sense of guilt.” Tears were dripping off of her chin now.
“It’s not guilt that ties me to you. That’s like saying I’m tied to the earth by a piece of thread. The thread would be inconsequential compared to the gravity that holds me down, just like everything is inconsequential next to my love for you.”
Manda wasn’t relenting though. She looked as if her heart were breaking but she shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again.
“Does this mean we’re over then?” It killed him to think of losing her again so soon after getting her back.
“No!” she protested in alarm. “No! I…” She stopped midsentence in panicked confusion. “I mean, if you want to end it, I understand. It’s really not fair of me to…” Richard stopped her with a finger across her lips.
“Little fool,” he growled. “I told you, I’m never letting you go again. Not as long as you’ll have me.”
“I won’t hold you to that,” Manda responded. “I know you don’t think you ever will now, but in the future if you decide you want to go, you can. You don’t owe me anything.”
Richard was baffled. Where was this sudden doubt coming from?
“Do you not understand how much I love you?” he asked.
“But that might change,” Manda countered. “Now that Chelsea’s gone, your whole life is different. You don’t know how you might change because of that. I don’t want to be the one that holds you back.”
So that was it! Richard finally understood. She’d somehow gotten the notion that with Chelsea out of the way, a world of romantic possibilities was now open to him and he was going to find someone better. As if his feelings for Manda were just some schoolboy crush. As if there could ever by anyone for him besides her. Just because he’d never been in a serious relationship before didn’t mean he hadn’t known thousands of women over the last 69 years. Manda was one of a kind. There was no use arguing with her about it though. She’d been under too much stress for the last eight months. Time would convince her that his love was real and forever. He tucked the ring back into his pocket and stood up.
“Do you love me, Manda?”
“More than anything,” Manda breathed. “That’s not…”
“So you aren’t planning on leaving? You just won’t agree to marry me?”
“No, I’m not leaving,” Manda confirmed. “Not until you tell me to.”
“Then I can wait.” He pulled her to her feet and enfolded her in his arms. “One day you’ll get it through your head that there’s no one else for me but you. Until then, I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed her then, trying to express all of his love for her in that one lingering gesture. He was sure that someday she would marry him. Until then, he could be patient. He had, after all, been waiting for her his entire life.
About the Author
P.J. Gordon lives in Colorado with her husband and two children. She enjoys reading, camping (though she has long since given up any semblence of “roughing it”), and climbing Fourteeners. Okay, that last part about climbing Fo
urteeners is a bald-faced lie. To say she knows someone who climbs Fourteeners would be more accurate. “Climbs mountains” sounded more impressive than “owns a beagle” though.
So, let’s recap. Ms. Gordon lives in Colorado, reads, camps, and has a beagle. She does not climb mountains of any sort. The beagle is really cute though.
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