Real Vampires Know Hips Happen

by Gerry Bartlett

oh, centuries. " I jerked away from her creepy touch. "Now fix this. Jerry hasn't done anything to you. Take that spell off him and give him back his memories. "

  "He made you vampire. You drink blood, have fangs. " She shuddered. "It is unseemly. "

  "After the Storm God dumped me out of the Siren club, Jerry gave me back my immortality. I would think that would please you. Since you're all over this motherhood thing now. I would be six feet under if not for him. " I scrambled to my feet. "Damn it. This is nuts. Why are you showing up now?"

  "Circe came to me. She saw our resemblance and reminded me that you exist. Then she told me what Achelous did to you and I can see for myself, Gloriana, how he ruined your body. He will pay for that, the bastard. " Thunder clapped and shook the bridge. I wondered if that was her warning to him or his taunt that she could try.

  The damp fog surrounded us and just added to my sense that this was all a horrible nightmare. That my brain was as muddled as Jerry's right now.

  "Circe needs to mind her own damned business. " I shivered. Even my underwear felt damp from the fog and the cold, wet boards under me.

  "No, she did me a great favor which puts me in her debt. " My mother sighed. "You don't know what Olympus is like, Gloriana, the politics, the power plays. It is little wonder that I neglected you. I have been. . . busy since I gave you away. I forgot. . . " She jumped to her feet and turned to stare down at the water. "It was not right of me to abandon you. I should have taken my chances with Zeus. "

  "Well you didn't. So forget bonding with me now. " I got up too and glanced at her. "You owe Circe two debts. Because she sent Blade in my path and here I am today, still alive. So you owe him. Fix his memory problem. "

  "No. " She turned back to me. "You don't need to be with a man like that, a bloodsucker. I can take you back to Olympus now that you are a woman. Rid you of those dreadful fangs, return your perfect body. " She tried to grab my hands. "Give you everything. "

  I darted out of reach. "I like my dreadful fangs. Love my blood-sucking boyfriend. And I'd never want to live in a place with creeps like the Storm God. No way in hell or Olympus. " I wanted to slap her, throw her off the bridge, something. But I knew better. A goddess from Olympus. I could feel her power like electricity in the air, shoving at me, but stopping short of actually hurting me. Restraint. Guess that was her version of motherly love.

  I knew the bits and pieces of power I had paled in comparison with what she'd have in her arsenal. Make her lose her temper and she'd probably "forget" again that I was her daughter and blast me until I was little more than a stain on the wooden planks beneath my feet. Her daughter. I backed away, disgusted and horrified at the thought.

  "You can't change where you came from, Gloriana. But I can change what you are now. Make your body glorious, your teeth perfect, put a banquet before you that you could actually savor - every bite. If you want your beloved's mind whole again, come with me. I can fix him with a snap of my fingers. Is that what you want? It would certainly please me. " She was close to me again, eyes sharp, watching me like a bird of prey hovering over its next meal. "But you'd never see him again. "

  "Never see him again?" I wanted him to remember, but to remember me, our love. What good would it do to have this woman restore his memories just to have me abandon him? He'd mourn me. I'd seen how he still loved me. It would be cruel, almost as cruel as leaving him stuck in the sixteenth century. And me? I'd have my heart ripped out.

  "I can't bear to see you live as a monster. If you want him as he was, you'll leave him and come with me now. Otherwise, there is very little hope that he can get his memories back. " She smiled slowly. "Of course you could leave him as he is and try to make him love you again. You are my daughter. I'm sure you are more than capable of seducing him if that is what you wish. "

  "This is about more than lust, woman. " I wouldn't call her Mother. Never. This cold and heartless creature? "I want him to remember the last four hundred years. He'll be in shock once he leaves the castle and sees all the inventions, the changes. . . " I pressed my hands to my stomach. "God, I can't imagine how he'll feel. It will drive him mad. "

  "Amazing. You really do love him. I blame it on your time as a human. " She looked skyward. "Another sin Achelous will answer for. Those of us who call Olympus home don't waste our energies on such trivial emotions. " She sighed. "If you truly want this man, then he must prove he's worthy. "

  "Of course he's worthy. He's strong, loving and brave. And he's been true to me all these years. "

  "A paragon, it seems. " Her smile was cold and knowing. "I'll believe it when I see it. "

  "What do you mean?" I didn't like our proximity. She held me close enough with her power that I could smell her, a strange perfume of lavender and musk that made my nose twitch. Lavender. I had always loved it, used it as a body wash. I was tossing it as soon as I got home.

  "I mean, Gloriana, that I will test this man of yours. To see for myself if he deserves my daughter. "

  "Test? What kind of test?" I finally managed to get away from her. "Please don't hurt him. Haven't you done enough? The man can't remember - "

  "I'll decide when Jeremiah Campbell has had enough. And, if you want me to spare him, you will call me Mother. " She loomed over me, her power making my hair crackle and lift as if a strong wind had caught it. "Do you understand?"

  "I understand that you want him to fail, Mother. " I glared at her, dredging up courage despite my roiling stomach. "He is far worthier of me than I am of him. "

  "We will see, Daughter, we will see. " She toyed with my hair, freezing me in place when I would have jerked away from her. "So very headstrong. No wonder Circe recognized you. You are the very image of me in my younger years. " She laughed softly, no merry trill this time. "I will be watching. If you change your mind, call for your mother and I will come. And if that man disappoints you, I will be glad to make him suffer, never doubt it. "

  "Make him suffer? Haven't you already started?" I watched her fade from sight. "Damn you! Stay away. If you won't help him, just stay the hell away from both of us. "

  I turned and ran down the path toward the castle again. But before I got too close I stopped to compose myself. I could never let the Campbells know that it had been my fault Jerry had lost his memory. Oh, God, what would she do to him next?