Entwine

by Rebecca Berto

  Her mind still lit up and awake, she decided she’d try having a cup of chamomile tea, and let the soothing aroma and hot water lull her to rest.

  As she watched the kettle boil, she remembered something else Nicholas had said: “You can tell the sluts are the ones with Daddy issues, and you’re so normal, I just didn’t expect to hear that.”

  She wanted to cry then. Nicholas cared; he knew her. But maybe he didn’t. Just because Sarah didn’t cry or whine about it didn’t mean she didn’t care.

  Sarah wanted to see her dad more than once every two weeks. She wanted the dad back who could fix her computer when it crashed. She wanted a dad to tease her about that weird photo she’d been in when she first started school, just so she could know how damn good it felt that her dad cared so much to remember a photo when she was a little girl.

  But Sarah wouldn’t care. If she cared it hurt, and her dad would walk right by her, even when tears made her vision blur and she had to gulp loudly to keep her breaths in check. Not even glassy eyes made him look up from the work he’d bring home, or his girlfriend-of-the-moment on the phone.

  Sarah’s dad was too damn busy to even remember that weird photo she had when she’d first started school, and as the kettle clicked and she had to walk over to it and leave her thoughts behind, she knew how damn sad that was.

  Maybe she did have Daddy issues. At least she could say she didn’t cry a single tear over the man who was meant to love and protect her. And didn’t.

  • • •

  NOW

  They all stood motionless, as did Sarah, and when she heard the car take off, relief swept through her. Now wasn’t the right time to talk with him. She’d only throttle Alyssa when she butted in, and Sarah didn’t want to do that to a pregnant lady, no matter who it was.

  As she looked around, she noticed the finer details. Her mum had walked out with a little glass bowl of biscuits. That was left behind on a wall cabinet, along with the pitcher of iced tea. She’d prepared a lovely little arrangement for the three of them, and she didn’t even get to bring out the glasses.

  Sarah felt ridiculous being all done up in her dress. It was pointless, and it made her feel in the spotlight, when all she wanted to do was be unseen.

  “Malik,” she said, “I’m so sorry. I was so tired last night I came home. Didn’t even notice my phone. Work was hectic and I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, and then—”

  “Hey, don’t worry about it.”

  He shook his head, staring down, so she couldn’t tell in what way he meant it. Should she not worry because it wasn’t her fault, or not worry because she’d been careless and there was nothing she could do to change that confrontation?

  Sarah’s mum walked past them to grab the biscuits and pitcher, and went to the kitchen to come back with three tumbler glasses. She bent down, spread the biscuits so they were easier to grab, and finally turned the glasses the right way up in front of Malik, herself and Sarah. “Want some?”

  Malik chuckled. “No.” He collapsed into the seat and rested his head against the back of it. “Not so hungry or thirsty anymore.”

  “It’ll calm you down.” She poured Sarah and Malik some iced tea, and then sat down. “You don’t have to drink it, though.”

  “Thanks,” Sarah and Malik said simultaneously.

  Malik sat up straight, and they finally looked over at each other at the same time. It was one of shock. Sarah uncrossed her legs and re-crossed them the other way, yet she still felt uncomfortable. She wanted to let him know through a kind or sweet look that she understood, but really, she didn’t, and lost on what to do she had to look away. She ended up taking a sip of her iced tea, despite also not being interested in it. At a time like this, it was something to do, and she was glad her mum had the intuition previously.

  “How are you doing, Malik?” her mum asked.

  He shook his head again. Sarah’s heart ached for him. She wanted to make everything okay. The poor guy just had no clue what to do, and as the seconds passed he still remained in that shocked stupor.

  “I wasn’t ready for that. When we swap Lucy, we usually wait in our cars, and she runs out to us in the driveway. Hadn’t seen her for months and the understanding … it worked, ya know?”

  “I’m really, really sorry, guys,” Sarah said again. “I can’t believe that all happened and, damn, I should have seen his message.”

  “Sez, don’t beat yourself up. It’s fine. They’re having a baby. Not our problem. They can go have a happy life for the next few seconds, and when they want out, they’ll have to learn the hard way.”

  “Excuse my language, Gina, but that fucker has always thought with his penis. I’m glad he’s out of your daughter’s life, and I’m scared as shit what influence he’ll have on mine.”

  They all cracked up, and for the first time since they were left alone, the room felt bigger, warmer, and Sarah’s laughter echoed loudly as she keeled over and let herself be free. Malik grinned and looked to the empty spot next to him, then back to her, and raised his eyebrows. She took the spot just as her mum took a sip of her glass to calm her breathing.

  “So, you two?” her mum said with a questioning expression.

  Sarah looked to Malik and beamed. She ought to look normal around him when someone mentioned them as a couple, but the idea made butterflies flutter inside of her. She rested a hand on his thigh, and slowly, he slipped his fingers to thread through hers.

  “Yup, we couldn’t help it.” Sarah winked at her mum.

  “So, that’s where you went last night.”

  Sarah blushed and looked away, biting her lip. Sarah had limits. She loved to talk about a new boyfriend or how her nights out were, but sex was way past the limit. She especially had to change the direction of the way this topic was heading, given the history with the three of them in the room.

  “Gina, I have the best intentions with your daughter. I know I’m older and she’s still young, but she’s incredibly mature, and I really like her. I promise this isn’t a fling. If she’ll have me, I plan on taking care of her for as long as she wants me.”

  Sarah knew a speech like that would win over her mum, but instead her mum held up her finger and shook it at the two of them. “Tell me—or not—how you even met! It’s been driving me crazy.”

  “She was checking me out at the train station.”

  Sarah shot her hand out from his and slapped his shoulder. “Malik! No, he was just there, and then we started talking. He was so rude; didn’t even tell me his name until hours after we met.”

  “No, I noticed.” He was staring deep into her eyes now, and she couldn’t see anything but him. “You couldn’t stop looking at me. You pretended you weren’t, but you were. Can’t fool me.” He tapped his forehead.

  “Grr, no!” Sarah turned to prove her point to her mum, but she was walking away with the pitcher and her glass. She’d come back to defend her own later. Crossing her arms tightly, she said, “I was wondering why you seemed so mysterious. That’s all.”

  Malik shook his head, and leaned in to peck her on her lips, but lingered, turning it into a sensual kiss, their lips hot and moving together. She parted her lips and imagined what she’d like to do with her tongue over his body, until the thought of her mum seeing them shocked her enough to make her jerk back. She wasn’t around, though, and she couldn’t hear her footsteps.

  “One sec,” Sarah said.

  She stood and walked out of the sitting room. Her mum’s glass was in the dirty side of the sink. Perplexed, she checked the fridge to see the iced tea back inside it. After closing the door, Sarah squinted her eyes, as if that would help to strain her hearing to listen for noise. She heard footsteps upstairs, and wondered why her mum had left them alone. Then again, she did need time to talk through how she and Malik felt about her dad, and Alyssa, and a new baby. Sarah thought, Thanks, Mum, and went back to see Malik waiting for her.

  “Let’s go back to my room.”

  His eyes p
opped, immediately falling to her breasts, highlighted by her tight sweetheart neckline.

  “Not like that.” She held out her hand to lead him away. “Such a dirty mind,” she mumbled.

  He kissed the side of her neck as they went upstairs.

  • • •

  NOW

  Once Sarah closed her door, she gripped the front of his shirt to pull him in, but he held her back.

  “Come on,” she wailed. “No sex doesn’t mean no kissing.”

  He cradled her face in his palms, and smiled, roaming his gaze over her face. “Do you mind at all? I have baggage. A whole lot, and you don’t have to deal with that.”

  Sarah waited to see if he was joking, but the earnest look in his expression proved he wasn’t.

  She pulled him to the bed. He sat against the headboard, knees bent and legs laid out in front of him. She crossed her legs and fitted her body between his. “I want you, stupid. If anything, it’s comforting that we’re familiar before we knew each other. And, I dunno, it sounds weird, but like we can help each other. It must be hard for you to trust a girl, but I know exactly what you went through, and I care so much more about you than I have before for any other guy. I want to help you and show you how damn caring yet sexy you are. Give you what you’ve missed, make even one part of your life better.”

  He grabbed Sarah’s hands and held them joined between her crossed feet and his legs. “You swear you’re twenty-two, right?”

  She smiled. “Why?”

  “I was a fucking heartbreaker at your age. A menace, a drunk, a party boy. I had no clue about the real world until I started getting my act together in my mid-twenties, when I met Alyssa.”

  Sarah had kept the smile while he talked, but the moment he mentioned her name, all she could think about was how he’d been with Alyssa for a few years, and Sarah had only known him for a few days.

  “Lucky I met you now, then, hey?”

  He winked and reached behind her to pull her flush against him by her ass. She wriggled her feet and felt the tops pressed to his balls. It made her want to wriggle them some more to get a reaction from him, but what she truly wanted was to be held by him, so she stopped before he knew what she was hinting at.

  “I like that you’re older, you know. It’s a turn on for me. And it’s not because you’re worth more than I am, or that you have your own house. I want something real and everyone else … they’re just not real. They are obsessed by superficial stuff. Suppose I used to be, but then I met you, and everything I feel is so much deeper. And it’s incredible—you’re incredible. It’s just so fucking hot that you know what you want when you’re with me, yet you also want me forever.”

  “About that,” he said, leaning in to kiss his favourite spot at the side of her neck.

  She could only nod, fast and shy.

  “You’re not scared by that, are you?”

  “I’d be scared if you wanted this to be a part-time or temporary thing.”

  “Course not,” he said. “I’d never stay for fun, have an affair, and then leave you.”

  “Gee, what a compliment!”

  He held his finger in front of her lips. “Shh, you.”

  Silenced, she could only watch him. His face was delicious, and she loved watching his little quirks, like how his nose would twitch sometimes when he grinned. That jawline. The man had a jawline like the stars. Square, and rigid, she saw his muscles flex as he swallowed.

  She kneeled up, and dropped his knees so his legs were flush against her bed. His movements were jerky, and he bent his legs at the last second in case he assumed something wrong. Sarah held down her palms on each of his thighs and straddled him. It was perfect, even though his and her clothes separated them. She needed him to know she wanted to be a part of his life emotionally, physically and sexually. She wanted to be his other half in every sense.

  He wrapped his arms around her back, and sunk his head into the hollow of her collarbone. His fingers caressed her sides, and hers made a crossed shape behind his neck, her fingertips massaging upward on his scalp. She rested her head against his from her higher vantage point.

  Afraid he’d get bored or want to move, she continued to massage his head with her fingers, and kept her body pressed against him, tight. Less than a minute into their embrace, she felt a hardening under her legs, but, otherwise, Malik didn’t react. That was a physical male reaction to her proximity. Hidden from his view, her eyes sparkled as emotion built up and made her grin, knowing he just wanted to hold her, as she did him.

  Her dress was fanned out over them. Fully clothed, it was so intimate—their act was covered, a secret in only their hearts.

  “Don’t go,” she whispered afterwards when he spooned her.

  “I didn’t plan on it,” he said, and Sarah allowed herself to lie with him.

  Sarah was in between awake and asleep. Her eyelids were mostly shut, apart from when she fluttered them half open to peer around the room. Peer down to his hands enclosed around her waist, holding her like she was his. She was—so much so, already, in so many ways. Physically, their bodies had unremarked knowledge of how to move together; emotionally, he listened to her, and allowed her to feel understood, not judged for once, and like she wanted to melt into him to make their worlds one; and sexually, he ignited passion in her so fierce it broke the walls and enhanced her emotions for him outside of their sexual pleasure.

  She stroked his hand, re-weaving hers through his, and each time, it got better; the texture of his, rougher than hers. How her structure was smaller than his, even when she tried to reach the span of his hand with hers.

  “You playing with me, baby?”

  “You have hands to please this girl,” Sarah replied.

  “You should have said earlier.”

  Sarah only had a split second to wonder what that meant at the same time as her tummy clenched, anticipating something. Then he hauled her over him, clutching her waist. He’d rolled onto his back and flipped her over on him so fast that she had to blink to bring him into focus. The cheeky guy had a one-sided grin, pleased with himself. She ran her gaze down his shaped chest, his shirt hugging his contoured torso, and down to where he lowered her over him and their hips connected.

  She leant down and his grip eased, and by the time her lips touched his, his hands had skimmed up her sides and cupped her face. He opened his mouth and snaked his tongue inside her, probing around and pressing his lips tighter to circle her tongue as keenly as she massaged his.

  They eased back after some time, breathless, and Sarah knew by the heat in her body and cheeks that she was as flushed as he was. They were facing each other on their sides now. Sarah’s head rested on her pillow, her hand tucked underneath, and Malik rested his elbow on the sheets, leaning his ear on his palm to look at her.

  “What?” he said.

  “What?”

  “Playing that game, are you?”

  She grinned. No, she wasn’t. She just loved having his attention. Malik could act like a boy or a man, and she loved to bring out either his dominant or playful side whenever she could.

  “Questions?”

  His big smile softened, his lips now crooked at the side. Even his eyes had changed their vibe from intense to curious. “Yeah.”

  “Would you ever be ashamed of my past?”

  “No,” he said, then added, “only if you did what She did.”

  “Nothing like that.” Sarah looked down to the space between them. Why did she put herself on the spot like this? Asking him if her sexual partners bothered him seemed like a natural progression in their relationship, but spitting the words out felt similar to pulling teeth. She only lifted her head back up when his voice commanded something in her to listen to him.

  “Sarah …”

  “So, I meant my number. Would the number of guys I’ve slept with matter?”

  “Do they matter to you?”

  Sarah stilled. She’d almost told him that of course they didn’t. It wasn’t hersel
f she had to be jealous of. He swooped in, saving her tortured thoughts any longer, though. “That’s what I want to know. Are you ashamed? You look stunned, actually. Not regretful or embarrassed about what you’ve done.” He snuggled closer to her and rested his face on the pillow so they were at equal height. “So tell me, then, why should I feel any different?”

  “You’ve got too many smarts about this for a guy. Shouldn’t you be wild with interest? Wanting to know every detail, or too jealous to know anything at all?”

  “Relax, I am with this you. Not your past. I have it all, and I get you right now. Why would I be jealous of something I don’t have to compete against?”

  She shrugged. She knew it looked stupid, but Malik had the power here. She would rather be silent, anyway, and listen to the strange wisdom he had. Surely a man with a face and body like his—with the power to use his hands, tongue and cock as adeptly as he could—didn’t have this much knowledge about how things worked.

  “I don’t want you to be like that,” Sarah said. “I’m curious. I like to know things.”

  “I know.”

  Malik crossed the gap between them and palmed her breast, causing something in her to pump heat between her legs. She tangled her legs with his.

  “And,” he said, “I’d be stupid to cause issues with jealousy. By the expression on your face when you’re with me, I know you reciprocate what I feel.”

  “There you go again, mind reader.”

  He winked. “But out of curiosity …”

  “You’re my eighth. Six weren’t serious. One was a boyfriend.”

  “Okay, I didn’t expect specifics. Um.” He bit his lip, his eyes downcast as he thought. “I don’t know. It’s in the I-have-lost-count range.”

  “So that’s where you learned how to blow my mind. Practice makes perfect.”

  “Sounds like you’re saying I’m perfect.” He stiffened his bottom lip and nodded. “I can live with that.”