Which Mage Moved the Cheese?

by Nikki Haverstock

  “How should I—Oh! I saw it at lunch. It’s a little black velvet bag with a gold drawstring. And if I find it first, you have to try my plan.”

  “I’m not doing anything—” I was going to refuse to bet, but then I spotted the bag on a table in the middle of the booth. How I had missed in when we first arrived was beyond me. But I could grab it and easily win the bet.

  I raced across the booth just as Vanessa also spotted it. I really pushed hard, but we reached the bag at the same time, our hands touching as we grabbed it. I dug my nails in, unwilling to let go, knowing that she would claim she won if she snatched it from my hand.

  Something hit me hard and all over like a gust of wind pushing on every part of me at once. I lost my grip and screamed, but I couldn’t hear my own voice over the rushing of air in my ears.

  The floor beneath me was gone, and I flailed my arms until I landed on something. In something. Something heavy, wet, and thick beneath me but hard enough to knock the air out of me. Nothing was solid except the wiggling mass next to me. My lungs ached as I tried to refill them with air, and slowly I became aware of where I was.

  I was in the queso swimming pool next to Vanessa. From inside, I could see a rail just about a foot wide all along the edge. I was sinking into the cheese, the warm liquid already covering my legs. I reached for the edge, but my arm would never be long enough unless I got closer.

  Pushing my legs to swim pulled me down and backward instead of forward. The cheese was up to my breasts. Each movement was pulling me deeper. I loved queso, but I didn’t want to drown in it.

  “Help! Help!” Vanessa screamed. She was already up to her neck as she jerked and twisted.

  “Stop moving! Vanessa!” My voice was shrill in my ears, but I could hardly stop as she sunk a bit deeper. “Stop! Just hold still.”

  She stilled and briefly stopped sinking. She had tears running down her face, and I wanted to calm and comfort her.

  A cat yowled. Patagonia stood on the edge, looking down at me as she paced and screeched her displeasure. She looked ready to jump.

  “No!” I screamed. My own tears started to flow. If she jumped in, I couldn’t save her. I might not be able to save myself.

  Vanessa sobbed. “I tried magic. Nothing is working right.” She was still sinking. Her neck was arched to raise her nose above the surface.

  My mind raced as I searched for a spell to save us, but my recent education was lacking in spells designed to help me escape from a vat of queso. I screamed again, hoping the security guard would come.

  As I flailed about, the surface of the cheese burst into flames, a side effect of my magic not being under control and the life-or-death nature of the situation.

  Vanessa screamed. “I don’t want to be flambéed!”

  The flames flickered and flared before slowly dying down as I quenched the magic around me. It sapped every last bit of energy I had to do so. Tears flowed down my face, as my options were gone.

  A dark shape in the corner of my eye pulled my head around as the cheese crept up my neck. Vanessa had just her nose sticking up above the surface. Aristotle, Vin’s familiar, stalked next to Patagonia. He was all black like her but the size of a jungle cat. He reached his massive paw toward me but couldn’t reach. He yowled and complained next to Patagonia as she cried. Then he jumped down.

  Vanessa was gone. The cheese where she had been was smooth and still. I screamed an incoherent noise over and over. I was unable to be still, and my descent into the cheese sped up until the entire world tipped.

  I thought I was being pulled under the surface, but then I realized the entire container of cheese was collapsing. There was a loud crash, and once again there was a solid surface underneath me. I wiped cheese from my eyes as I reached out with the other hand to find Vanessa. I heard coughing and cried with joy, the tears washing away the cheese splattered around my eyes.

  I wrapped her in my arms, pulling her close. We were both slick and covered in sticky warm queso. “Are you okay?” My voice broke.

  She continued to cough but hugged me back.

  I was shaky all over, and I clung to her. My thoughts racing until something pressed between us.

  Patagonia was purring and meowing, wedged between us. She shoved her head up against my neck, the bright yellow cheese glaring against her black fur. She was distraught, meowing and pacing. Over and over again, she pressed her head against my hands.

  The cheese was spreading across the floor like lava. The vat I had been in had collapsed, crushing the booth displays beneath it. But why?

  Aristotle stood to the side, licking one paw and watching me. As voices sounded and shouting intensified, he turned to run away. He seemed to disappear before turning the corner.

  A group of serious-faced security guards ran up. A few had guns pulled to handle any human threat. A building sense of magic told me that the rest were preparing for a mage threat.

  I searched for the guard who had let us in but didn’t see him.

  A man from somewhere in the group shouted, “Hands up. Don’t move.” Fear, aggression, and nerves radiated off the men. They didn’t know what they were facing, and a wrong move could set them off.

  Adrenaline still thrummed through my system, and I had trouble focusing as my eyes darted around. I let go of Vanessa and raised my arms. Patagonia, more queso colored than black, arched her back and hissed a warning as she snapped her paw in their direction.

  Vanessa started to rise then slipped back into the cheese. “I’m Vanessa Russo. Get my brother, Vin. We’ve been attacked. I think I’m hurt.”

  There was shouting and more people coming in. Emotions were bouncing into me, and I was too weak to ward them off. My eyes were burning. The cheese was cooling quickly. I shivered, and my stomach rolled. I could feel the world dimming around me. I felt like I was trapped inside a quesadilla—all I needed was a vat of guacamole. I might never be able to eat cheese again.

  Had we been attacked? I hadn’t even had time to think of it, but this certainly had not been a natural event. One second, we were grabbing Granner’s medicine bag, then the next, we were falling into the queso. We almost drowned. It would have been as pathetic a death as being crushed by the world’s largest wedge of cheese.

  “Ella! Vanessa! Stand down. I know them.” Vin pushed through the group of men and ran through the cheese.

  Vanessa threw herself at him. He wrapped an arm around her, but he still reached down and pulled me up to his chest. Putting both his arms around us, he held us tight as she sobbed into his chest.

  In a low voice, he growled at me. “What is going on?”

  Vanessa pulled herself together. “Someone tried to kill us. They set up a booby trap. It was connected to the booth or maybe Granner’s medicine bag. We raced for it because of a bet, and when we touched it—whoosh!—suddenly we were in the vat of queso. Mom!” Vanessa slipped but caught herself before falling as she tried to make her way to her mom.

  Auntie Ann raced over and wrapped her arms about Vanessa. “My baby!”

  I laid my head on Vin’s chest and felt his breathing. The in and out was calming even when it caught in his chest. I felt relieved to be this close.

  Auntie Ann started wiping Vanessa’s face with a tissue, cleaning the cheese from around her eyes. Despite the horror of our experience, I stifled a giggle. Vanessa looked like the creature from the cheese lagoon.

  The crowd around the lake of cheese had grown. Interspersed among the security team was a growing number of men in tuxes and women in gowns. The seers looked on anxiously while Tiffany snickered at us.

  This wasn’t my first life-or-death experience, but that didn’t make it any less scary. Had Aristotle ripped the leg off the tower, or did it just shear off because of the extra weight of Vanessa and me? Could a familiar, even one the size of Aristotle, do that? Why did he come to my rescue even before Vin arrived?

  Maybe it was the adrenaline. Maybe it was being this close to him, but I needed to tell Vin h
ow I felt. He needed to know. I wasn’t even sure of what to say or how to say it, but I needed to start. “Thank you, Vin. I—”

  “Vin!” It was a command to answer. The voice sent a chill down my spine.

  The marshal was standing at the edge of the cheese, the top of which had begun to film over. “Vin, what is going on? Why is there cheese everywhere on my crime scene? Who did this?” His eyes narrowed at me. “I’ve seen her around. Who is she?”

  “This is Ella, my sister’s friend. They had an accident while getting something for my grandmother’s grandmother.” He edged between the marshal and me.

  A raspy voice came from Peter, who stood next to the marshal like a vulture. “Felix, she has been living here for a while but has not come to pay her respects to you like she should. Why is that?”

  The marshal considered Peter’s words. “Why haven’t you? Who are your people?”

  Annie Ann jerked her head around. “She has been studying with us.”

  “I did not ask you, Ann. I asked her.”

  I cleared my throat. “I am Ella Marie.”

  Peter leaned in toward the marshal. “She is hiding something. She is fearful. Perhaps she is a spy here to watch us. Or to kill you. There are those that are jealous of your power. They seek to—”

  “Enough, Peter.” The marshal cut him off, but the accusation that I was hiding something had sunk in. He looked me up and down, suspicious but cautious.

  The seers standing at the edge of the crowd caught my gaze. Gertrude had shiny tears in her eyes and clung to her husband Ralph. Was this the moment in her vision she had feared?

  I didn’t fully understand the danger I was in or the possible ramifications, but others were scared. The crowd had a general sense of unease mixed with curiosity. Except Tiffany, who was gloating in her yellow gown.

  Vanessa clung to her mother, Auntie Ann. Vin was tense in front of me. Though I couldn’t feel their emotions like I could other people’s, they were making no attempt to hide their body language. They were scared for me.

  I didn’t have enough information to know how to answer or what to do. I had been hiding who my father was because he had spent my lifetime hiding me. Surely he’d had a reason to do so, and until I knew that reason, I wouldn’t know what I risked by letting the secret out.

  He had been murdered, and we hadn’t had a single clue as to why. He could have made a lot of enemies, but my research at the casino and my searches of the loft with Bear and Badger hadn’t unearthed anything yet.

  The seers had even said that someone was searching for me or would be searching for me. That I was in danger or would be at some point. The danger felt real, especially with the marshal, Peter, and all his henchmen staring at me.

  “Step aside. As marshal of the area, it is my right to question her.”

  Olivia spoke up. She meekly dipped her head in respect to him. “Marshal Felix, Ella is under my protection.”

  “Understood, Ms. Santini, but she must answer.” He looked back to me. “So, girl, who are you?” He spoke each word carefully and clearly.

  The room was hushed, and everyone watched me.

  “I’m Ella Marie.”

  Irritation flashed across his face. “Ella Marie who? Who are your parents? Where are you from? Why did you come here and not check in?”

  I swallowed hard, my eyes drawn to the seers again. Gertrude had given me instructions that she said would protect me, and it was worth a try. “I follow the old ways.” I didn’t know what it meant, but hopefully it was an acceptable answer.

  A murmur of shock passed through the room. The curious faces from the back pushed forward to see me better. Even Auntie Ann, Vanessa, and Olivia were shocked. Vin had gone white.

  The marshal took a half step back and faltered. He was stunned. “You… what?”

  Whatever it meant, it was an answer that would be accepted. “I follow the old ways. The narrow path.”

  Excited chatter rose. Whatever it meant was surprising and interesting. The fear was fading away as people whispered. The marshal leaned over to confer with Peter.

  I faced Vin, but he was glaring at me. I felt a crack inside my head, and I flinched before realizing that no one else had heard it. Pain exploded in my chest as if a red-hot whip had lashed across my bosom. I gasped at the pain, then I could feel the anger build. Where I hadn’t been able to read a single emotion off him for months, I could now feel rage pouring out of him. He turned and stomped away.

  “Ella, why didn’t you tell us?” Auntie Ann asked me.

  “I… I didn’t know until now.” I wasn’t supposed to share the prophecy.

  The marshal shouted at me. “What’s your familiar’s name?”

  “Patagonia.” She pressed into my side

  “Fine. Ella Patagonia will be your name, but you must pass the test first. I will find someone that can do the Monza testing, then we—”

  “I can do that.” Tiffany pushed her way to the front of the crowd. “I’ve only done it a few times.” She smirked at me. “So few people have the desire to do it anymore, but I am sure I can remember all the steps.”

  Surely this was when it would be discovered that I had no idea what I was saying. I swallowed hard as she carefully stepped through the cheese to stand in front of me. “Give me your hand.”

  I held out a hand to her as Patagonia hissed.

  She grabbed it and closed her eyes. Only a few seconds passed before her eyes flew open. “Let down your guard, or I can’t do this.”

  I groaned and lowered the meager mental defenses I had learned to erect. The emotions around me turned up as though the volume had been cranked to maximum. I grimaced as everything hit me too hard: suspicion, concern, curiosity, surprise, and somewhere was Vin’s simmering anger at me for something I didn’t understand.

  Time ticked on as she hummed softly. Finally she blurted, “She’s a virgin!”

  My face was hot, and I snatched my hand away. Maybe dying in a vat of queso would have been preferable.

  The marshal nodded. “And her family?”

  “She has no family ties either.” There was a bit of pity for me, and it made me hate her even more.

  “No strong ties to anyone?”

  “Her familiar. Auntie Ann, Olivia, and Vanessa.”

  Olivia spoke up. “That is appropriate. We train with her.”

  The marshal nodded. “No one else at all?”

  “There are two older men. The bonds are not sexual or familial.”

  That must be Bear and Badger. “My neighbors. They have been teaching me to… uh… helping with my apartment.”

  Tiffany nodded. “That fits. She passes my tests. She’s a virgin, has cut off her family, and has no romantic bonds.” She turned to me with a wicked smile. Lowering her voice so only I would hear, she said, “I guess I better go comfort poor Vin.” She picked up her skirt and left me standing there, shivering in gloopy cheese.

  I might have passed the test, but had I lost everything else?

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Three hours later, I shivered as I pulled my robe tighter around me. Even with flannel pajamas, a thick terrycloth robe, fluffy slippers, and a blanket, I was freezing. Since I had moved in after my father’s death, I had marveled that the huge, open-air loft at the top of an industrial building was always the perfect temperature, warm and cozy in winter and refreshingly cool in the Nevada summers.

  It was only recently that I had learned the obvious answer: magic. Bear and Badger had paid the magical cost for me as a favor to my late father, but with my training ramping up, they had given me the burden—a task I was not handling very well. It had not become second nature yet, and the result was erratic temperature swings.

  I pushed a bit more magic into the temperature-controlling spell that would hopefully kick the furnace on. Patagonia pawed at my blanket until I lifted it for her to crawl under. Though she had always kept close, since my cheese-covered proclamation that I followed the old ways, she had been insep
arable, even climbing into the shower with me when I scrubbed the crusty cheese from every nook and cranny of my body. The gorgeous dress and shoes had been thrown away at the casino, and the staff there had sent me home in a bathrobe after I had used paper towels to wipe everything but a greasy, sticky film from my skin.

  That had only been a few hours ago, but it felt like a lifetime. Auntie Ann and Olivia had insisted I go home and talk to no one until morning, when a car would pick me up and bring me right to them. Vanessa and Vin had been absent, but I was sure both were unhappy with me for various reasons I didn’t fully understand. In fact, I didn’t understand any of the consequences of what I was doing when I’d made my announcement.

  Taking my familiar’s name as my last name was doable. Cutting off all family had been done for me already. But the celibacy thing was not on my list of plans. Technically I had been celibate for my entire life, but I had hoped for something different in my future: dating, falling in love, and getting married.

  I was surrounded by books I had pulled off the shelf. As soon as I got home, I had texted Bear and Badger the details of what had happened but that I needed to clean up before I could talk to them. While I waited, I did what I should have been doing for months. I studied.

  There was no single book that covered all the details of what it meant to be a Monza, follow the narrow path, or follow the old ways. Each reference used a different description of the lifestyle, but few had any new details to add beyond one. The lifestyle made people, mostly females, strong. Magically powerful. The sections I had read emphasized that without family or romantic relationships, Monza mages were able to train to a level that other mages weren’t, though no one knew its extent for sure. They were respected in the community and allowed to move freely and study anywhere, but they were also secretive and kept much hidden from the rest of the mage community.

  By the time the doorbell rang, the loft was cozy and warm, and I was more than ready to give up reading The Mage Guide to Magical Careers, which had a very, very short section on Monza. They said if you were unhindered by sexual desire and detested your family, then it might be worth further investigation or talking to someone with additional information. Everything I had read had been very surface-level reports by others about those that had chosen the lifestyle but nothing firsthand so far.