End of the Innocence

by John Goode

  “You mean that?” he asked, unsure if my words were a verbal feint.

  “I think I do,” I said, sounding more surprised than he did. “You are aware Kelly is still a complete asshole?”

  He cocked his head and asked me back, “Do you think I got hit on the head or something?”

  “Hey, I was wondering,” I said, laughing. “I just worry he is going to end up telling you to fuck off.”

  “So he tells me to fuck off,” he answered as the carhop came rolling up to my window holding a tray of food. “Not the first time I’ve heard those words. Hell, not the first time I’ve heard him say those words to me.”

  The girl looked at all the food we had ordered and then at just the two of us. “Did you guys need some bags to go with this?”

  I shook my head as I took the tray of food from her. “Nope, this is fine.” I handed it to Kyle as I dug some money out of my pocket. “Keep the change,” I said, shooting her a smile. She looked in the backseat just to make sure and then skated off. I looked over to Kyle, who was already three bites into his burger. “You know she thinks we have an eating problem now, right?”

  He said something back with his mouth full.

  I answered him as I grabbed my own food. “I don’t care what she thinks, I’m just saying.”

  We ate in relative silence as we both agreed the fight was over.

  KYLE

  At ten the next day I knocked on Kelly’s door.

  It took him almost five minutes before he appeared at the door, his hair standing straight up and his eyes barely open. Once his vision focused on me, he let out a wail. “Oh fucking come on!”

  I held up a bag and announced cheerfully, “I brought donuts.”

  He stared at me silently for almost a minute.

  Then, sighing, he stepped out of the way. “Fine, come in.”

  And that was how I became friends with Kelly.

  That weekend, we watched the first season of Teen Wolf, cleaned up his house, and spent an afternoon scrubbing the paint off his truck. We ended up sanding it down to metal, which made it look like shit, but at least faggot wasn’t in glowing red letters on the side of it. I left early Sunday because his parents were coming home, and he wanted to deal with them alone.

  I totally understood that.

  Monday morning I showed up at Robbie’s place, ready to work. The door was locked, so I sat down and waited. And waited. And waited. It was almost eleven by the time he pulled into the parking lot, the soundtrack of Mama Mia blaring from the open windows. “I know, I know!” he screamed as he parked the car. “I ended up on the phone with a friend from back home who kept threatening she was going to cut her hair because of a bad breakup, and I had to talk her down.” He got out and ground his cigarette butt into the sidewalk. “I should have just let her cut the damn stuff and get it over with.” He rushed past me and began rummaging through his keys. “But, no. I have to be her official drama enabler, and to be honest it was better than anything on TV last night, but she went on and on, and I fell asleep on the couch.” He pushed the door open. “But I am here now, and we are open,” he declared, flipping the sign in the door proudly.

  And then he saw the look on my face.

  “What happened?” he asked, his whole attitude changing.

  I began to explain what happened to Kelly.

  I went into the whole conversation, the video, the truck, everything. I also added I had been worried about him and had been trying to keep him in good spirits, but I hadn’t talked to him since yesterday and was worried.

  He just stood there behind the counter, not saying a word.

  Finally he asked. “Why?”

  I was confused by the question. “Why what?”

  “Why are you worried?” he elaborated.

  “Um, because he got outed and people are attacking him,” I explained slowly, in case he was still half-asleep.

  “Yeah, people just like him are attacking him. Even sharks will attack other sharks if there is enough blood in the water. Why do you care?” His voice was so… I don’t know, emotionless? Cold? I stared at him, shocked.

  “Because he needs friends right now.” I felt like I was having the conversation with Brad all over again.

  “So? Why you? Isn’t this the guy who pretty much outed you?” he asked, and I wondered how much Jennifer had told him about what had happened.

  I shrugged. “Why not?”

  “Because he is a self-loathing homophobe. Isn’t that enough?”

  I felt the words move down my spine like ice water. “He’s a human being. Isn’t that enough?”

  “No,” he said, turning away from me while he put the till in the register. “I thought this wasn’t about you,” he said, counting silently. “I thought it was just a party?”

  “It became more,” I said slowly.

  “Well, sounds like this guy got what he deserved. But bully for you for standing up for him.” He didn’t sound the least bit convincing, but I wasn’t going to call him a liar to his face. “So you ready to get started?”

  I nodded, not trusting myself to say something out loud that I was going to regret.

  He showed me the boxes and boxes of clothes that were stored in the back room. “We need to sort through these, see what, if anything, is worth selling, and put the rest in a donation box,” he explained. “So go through them, see if there is anything that is just too tragic to wear, toss them over there.” He gestured to the left. “The ones you think are worth something, put over there.” He gestured to the right. “And anything you think you might want to wear, keep by you, and we’ll go over it at the end of the day. Got it?”

  I nodded, unsure of what too tragic to wear meant but willing to give sorting a try.

  “Okay, yell if you have a question,” he said and walked back to the front of the store. He paused at the door, and I thought he might say something, but he just shook his head and walked out, leaving me to my chores.

  I took a deep breath and opened the first box.

  Four hours later, I was through my third box and had found nothing I thought would look good on me. But then, I hadn’t thought what Robbie had picked out for me would look good until I tried them on. I was about to open my fourth box when Brad walked into the back room. “So the guy in front said this is where I should go if I was looking to get a cute guy.”

  I stood up and gave him a hug. “What are you doing here?”

  He chuckled. “You said to meet you for lunch. It’s almost one.”

  “Holy crap,” I said, looking at my phone to check. “I kinda lost track of time.”

  He looked at the piles of clothes and asked, “So what’s the criteria?”

  “I have no idea. He just told me to use my best judgment, so I just imagined if I could see someone on TV wearing it. If I could, I put it over there, if not, over there.” I paused. “Wait, no that one is the keep….” I picked up a few shirts and looked under them. “Oh crap.”

  Brad began to laugh as he came to the same realization that I had. At some point I had completely spaced out on which pile was which and now they were mixed up. “It’s not funny,” I said to him, even though it was a little funny. He tried to stop laughing, but there was no use as I looked through the other pile to see if I could make some sense of them.

  “Let’s go to lunch, and you can take care of this when we get back.”

  I sighed, stepping away from the clothes. “I think I just wasted four hours of work.”

  Brad called out to Robbie, who was sitting behind the counter reading a book. “I’m stealing him for lunch.”

  He didn’t look up but waved his hand at us. “Try not to eat him all in one bite.”

  “He’s not eating me for lunch!” I protested.

  “Oh,” he said, looking up over the book at me. “Then you are having a far less exciting lunch than I imagined.”

  I was about to say something back when Brad led me out of the shop. “Man, he likes winding you up,” he said
as we got in the car.

  “He just pissed me off earlier,” I said, putting on my seat belt. I turned and asked him, “Have you heard from Kelly?”

  “Nope,” he said as we pulled onto East Avenue. “Why?”

  “His parents got home last night, and I want to know what happened,” I explained.

  “Ouch,” he said, pulling on to First Street. “That couldn’t have been a good talk.”

  “But why?” I asked. “They leave and let him have a wild party with no adults, but the fact he might like guys is when they decide to care?”

  “It isn’t that easy.” We parked in front of Nancy’s. “Kelly’s parents are all about status. The party is just a way for them to buy themselves popularity. If being gay made Kelly popular, I assure you they would have outed him years ago.” He looked over at me and grabbed my hand. “Can we have a meal without worrying about Kelly? This is our Christmas break, and I really wanted to spend it with you.” He gave me the puppy dog eyes, which was an especially nice touch. “One meal, no drama?”

  I took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m sorry. It just has me freaked out.”

  He leaned over and kissed me. “I know, and that is why I’m in love with you. I’m not asking you to change, just pause for one meal.”

  “Fair enough,” I said, smiling back at him.

  “Last one in pays for lunch,” he said, throwing open his door and jumping out of the car.

  “Unfair!” I screamed as I wrestled with my seat belt.

  BRAD

  I WAITED by the diner door for him to catch up.

  I was worried, had been worried awhile now about how caught up he’d become with Kelly’s drama. I understood that Kelly was in trouble and that this had to be the most excruciating thing he had ever gone through, but I just wasn’t comfortable with Kyle in the middle of it. Things were going to get worse when school started up again, and I just knew Kyle wouldn’t back off on trying to help Kelly.

  Which meant more crap for everyone all around.

  I held the door open for him, and he gave me a look. “I thought we were racing,” he asked.

  “You won,” I said, smiling.

  “One of these days you’re going to let me pay,” he warned before he walked in.

  I slapped his ass as I followed. “You can pay in other ways.” I liked watching him blush slightly as he looked back at me and told me to behave.

  “Grab a seat where you can,” Gayle called to us from behind the counter. She was filling a glass with Coke as she asked us, “You two want the regular?” I nodded as Kyle found us a booth.

  “So what did Robbie piss you off about?” I asked, knowing he wanted to talk about it.

  He made a dismissing gesture with his hand. “You don’t want to know.”

  Which I took was his way of saying it was about Kelly.

  “Isn’t that going to make working there weird?” I wondered.

  “It’s already weird, trust me.”

  Gayle brought me a Coke and Kyle a tea. “We’re backed up, but I put your cheeseburgers in. How you guys doing?”

  “He’s working over at Twice Upon a Time,” I said proudly. “He’s a working man.”

  Gayle looked over at Kyle. “You’re working with Robbie?” He nodded. “You should be drinking something stronger than tea,” she joked. “But congratulations.”

  Kyle mumbled something as he looked down at the table.

  “You working with your dad at the dealership?” she asked me.

  I rattled off a quick. “Fuck no!” before I realized who I was talking to. “Excuse my language.”

  She laughed. “Brad, the day you say a curse word I haven’t heard is the day you don’t have to pay for your meal.”

  “Fucktard?” I tried. “Shitface? Shitfuckcrap?”

  She shook her head. “Nice try,” she said, walking away. “Food will be up soon.”

  “You’re crazy,” Kyle said once she was gone.

  I grabbed his hands across the table. “About you,” I said as cheesily as I could.

  He rolled his eyes and laughed. “I like this,” he admitted. “Being alone with just you.”

  Which was when someone pushed me over in the booth and slid in.

  I looked over and saw Mr. Parker sitting there out of breath. “I need some help,” he panted before taking a drink of my Coke.

  “Hey,” I said, scooting over to give him some room. “Um, help yourself.”

  He nodded as he finished it. “Thanks.” He looked across the table. “Hey, Kyle.”

  Kyle waved back, still half shocked.

  “So what’s up?” I asked, wondering what was wrong, I’d known Mr. Parker for a while, but we had kind of become friends a couple of months ago when I was coming out. He was really the only gay adult I knew in Foster, so I had turned to him a few times for advice. Him coming to me was a new experience.

  “My mom is trying to set me up with someone,” he said once he caught his breath.

  “Your mom?” I asked, lost. “I thought she lived in Florida.”

  He paused for a moment. “She does, but she still owns a phone.”

  Wow, he was wound up. “Okay, so who is she trying to set you up with?”

  “Matt Wallace,” he said, picking a piece of ice out of my glass.

  “I don’t know him. He’s from here?” I asked wondering if a new gay guy had moved into town.

  “He’s from here, but he doesn’t live here,” he corrected me. “We kind of went to high school together. He lives in San Francisco.”

  “Your mom is trying to set you up with a guy who lives in another state?” Kyle asked.

  Mr. Parker nodded. “Well, he’s coming back for Christmas; his parents still live here.”

  “So she is setting you up for casual sex?” I asked. Both of them looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted horns. “What? It’s not like you’re going to date him for a week.” Neither one said a word. “Come on! Like I’m the only one here who knows what a hookup is.”

  Mr. Parker shook his head slowly. “I am pretty sure my mom is not trying to set me up with a hookup.”

  I shrugged. “Okay, so then what’s your problem?”

  “I don’t know if I should meet him,” he said as Gayle brought our food to us.

  “Oh hey, Tyler, you eating?” she asked, surprised to see him sitting with us.

  “I’m not staying that long, but thanks,” he said, flashing her a thousand-watt smile. When I got older, I wanted to be able to smile like that.

  “Okay, well, here are your burgers. Holler if you need anything,” she said, walking to another table. I tried to grab my glass to ask her for a refill, but Mr. Parker started talking again.

  “I mean, you’re right, I can’t date him for a few days, but God, it sucks being gay here,” he said, eating one of my fries absently.

  “Have you tried online?” Kyle asked, putting ketchup on his burger.

  “Ugh,” Tyler said, eating another fry. “Complete waste of time.”

  “So then meet him,” I said, trying to grab my plate from him.

  “But what if I like him?” he asked me.

  Good question.

  “So then don’t meet him,” I suggested, grabbing my burger off the plate before he could eat that too.

  “But, God, Christmas sucks when you’re alone,” he said, sighing.

  “So then meet him, but as a friend,” Kyle suggested brightly. “There’s nothing saying you have to date or have sex with him. But you can make a new friend and see where that goes.”

  “Yeah, that’s an idea,” I agreed between bites. “Actually, a real good idea.”

  Mr. Parker pondered Kyle’s words and ate another five fries, I might add. “You know? You’re right. I am overthinking this, aren’t I?” He was thinking out loud, not really asking either of us a question. “I mean, who said it has to be all or nothing?”

  “Well, you did,” Kyle countered bluntly. When he saw us both half glaring at him, he added, �
�You did! All your mom is saying is there is going to be another gay person in Foster over Christmas. You’re the one imbuing it with more importance than it deserves. To be honest, that says more about you than it does about your mom.”

  Mr. Parker looked over at me and asked, “You date someone this smart? You’re a braver man than I am.” He ate the last fry in silence while I looked longingly over at Kyle’s plate. “But you’re right; my mom is just trying to be nice, and I completely misread it.” He looked at Kyle and asked him seriously, “Do I seem that lonely?”

  Without a moment’s hesitation, which I would have given Mr. Parker out of pity, he answered, “Yes.”

  Mr. Parker leaned back and took a deep breath.

  I kicked Kyle under the table and gave him a “Go easy on him” look. Kyle just shrugged and went on eating.

  “Yeah, maybe meeting this guy isn’t such a good idea,” Mr. Parker said after a while. “If I’m this wound up, I’m just going to mess up meeting him.” He looked at Kyle. “Good call.”

  “Thanks,” Kyle said, taking a drink of his tea. “Let me ask you something. Why not go out with Robbie?”

  Tyler’s face hardened for a moment. I couldn’t tell what the emotion was exactly, but it was pretty serious. “He isn’t my biggest fan. Besides, I don’t think we’re each other’s type.”

  Kyle leaned forward. “What type is that?”

  Mr. Parker paused for a second. “What did he tell you about me?”

  “Kyle is working for him,” I interjected quickly. “At his store.”

  “Oh,” Tyler said cryptically. “Well then, I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about me so far.”

  Kyle was about to say something back when Mr. Parker looked out the window. “Dammit, I knew I couldn’t leave the store for more than five minutes.” He got up. “We’ve been swamped, and I’ve had zero time to think about this.” He threw down a twenty on the table. “That’s to make up for me eating all your food.” He turned to walk out and then looked back at me. “Hey, you need a job?”

  “Me?” I asked.

  Tyler laughed and said, “Well, he already has one,” pointing to Kyle.