A Maggot - John Fowles
Page 29
Q. They exchanged no signs?
A. Nothing but a clasping to each other's breast.
Q. And next?
A. His Lordship led us from the stones. There he stopped and spake to me again, that I must not speak of what I had seen this night. That it neither brought nor should bring harm to me, I was not to fear what must seem so strange. Then he took and pressed my hands again, most earnestly, it seemed to make proof this more gentle manner he showed me was more his true self than that I had known.
Q. What said you to this?
A. That I would not speak. To which he answered, Very well, now go with Dick. And thus I went with him, while his Lordship stayed. But before we were rid back to the inn, he came behind us, so he stayed not long.
Q. Did you not ask him of what had happened?
A. He still rode some paces behind us for what short distance we had yet to make. And there in the yard bade me goodnight, and went to his room, leaving Dick his horse to unsaddle and stall. And I went likewise to my room.
Q. Dick did not join you there, when he was done?
A I saw him not again that night.
Q. Very well. Now what of this - first that you told Jones his Lordship did inform you of why you went to the temple, to wit, that he should use you carnally there, in pursuance of a lewd superstition; and further you told Jones of a blackamoor perched upon a stone as if flown there like a great buzzard, ready to spring upon thy carcass, of a stench of carrion, I know not what else, a most satanick vision?
A. I lied.
Q. I lied, says she. I'll tell thee a truth of lying, mistress. Who lies once will ever lie twice.
A. I lie not now. I am upon oath.
Q. Why didst thou so greatly lie to Jones?
A. Because I must, to blind him, that he should think the worse of what was done, and dare not to speak, for fear he should be thought part of it. I will tell in good place, and why I lied to him.
Q. That you shall, I promise you. Now, that next day, did his Lordship's manner to you seem changed?
A. Save that once as he rode, he turned and waited until we came abreast of him, and then gave me a close look, and asked me, All is well? And I replied yes, and would have spoke more, but he turned and rode on, as it were to say, he would converse no further.
Q. What thought you to what you maintain to have seen among the stones?
A. That there lay some spell upon it, some great mystery. That it was a sign, and yet meant no evil. I have told thee, I knew no evil in it, nor fear.
Q. And what put you upon what you say his Lordship said afterward: that you were she he had sought?
A. There was that in me that matched what he willed.
Q. To wit?
A. That I had sinned, and should sin no more.
Q. How is this - did he not keep you in sin and lechery?
A. That I should see it the better.
Q. Then what he willed was not what we suppose: a cure to his impotency?
A. What he sought was what came to pass.
Q. That a common whore shall provoke what passes belief? Is not that your sense? This visitation is made upon you, not him? Did he not kneel beside and below you?
Q. Such was seeming. I was there of his will, not mine. I but served him.
Q. And who think you these two men to have been?
A. I shall not tell thee now.
Q Enough of these shufflings. You are before the law, mistress, not at one of your prophetick meetings. I will be put off no more.
A. Yes thee will, master Ayscough. For if I told thee now, and of his Lordship's will, thee would mock me, and not believe.
Q. Thy present obstinacy is worse than thy ancient whoring. Why smil'st thou?
A. Not at thee, I beg thee to believe.
Q. You shall not escape me, mistress.
A. Nor thee what God has given.
Q. What of Dick - seemed he changed upon that next day?
A. Not in his lickerousness.
Q. In what manner?
A. As we rode.
Q. What as you rode?
A. His Lordship was rid ahead, and Mr Brown and Jones lay behind.
Q. What passed?
A. I will not say. But that he was in a state of lust, as an animal, as Adam unregenerate.
Q. And you relieved him of it?
A. I will not say more.
Q. You mean by the roadside, among bushes?
A. I will not say more.
Q. What happened that night at Wincanton?
A. His Lordship called me not, except soon after we arrived, and then but to take a message to Jones, that his Lordship must speak with him at once.
Q. Do you know why?
A. No. I gave the message, that is all.
Q. Jones did not speak to you concerning it?
A. No.
Q. And his Lordship did not ask further for you that night?
A. No.
Q. Did Dick come privately to you?
A. Yes.
Q. And you lay with him?
A. Yes.
Q. Were you not tired by then of his attentions?
A. I accepted them as before, tho' not as harlot.
Q. Out of pity, you would say?
A. Yes.
Q. Did he not arouse thy womanly lust?
A. That is not thy business.
Q. He did, is it not so? (Non respondet) Stayed he long in your
chamber?
A. As before. He was gone when I awoke.
Q. The next day you passed to Taunton. Spake his Lordship more with you on that day?
A. 'Cept once, when he rode a little beside and apart with us, and asked how I did, whether I was not sore from the riding. And when I said yes, for I had not the use of it, he said, Our journey is near done, you may rest soon.
Q. His manner was polite?
A. Yes. More as at the beginning.
Q. Did you not ask him then of what had passed at the heathen temple?
A. No.
Q. Was the moment not opportune?
A. I knew he would speak of it when he wished. And when he did not, would not. And I believed now I was under his protection, and more precious to him than he showed by his cruelty earlier, or seeming indifference. Tho' still I knew not why.
Q. And that day, did you satisfy Dick's state of lust again, as you rode?
A. No.
Q. Did he not attempt it?
A. I would not have it.
Q. Was he not angry? Did he not force you to it?
A. No.
Q. And bade his time until that night?
A. Nor then neither. For we found no inn at Taunton that could lodge us as we wanted, and must put up at a poor place, out of the town's centre. There I must sleep with other maids, and his Lordship and Mr Brown in one small chamber, and Jones and Dick upon hay in the loft. I could not be apart with either his Lordship nor Dick, even had they wished it. Nothing passed. Unless the lice and fleas.
Q. So be it. The next day?
A. We rode all day, I think more distance than before. And when we had passed Bampton, we went not by the high-road. By green paths and lanes, where we met few or none.
Q. Did you not say you purposed not to return to Claiborne's, and to find your parents and sisters again in Bristol?
A. Yes.
Q. Then why chose you to come this far? Is it not far west of where you might most conveniently have escaped for Bristol?
A. Yes, it is so. But I had not courage for it, nor saw means. At heart I was whore still, may the Lord Jesus Christ forgive me. A bagnio life makes hard in sin, soft in much else. We have our servants and our needs looked to, as much as any lady. And besides grow creatures of our humours, we think only of today. We have no feet upon the rock, no faith to help us provide against our future. I minded still to go to Bristol, as I told thee, and to change my life; yet cared not at the time that I went as I did, since it was ever more away from London, so be it at his Lordship's whim. Thee may scorn, I wi
ll not deny it. When we rode from Taunton it was to be the last day so. From that tomorrow I will not let thee scorn; or if thee do, thee'll scorn theeself.
Q. Enough. No more of this.
A. Yea, I must. For else thee can't understand my soul's road, nor his Lordship's neither. Thee must forgive, I tell thee not the truth entire in one matter. 'Tis true I began out of force, then out of pity for Dick. I came now to know he pleased me more than that, yea, more than any man else I had known since the first, when I was mere girl and in folly against all my parents had taught me. He knew not the sinful art of love, no not one whit; yet knew to please me more than those who did. For he loved me the more, with all his strange heart, despite he could not say it in any words. And I have thought since, in his no-words lay more speaking than in any spoken. Which came not of what passed in the flesh, that is of our fornicating and beastly selves, but of other times. When I did sleep against his breast upon the road, of looks we passed, I know not, when I heard what he would say better than if he had spoke it out loud. He came to my bed on that last night, and had his will of me; then lay a-weeping in my arms, and I wept also, for I knew why he wept. As if we lived in two prison cells, able to see the one the other and touch our hands, yet no more. And thee may call it what thee will, I tell thee this weeping was most strange and most sweet to me. For I saw it freed me from my harlotry, my sin, my hardness of heart, all I had become since first I lost my innocence. 'Twas as if for those years I had lived in darkness, and made of stone; and now was flesh again, if not yet Christian, and fully saved. Believe me or not, master. Every word I say is truth.
Q. You loved the man?
A. I might have loved him, could he have shed his Adam.
Q. And what heard you in this speaking without words?
A That he was a desperate unhappy man, as I was myself, tho' for a different cause; and that he knew me so, and loved me also that I did not mock and spurn him.
Q Very well. Now did you not upon this last day's journey ride aside with his Lordship?
A. Yes, the summit of a mountain, that lay beside the road, and showed many miles to the land ahead.
Q Did Dick not point in a certain direction? To a particular place?
A. I took it to be in show, to seem as he knew the country.
Q. Did his Lordship ask Dick to point? Did they exchange some sign first?
A. No.
Q. Was not where Dick pointed, to that cavern where you were on the morrow?
A. I could not say.
Q. It was in that same direction, was it not?
A. It was westward. More I cannot tell. It may be so.
Q. This place was how far from where you rested that night?
A. Two hours' ride or more.
Q. And nothing else passed as you rode?
A. His Lordship took offence that I wore violets beneath my nose. I put them in a band there for their sweet scent. He took it as an impertinence, I know not why. He said nothing till later.
Q It was not reasonable? You gave him no other cause than this, that you had picked a nosegay?
A. I am sure not.
Q. Now what said he later?
A He called me to him when we had supped, by Dick, and I thought for his old purpose. However, Dick was dismissed as soon as I was brought, when his Lordship would have me , make myself naked before him; which I was obliged to do, ' expecting he would at last try his prowess upon me. But he would not, he made me sit on a bench before him, as I were a penitent, and called me impertinent as I say, for the violets; then a whore, I know not what else, more cruel than ever before, like he was half mad, for he forced me to kneel, and make an oath that all he said was true. Then all of a great sudden he changed, and maintained his cruelty was no more than a test, that on the contrary he was well pleased with me. And spoke of they he called the keepers of the waters, that we
should meet tomorrow, and now said I was brought by him to please them and must do so, and he should reward me for it. I must put off my London airs, so he said, and appear as simple as I could, feign I came not from the bagnio.
Q. By these waters you supposed those he had spoken of in London?
A. Yes.
Q. Said he no more of these keepers?
A. That they was foreign, and spoke not English, nor any other language of Europe; nor knew nothing of women of vice. That I must be in all like an innocent maid, with no knowledge of sin. And meek, not forward in any way.
Q. He was not more particular- did he not name some particular place or country from which these persons came?
A. No.
Q. Did he never intimate where he had heard of them?
A. Only that he much wished to meet them.
Q. He had not met them before, was that to be understood?
A. Yes. Tho' it was not said plain, he had not.
Q. Did you not think this strange, that his Lordship now talked of giving you to others, as a pandar might?
A. Yes, in part.
Q. Why only in part?
A. I knew by then he spoke most in riddles.
Q. Were you not made fearful again, even tho' you had thought what passed at the Wiltshire temple not evil in its intent?
A. Still I saw behind his Lordship's dark humours no evil purpose. I did not understand what he did, and most feared my own ignorance.
Q. I would know something more in general. Believed you that his Lordship knew of your amour with his servant? Was it done within his knowledge or behind his back?
A. He knew, for he accused me of it, that I took too great a pleasure in Dick's embraces; as a master might say, you are bought for my pleasure, yet do find it in another's arms; and that I would have told him as much by the wearing of the violets.
Q. He knew you lay with Dick in secret, outside of those occasions he commanded?
A. What I had been hired for was done but twice, and then no more, so to say his Lordship gave up hope of it, and I was abandoned to this man; yet still seemed he angered that I took pleasure in it.
Q. You would say, that he saw your coupling answered not to his declared purpose, and so he cared no more?
A. His Lordship had more than one purpose, and one a far greater.
Q. It shall be explained.
A. In good time.
Q. To the nonce: was it not singular that he should put upon you that you must serve to these important strangers, yet not say you must now put Dick by?
A. So it was, even so.
Q. That was his wish, as you conceived - that you should be these persons' whore if they so desired, and despite your appearance of innocence? Not less?
A. So I understood it.
Q. All this was said by way of command: that you must do it? Not that the choice lay with you?
A. As his wish, that I must obey.
Q. Nothing else was said to you by his Lordship?
A. No.
Q. You hesitate.
A. I sought my memory.
Q. And you still say no?
A. I say no.
Q. Mistress, there is that in your answers I do not like. 'Tis so you would tease, and riddle me. This is no riddling matter, I warn thee.
A. If I speak riddles, I was set them. If I confuse thee, so was I confused.
Q. His Lordship dismissed you?
A. Yes.
Q. You saw him no more until the morning?
A. No.
Q. You went to your room, and then Dick came?
A. I was asleep when he came.
Q. And did you not think, I must lie in another man's arms tomorrow?
A. I did not know the morrow then, Jesus be praised.
Q. The morrow is close. Thou shalt put off no more.
A. I know it.
Q. Had you no warning that Jones would run away that night?
A. No, none.
Q. He spoke not of it to you?
A. We spoke little.
Q. Why?
A. Because he would pry when we started out; and would s
eem always to know more of me than he did; that I owed him a favour for his silence.
Q. He did not lie in that?
A. Notwithstanding. He would ever mock Dick for his dumbness and deafness. I liked not that, neither. He never spoke plain, till the end.
Q. Knew you that Mr Brown should part also, so soon upon your setting out?
A. No.
Q. Were you not surprised?
A. No. It seemed not strange. Their task was done.
Q. Very well. Mr Brown rode away, and you set off upon the Bideford road. What next?
A. We rode, and entered soon upon woods, a most wild place; and went there till we came upon a stream that fell across the road, and we must cross. Where his Lordship stopped and looked back upon Dick, for he rode ahead, and we behind; and raised a hand with the forefinger stretched out so, the other forefinger so, as a cross. To which Dick replied by pointing ahead as we stood, which was not to the road we trod, that crooks back at where the stream crosses, but up the hill, or mountain, on the course the water fell by.
Q. What put you upon this?
A. That Dick must know this place, and his Lordship not; or was not so certain of it.
Q. Were other signs made?
A. His Lordship set his hands apart, as if to measure. And Dick raised two fingers. Which I understood not then, I think now to have meant, it is two miles away. There came no more sign. Yet they moved not from where we stood, but stared still together, like two people tranced by each other's eyes. Till of a sudden his Lordship turned his horse, and rode away through the trees, up the hill where Dick had pointed.
Q. Said he nothing to you?
A. No, not one word, nor looked at me. 'Twas as I was not there.
Q. Had you seen them before stare in this manner?
A. Yes, once or twice, not so long.
Q. It was not as master and man?
A. More as two children will stare each other out.
Q. Then with a seeming hostility?
A. Not that, neither, not as an ordinary look. As if they spoke, tho' their mouths moved not.
Q. Very well. You entered upon the valley above. Jones has told me of it, how it lies. Come to where first you stopped.