by Chloe Lang
“Let go. You’re a Dom. Overruled. That word meant something to us. Remember?”
“Yes, it did, baby. A long time ago.”
“Long time or not, I need you to let me go. Overruled. I mean it, Dustin.”
“You’re worked up, Paris. Relax. Take a breath and just relax.” He held her in place, afraid if he released her he would lose her forever.
“Are you listening to me, Dustin? Please. Please. Please. Overruled. Overruled. Overruled.”
His Dom training kicked in, and he let her go, stepping back. As much as he wanted to keep hold of her and force her to face whatever demons she was dealing with, he couldn’t. She needed a moment. As much as he didn’t want to back off, she needed him to.
Free of his hold, she stepped over the broken glass, unlocked his office door, and ran out.
He thought about chasing after her, but didn’t, not knowing what he could say to calm her down.
Why did she keep such a secret for so long?
* * * *
Early the next morning, Paris was lying on her bed crying, pulling out one tissue after another, wiping her eyes with them, and throwing them on the floor. She hadn’t slept at all the night before. All she could think about was Dustin and his reaction to her news.
Her cell rang.
“Damn it. I don’t want to talk to anyone.”
She looked at the screen and saw that her father was calling. “Hello, Dad.”
“Hi, sweetheart. Was calling to let you know I will be arriving tomorrow morning. How’s everything with you?”
“I’ve screwed everything up.” She felt another round of fresh tears roll down her cheeks.
“You’re crying. What happened?” The concern in her father’s voice couldn’t be missed.
“Everything was working so well with Dustin. And then I told him the truth.”
“Told him the truth about what, honey? You’re not making any sense.”
“I’m a surgeon, Dad.”
“What?”
“A doctor. I passed the Nevada and Colorado boards right before I returned to Destiny to work with Dustin in the practice.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why keep it to yourself?”
Sobbing, she said, “You’re mad at me, too.”
“No, baby. I’m not mad. I’m just confused. Take a deep breath and tell me everything.”
She and her dad talked for over thirty minutes. She told him about what happened in Phoenix all those years ago, and why she went back to school. But she didn’t tell him the real reason, knowing it would only bring back difficult memories for him.
“My reasons were wrong. All wrong. Now I’ve ruined everything.”
“Dustin loves you, honey. So does Mick. Mark my words, this will all work out. One question, Paris. Why aren’t you practicing medicine now? You have the license.”
She closed her eyes, feeling her lip start to tremble again. “It’s hard to say.”
“Are you afraid of being a doctor?”
“You sound like Dustin.”
“Smart guy. Seriously, Paris, does your refusal to practice medicine have anything to do with what happened to your mother?”
“Not really. Well, maybe. I just don’t know.” He was getting painfully close to the truth.
“You and Dustin have more in common than you can imagine, Paris.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just that you’re both too hard on yourselves.”
“You’re one to talk, Dad.” For years she’d seen her father’s anguish, blaming himself for the death of her mother.
He sighed. “That’s true. Perhaps it’s a necessary trait in physicians, at least good ones.”
“And you’re one of the greats, Dad.”
“I’m not sure about that, but I did enjoy my practice.” Her dad had been such a fun-loving guy, always the center of the party. But when her mom had died from the allergic reaction, he’d become sullen and withdrawn. Even though Sam O’Leary had helped him out of the darkness some time ago, she still caught her dad every so often staring at the photo of her mom that hung in the family living room of his home, wiping a tear from his eyes. “Honey, are you sure you don’t want to reconsider? You would make an amazing doctor.”
Did he still blame himself for her mother’s death? Did torment live under his current mask of contentment? Then she remembered Dr. Champion’s request for her to come to Wilde. Should I take that job in Wilde as a surgeon? Can I handle the responsibility of life and death? With Dr. Champion nearby, she had to at least try. It was her only option at the moment.
“Again, just like Dustin.” I should tell him everything, but I just can’t. Not now. Later. After I get settled. But he deserves at least a little of the truth. “I’m going to Nevada to accept that job, Dad. That’s final.”
“If that’s what you really want I will completely support your decision.”
“Thank you.” She wiped her eyes, feeling a little better.
“Just one more thing, sweetheart. Don’t run away from your problems.”
“I’m not,” she lied, knowing full well that was exactly what she was doing. “I’m leaving tonight for Wilde. I’m getting a tour of their new hospital. If all goes well, I plan on accepting his offer on the spot.”
“No. Don’t. Please. Don’t do anything until I get home. You’re upset.”
“Yes, I’m upset. Who wouldn’t be?”
“You know what your mom always said. ‘Don’t make decisions when you’re upset.’”
“Dad, I’m going to accept that position in Wilde.”
“I’m going to see if I can catch a plane now so I can be there this evening. You just sit tight. Don’t do anything until I get there.”
She could hear voices in the background of the call.
“Hold on, folks,” her dad said, addressing the newcomers. “Honey, I have to go, but I’ll text you my flight information once I get it locked down.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“No, I don’t, but I love my little girl and I want to.”
“And I love my dad.” A bang on her door startled her.
Her dad asked, “You okay?”
“Paris, we need to talk.” Dustin’s voice shook every inch of her.
“It’s just Dr. Ryder at my front door.”
“I’m sure you two have much to work out.”
Maybe, but not now. I just can’t talk about it now. “I love you, Dad. See you tonight.”
“I’ll text you my flight information.”
More insistent knocks. “Paris, let me in.”
Time to face the end.
Chapter Twelve
Dustin pounded on the door again, feeling the frustration exploding inside him. “Paris, you know this had to be a shock to me. And once again, I didn’t say anything right.”
Paris opened the door. “I just can’t talk about this right now, Dustin. I have too many things spinning in my head.”
“Please let me help.”
“No, Dustin.” Her eyes were red, clearly from crying. “I just need to be alone.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll go. But please call me. Again, I’m sorry for screwing things up.”
“You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who didn’t tell you about being a doctor.”
He wanted to touch her, to tell her everything was going to be okay. But how could he when he wasn’t sure himself? Instead, he just stood there like an idiot staring at the woman of his dreams.
“Good-bye, Dustin.” She shut the door.
He sensed there was much more to her secretly getting her medical degree and casting it aside than her just wanting to be a nurse. What it could be he couldn’t quite put his finger on yet. But if he pushed again, he knew the door would close and the love of his life would be lost to him forever.
He walked to his car. He couldn’t risk screwing up everything worse than it was already. He needed advice more than ever before. The first person he thought to call was Dr. Cot
trell, his mentor, but he was also Paris’s father. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them. They were both biased when it came to Paris. So, he brought out his phone and called someone he trusted deeply.
“Sam, this is Dustin.”
“Hey, Doc. Katy just came in and brought Ethel her breakfast. You better get here fast. My girl is ready for you to release her ASAP.”
“I’m headed back to the clinic now. Before I release Ethel, would you mind talking with me in my office?”
“She’s okay, isn’t she? Nothing came up on any other tests.”
“Ethel is fine, Sam. It’s me. I’m the one who needs your help. I know you were up all night, but if you could spare me a few minutes I would greatly appreciate it.”
“Of course, Doc. Of course. But might I suggest you come to Ethel’s room, make sure you’re ready to release her. If you are, Patrick can take her home. That way you and I can talk for as long as we need to.”
“Thanks, Sam.”
“Whatever you need, son, I’m here for you.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.” He clicked off the phone, hoping Sam would have the answers he so desperately needed.
* * * *
Paris gazed out her front window as Dustin drove away. Her heart was being ripped apart. Her dad had asked her the same question that Dustin had. “What are you afraid of?”
They are both right. I am afraid.
She’d lived with nothing but fear, telling herself she’d only gotten her license out of spite. She’d said it so long she actually believed it.
What do I do now? Mick had proposed. Dustin had made it clear to her that he wanted her, too. But was that enough? Was she enough for them? Deep down, she felt unworthy of their devotion. She’d broken up with them in Phoenix, blaming Dustin’s stubbornness as the reason. But had that been the real reason, the only reason, or just another lie she told herself?
What am I afraid of? Everything.
Her cell rang. Her stomach churned. She wasn’t ready to talk to either Dustin or Mick.
She looked at the screen and saw Dr. Alex Champion’s name come up. “Hello, this is Paris Cottrell.”
“Hello, Dr. Cottrell. This is Dr. Champion from Wilde. I’m sorry to call you so early, but I wanted to catch you.”
She looked at the clock on her stove. 8:00 a.m. “It’s not too early, Doctor. I got your message, but we had a baby to deliver. So I couldn’t return your call yet.”
“I completely understand. I hope you’ll take me up on the offer to visit Wilde and see our new hospital, Doctor.”
Doctor? It still sounds so strange. What am I afraid of? “Absolutely, I’ve spoken to Dr. Mark Strong. Do you know him?”
“Not personally, but I know he’s related to plenty of folks around here.”
“He moved to Destiny and is our local vet. He told me all about Wilde. I think it sounds like a wonderful place.”
“Oh, it is. I moved here not long ago and love it. I’m sure you being from Destiny will too.”
“Doctor, do you mind if we push up the date? I can be on the road in an hour or so and that’ll put me in Wilde around eight tonight. I would love to get the tour tomorrow.”
“That would be excellent. I’m anxious to show you everything.”
Afraid she might back out, she pressed, “Why not make my tour this evening, if you don’t mind, Doctor?”
“If you’re up to it, I’d be happy to, but it’s got to be a long drive from Destiny to Wilde.”
“Not too long.” Over ten hours. “I’ll be fine. The sooner the better.”
“Great. I was hoping you could meet Dr. Vines, but she’s back in Elko, where she practices for the next couple of days. It’s about thirty miles from Wilde. She’s available for surgical emergencies and is filling in for me for the time being until I get out of this cast.”
“Cast?”
“Silliest thing. I have a new baby and I slipped on her toy the other day and broke my arm.”
“Sorry to hear that. If you need me to delay coming—”
“No. Please. Come as soon as you can. Tonight would be great. I’ll send you an e-mail with all the information and directions.”
“I’ll be there, Doctor. Thank you.” She ended the call.
What am I afraid of?
She dialed her father, but got his voice mail. Good. Easier. “Hey, Dad. I can’t wait. Talked with Dr. Champion. I’m going to leave for Wilde today. I’ll call you when I get there. Love you.”
* * * *
Dustin signed Ethel’s release papers and then looked at the regal lady, who had already been fully dressed, sitting in the chair anxious to go home, when he’d arrived. “I want you to take it easy the next few days and I want to see you back in my office next week, young lady.”
“I haven’t been a young lady, Doc, in a very long time.”
“You are to me, sweetheart. Always.” Patrick kissed her on the cheek.
“And to me,” Sam added, squeezing her hand.
Ethel stood. “Let’s get this show on the road, Patrick. Gretchen and I have a lunch date with Betty to go over the Summer Solstice festivities.”
Dustin smiled. “So much for taking it easy.”
Ethel stepped forward and gave him a hug. “Thank you, Doc. For everything.”
“Sam, just call me when you are done here,” Patrick said.
“I don’t need a ride, brother. I’ll walk home when Dustin and I are finished with our meeting.”
Patrick gave him two thumbs-up, and walked out with Ethel.
Anxious to get started, Dustin led Sam to his office. He bent down and picked up the paperwork he’d thrown to the floor last night to clear off his desk so he could make love to Paris. Thankfully Kelley had canceled all his appointments for the day, so he and Sam would be uninterrupted for as long as they needed.
“Sam, I picked up some donuts from the bakery and got a fresh pot of coffee brewed so I could be just as cordial for you as you were yesterday with me.”
“I’m really not hungry, Doc, but coffee would be wonderful.”
“Coming right up.” He poured them both a cup, handing one of them to Sam. “I’m sorry to ask you to move up our appointment, but this is a bit of an emergency.”
“That’s saying a lot coming from a medical doctor. Tell me what’s going on.”
“She’s a doctor, Sam. A surgeon. Paris got her medical degree and license in secret. Even her dad doesn’t know. Why would she keep such a thing from everyone?”
“Don’t you really mean why would she keep such a thing from you, Doc?”
“I guess so. Yes. That is the question. I love her. I don’t get it. I only ever wanted the best for her. I knew she would have no trouble with medical school and would make a great doctor.”
“And I bet you told her that, too, didn’t you?”
“Yes. I screwed up again. Like I always do. I don’t understand her. She’s holding back something. There’s more to it than she’s told me. I can feel it.”
“Maybe so, but you came to me before you found out about Paris’s medical degree, didn’t you? Something else was troubling you.”
“Mind reader or psychiatrist?”
Sam laughed. “A little of both, I suppose. But tell me why you sought me out in the first place, Doc. You said something about me helping Dr. Cottrell, Paris’s dad, and that you wanted the same kind of help. What did you mean by that? It may be the key you need to figure out this other problem you’re having with Paris.”
Dustin closed his eyes, bringing up the image of the woman who haunted all his nightmares. “Where to begin?”
“At the beginning, son.”
“I’ve never been through that kind of day before or since. Crazy. I was still an intern in Phoenix. Paris and Mick had come down from Destiny to visit me. I was about to finish my shift when a little girl was brought in who had been in an automobile accident. At the very same time, a drug addict bolted through the door and grabbed Paris.” He reco
unted all the details of that day, including how Paris had been heroic in saving the little girl. “My mind kept replaying the gun to Paris’s head as I tried to help the woman who had been beaten severely by her husband. I thought I had all my focus on my patient, but I keep asking myself if I really did. Was there anything I could’ve done to save the poor woman? She died, Sam. What if I’m to blame?”
“Aren’t you blaming yourself already? Haven’t you been blaming yourself ever since that day?”
“Yes.”
“Was there any cause for an investigation into negligence on your part?”
“No.”
“Being an intern, I’m certain the case went through a rigorous review process, yes?”
“Yes.”
“How many times have you gone over the woman’s records?”
“Hundreds.”
“Did you come up with anything?”
“No. It’s just that I feel like I missed something.”
“Medicine is not based on feelings but on facts, Doc. From what you’ve told me, the facts speak for themselves. There is one person to blame for that woman’s death. Her husband. You tried to save her the best you could. You’re not God. You never will be. So the question I have is have you been pushing Paris to be a doctor all these years because of your own doubt?”
Dustin nodded, realizing Sam was exactly right. “I always thought she would be a better doctor than me.”
“Maybe she would. Maybe she wouldn’t. But, Dustin Ryder, you are a great doctor. Shall I start listing all the wonderful things you’ve done for people here in Destiny, beginning with my own wife? She was shot and you saved her. She passed out and you came to our rescue. We need you, Doc. We all need you. And I believe Paris needs you, too. So does your brother. To me it sounds like Paris might be running from something just like you have for all these years. But before you have a chance of helping her, you need to ask yourself this question. Are you more in love with your doubt than you are Paris?”
“I love her, Sam. She’s my world. Thank you. I get it. My doubt is only about me, not about her. It’s been a crutch. No more.”
Sam stood, extending his hand. “Good work, Doc. Very good work.”