Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  “Tell me.”

  He put his forehead to mine. “We’ll make beautiful grandbabies for her one day.”

  “Oh.”

  He walked us over to the chair and set me on his lap. It wasn’t the most comfortable for either of us, but they were the most comforting few moments I’d ever spent with someone.

  The door opened and his father stepped in. “I figured I’d find you in here.”

  “I’m not leaving this time.”

  “I didn’t ask you to.”

  Mick and his father entered a staring match. It didn’t last long.

  “Dinner is getting cold.” He walked out.

  Mick rubbed my leg and sent goose bumps up my spine. “We don’t have to stay. We can leave.”

  I sat up and shook my head. “No, your mother went to a lot of trouble for dinner. We should stay. I’d just like to clean up a little first.”

  “Mom will understand.”

  “I shouldn’t have left your father. I should’ve stayed and fought him more. I don’t want to leave.”

  Mick stood me up and nodded. “That’s fine, but you say the word and we’re out as soon as you want to be.”

  I couldn’t stand to look at my father. On our way back to the dining room, Deb had asked me to act as if nothing had happened. She didn’t want to ruin the night for my mother. I loved that she liked my mother enough to worry about her, but my father deserved no such treatment.

  Dinner was quiet except for when my mother tried to start conversations on neutral topics. They never lasted too long. I couldn’t stop bouncing my knee and Deb had put her hand under the table to stop me.

  “Have you handled any weddings yet?” My mother was still trying to salvage the evening.

  “I do have one coming up in just a few weeks. It’s my brother’s, so it isn’t a real job, but it will be great experience to add to my website.”

  “Oh, you have a website?” My mother loved looking at things on the internet. “You’ll have to put it in my favorites before you leave.”

  “I’d love to.” The first real smile Deb had all night calmed me a little. It let me know she was going to be just fine no matter how badly my father treated her.

  I put my arm on the back of her chair. “It’s great. Her sister takes all the photos for it, too.”

  I saw my father push his plate away. I held my breath. I knew he wasn’t going to let what happened go. Getting through dinner was a first, though.

  “What are these other issues you’re having?”

  No one said anything, but my mother stood and started clearing the table. I usually helped her, but I wasn’t leaving them alone again. “Mom, sit and I’ll help later.”

  She waved me off. I didn’t think she wanted to be part of it. I didn’t really want Deb to be part of it, either, so I leaned over to her. “Do you want to go?”

  “I will not be ignored at my own table. Mick said you were having other issues. What are they?”

  Deb looked at me, puzzled as to what I was talking about. “You’ll have to ask him.”

  “I wanted to tell him about the letters, but I changed my mind.”

  “Letters?” My father looked between the two of us. “What letters?”

  Deb shook her head. “They’re nothing.”

  “They aren’t nothing.” I turned to my father. “She’s been getting hate mail and someone set fire to her shop.”

  My mother decided to walk in at that moment. “Oh my. Was there much damage?”

  “Only to Deb.”

  “Mick.” She tried to silence me, but I wouldn’t do it.

  “She carried the basket to the sink and burned her arms and belly.” I held her hand. “There’s also been an older woman watching her shop from across the street.”

  “What?” She tried to take her hand back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Honestly, because we weren’t talking and then I forgot about it. I was watching her. She wasn’t going to hurt you while I was there.”

  “Do you think this is the same woman I had in my shop?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t see her the first time.”

  My father thought for a moment. “I’ll help you close your case. I make no promises. I may be a higher rank than the detective who wants to see you rot in prison, but that doesn’t mean I can just walk in and take over. I’ll do my own investigation and see if I can’t shut his down.

  “I’m not sure what the lady across from your shop has to do with anything, but keep me updated on any developments.” He turned to me. “And you keep watching her. Is that clear?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Deb had started playing with the napkin in her lap. “Why are you helping me?”

  “Your case should be closed as self-defense. That’s my opinion, anyway. I’m not sure why McCoy feels the need to keep it open. The evidence suggests it was self-defense and your responses, no matter how rude, were in line with self-defense, as well.

  “It’s just that no one really knows what happened in that room except for the five of you: one of whom was passed out, one ended up dead, one was the shooter, and the other two aren’t talking except to say you had to do it.”

  “That doesn’t really sound like you believe it, Dad.”

  “I’m just stating the facts here. There is no judgment.” He looked at Deb. “You will answer any further questions from me if you want my help. Is that clear?”

  Deb nodded.

  “Good.” My father put his napkin in his lap. “Now, where’s dessert?”

  It was a long and stressful night, but I wasn’t ready to take her home yet. The last two times we went to dinner, Deb hadn’t let me go upstairs. She was serious about wanting to get to know each other. I took her to a secluded area and parked the car.

  She looked around. “Don’t tell me you’re out of gas.”

  “No, I just want to talk to you. You won’t let me walk you upstairs.”

  “Oh, Mick. I’m kind of talked out. I really just want to go home and take a hot shower before hitting the sheets.”

  I took her hand. “Please, just stay with me a little while.”

  She leaned over and held my face. “Okay.”

  I leaned in and kissed her, and she didn’t pull away that time. I put my forehead to hers. “I hate bucket seats.”

  Hearing her laugh again made me smile. I wasn’t sure when I’d hear that again. She looked to the backseat and looked at me. “You don’t have bucket seats back there.”

  I smiled. “No, no I don’t.”

  We got out and moved to the backseat. “We’re so breaking the rules with this.”

  I got in and pulled her to me. “Ask me if I care.”

  I kissed her and put my hand on her leg, and I growled when I felt her skin next to mine. It’d been too long since I was able to touch her the way I longed to. I was taking full advantage of what she allowed me to do that night.

  I scooted to the edge and slid her down the seat. My legs were cramped, but I didn’t care. I lay down on top of her. “I’ve missed this so much.”

  I kissed her neck as she tilted her head back, but she couldn’t go very far with the car door she was pressed against. She started laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “This isn’t how I imagined it.”

  I smiled and ran my hand up her thigh. I smiled again when her breath caught. “You didn’t imagine being this cramped?”

  “No, but don’t stop.” She pulled me down for another kiss.

  My arm had to go on an angle it wasn’t meant for to reach further up her leg. I started laughing. “You’re right. This really isn’t how I imagined this either.”

  “What is it? The door attached to the top of my head, the seatbelt digging in my shoulder, or the fact I can’t feel my legs below the knee because they’re bent to accommodate you? Which is it that makes this completely unsexy?” She burst out laughing.

  I struggled to sit up and pulled her up with me. My legs hurt
and had started to go to sleep, our laughing didn’t help with our balance, and the space was too cramped for two full-grown adults.

  We finally sat up but still couldn’t stop laughing. “We can still count this as an experience, right?”

  She laughed harder. “Do you want to admit we failed?”

  “No.” I shook my head and laid it back on the seat. I looked at her as she did the same. “I suppose not.”

  She looked at me and smiled. “Thanks for trying, though. I guess it’s just one of those experiences you have to have when you’re young and flexible.”

  I stopped smiling. I wasn’t going to disappoint her and wasn’t sure why she was giving up so easily. We were still going to have sex in the car. It just wasn’t going to be the way either of us had imagined it. I leaned over and kissed her. She was surprised by the intensity, but I wanted no doubt about what my intentions were.

  I sat up and twisted my upper body a little as I slid my hand up her thigh, her legs parting as she pulled my face closer to hers. I rubbed her through her panties. They were so wet. I had to have her.

  I twisted more and put one knee on the seat as I went further up her dress to take her underwear off. She lifted her hips to help me. I slid them down to her ankles, but didn’t remove them further. I grabbed her hips and sat back, pulling her onto my lap. She straddled me instantly.

  She bent down a little and kissed me. “Yes, this could work.” She kissed me again and pulled my shirt out of my jeans before she rubbed my chest. “Oh, I missed doing that.”

  “I missed doing a lot of things.” I pulled her hips closer to me and kissed her neck.

  “I want you so much.” She pulled my face to hers. “We shouldn’t do this.”

  “Yes, we should.” I kissed her and put my hand between her legs. I used my middle finger and rubbed her clit. “I have to have you.”

  She started rocking her hips on my hand. “Tomorrow . . . oh.” She put her forehead to mine. “Tomorrow we go back to getting to know each other.”

  I nodded as she backed her hips up and unfastened my jeans. She reached in and pulled out my cock as I fought to free my wallet from my back pocket. My head fell back as she pumped me with her hand. I needed to get a condom.

  I lifted my head and looked through the wallet. I must have used the last one with her and not replaced it. I threw it in the front seat. “Damn it!”

  She looked behind her and looked back to me, shaking her head. “Don’t worry.” She turned around and got between the seats, leaving herself exposed to me. I leaned forward and licked her clit. “Oh.”

  I leaned in more and used my fingers to spread her lips. I needed more access. The angle wasn’t the best, but I was determined to make her scream. She leaned over the seat more and started breathing heavier. I placed my thumb on her clit and started circling it.

  “Oh, go faster. Please, go faster.”

  I tugged on her hips. “Come back here and I’ll go as fast as you want.”

  She reached for something and gave a victorious shout. “I’ve got one!”

  She turned back to me and sat on the edge of my knees to slip the condom on me. Even that little bit of movement from her was ecstasy. I put my head back on the seat and moaned. I lifted my head when she got on her knees on the seat and watched as she sank down on me.

  “Oh, fuck. I missed this, Mick.” She put her head on my shoulder and started moving her hips. “I don’t want to leave this car, ever.”

  I grabbed her hips and started pumping her faster on my lap. She felt so good. “I don’t know how long I can last. You feel amazing.”

  “It’s okay.” She sat up a little more and started going faster.

  I was sure if anyone had driven by, they would’ve seen the car rocking. And I didn’t care. She put one hand on my shoulder and another on the ceiling of the car to brace herself. She went faster. I put my hand between her legs and rubbed my thumb on her clit.

  She moaned. “Don’t stop. Keep doing that.” She leaned down and kissed me. “Faster.”

  Her grip on my shoulders matched the grip she was giving my cock. She kept squeezing and I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be able to take it. I put my head back on the seat.

  She suddenly stopped and I looked up. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She got off my lap and kicked her underwear off her feet. She straddled me but facing the other way. “I couldn’t get a good angle that way.” She sank down on me again and put her head forward on the seat in front of us. “Oh, God. That’s it.”

  She put her hands on my knees and pushed them together to give herself something to balance on and then she started riding me. I held her hips, but I let her do the work. She was setting the pace she needed and I was happy to go along for the ride.

  It sounded as if she were almost going to cry at the pleasure she was feeling. I wanted to give her that feeling every night and only hoped she would allow me to.

  The grip she had on my knees told me she was close. It increased in intensity along with her speed. I sat up, going deeper as I grabbed her hips to thrust her harder on me.

  “Oh, yes. Yes, please don’t stop.” She started shaking and flung her head back as her orgasm took over. Her convulsions were almost too much around my dick, but I held back. I wasn’t quite finished yet.

  I pulled her back to rest against my chest as I continued to pump into her. She was breathing heavily but was still rocking her hips in rhythm with my thrusts. It didn’t seem like she was finished, either.

  She tilted her head up toward me and grabbed the back of my head to pull me down for a kiss. I stopped pumping to devour her mouth. She had the sexiest mouth and I couldn’t get enough.

  Her hips kept moving and she squeezed me inside her again. I lost my breath and pulled away from her mouth. She laughed. “Do you like it when I do that?”

  I reached in front and put firm pressure on her clit. “Almost as much as you like this.”

  Her nails dug into my arm and she started shaking. “Oh, yes.” She tilted her head to me again and kissed me before whispering, “Fuck me.”

  I pushed her forward and she grabbed the seat in front of us. Her hips were a perfect fit in my hands as I gripped her. I didn’t hold back. I wanted her. I wanted to be part of her. I couldn’t get enough.

  She reached down and started to rub herself. I put my head on the back of the seat and closed my eyes. That image was going to send me over the edge, but I wasn’t ready yet. I needed to push her over first.

  “Oh, God. Mick, fuck me. Fuck me.”

  I don’t know how, but I picked up the pace and pulled her hard onto my lap with each thrust. The movement of the car was out of control. I wouldn’t have been surprised if we moved it a couple feet the way we had it bouncing.

  Her body shook when her orgasm took over. I closed my eyes and let mine take over, too. She leaned back when I was finished and rested against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her and held her close.

  She hugged my arms and tilted her head up to look at me. “When can we do that again?”

  I laughed. “You said tomorrow we go back to just dating.”

  “Shit. I did say that.” She laughed. “We need to take public transportation while we date.”

  “Today, I’d like to discuss what compelled you to start communicating with Craig.”

  It was something I was dreading, but I knew it needed to be done. Craig needed to be addressed if I had any hope of moving forward with Mick.

  “I felt for him. The way he was treated during that interview was repulsive.”

  “Why?”

  “No matter what he’d been accused of, they had no right to judge him in that interview. It wasn’t their job to do so.” I adjusted myself. It still frustrated me to think about, even though I knew they were right and Craig was guilty.

  “What was their job?”

  “Just to get his side of the story. There are two sides, but they wouldn’t let him tell his. It didn’t
matter if it was fabricated. Most of the interviews in the media are lies.”

  “Knowing what you do now, do you still believe they were wrong?”

  “Yes. I wouldn’t have felt bad for him or reached out to him, but the crew that day was very wrong.”

  “So, you felt badly enough you had to contact him? What did you hope to accomplish?”

  I shook my head. “I really have no idea. It wasn’t something I planned or thought out. It was a weak moment when my husband didn’t touch me again, and I felt I had to do something.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I wrote him a letter. I told him I knew how it felt to be alone and misunderstood. How it felt to have the world seemingly against you. I guess he used everything I said in that first letter against me.”

  “You said the letters continued for a while. How long?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe a year or two. I didn’t get up the nerve to go see him until I found out my husband was cheating on me.”

  “What was the nature of the letters?”

  “At first, they consisted of sob stories of how he was being treated. He would write that I was the bright spot in his day. He lived for the moments to sit down and write to me.”

  “At first? What changed?”

  “I told him Tom was cheating. I told him I hadn’t been touched in years. Then he started writing about what he would do if I were his.”

  “You mean sexual things?”

  “Yes. To tell you the truth, that was exciting to me. I’d be disappointed if he hadn’t included it in a letter. The things he wrote about were things I’d never done. My sex life was boring until Al.”

  “What happened the first time you met Craig in prison?”

  “It was awkward. I wasn’t sure how I felt during, but I bought my first vibrator on the way home.”

  It was a long day waiting to see Craig. I looked around the room and wondered if the children would be able to see the prisoners. It didn’t seem like a place they should be visiting. I looked to my lap. It wasn’t a place I should’ve been visiting, either.

  I grabbed my purse, ready to leave, but my name was called to go back. I’d traveled all that way, so I might as well see him at least once.