by Ola Wegner
“I understand. And pray tell me, sir, have you mentioned to my uncle that I refused your proposals?” she asked in a calm voice.
“Elizabeth…,” he began, but she interrupted him quickly.
“Mr. Darcy, I am aware that you may very well believe that the fact I have allowed you those liberties when in my room at Hunsford indicates my consent, but it is not like that, sir,” she paused for a moment, twirling the ends of her shawl between her fingers. “I… my feelings towards you have not changed, and I am truly sorry I might have given you a hope with my behaviour. Pray believe me it was not my intention to sway you, to play with your feelings. The only explanation I have is that I was not myself at that very moment. I was so… so distraught that I believe I simply needed someone to comfort me.”
Darcy placed his palm on her fingers, stopping their movements, and leaning slightly whispered. “Elizabeth, I am always here, by your side, to comfort you…”
Elizabeth raised her anguished eyes at him and said pleadingly. “Sir, please, do not make it so difficult; I cannot.”
Darcy’s arm came around her and he motioned her towards the nearby sofa. “My dear, please, sit down; come here. Tell me why you cannot,” he asked soothingly, sitting beside her.
Elizabeth gave him a determined look and said with force. “Mr. Darcy, nothing has changed from that afternoon in the grove when you…”
“When I said that I love you,” he spoke softly, looking at her lovingly and raising her hand to his lips.
“Yes,“ Elizabeth said uneasily, removing her hand from his, and strengthening herself a little. “I admit I was very wrong in my assertion of your character as far as Mr. Wickham is concerned. However, I still believe that you had no right to separate my sister and Mr. Bingley, and I truly cannot understand why you…. ”
Darcy put a gentle finger on her lips and said, “I shall speak with Bingley, explain to him the whole situation, that I was wrong about your sister’s feelings towards him,” he promised, trying to meet her eyes.
Shaking her head, she spoke earnestly. “Mr. Darcy, a marriage when one person cannot return the feelings of the other cannot be a happy one. That is why I cannot accept you.”
Darcy took her hands into his and spoke softly. “My dear, pray tell me only one thing. Have you ever been in love?”
Elizabeth raised her eyes to him, then shook her head slowly. “No, I have not. I liked several gentlemen in the past, but every time it was not much more than a girlish infatuation, I believe.”
“So there is a chance I am to be first, is there not?” he asked, his tone low and husky, the back of his forefinger stroking her cheek.
“Mr. Darcy…,”
“Shh, Elizabeth…,” he murmured, leaning closely and kissing the soft skin just below her ear.
“No,” she said firmly, turning her face from his and backing away from him decidedly to the far end of the sofa.
Darcy’s eyes narrowed, observing her keenly. He stood up abruptly, walking to the mantelpiece, leaning against it.
At last he spoke, the tone of his voice cold and haughty, so different from the one he had used when he had sat beside her not so long ago that involuntarily an unpleasant shiver ran through Elizabeth’s body.
“Well, Miss Bennet, pray tell me what other choice you have now other than to marry me?’
“It was you who involved us in this situation,” Elizabeth cried indignantly.
“You are correct, madam. However, you cannot be surprised I felt it proper to announce our commitment after what had occurred in your room at the parsonage. I thought the liberties you allowed me to take meant your attitude towards me had changed, that you have, after all, some feelings for me.”
“Sir, it was you who came to my room uninvited. I asked you to leave me alone.”
“That is true, but I do not recall a word, or even a single gesture of protest when I was holding and comforting you. You went into my embrace of your free will. You sought comfort in my arms,” Darcy pointed out confidently.
Elizabeth’s voice turned desperate. “I have told you I was not myself. I…”
Darcy interrupted her with a force. “And if it had been someone else there with you, another man, let us say, Mr. Collins, would you have allowed him to comfort you in the same way.”
“No, of course not.”
“So, you would not have permitted any man to comfort you the way you allowed me to do. However, you still claim that it was of no consequence at all. You contradict yourself, Miss Bennet.”
Elizabeth rose and walked to him, speaking with energy. “Sir, you are twisting my words. I was not thinking straight…”
“And what about my cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam? Would you have allowed him to comfort you?” Darcy spoke with narrowed eyes, towering over her.
Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled angrily and she cried boldly. “Perhaps. He is kind to me. He never forces his company on me or orders me around as if I were five years old…”
Darcy rolled his eyes and said dismissively, “Oh, yes, your behaviour is very mature indeed.”
“Your cousin is at least a true gentleman,” Elizabeth cried with a challenge in her eyes.
Darcy smirked at her. “Do not be naïve, Elizabeth. He will never marry you. He looks for some well-dowered and well connected young lady. He is the second son and simply cannot afford to marry you. You should give up your hopes on him.”
“I have no such hopes!” she exclaimed, raising her hands in a frantic gesture. “I have never said I expected his proposals. I like him as a friend.”
Darcy stared at her steadily for a few moments before he spoke evenly. “Elizabeth, we have to marry. Your reputation will be ruined if you break the engagement. You forget that our understanding was announced in front of my aunt and cousin?”
“Sir, I am sure your aunt would happily forget about this if you agreed to marry Miss de Bourgh.”
“I have said this before: I have no intention of marrying Anne. I never did. The only woman I have ever wanted to marry is you.”
“But, sir, I truly cannot comprehend your sudden interest in my person.”
Darcy creased his brows in confusion. “Sudden?”
“I heard you say yourself I was not handsome enough to tempt you.”
Darcy sighed audibly and shook his head, a small smile appearing on his face. “Elizabeth, please let us sit down,” he said, motioning her to the comfortable armchair. He took a chair and placed it next to her, sitting on it. Leaning towards her, he spoke. “I admit that I have developed, over the years, a very bad habit of criticizing every young lady introduced to me. I cannot stop thinking that all they can see is my income, my position in the world. That evening at the Meryton Assembly, when we were introduced, I was in a foul mood. I hate crowds and strangers. I was angry with Bingley because he had talked me into accompanying him that night. I am sorry that you overheard what I said about you. I never even meant it to be personal to you. Please let me assure you,” he paused, looking her straight in the eye,
“I admired you almost from the very beginning, from the first hours of our acquaintance. When you stayed at Netherfield nursing your sister, the only thing I could think of at night was that your room was just a few steps from mine and that you were there alone, just in your nightclothes….”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened in horror, and she blushed from the tops of her breasts to the tiny baby hair curls around her forehead. “Mr. Darcy!”
Darcy chuckled helplessly. “Elizabeth, I am aware that you are an innocent, but you could not possibly be so oblivious. All the times when you noticed me staring at you…”
“I thought you looked at me to find some fault,” Elizabeth murmured, clearly dumbfounded, her brows creased.
Darcy’s smile grew even bigger, and he shook his head, looking at her warmly. “Elizabeth, I can see that my cousin was right about you. For all your impertinence and boldness, you are just a little innocent. You know very little of men, and I cannot wai
t to broaden your horizons on the subject.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him. “Mr. Darcy, my state of ignorance so far as the opposite sex is concerned should not bother you,” she spoke angrily, before adding firmly, “Sir, I cannot accept you.”
Darcy stayed silent for some time, staring at some nonexistent point in front of him. Next he lifted to his feet slowly and walked to the window, staring out of it, his hands clasped behind his back. Elizabeth had observed him doing this numerous times at Netherfield, Rosings and Hunsford.
At length he spoke as if indifferently, with his face still turned to the window. “Elizabeth, you have no choice. In the eyes of the world we are engaged. I will not allow you to break the engagement. I am a serious man. I will not allow you to ruin my own reputation and the good name of Darcy. It is against my moral standards to break the engagement with a gentleman’s daughter who travelled with me alone and unchaperoned in my private carriage. Your uncle has given his consent. You must simply accept the situation and deal with it, despite your obvious abhorrence for my person.”
Elizabeth raised herself and approached him, standing next to him. “Mr. Darcy, I do not feel abhorrence towards you. I just simply do not love you. I have observed for years in my own family what the results of such marriage can be, when one partner does not respect and love the other one. Neither of them can be satisfied and happy in such an unequal marriage. Moreover, truly, sir, I feel I am not in a state to be a wife to anybody at this very moment, when I must consider the fact that... that my father..., ” She lowered her head ,for she could not speak of it anymore.
Darcy turned to her and started again patiently. “I have never said I would demand from you to marry me within the next few days or weeks or even months. I respect your sorrow over your father’s death, and I understand that you need time to grieve before you will be able to start a new life. All I want is your word that you will marry me after the mourning period comes to end. During this time, I will court you properly so you can know me better. And, Elizabeth, you must remember your family’s situation. Longbourn is entailed. As far as I know, my aunt has that fool Collins already on his way to Hertfordshire to claim his rights to the estate. You and your sisters have no fortune, no dowry to speak of, and none of you is married. Where are you going to live now? Have you given thought to that? You think your mother will be able to economize? Is she capable of managing all your affairs now that your father is gone? She will probably spend all the money she receives in the matter of a few years, if not earlier. Only I can prevent this. As your fiancé I am in a position to help you and all your family. I will lease some neighbouring estate for your mother so she may live there peacefully and comfortably for the rest of her days. Your sisters could stay with her until they marry. I can introduce them to the single men among my acquaintance. I will meet Bingley, explaining to him that I was in the wrong telling him that your sister did not care for him. With my assistance, you will have no worries about the future of your family. You must see that marrying me is the only way to rescue your family from poverty, from losing its place in society.”
Elizabeth remained silent for a long time, her arms crossed in front of her. At last she looked at him sadly before speaking in a soft earnest voice, “Does it not bother you that in my accepting your hand I will do so only because you can help my family? Does that not mean that I will be looked upon as mercenary? You have said yourself you clearly despise all those women who see only your wealth.”
Putting his hands gently over her shoulders, he spoke, catching her eye. “Elizabeth, so far my fortune has not brought me much happiness. Money did not stop my parents from dying prematurely. It certainly has not protected my sister from the attentions of one of the most degenerate rakes in the country, but the contrary. Now if my fortune can make the future with you possible, I can only be grateful for that.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest, continuing gently. “My dear, I know you are not a mercenary. You see, I just cannot leave you on your own now. Knowing you will suffer from poverty, worrying yourself over your and your family’s future or, even worse, being forced to take a position somewhere among strangers and be treated like a servant. I simply cannot allow it, not when I can prevent all of this so easily. You can ask anyone who knows me, Colonel Fitzwilliam or Georgiana, that I would do everything in my power for my family, for my beloved ones when they are in need. And you, my dearest loveliest Elizabeth, are among the very few people I care for. No matter what you say or do, nothing can change that. I cannot stand by calmly and do nothing when I know that in two days’ time, perhaps, you and your family may no longer have a place to live.”
Elizabeth stared at his chest, where her right hand was placed, covered with both of his. Slowly she lifted her eyes at him. “You promise to help my mother and sisters?”
He gave a solemn nod, squeezing her hand.
“Well, Mr. Darcy. You have convinced me.” She gave him a pale smile. “You have my word. I will marry you. On my behalf, I promise to be a good wife to you, bear you children and care for them, and not ever to bring shame to your name.”
“Elizabeth, I have never doubted you will be a most excellent Mrs. Darcy in every respect,” Darcy assured her, taking a step towards her and leaning to her face, trying to meet her eyes.
She looked at him uneasily and biting her lower lip. spoke nervously. “I would only ask you for some time to adjust to this new situation in my life, and to your company, and,” she made a pause, swallowing visibly, her eyes avoiding him, “…to your presence by my side, to your…, I mean..., that is...,” she stuttered. “I believe I will need time to know you better, as you have said yourself,” she finished awkwardly.
Darcy looked thoughtfully at the embarrassed expression on her face, closed his eyes for a moment and then spoke evenly. “Of course, my dear. I understand you perfectly. Thank you.” He kissed her hand tenderly, but he did not try to kiss her face or embrace her as before.
Elizabeth gave him a relieved smile. “Would you stay for tea, Mr. Darcy? I am sure my aunt and uncle, with their children, are to come in any moment. I am sure the little ones have gotten hungry since breakfast.”
Darcy smiled at her warmly. “I saw you talking with you cousins earlier. You must like them very much.”
“It is so easy to like them. They are such good children. I have not so much patience with them as Jane has though.”
“But you appeared to deal with them very well in the hall.”
“Well, I think children appreciate it when you simply take the trouble and time to just talk with them and show some interest in their matters. But you must know this, sir. You must have been more a father to your sister than a brother, I believe.”
“Yes, that is true. Georgiana was just ten when our father died. I am nearly certain she cannot remember our mother as she was just a baby when she passed away. It has been a constant challenge to take care of Georgiana. I will never forgive myself that I let the situation from last summer happen.”
Elizabeth stepped towards him and, placing her hand on his arm, spoke earnestly. “Oh, sir, it was not your fault. How could you know that something like this would happen? You sister must trust you if she confided in you on such a matter. You will not always be able to protect her from the all evils of the world.”
Darcy stared at her small hand placed on his arm before directing his gaze to her face. “But, I shall try. I hope you will help me with this. Georgiana needs female companionship. She is shy, and, perhaps, you could try to help her emerge from her shell.”
Elizabeth smiled at him and said, “It will be my pleasure if I can help, sir. I cannot wait to meet her.”
They stood together by the window, looking at each other, until the clatter from the hall was heard, signalling the return of the Gardiners.
Chapter Six
Elizabeth sat on the floor in one of the downstairs rooms at Purvis Lodge, surrounded by piles of books which were brought from Longbourn library after the B
ennets had moved out. She was leafing through the pages of her father’s copy of ‘Paradise Lost.’ The book was well worn, and there were numerous notes on the margins made by Mr. Bennet’s hand. She was so much engrossed in her task that she did not hear her betrothed entering through the open door.
“Elizabeth.” His voice carried as he stood behind her.
She raised her head at him, smiling. “I thought you would not come today. Mr. Bingley came alone.”
Darcy’s eyes were locked on her, as she was sitting on the floor, her legs curled underneath her, with a book on her lap. He decided it would be better for his peace of mind and the hope of a decent rest this night, to lower himself to her level. With her kneeling before him, her gaze focused on him, her mouth slightly parted, her breasts in the low cut dress so temptingly displayed before his eyes, a whole range of improper thoughts involuntarily invaded his mind. She would probably run away from him instantly if she could have guessed his musings.
“Mr. Darcy, are you all right? Is there something amiss?” she asked, starting to raise herself.
Darcy’s hand stopped her, however, and he knelt beside her. “There was a certain matter I had to resolve first thing this morning. That is why I did not come with Bingley. I see you are arranging your father’s books.”
She nodded absently, her fingertips tracing the places with her father’s handwriting on it. “Yes, I am. At last. I have not felt up to doing this earlier. I simply could not make myself,” she whispered brokenly.
Darcy, noticing that she was about to fall into one of her brooding, grieving moods again, which would undoubtedly lead to some weeping on her part as well, spoke quickly, hoping to draw her attention away from the painful thoughts.
“I am surprised that Collins allowed you to take all of them. This alone is quite a fortune, a first edition, I can see,” he offered, taking the copy of Milton from Elizabeth.
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows and looked pointedly into her companion’s eyes, a trace of a smile on her lips. “Fortunately my cousin found my father’s library unholy and indecent. He suggested most of these books should be burnt. I think he would have only liked to keep Mary’s sermons.”