by Ola Wegner
He was certain that because the day was rather chilly for April, she had to feel cold in that thin dress. He observed her eyelids fluttering a little when he was arranging her against him, but she did not open her eyes.
After a while, Darcy heard a soft sigh escape her and she buried herself more firmly into him, rubbing her nose against his coat. A feeling of deep contentment spread in his chest. She was sound asleep in his arms, as it should be.
***
When Elizabeth opened her eyes the next morning, she could not decipher where she was at first. She looked around the moderately sized, tastefully decorated room, and recalled being at her aunt and uncle’s house at Gracechurch Street in London.
Then the events of the last two days flashed in front of her eyes, and she felt the terrible dull pain, that ache, starting somewhere in her throat and ending down in her stomach.
Papa was dead.
She felt tears gathering in her eyes and the onset of sobs in her chest. She could not fathom what would pass now, how she would live without him in her life. She wanted to bury herself in bed and stay there forever.
She looked at the clock on the armoire. Ten in the morning. She had not remembered ever sleeping so long. She was surprised she had slept at all. The night before she was interchangeably crying and thinking whether her father suffered much in his last hour.
Pushing the covers aside, she climbed out of the huge, old-fashioned bed she had always shared with Jane when they were both visiting the Gardiners. She walked to the window and gathered the lacy curtain aside, looking at the outside world.
It was a beautiful day. She stared for a longer moment at the blue skies over the roof of the house on the other side of the street.
The sound of a carriage stopping in front of the house brought her attention. She looked down and saw a gentleman stepping out of it. The man looked up, and Elizabeth gasped, raising her palm to her lips. She drew the curtain back and turned with her back to the window abruptly.
It was Mr. Darcy! She had completely forgotten about him. How would she ever disentangle herself from all of this? Good God! Had he truly introduced himself yesterday as her fiancé? She had been so exhausted last evening that she just walked upstairs with Jane and went to sleep practically the moment her head touched the pillow.
The sound of a door opening drew her from her thoughts. The dear face of her beloved sister appeared in the doorway. Jane smiled at her and spoke in her usual serene voice.
“I see you are awake, Lizzy. Have you slept well?”
“Yes, I have. Thank you.”
The maid, who entered after Jane, left a tray with what seemed to be traditional English breakfast. The moment they were alone, Jane walked closely to her sister and smiled sadly.
“Oh, Jane. Tell me this. Did he suffer much?”
Jane did not answer, but her pretty blue eyes brimmed immediately with tears. The sisters embraced silently. They stood close together for a long moment, before Jane whispered. “He was asking about you Lizzy, even in fever.”
“Where is he?”
“Uncle’s acquaintance has a funeral house near the inn where he was carried after the accident happened. We decided to leave him there until the journey to Longbourn. There is been no point bringing him here. It is not a sight for the children. Uncle arranged for the body to be transported tomorrow.“
Elizabeth gripped her sister’s hands and cried. “Jane, but how could this happen? Mr. Hill is such a careful driver.”
“We are not certain. We could not find anyone who actually saw what had happened. Uncle said that Mr. Hill had to try stopping the carriage abruptly, perhaps someone tried to run in front of it. The carriage rolled to the side of the road. Father was found unconscious, but it did not look so serious. When we went to the inn, we thought he would be fine. The doctor said that his inner organs were badly damaged. In the evening he got very high fever and at dawn...”
Elizabeth shook her head in desperation. “It is so hard to believe. How could all of this happen to us? It has to be a nightmare. I still hope that we will wake up tomorrow at Longbourn, walk down for breakfast as usual, and see him reading his paper, sitting at the head of the table.”
“I cannot stop thinking that if we had stayed home, nothing would have happened,” Jane whispered miserably, sitting heavily on the bed.
Elizabeth squeezed her hand, sitting by her side. “Because he would have never decided to go by himself to bring us home.”
“Lizzy, you should eat something,” Jane spoke at last after a long moment of silence.
“I cannot.”
“You must. We need our strength now for Mama and our younger sisters. Mr. Darcy told Aunt that you have not eaten since the day before yesterday.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “He did? When?” she asked.
“Apparently after you went upstairs yesterday,” Jane replied. “Lizzy, what is happening? Why did you decide to return with Mr. Darcy and his cousin in their private carriage, unchaperoned? Mr. Darcy said you are engaged. What is the meaning of all of this?”
Elizabeth stood up and started pacing agitatedly, clasping her hands nervously in front of herself. “Oh, Jane. I can hardly believe it all. Mr. Darcy proposed to me.”
Jane blinked repeatedly in astonishment. “Lizzy, you accepted him? I cannot believe that. You always disliked him so strongly. Moreover, I clearly remember you wrote to me that he is engaged to Lady Catherine’s daughter, Miss de Bourgh.”
“I thought that he was engaged to Anne de Bourgh.” Elizabeth explained, still pacing. “Jane, I was as surprised as you are now when he said that he was not, believe me.”
“I believe you, sister,” Jane assured, “but I cannot understand any of it.”
Elizabeth stopped in front of her sister, saying. “Two days ago he followed me on my walk and met me in the grove near Rosings. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me.”
“And you agreed?”
“No, of course not. Though he was clearly quite certain of my consent. I cannot comprehend where he found the idea I liked him. My behaviour in his company easily had always bordered on simple rudeness.”
Jane creased her delicate brows, and shaking her head, she spoke. “But I still do not understand why he has said you are engaged. Even now he is talking with Uncle in his study.”
Elizabeth raised her hand to her mouth, involuntarily nibbling on her fingernails. “Oh ,God, Jane. How can I get out of this now?” Slowly, she sat down on the bed close to her sister.
“Lizzy,… please speak more clearly...”
Elizabeth inhaled deeply before she began to speak quickly with great emotion in her voice. “I refused him and walked back to Hunsford. Then I learned the news about Papa. The very next morning he came to my room at the parsonage and was so kind. I let him comfort me. He held me a little. Oh, Jane I was not myself. I was so miserable, I had been crying all night and I was not myself, and he was so tender. I let him embrace me. But then his aunt came to the parsonage and he simply informed her we were engaged to be married. He must have assumed that those liberties I had allowed him equalled my consent. He said he had no intention of marrying Miss de Bourgh, and that he required her respect for me as his future wife. Oh, Jane, his aunt was so enraged. She said such horrible things. She virtually called me his mistress and that I…,” Elizabeth paused, biting down on lower lip. “Jane, it was so humiliating. I was not even given the chance to pack my things. I could not stay there. Lady Catherine was ready to strike me right then. Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam virtually forced me into the carriage. Charlotte managed somehow to bring my bonnet and spencer at the last moment, otherwise I would have gone as I stood, just in one dress.”
Jane put her arms around her sister, hoping to comfort her, and spoke softly “Oh, Lizzy. I am so sorry. Mr. Darcy must care about you very much if he protected you so bravely against his aunt…”
Elizabeth looked back at her with great confusion. “Jane, I do not understand h
im. I always thought him so cold, so… emotionless. And when we are alone, he is so… I cannot explain this… so different. He speaks differently, he is so gentle and…”
“He must love you,” Jane stated simply.
Elizabeth walked to the window, visibly agitated again. “Love me!?” she exclaimed. “You have not seen how he acted, and what he said! He treats me like a child! Always telling me what I should do, where I should go, what I should eat or drink, as if I were his puppet.”
Jane stayed silent for a while before she answered thoughtfully. “He has a younger sister. Perhaps he thinks that this is the way of treating a woman under his care.”
“Jane, I do not care what he thinks!” Elizabeth cried impatiently, raising her hands to her temples. “I just want him to disappear from my life and leave us alone with our grief.”
“He wants to help you.”
“I do not want his help!” Elizabeth cried defiantly, then added in a broken whisper. “He cannot do anything to bring Papa back.”
“Nobody can … Lizzy. There is no point for us to debate this now. Promise me you will eat something, and I shall see to your bath. It will do you good.”
Elizabeth sighed and looked at her sister with a small, sad smile. “Thank you, Jane. I think you are right. I will do anything which can keep me from Mr. Darcy as long as possible.”
The sisters hugged once more, and Jane left Elizabeth to her breakfast. The hot, steaming bath was soon ready, and Jane helped to rinse Elizabeth’s long hair. Half an hour later, Elizabeth was sitting on the bed in her sister’s dressing gown, drying her long hair with a thick towel.
The door opened, and Jane walked in, carrying one of her dresses. “Here you are, Lizzy. This one should be good for you. Uncle asks you to come downstairs to his study as soon as can be. Mr. Darcy wants to speak with you.”
Elizabeth’s expression instantly fell. “He is still here? I thought that he was gone by now.”
“No, he is still here, waiting for you. Aunt told me that Uncle and Mr. Darcy finished their conversation barely a few minutes ago.”
“What could they have been talking about for so long?” Elizabeth wondered, with a deep frown on her forehead.
“Uncle seemed to be very displeased when Mr. Darcy came this morning.” Jane said confidentially, lowering her voice.
“And now?”
Jane shook her head slowly.“He was not angry. He has just asked me to tell you to come downstairs.”
Elizabeth sat quietly for some time before raising herself slowly. “Jane, help me with my hair. There is no point in delaying the unavoidable.”
Fifteen minutes later, Elizabeth was dressed in a simple pale blue dress of her sister’s. Her hair was still damp, so it was arranged in a loose plait tied with a simple dark ribbon. She wrapped her aunt’s shawl around her and with a determined sigh, motioned herself towards the door.
Jane’s calm voice stopped her just before the doorway. “Good luck, Lizzy. And please do not be angry with me for saying this, but do you remember what you once said…?”
Elizabeth turned around, looking questionably at her sister.
“One of us must marry very well.” Jane finished sadly, looking aside as if not having the courage to meet her sister’s eyes.
Chapter Five
Elizabeth was descending the stairs slowly, secretly wishing they would never end, when she saw her aunt with her three children gathered in the hall downstairs.
They were preparing themselves for going out; Mrs. Gardiner crouched in front of her younger daughter, almost four year old Emily, putting the bonnet on her head. Julia, the eldest of the Gardiner children, leaned over her three years younger brother, trying to button his coat. The task was hard to accomplish as Peter Gardiner detested wearing the navy blue velvet outfit, which his mother insisted he wear whenever they were going for a walk, enjoying very much for her children to look elegant. The pouting boy kept his arms folded against his chest, which prevented his sister from completing her task. Julia tried to disentangle his arms, but he just looked up defiantly, trying at the same time to evade his sister’s hands. His face lit up when he noticed his elder cousin on the last steps of the staircase.
“Cousin Lizzy!” he cried excitedly, running towards Elizabeth, catching her skirt, and embracing her legs.
Leaning over the boy, Elizabeth hugged him, stroking his blond hair. “How are you, Peter?”
“I am fine, cousin Lizzy,” the boy answered, raising his head from her, looking up. “Cousin Jane has told us you came yesterday. We wanted to go to see you, but she said you were very tired and you were asleep.”
“I have been a little tired.” Elizabeth smiled at the boy and then turning to her aunt said, “Good morning, Aunt.”
“Good morning, Lizzy. I am so sorry, my dear,” Mrs. Gardiner whispered, approaching and hugging her niece tightly.
The embrace was broken with Peter tugging insistently at Elizabeth’s skirt. “But you can go with us now?” the boy cried eagerly. “We are going to the park with Mama because our nanny is with her sister who is sick. Will you go with us, Cousin Lizzy? Will play with us?”
Elizabeth crouched in front of the boy, buttoning his coat successfully. “I cannot, my dear. I have to speak with your Papa now.”
“Papa has been in his study all morning with the very tall gentleman,” Julia said, approaching Lizzy closely.
“Yes, very, veryyyyy tall,” John emphasized stretching himself.
“You are wearing Cousin Jane’s dress,” Julia observed.
“Yes, I am. Jane has lent me her dress for today.” Elizabeth gathered Julia to her side, thinking she looked exactly like Jane at nine years old.
“I would like to be a grown up lady already like you and Cousin Jane, so I could wear such gowns,” Julia said with a longing in her sweet voice, tracing with her fingertips the delicate lace at the décolletage of her elder cousin’s elegant dress. “Will you lend me one of your dresses when I am a grown up lady?”
“Of course, I will, if you only ask.” Elizabeth smiled and added. “If your mother allows, one day we could try to arrange your hair the way Jane and I do.”
The girl’s eyes lightened. “Oh, Cousin Lizzy, that is wonderful. When?” Julia cried eagerly.
Mrs. Gardiner shook her head and spoke matter of factly, “Lizzy, you know you will not get away with this now.”
“You know that I do not mind, Aunt,” Elizabeth responded softly.
“Julia, your cousin is occupied with other things at the moment,” Mrs. Gardiner admonished her daughter. “You were to finish dressing you brother.”
Julia’s expression faded slightly, but she obediently went to the side table to pick up her brother’s hat. Elizabeth took it from her with a smile. She combed her fingers through the boy’s hair, arranging it neatly aside before putting the velvet hat on his head that matched his outfit.
“You look very handsome, young man,” she said, smiling down at Peter.
He was such an amiable child, like all the Gardiner children. They were cheerful, smart, spirited children; it was so easy to like them.
When Elizabeth raised her eyes from the boy, she saw her uncle standing in the open door to the drawing room and, not surprisingly, Mr. Darcy behind him.
“Oh, Lizzie, my dear. Here you are. Come to us,” Mr. Gardiner said, extending his arm to her.
Mrs. Gardiner looked thoughtfully from Darcy to Elizabeth, and spoke to her husband. “My dear, I think that Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy need some time to speak on their own, privately. Perhaps you should accompany us on our walk. I will need some help with the little ones, especially today with their nanny at her sister’s.”
The children started bouncing around their father, tugging at his coat and crying excitedly, encouraging him to go with them. Soon Mr. Gardiner was putting on his own greatcoat and hat with his children clustered around his legs. A few moments later the entrance door closed behind the Gardiner family.
Darcy
and Elizabeth stayed alone in the empty hall. Elizabeth wrapped the shawl more tightly around herself and walked decidedly in the direction of the drawing room’s open door, where Mr. Darcy stood. When she was walking past him, she was stopped by his hand placed on her shoulder.
“How are you today, my dear?” he asked warmly leaning towards her.
Elizabeth closed her eyes for a few seconds and when she opened them, she looked at him and answered calmly. “I thank you, sir. I am much better. I believe there are things we should discuss, Mr. Darcy. Shall we enter?” she said, walking into the room.
“Yes, of course.” He followed her, closing the door after them.
***
Elizabeth stood by the window looking at the Gardiners walking toward the nearby park. Mr. Gardiner was carrying Emily, and Peter was running beside him, whereas Julia was engrossed in conversation with her mother.
“Happy family they are,” Darcy observed, standing close behind her.
“Yes, that is true. It is quite a rare occurrence to see such a family,” Elizabeth agreed, giving one more look in the direction of the Gardiners before turning to her companion, raising her eyes at him. “Mr. Darcy, could you please tell me what you have said to my uncle? Jane has told me that the both of you have talked for quite a long time this morning,” she spoke evenly, her voice controlled.
Darcy seemed to be distracted as he stared down at her, and he spoke somewhat hesitantly. “I have told him that I proposed to you. I explained that in most unfortunate circumstances my aunt learned about my intentions towards you. I described her reaction to this intelligence and that it was the reason why you came here yesterday together with me and my cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam. I also assured him that I was ready to keep my word given to you and take care of you and your family in this tragic moment of your father’s death.”