by Alicia Rae
I shut my eyes as I let the pain consume me. I felt this huge gaping whole inside my heart, and I didn’t think it would ever heal. Every day that had passed still left the wound wide-open. Everyone had said things like that needed time to heal, but I had my doubts. How could I let go of someone I loved so much?
I missed my sister terribly. We were only one year apart. In some ways, I’d felt like she was my twin because we had done everything together. I didn’t know how I was going to make it without my best friend.
What I wanted more than anything in the world, I could never have. I just wanted my family back.
I turned to see Luke walking up my patio steps.
“Hey, Lil.” He came up and sat beside me, taking in my current state. “Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked kindly.
I wanted to reassure him, so I put on my best happy face as I pivoted in my chair to face him. “Hey, Luke. I’m okay. Just tired from the beach yesterday, and I’ve been writing all day. How are you?”
He frowned when he realized I was hiding my feelings. I knew Luke wanted me to confide more of my story to him, but it was just too painful. I didn’t like to talk about it.
“Okay…I noticed you have been hanging around the new guy, Kyle Madison. How did your first snorkeling experience go?”
“Great. It was a lot easier than I thought.” I instantly wondered how he knew about my date. “How did you know I went snorkeling?”
Luke rested his arms casually on his legs. “Kyle rented a boat from a good friend of mine, and he saw you guys gearing up. I’ve seen Kyle around here and there for a few weeks.”
“Oh. The water was warm, and the waves really wore me out. So, today, I hung out at home and worked. What’s new with you?”
Luke got up and grabbed us each a water bottle out of the mini-fridge in the corner of the patio. “Not much. Just had school and work today. Same thing tomorrow, and then I’m taking off with some buddies to go surfing for the weekend. Speaking of, I know you’re going to be bummed out that you don’t get to spend tomorrow with this devilishly handsome guy.” He pointed to himself with a teasing sneer. “The guys want to drive up tomorrow night, so we don’t have to do it on Saturday morning. Is it okay if I take a raincheck on tomorrow night?”
I nodded. “Oh man. Whatever will I do without you?” I said, jokingly.
“You could come with me and get away for the weekend. It’s not just us guys. There will be plenty of other women with us, too. It’ll be fun,” Luke suggested quietly. His demeanor shifted, and he seemed almost nervous.
I squirmed in my chair, feeling confused by what he was saying. Luke and I had hung out several times, but he’d never felt nervous about asking me to go with him somewhere. Why the sudden change?
“No, that’s okay. I was just kidding. You’ve worked really hard by taking classes all summer, and you need a break, too. And Kyle will be back on Saturday anyway.” I took a sip of my water and straightened my legs. I was wiped out and ready for a good night’s sleep.
“Oh, okay. Well, let me know if you change your mind.” Luke stood and smiled at me. “I’m gonna hit the hay. I got an early class tomorrow. These damn summer classes go longer, so I have to start earlier. See you next week, Lil.”
“See you. Have fun on your trip,” I said as he walked away.
“Thanks. Stay out of trouble,” he teased. “Good night.”
I decided to work for a little longer after I came inside. The downfall of writing was that I had to write whenever my mind demanded it. Otherwise, I would forget what all my thoughts were.
It was after ten by the time my head hit the pillow. I was just about to doze off when my phone screen lit up. Kyle’s name flashed on the display, and I couldn’t help the jump in my heart.
“Hello?” I answered sleepily.
“Hello, beautiful. Did I wake you?” His voice was soft and tender.
“No, I was just getting into bed.” I fluffed an extra pillow by my side and snuggled up with it.
“Sorry, I would have called earlier, but I was trying to get some extra things finished up, and the time got away from me. My sister has been bossing me around all day. I’m thinking about firing her,” he said in a loving tone that gave him away.
I laughed. “Sure, you will. You sound so masculine and bossy. I’m sure she just went running for the hills.”
“I am very masculine, and I am bossy. Do you want to find out for yourself?” His tone had suddenly turned deep, radiating power and strength.
“That’s okay. I believe you. I just think the big bear has a soft spot,” I said, giggling.
Kyle laughed into the phone. “Think so, huh?”
I could picture him raising his eyebrows to stifle his amusement at his own question, and suddenly, I wanted him to be here with me. I actually missed him.
“Oh, I do.”
“So, what would you like to do for your second real date?” he asked.
I shifted on my bed to get my glass of water. “I’m not sure…surprise me.”
“Nowhere in particular you want to go?” he pried.
“I’ll be happy to go anywhere. I like to do many different things.”
“Give me some ideas. What did you like to do as a teenager?”
I laughed at that one. “Most of my teenage years were spent outdoors when I wasn’t studying.”
“What did you do outdoors?”
“I used to ride four-wheelers on the trails and in the mud with my cousins. I’d go swimming in lakes and ponds with my sister, or I’d write stories under a tree for hours.” I remembered pleasant times of each of those remembrances.
“Huh…you used to ride four-wheelers? The same girl who wears expensive dresses and shoes rides four-wheelers and swims in ponds?” he asked.
“Are you enjoying the visual?”
He gave me a husky laugh. “Oh yeah, I’m definitely enjoying an image of you with some Daisy Dukes on, covered in mud, riding a four-wheeler.” He let out a sigh. “Yes, that is a very good visual indeed. I’m very thankful that my sophisticated girlie girl, who has sexy black heels, knows how to be a tomboy, too. This gives me many ideas for our next date.”
Now, I was intrigued, anticipating when I would see him again. I loved how interested he was in learning new things about me.
“Glad I could be helpful. Well, I’m off to bed. I have a long day of writing tomorrow if I plan to have much of a weekend at all.”
“Get your work done, and keep the weekend open for me,” he teased. “Date two is in the making.”
He was careful not to reveal too much information.
“That will be easy because I don’t have plans anyway.”
“Very good to know. Sweet dreams, Lily. I’ll be seeing you soon. Good night,” he said soothingly.
“Good night, Kyle.”
As soon as I disconnected the call, I realized I was smiling ear to ear once again. The man could make my heart flutter, my brain stutter, and my body shudder all at once. It was an enthralling combination. I drifted off to sleep with my last thoughts of Kyle.
I woke up covered in sweat as I heard someone scream. My heart raced as my body shook with tremors. I quickly realized I was the one who had been screaming. In this dream, I remembered hearing my sister’s horrible cries as I’d pinched my eyes at the bright light, and then the sound of metal grinding and clashing had overtaken me with deafening decibels before I saw black…complete darkness. It was one of the dreams that I had often, but it felt like I only had pieces of the puzzle.
I was not sure how much I actually wanted to remember from that horrifying night. It was the night my whole world and everyone in it had been altered and shattered…ripped away from me. I would give anything to erase that one day…just that one day.
As I glanced at the clock, I realized it was only four in the morning. I decided to get up and start my day early. After a nightmare, it never did much good for me to try to sleep again. It was easier to get up and pus
h it out of my mind.
After a few hours of power cleaning and laundry, I decided to go on a morning jog along the shoreline. Adrenaline pumped through my body as I listened to my music, and I pushed myself to run even faster. I ran harder and harder until my dream felt far enough away from me.
I waved to Luke before I made one more loop around the cottages and back up the shoreline again. When I circled back, Luke began walking up to me with my breakfast in his hand.
“Hey, Lil. I saw you were up early for your jog, and I made you a bagel,” he said kindly as we walked up to my patio.
When I reached for the bagel, he pulled it back. “Only if you say, ‘Luke is awesome!’” he taunted me with the food.
He had forgotten that I didn’t always fight fair when it came to food. A girl’s gotta eat. I took a step toward him and gave him a light elbow in the ribs. When he bent forward, I quickly grabbed my bagel with a smirk.
“You don’t fight fair, Lil.” He pretended to be wounded as he shook his head. “Must have been all those cousins of yours. They taught you well.” He laughed and sat down one of my patio chairs. He started digging into his bagel. “Man, I do make a tasty bagel. No wonder you fight dirty for it. So, what’s on the agenda today, Lil?”
Luke was always so laid-back in his demeanor, giving us an easy friendship. He never tried to invade my privacy, and we each only shared what we wanted.
“Yes, my cousins taught me not to put up with bullies. So, are you leaving right after work for your weekend getaway?” I asked before sinking into my bagel.
“Yeah. I have a class until noon, and then I have to work a few hours before the guys come to pick me up. My fucking parents are visiting soon, so I’m looking forward to a break before they arrive. These last few weeks of school have been intense. College seems harder now that I am older, but I’m very excited to finish my bachelor’s degree next spring. Changing from pre-law to pre-med sure was a time-consuming switch.”
“I’m so proud of you for going back and following through. I’m sure it will pay off well for you. Any ideas on where you will apply for a job after you graduate?”
“Not positive yet.” He shrugged. “I’ve actually just started checking into it. I haven’t thought much about it, so I’m not sure if I’ll stay settled in Florida or if I’ll move. For the right salary, I’m sure I would move, but I’m not set on a location, one way or the other. I do have a few other loose ends to tie up here first.” He became quiet for a minute. “Have you thought more about visiting your family yet, Lily?”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “Yes, I really miss them, but I haven’t locked in a date yet.”
“You just have to take the first step, Lily. You can’t hide in Florida forever,” he said softly.
“I know.” I sighed. “I’m getting there. How about you? Are you happy to see your parents? Do you think they’ll finally accept your career change now that you’ve proven to them that you can do it and are serious about it?”
It was Luke’s turn to sigh. “I hope so, but I doubt it. I’m twenty-six, so I’m not their child anymore. I have to make my own path. I’m sure my dad will be horrified that I’ve been working concessions to pay my rent, but it was something I needed to do. My dad will have to find someone else to take over the family business. I guess we both have pasts we ran from, huh?” he asked intently, looking over at me.
I frowned. “I guess we did. Now, we just have to pick the path to our futures. Well, you better be off to class. You still have a degree to finish earning. No slacking!”
I polished off my bagel just after Luke had finished his. Standing, I turned to see the same deliveryman who had come yesterday. He was approaching the door with another wildflower bouquet in his hands. My face immediately began to blush as thoughts of Kyle filled my mind.
“Delivery for Miss Tidsdale.”
The man handed me the bouquet, and I signed for them.
“Have a good day.” He smiled and walked away.
“Wow. Now, that is a bouquet. From the way you are blushing, I’m guessing those are from Kyle?” Luke asked with a half-frown on his face.
I could tell he had more to say, but he was holding back.
Should I ask him what’s on his mind? Does he not like Kyle? Or does he know something bad about Kyle, and he doesn’t want to tell me? Why would Luke frown at another man being romantic? Do I want to know and risk changing our friendship? As quickly as these thoughts entered my mind, I quickly dismissed them. I didn’t want to know if Luke had feelings for me. That would change everything. We were just friends. He was like family.
The look on his face showed he might want more, but then it quickly vanished. Maybe I was just overthinking it. That’s it. I’m just tired and analyzing it. I’d had a few too many days in the sun.
“Yes,” I said, turning a deep shade of red.
If he had any doubts about my feelings for Kyle, I was pretty sure I’d just summarized them.
“Well, I better get going, or I’ll be late for class.” His voice sounded distant. “See you around, Lil.”
“See you later, Luke.”
As I took the bouquet in the house, I tried to brush off Luke’s awkwardness. The flowers were yellow and in a tall narrow vase.
My heart skipped a beat at his thoughtfulness. They were the largest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen, and they were exquisite with vibrant colors. I decided to put the second display on my coffee table since the first bouquet was taking up half of my kitchen table.
I pulled out my phone and quickly sent another thank-you text.
Thank you again for yet another bouquet of flowers. You have exceptional taste.
I opened up my laptop and began reviewing my notes to prepare for writing another chapter.
You are most welcome. How is the writing coming along today?
I smiled at the simple words he’d texted me. Jeez, that can’t be good.
Just getting ready to start. Hopefully, I can concentrate and not stare at my flower arrangements. They’re distracting.
Kyle quickly texted back.
Anything I can do to make you think of me more ;) Plane is about to takeoff. I’ll call you tonight.
The man traveled a lot. I wondered if he ever got tired of it. I was sure it was great to see so many places, but I would not be able to help but feel homesick.
I quickly turned my attention over to my book. Steady fingers hammered the keyboard for hours as I let my mind flow. I never had control over the thoughts that poured out. Instead, each time, I gave it open reins.
Since I was young, my family had always encouraged me to write. My mother had once told me that I was so excited to learn how to write, and my passion continued to spelling, cursive, and then to journalism. I remembered the thrill of making up my own stories.
My parents had been elated when I pursed writing in college. I wished I could have seen their faces when my first book was published. Knowing my mom, she would have purchased a whole rack of copies to support me. I could picture myself finding them stashed in her closet or somewhere in the house. My father had always told me to follow my dreams. His face would show so much pride every time he’d looked at my sister or me. I knew he would have been proud of me, no matter what I did in life.
I jumped when my phone rang, quickly pulling me from my thoughts.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Lily. How are you?” Brooke Bines, my editor, said cheerfully into the phone.
She was always a glass-is-half-full kind of woman. I loved her spirit and shared her passion for books. It was amazing to have a friend who I could read stories and share my thoughts with. We kind of had our own book club. With her job, she read much more than I did, but as an editor, she also read so many different books that she saved me the time of reading the less captivating ones.
While working together on my first novel, Brooke and I had become close. When I first started out, she had been my only source of encouragement and my very own pe
rsonal cheerleader, hoping I succeeded in the business. She had talked me through my bad days, telling me to never give up, as she always offered her expertise and professional opinion.
“Hi, Brooke! I’m doing great. How are things going with your new little one, Miss Ava?”
Brooke and her husband, John Bines, just had their first baby.
“Everything is great here, too. Ava is doing wonderfully. She is so snuggly, and she smiles all the time. Parenthood is truly a blessing, and Ava keeps me on my toes all the time.”
I could practically hear her beaming through the phone.
“How are you? Still enjoying Florida’s sun rays with your laptop in hand?” she asked.
“Of course, you know me. I’m all about the atmosphere for writing. Speaking of writing, my book should be completed early. I’m thinking Octoberish.” I decided to get up and move around a bit. My legs and shoulders were stiff from hours of sitting.
“That’s fabulous! I should be able to work you in whenever you finish. I am planning to take a light load for this first year. I want to spend all the time I can with Ava. It’s already going by so fast. She is attempting to crawl. My God, I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s mobile.”
I loved hearing the mothering tones in her voice, but it stirred something deep in my chest—a longing for a family. I was sure it was because I was alone. I shook my head at the thought.
Brooke and John had been trying for five years to conceive, and they had just about lost hope when she finally got pregnant. It added a whole new appreciation to parenthood for them. Each memory was that much more precious.
“Okay, whenever works for you. I’m in no rush. Give that beautiful baby girl a few extra kisses for me. Hopefully, we can plan a visit soon. I would love to see her again.”
“Absolutely! I will check my schedule to see what openings I have coming up, and then we’ll plan to have a lunch date. I can always use some girl time. In fact, I could really use a shopping spree soon.”